This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's posts display:
- Consistent personal narrative: The story of a short-term medical transition, detransition, and the resulting physical and emotional consequences is detailed and remains coherent over several years.
- Complex emotional range: The user expresses anger, regret, grief, hope, and offers supportive advice to others, which is consistent with the passionate and often painful experiences of detransitioners.
- Specific, lived experience: The descriptions of bodily changes, medical side effects (vocal damage, atrophy), therapy experiences, and social repercussions are highly specific and not typical of a scripted narrative.
The account exhibits the depth and nuance expected of a real person processing a difficult and deeply personal experience.
About me
I started as a young woman with deep discomfort about my body, especially my chest, which led me to socially transition and take testosterone for over a year. My journey was driven by trauma and body dysmorphia that a therapist failed to explore, and a traumatic surgery consultation was the catalyst for realizing my mistake. I now live with permanent physical changes, including a damaged voice, that are my biggest source of regret. After a painful detransition, I found a new therapist who helped me address my real issues, and my dysphoria is almost entirely gone. I'm now at peace, rebuilding relationships and living as a woman who defines herself by who she is, not just her biology.
My detransition story
My whole journey started with a deep discomfort with my body, especially my chest. I was born female, but from a young age, I hated my breasts. I couldn't function without a binder; seeing myself in a bra made me feel sick. I tried really hard to fit into the "woman" mold for a year in high school, wearing bras every day, and it literally led to my eating disorder because I thought being skinnier would make my chest less noticeable.
I didn't know who I was, but I knew I wasn't a man. I was confused and lost. I saw a gender therapist for two years, and she eventually gave me a dysphoria diagnosis. She was always careful to ask if I was sure, but she never once suggested that transition might not be the right path for me or offered any other kind of therapy. I now realize she probably had doubts but felt she couldn't say anything without risking her career.
I socially transitioned for about five years and was on testosterone for 14 months, from age 19 to 20. I wore a binder 24/7 for almost seven years. I went to a top surgery consultation, but the surgeon treated me horribly, bringing in a medical student without my consent and even slapping my arms away when I tried to cover myself. That awful experience was ironically what started me realizing I had made a mistake.
My reasons for transitioning were complicated. I now understand my dysphoria came from a mix of trauma, body dysmorphia, and my eating disorder. I was terrified of being a woman because of the pain and sexualization I associated with it. I also consumed a lot of gay fanfiction from a very young age, around 12 years old, which shaped my view of sexuality and made it hard to picture my own female body in a positive way. I think I desperately wanted to be a boy, but I never truly believed I was one. I had to find "evidence" from my childhood to convince myself.
Stopping testosterone was hard. I quit cold turkey and had bad mood swings, fatigue, and even stomach issues for a couple of weeks. The physical changes from T have been permanent and are my biggest source of regret. My voice dropped significantly and is now permanently damaged. It’s not just deeper; it’s scarred. I can't scream, squeak, or sing anymore. My range is tiny, and it hurts to talk for too long. I used to be a soprano, and now I can't sing at all. I also lost some hairline, though a little bit grew back as finer baby hairs.
I also experienced vaginal atrophy very quickly on T. I was completely dry, and it was painful. Even years after stopping, it hasn't fully recovered. I can't use tampons without pain and bleeding, and sex is difficult. I’m trying to get topical estrogen to help.
Detransitioning was one of the hardest things I've ever done. The first few months were pure hell. I was consumed by guilt, shame, and regret. I couldn't be alone with my thoughts; I was throwing up from anxiety and couldn't eat or sleep. I lost friends, especially those deeply involved in trans communities who accused me of being a traitor. My relationship with my dad was severely strained from my transition years; we had huge fights, and I even punched him once. I'm only now, years later, rebuilding that relationship, and it hurts knowing I lost so much time with him.
But it did get better. I found a new therapist who specialized in eating disorders and trauma, and that's what I needed all along. Through therapy, I've come to understand the root of my problems, and my dysphoria is about 99% gone now. The remaining 1% is just discomfort with the permanent changes T left behind.
I don't really think of myself as a "woman" first. I'm me first—a person with likes and interests. My biology is a facet of me, but it's not my entire identity. I've experimented a lot with my style since detransitioning. I still have short hair and often wear my old men's cardigans and sweaters, but I incorporate them into more feminine outfits with skirts or crop tops. I love dangly earrings and a bit of eye makeup.
I don't regret transitioning in the sense that it led me to where I am now, but I deeply regret the permanent changes to my body and the pain I caused myself and others. I feel failed by a system that only offered affirmation and never explored the deeper reasons for my distress. I believe transition should not be taken as lightly as it is, especially for young people.
