This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, nuanced experience with detransition and body image.
- Consistent perspective focused on trauma, internalized misogyny, and finding self-worth outside of gender norms.
- A compassionate and supportive tone common in the community, offering advice from a place of lived experience.
- Varied language and sentence structure that is complex and human-like.
The user's passion and strong opinions align with a genuine detransitioner or desister who is advocating based on their personal harm.
About me
I'm a woman who started hating my female body when I developed during puberty, a feeling I now see was linked to past trauma. I thought transitioning to male was the answer, and for a while, taking testosterone and being seen as a man felt like a relief from social pressure. But my underlying depression and anxiety didn't go away, and I realized I was trying to fix my outside to avoid healing my broken inside. I stopped hormones and began trauma therapy, which helped me understand my discomfort wasn't about being female but about unprocessed pain. Now, I'm learning to accept myself as a tomboyish woman, finding strength through my hobbies and focusing on who I am as a person.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was really young, but I didn't understand what was happening until I was older. Looking back, a lot of my feelings were tangled up with trauma and a deep discomfort with my body that began during puberty. I was born female, and when I started developing breasts, I hated it. It wasn't just about not liking how I looked; it felt like a betrayal. I now see that this was connected to past abuse. I associated being a woman with being weak and vulnerable, a target. It was logical to me to want to escape that, to make myself into something that felt safer and stronger: a masculine man.
I spent a lot of time online in communities that affirmed these feelings. The sense of belonging was a huge comfort at the time, but it also heavily influenced my thinking. I started to believe that my discomfort was gender dysphoria. I thought the solution was to transition. I started socially transitioning first, asking people to use a new name and pronouns. It felt like I was taking control.
I took testosterone for a while. The changes were both what I wanted and also frightening. I liked my voice getting deeper and looking more masculine. I noticed that as I was perceived as a man, I was treated differently. I was way less criticized. Things I used to worry about as a woman, like my skin or my clothes being messy, were suddenly seen as normal or even attractive. I didn't get catcalled anymore. It felt like a relief from a lot of social pressure.
But underneath that relief, my mental health wasn't getting better. I was still depressed and anxious. I had really low self-esteem. I was diagnosed with OCD, and I realize now that a lot of my obsession was focused on my gender and body image. It was a way to avoid processing my trauma. I was trying to fix the outside because the inside felt too broken to deal with.
The turning point for me was when I decided to shut off all the transitioning-related media I was consuming. I took a break for a couple of months. It was difficult because that community had been my comfort zone, but it was the most important thing I could have done. Without that constant influence, I started to see things more clearly. I began to understand that my problem wasn't with being female; it was with the trauma I had experienced and the internalized misogyny I had developed. I had started to see feminine things as weak, and that was something I needed to unpack.
I started working with a therapist who helped me process the trauma instead of just affirming my gender. This non-affirming therapy was actually what helped me the most. I learned that the body keeps the score of trauma, and my feelings of disassociation and body hatred were symptoms of that, not proof that I was born in the wrong body.
I stopped taking testosterone. I never had top surgery or bottom surgery, so I didn't have to deal with those permanent changes, but I do worry about the long-term health effects of the hormones I did take. I think it's important for people to understand that we don't know enough about the long-term effects of these medical interventions, especially when started young.
Now, I see myself as a tomboy woman. I'm happy being seen as whatever I am. My perspective on gender has completely changed; I think gender doesn't really matter. What matters is who you are as a person. I focused my energy on things that made me feel strong and confident, like backpacking and rock climbing. My dysphoria disappeared when I became engaged in activities that forced me to rely on myself. I learned to care for the body I'm in, regardless of gender.
