That vibrato tho!!

To be quite honest with you, your voice sounds very female. I wouldn’t have guessed you were ever on testosterone, but that’s my hearing.

Thinking about testosterone for me was always that constant mental battle about not wanting to alter my voice for this very reason of singing. Surprisingly, I just wanted none of the changes that HRT would normally bring, and I thought I “had to anyway because I’m trans”.

I was actually quite happy as a girly girl (until I started being the recipient of misogynistic treatment/self-induced too) and would have never expected one day to believe I was trans. I watched a video earlier today of some lady suggesting a correlation between mother issues and BPD. To be quite honest the content of the video really made sense to me, and interestingly enough most if not all of my trans friends had both mama issues and a BPD diagnosis.

Your friend’s kid is young and in the ages of exploring self-expression. I think it’s a normal thing for teenagers to want to jump from a fashion trend to another, but changing genders is a bit different. As it was said in the comments, the internet might have induced his desire to transition, but there must have been an underlying cause that made him susceptible to that happening as well.

From personal experience, I can testify that one can become an entirely different person overnight — literally. It happened to me a few times prior to when I identified as trans (rapid-onset). And it still happens unexpectedly. Some people call it life, others say it’s personality/dissociative disorders, some say it’s spiritual awakening, but I think...it’s just part of evolution honestly.

One thing though — believing I was trans was the result of subscribing to all of the things I saw I had in common with other trans people. This phase wasn’t meant to last but surely it did do a cleanse for all the weird beliefs surrounding sexuality and identity I wasn’t even aware I had.

And even as a desister, I still seem to unlearn some of these beliefs, most of which I would’ve never addressed if not for having thought I was trans in the first place. And somehow all this makes me feel like an imposter when I look back at everything.

Hey, just so you know your post is appropriate here in this sub. Sometimes we just gotta let go of who we thought we were, trans or not. You gotta redefine on your own terms what masculinity and femininity mean for you, and obviously it’s not meant to be easy, the journey is filled with riddles but eventually things do make more sense. I personally find that developing some kind of emotional intimacy with myself helps a lot. I wish you the best, and yeah, egg_irl did no good for me either!

A good therapist is always the way to go, but there are some things about yourself that only you have the power to unveil and understand. Therapists might help you to tackle some harder questions, but you can already start to challenge some of your beliefs and see where this leads you.

Whether or not you choose to detransition, you have a very valuable experience and either way it’s good material for you to truly get to know yourself, and assert what works for you and what doesn’t. Life is trial and error, most especially with regards to identity.

In my case, identifying as trans has opened doors for me to question the usual narratives surrounding sexuality and gender. The issue was— I could feel a growing need to let go of labels and role playing whereas transition seemed to sink me deeper into these things. Dysphoria is still around sometimes, but I see it under a different light now. And it’s empowering.

Trust yourself, you’ll figure this out.

Thanks for your reply, I’m glad my comment helped you!

I reminisce on a realization I’ve had a few years ago; that the mind never truly discards a painful/problematic memory until it is resolved (even if suppressed, the subconscious is very aware of them). But usually we tend to try and solve the past with our conscious minds — that’s how we fail to solve our issues... Some cool gal I follow on YouTube once said « You can’t heal what you don’t want to feel »... So the solution requires more than just the mind apparently!

That said, I’m guessing that we might release (not actually forget) some memories if they no longer hold potential for further growth. You seem like you have a better idea of who you are now; I think that if it’s the case, it would definitely make sense that you can no longer relate, on an emotional level, to the people that are now in the position of where you were yourself years ago. And imo, that’s perfectly fine!

Thank you for this beautiful comment... 🌹

I know how hard it is to see the ones we love suffering with mental health issues— I speak for myself and for my mother too. The best thing we can do is to love those who suffer, in all that they are. Without trying to fix them. Validation is so important, even though we tend to overestimate individuality.

I just came back from a hike (the forests are magnificent in Vancouver) and for some reason every detail of the landscape’s beauty was magnified because of my current pain. It is a strange thing I’ve never had happened even though I did lose quite a few people— so grief is not a new thing for me. The foods, new songs and satisfactions of everyday life seem so much more significant to me right now. So I’m grateful that you mentioned this.

I’ve never heard of radical acceptance before, I may look it up now... I appreciate your thoughts and the time you took so much. Thank you for your thoughtful words ❤️

There are a multitude of reasons why I desisted. Firstly I was struck by the fact that in the last year I lost two close [trans] friends to suicide but I was already actively questioning my transition before that happened. A lot of dissociation and inner conflict that never allowed me to fully surrender to transition, so for me it definitely wasn’t the path of least resistance— I loved the community but deep down my heart wasn’t there so to speak. So mostly I would say a very serious motivation for self-awareness, and seeking a new definition for wholeness.

I still see my involvement and all the time and energy I spent believing I was trans as valid and inevitable, so I proactively try to identify the positive aspects of this experience, as I believe I need the trans community and all that’s going on there in order to get a clearer understanding of my own projections. Some personal truths are very hard to accept but there comes a time where it’s just vital to uncover them, and transgenderism actually does a great job at mirroring these things to me. I’m actually starting to view trans people as an archetypal figure in my own path, and so far this perspective has proven to be real helpful.

Lastly, there are still moments where I wonder to myself if that path would’ve been right for me. But I know all my problems would’ve not been solved by HRT and surgery. My priority became to address my repressed feelings of shame and self-loathing because they don’t have a gender, and yet they are very real.

Thank you for this. It gives me a different perspective. I haven’t thought about elaborating on my questioning in the way you described, however I did think about just being part of some of the online groups without mentioning my desistance (online but I know a bunch of them in real life), but I keep seeing posts that don’t resonate with me at all. I think I’m just going to unfollow these groups and speak directly to those who are closer to me.

You mentioned how you now present and identify as. It’s funny because one of the things I abstain to do is posting more recent pictures of myself because I present as female— but not extremely feminine either. It’s sad that your mom and sisters are so judgmental of you. My mom and sis were delighted to see me go back to a more female presenting appearance, but I’m uncomfortable about that. It feels so... conditional.

I never was on HRT, but I’ve worked over a decade in the beauty/wellness industry and I do know about shaving and skincare!

Depending on your budget, there are many options. Since you have an acne prone/oily complexion, I would recommend dealing with this first. It may sound counterintuitive, but argan oil is very good for oily skin. It is non comedogenic, usually not expensive and it helps a lot with restoring skin balance. As for acne, you may want to make sure that you get appropriate treatment, argan oil is safe but as all kinds of acne are different, some may require medical treatment.

The skincare part is very important because otherwise if you shave your skin which is already sensitized by the acne, it might give rise to further discomfort.

As for the razors, men’s razors are obviously the ones who shave closer to the skin. I personally love the Gillette Mach 3, been using it for years. You might also want to shop for an after-shave balm that is acne-safe and adapted for sensitive skin. My dad used to get the Jack Black brand and he loved it. For more natural options, pure aloe vera gel is once again affordable and does a great job in soothing burnt/irritated skin.

I hope this helps!!