I'm in a good place now. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I told about my past a few months into our relationship. He was curious and accepting, and he even finds my voice attractive. I'm building a future with him. I’ve found a lot of peace.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| ~12 | Early puberty; began consuming explicit gay fanfiction, which shaped my view of sexuality. |
| High School | Had a one-year phase of trying to force myself to be feminine, which triggered my eating disorder. |
| 17 | Began socially identifying as transgender (male). Started binding my chest. |
| 19 | Started testosterone (HRT). |
| 20 | Went to a top surgery consultation; the traumatic experience began my realization that I had made a mistake. |
| 20 | Stopped testosterone after 14 months. Began the process of detransitioning. |
| 20-23 | Worked extensively with a new therapist on trauma, body dysmorphia, and eating disorders. |
| 23 | Rebuilt relationship with my father. |
| Present (24) | Comfortable living as a female, with most body dysphoria resolved. In a stable relationship. |
Top Comments by /u/bean-jee:
the intentional ignorance is really what gets me too, lol. like I can't complain about how upset i am about my voice without getting "well, you DID read the list of the effects of T, right?"
yes, i did, and it specifically states vocal changes and vocal deepening. it's largely implied by the community and doctors, as well, that the deepening of the voice is similar (if not the exact same) as a cis male's when they go through puberty.
it's not. it's totally fucking not. there's a huge difference between vocal "changes" and vocal damage, and nobody but detrans ppl speak about the DAMAGE. it's not the pitch/tone of my voice that bothers me so much- i expected that, that's on me- it's the DAMAGE. my vocal chords have been utterly brutalized, there's so much scarring; I can't scream, I can't squeak, no sound comes out when i try to make a high pitched noise; I can't sing at all. I can't even properly sob when i cry. i feel like my very ability to express myself when i speak or vocalize has been crippled. my range is about 3 levels/notes, that's it. it genuinely hurts to try to get it to go higher. it hurts to talk for extended periods. that isn't normal for cis males. it's not healthy or natural. it's pure, permanent damage to my vocal chords that no amount of vocal training will ever fix. my vocal chords are so swollen that i feel like im being slightly choked and can't breathe properly when i tilt my head back all the way. like, what the fuck? where's the warning for that? there is absolutely no way you can properly weigh the pros and cons of your decision when the fact that this can happen is completely left out.
"duh, did you even read what T does?" yup, i did, and absolutely no one, especially not doctors, warned me of this. it's medical malpractice, full stop! and the fact that the community by large excuses this kind of unhealthy damage absolutely baffles me.
lol im from here. we have a clinc called evergreen, they hand out HRT after like one appointment like it's candy. i went to a top surg consulation for a surgeon connected to them and he treated me like a piece of fucking meat. didn't care about how long I'd been on T, how long i identified as trans, if i was sure, none of that.
he brought a medical student in without asking my consent and pawed around my tits without any regard for my comfort. at one point, when i thought he was done, i tried to cross my arms over my chest to cover myself and he slapped my fucking arms away.
ironically, it was that consult that lead to me realizing i made a mistake.
This is exactly what I'm talking about. Talking to you is like walking in circles. You've barely tried anything and it shows, not therapy and not getting better. You're not even an adult yet. You have all the time in the world, now you need to put in the effort. Pull your head out of your ass.
Have you ever heard a racist person say "I'm in the wrong and I've TRIED to fix it but IT'S JUST HOW MY BRAIN IS!!" and have that be an appropriate response? No, lol. Because that's a load of bullshit. You can change. You've got to want to. And it's apparent that you much prefer self pity.
about desisters, and just general "social transition but no surgery or HRT" cases- saying that that isn't a "big deal" is so harmful and just... frankly dehumanizing. i identified as trans for over 4 years. only 14 months of those 4 years were spent on HRT and i had no surgeries, but that's 4 fucking years- almost my entire highschool/teenage experience. 4 years of my life. it's not just about wasted time, either. it's how many friends i lost, how many relationships were either strained or almost ruined by my misguided notion that i was someone I wasn't.
my entire relationship with my dad was extremely strained, we'd get into huge fights over it and call each other slurs and scream at each other. i punched my father in the face because he was struggling to accept me as the man i thought i was... god. i made my father cry. i hurt him so badly. im only just now beginning to repair my relationship with him. i lost 4 years of having a father, basically. and now his health is declining and I don't know how many years i have left; all of that lost time that could have been spent so much better that i can never get back.
all of the lost friends and relationships when i came out about how i was detransitioning. people i thought were genuine friends that gave me the cold shoulder when i confessed what i was going through and the huge mistake i made, and shared my opinion on just how... transition should not be taken as lightly as it is.
the fact that my goddamn highschool diploma has the name of someone i never was on it, not my real name. all of my school records and scores under someone im not. all the emails and mail i still get under that name that I can't seem to shake, constant reminders of the wasted time and little tinges of dysphoria at being referred to by a man's name when i am not a man. acquaintances that still call me by that old male name because they can't be bothered to switch and my exhaustion at having to explain myself every time.
invalidating the experience of desisters like that, assuming that they all just played pretend for a bit and "came to their senses," that they were cis and didn't have to deal with any measure of dysphoria and distress because of the experience? it's such bullshit.
i had a similar experience to the other commenter. the people who are very involved in trans circles, those who's entire identities (and their relationship with you) hinges on your shared experience of being trans... those people are most likely to lash out or even accuse you of being a TERF/transphobe just for... detransitioning lol. i had several "friends" like that.
the people that genuinely love you for you, they won't care. in all likelihood, it's going to be the people who were accepting and loving when you first came out as trans that are going to be equally as accepting when you come out as detrans. your true, genuine friends and loved ones just want what's best for you and want you to be true to you, whatever that means. if anything, coming out as detrans is kinda a great way to weed out the shitty friends from the good ones.
i totally get exactly what you're saying too; you're told to expect male pattern baldness, but information on when, and how fast is incredibly sparse and contradictory.... and it is, again, like vocal changes, largely implied that the balding will be very similar (if not the same) as what cis men experience- and it's not!
every trans man i know under 25 has, at the very least, a receded hairline of varying degrees, some worse than others. my hairline receded over half an inch in the span of 14 months on T. i wasn't even 20 years old yet.