Do I have regrets? I regret not understanding the root causes of my feelings sooner. I regret the time and energy I spent trying to change my body instead of healing my mind. I don't regret the journey entirely because it led me to a place of self-acceptance, but I wish I had found a different path.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Around 12 | Started puberty; began to feel intense discomfort and hatred toward my developing female body. |
| 19-22 | Spent significant time in online trans communities; socially transitioned (new name/pronouns). |
| 23 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 24 | Realized my mental health wasn't improving; began to question my transition. Stopped consuming transition-related media. |
| 25 | Stopped testosterone. Started trauma-focused therapy. Began to understand the role of trauma and internalized misogyny. |
| Present (26) | Living as a detransitioned female; focused on hobbies and self-acceptance. |
Top Comments by /u/bashfulalien:
What you've spoken to here is strong internalized misogyny. That is something to address as soon as you can. A good therapist or trusted friends can help support you through unpacking your feelings and processing. Seeing feminine things as weak is misogynistic. Women are strong as hell, and there is no "right" way to be a woman. Damn the gender norms around feminine roles. What helped me was consciously focusing my energy away from how other people view me and toward something I love that empowers me as a human being. My life changed when I realized other people's perception of me has no actual implication to who I am. Focus your energy into what you love. For me it was backpacking, hiking, and rock climbing. All traditionally "mens" activities. My dysphoria disappeared when I became physically and emotionally engaged in an activity that forced me to rely on myself. Others social/gender opinions no longer mattered. Spend time with yourself and distract yourself from obsessive self image thoughts. Meditation, exercise, hobbies, art, books, crafts can all help tremendously. Commit to caring for the body you're in now, despite gender/sex.
Transitioning physically can just be another way to avoid trauma processing and can cause long term health and mental damage. Many girls/young women experience abuse, and associate being a "woman" with being weak and vulnerable to more abuse. It's logical to not want to be a woman in that case, and make oneself into a lesser "target" ie a masculine man. I'd imagine it would be similar for men who experienced trauma, but I don't have experience with that. How our mothers and fathers are treated or treat eachother effects our perception of gender too. Growing up seeing or experiencing one parents abuse can alter how we feel about that gender and ourselves. Also many, if not all, abuse victims experience some sort of body image issues or bodily disassociation. These are often mistaken for gender dysphoria related to being trans. Abuse from a young age has a profound effect on the body and mind, and that effect cannot be seen for what it is without healing and processing. It takes years, if not decades, for people to heal from serious abuse and multiple traumas. It's absurd to think trauma has no connection to gender identity and body image. Read "The Body Keeps The Score". Everything we know about trauma contradicts what your gender specialist said.
To be honest I've been way less criticized as a man over things I worry about as a woman. For example I was seen as attractive even with under eye bags, redness, scars, uneven skin tone. My clothes don't have to match to look good. My clothing, my skin, my hair can all be messy and still be found as "normal" or even attractive.. I don't get cat called or harassed by women in general. Many men in my life tell me about the stuff you're talking about. It also depends on the spaces you visit online, where you live irl, and a plethora of other things.
Well there is no "woman look", if you're a woman... You're who you are. If you want to accentuate certain body parts you can exercise those muscles to grow and change. If you want to become more feminine that is a journey in itself. I'm a tomboy woman and very happy being seen as whatever I am. Gender doesn't matter. If you feel ugly, what makes you feel beautiful/handsome? What makes you feel self confident? What brings you joy? These are the things to work on that will transform your outer appearance. There is such a difference between a person depressed and hiding their body in baggy clothes and someone happy within and wearing what they like. I have huge shoulders for a woman. We call them swimmer shoulders, they are no less feminine. Your butt can be firmed with walking, hiking, rock climbing, weight lifting, yoga, or pilates. I have white blonde eyelashes and don't wear makeup, just sunscreen. How can you shift your goal from being "conventionally beautiful" to being you. Inner beauty and self love is radiant, it's cliché but true.
There isn't much information out there about long term puberty blockers and opposite sex hormone use since childhood and if they can be naturally reversed in adulthood by quitting the artificial hormones. I think it would be well worth it to have your T levels tested and work with a doctor to ensure your health and safety.
This is fantastic advice. Shut off the transitioning related media consumption completely for a month or two and see how you feel in your life with as little influence from media as possible. I know this can be difficult because media brings a sense of community and therefore comfort, but it's extremely important if anyone is thinking about transitioning.