9/10 cis men i know between 25-30 have a full head of hair with no recession or balding. the one that does has a genetic disposition to early balding. his father and father before him were all bald by 40; he expected it. it's genetics.
with afabs on T it's a complete dice roll, but not a dice roll deciding if you're going to experience balding, because you will- just how bad. and it literally happens almost immediately, whereas with cis men, they usually get years, if not decades after puberty before it happens. whether your hairline goes halfway up your scalp, you develop a bald patch, or your hair just thins out a bit/you lose a fraction of your hairline, it's going to happen if you're on T for any kind of regular period, especially injections.
it's the same as the vocal damage! they say that your hairline will recede; duh, of course it does!, you think, because that happens to all adult males eventually! that's just aging! but it's not eventual, it's not due to aging, it's almost immediate, and it's A LOT more severe and fast-moving!
that's what im talking about and i know what you mean; it's not like the effects are hidden, but they're severely downplayed and brushed off, to such a degree that it's basically pure misinformation to speak of it as fine and natural and okay and healthy. not what happened to my voice nor what happens to many individuals' hair is natural or healthy. the fact that it comes on so quickly and can be so severe really should be a cause for concern, but it's somehow... not??
same thing happened to me the first time i talked abt it in a public forum as well. if you go into my post history, i think it's my oldest post. you're def not alone. it happens all the time. and they get insanely hostile over the most vague language. sometimes you're not even allowed to say that you regret it.
hopefully my experience might bring a bit of solidarity, at least!
It honestly sounds like your negative, combative, hateful attitude is a large part of your problem. You don't have to hate people; that is completely under your control. Being aware of your hatred is the first step, but that's something that YOU need to work on. You know it's bad... then why don't you challenge your own thoughts? Instead of doing that, you just self flagellate. "I'm aware I'm a piece of shit." Okay, cool. That's not the point. Fixing it is.
And therapy is a two-way street. In order for it to do anything for you, you need to actually internalize their advice, try their techniques, and give them the benefit of the doubt. You sound like the kind of person who walks into it thinking it's a load of bullshit. The kind of person that is so convinced that nothing can make them better that nothing DOES make them better. The kind of person that is so wrapped up in your own negativity that you can't even begin to see the light. I was like you. I've been close to, tried to be there for, and subsequently had to cut off contact with a lot of people like you too. The outlook you seem to have in this post and comments is incredibly toxic, to both yourself and others.
You need to work on introspection and helping yourself. You don't have to feel like this anymore if you genuinely do not want to. Stewing in hatred for yourself and people around you instead of working on improvement is simply a scapegoat.
It's not your fault you have gender dysphoria, depression, or mental illness, and the subsequent hatefulness and toxicity that comes from those things. But it is your problem and your responsibility. The only person that can truly help you get better and feel better is you. I hope you can work on taking those steps.
i wanted to add that we're often listed as such a small percentage because a huge portion of us straight up ghost our medical providers when we detrans- and trans healthcare is so shit, the providers don't bother to follow up or reach out. a lot of us just quietly stop taking HRT and stop showing up at gender therapy appointments; sometimes finding a new doctor or therapist, but other times not. i think it comes with a level of distrust we suddenly get for our providers when we realize we shouldn't have transitioned/need to stop...? it's like a "holy shit, i was so wrong, this was so wrong, why did they let me do this!" kind of thing. i certainly felt it.
so yeah, we don't report it ourselves, out of feelings of distrust, shame, guilt, and fear, so we just go unreported in general.
also, there is no medical code for someone who is detrans yet. there's codes for ftms and mtfs, but not detrans individuals. if i reported my trans history with a new provider, id probably be listed as ftm, which for obvious reasons is... really annoying and upsetting, but there's no other options, but having been on testosterone is an important part of medical history... yeah, it just- sucks.
Not at 20 years old, they don't, it's very rare for cis men and all too common for trans men. It's unnatural to lose so much hair so quickly, so young in age. Yes, it happens sometimes to cis men too, but the incredibly early ages it occurs on HRT is very concerning. What I'm trying to get at, is that it's regressive to downplay this (admittedly one of the most mild) bad side effect that some people have to live to regret for the rest of their lives.
I was never told that it could happen so quickly and so early. I lost my hairline after only a year of T. We're trying to say that the negative side effects deserve to be spoken about in more detail and not downplayed.
Nevermind what wasn't mentioned here- ED, vaginal atrophy, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, heart problems, circulation issues, muscle atrophy, etc. I was never told about most of this.