This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "benny_merlin" appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments demonstrate:
- Consistent, detailed personal history (specific timelines, medications, surgeries, and medical results over many years).
- Emotional nuance (empathy, encouragement, frustration with healthcare systems) consistent with a genuine, passionate individual.
- Practical, evolving advice that reflects a long-term lived experience, not a script.
The account shows no signs of automated posting or contradictory details that would indicate a fake persona.
About me
I transitioned to male for nearly a decade because I was trying to escape my severe depression. After finally getting treatment for my mental health, I realized my discomfort wasn't with being female. I've since stopped testosterone and now use estrogen patches to stay healthy. I've been working to reverse the physical changes through laser hair removal and treatments for my hairline. While I regret the permanent surgeries, I am finally at peace living as a femme lesbian.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated, and it all started because I was dealing with severe, undiagnosed depression. I now believe that my decision to transition was a way to try and escape from that pain, a way to run from myself. I also struggled with internalised homophobia and suicidal thoughts, which I didn't understand or deal with at the time.
I was on testosterone, specifically Nebido, for almost ten years. During that time, I had top surgery to remove my breasts and a full hysterectomy. I also had lower surgery. I pursued these medical changes because I truly believed it was the only way to fix the deep discomfort I felt with my body and my life.
After about nine years on testosterone, I finally got proper help for my depression. With anti-depressants and therapy, I started to get better. It was like a fog lifted, and for the first time, I could see clearly. I realised that my desire to transition wasn't about being a man; it was a misguided attempt to cope with my mental health struggles. Once I addressed the root cause—the depression—the feeling that I was supposed to be male just vanished. I began to detransition soon after.
Coming off testosterone was a process. It took about a year for it to fully leave my system. Because I’d had a hysterectomy, my body couldn't produce its own hormones anymore, so I had to go on oestrogen HRT patches to stay healthy. I was terrified I’d gain weight, but my diet and exercise didn't change and my weight stayed exactly the same.
Reversing the physical changes has been a long road. My face started to feminise again after about nine months off T. I had a lot of facial hair and a receding hairline from the testosterone. I took finasteride for six months and used Minoxidil and special shampoos, which helped my hairline fill out and my hair grow back thicker. For my facial hair, I had eight sessions of laser treatment. It stung like crazy, but it was worth it. After about five sessions, I could cover the shadow with makeup, and after a year, I barely needed to anymore.
I don’t really think about gender the same way anymore. For me, it was never really about gender at all; it was about being deeply unhappy and looking for a way out. I now identify as a femme lesbian and I'm comfortable with that.
I do have some regrets. I regret not getting help for my depression sooner. I regret the permanent changes I made to my body, especially becoming infertile. I sometimes feel sad about that. The surgeries and hormones were a drastic solution to a problem that was ultimately in my mind. While I don't regret the journey because it led me to where I am now—a much happier and more stable person—I do regret the pain and the permanent consequences.
The hardest part has been the lack of support from the medical system. My GP and even the gender clinic were not equipped to help me detransition. I had to fight to get my NHS gender marker changed back to female and seek private help for things like laser hair removal. It feels like the system is only set up to move you in one direction.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 19 | 2012 | Started testosterone (Nebido) |
| 22 | 2015 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy) |
| 24 | 2017 | Had hysterectomy and lower surgery |
| 30 | Early 2022 | Began detransitioning after treating depression |
| 30 | 2022 | Last testosterone injection |
| 31 | 2023 | Started laser hair removal on face |
| 32 | 2024 | Continued with laser and worked on hair regrowth |
Top Comments by /u/benny_merlin:
Firstly, this is a great result from your laser sessions and you look beautiful.
I can’t see any green tint, so honestly please don’t obsess over it, or worry about trying to cover or hide what you can see. I can guarantee you that no one else will be looking closely enough to see what you’re focusing on. Instead be proud of yourself for being strong and getting through everything that you have so far. I’m genuinely not blowing smoke up your ass - I cannot see any green tint or anything I think you need or would want to hide.
This says more about what type of person he is (an immature fucknut) than anything about you.
You are completely within your rights to wait and say no. I do agree with u/Justaliloreyo though - in the future be careful about saying specifically when you might feel ready, in case someone weaponises the information to use you.
Do not internalise what fucknut said. You are beautiful and worthy of respect.
In all honesty, it sounds like you may be dealing with undiagnosed depression. I transitioned because of this, and only realised it and detransitioned after my depression was dealt with via anti-depressants and therapy. You’re clearly articulate and intelligent - take your thoughts and feelings to a good therapist and talk about your suicidal ideation and internalised homophobia. I also had both these issues. Until you look after yourself mentally - and that means seeking external help and support - you may just continue to feel this way no matter what you do. There’s no shame in getting help for your mental health.
Take care.
Let’s reverse the situation.
You’re planning on going on a first date with a guy you’ve just met online (in a safe, public place please!). Would you want him to tell you before hand about his struggles with gender identity in the past? Or that his wardrobe includes some accessories designed for women? Or would you be happy to not know these things, and meet him first to see if there’s some chemistry - before he starts discussing the intimate details of his past?
There’s no hard and fast, right or wrong answer. What some people believe is appropriate early disclosure, other people will believe is inappropriate early over-sharing. Not everyone will agree on this decision.
Regarding your clothing style, I don’t think you need to explain that before you meet him. Let him judge it for himself.
Don’t worry about your teeth. Almost everyone selects photos to show off their best assets and hide what they feel less confident about!
Congrats!! I’m so glad you’re feeling good and making steps to make yourself more comfortable.
I’ve also had top surgery. Can I ask where you’re located and which surgeon you went with? Also what reassurance or referral etc did your surgeon need before they agreed to operate?
Hope you heal up quickly!
I promise it’s not too late. I was on T for just shy of 10 years, had a mastectomy, and hysterectomy/lower surgery. Yes it takes time and some work (many laser sessions on my face), but it was no where near as bad as I feared when I first detransitioned. Don’t give up hope. With regard to explaining to people to are stealth to - I promise you that almost everyone will be understanding and gracious if you explain your situation with honesty and an open heart
It didn’t work very well for me. A very slight uplift in hz but barely anything at all. Mr Al Yaghchi said either procedure (VFMR or glottoplasty) could get anything from 20-30hz uplift, but the result wasn’t guaranteed. In the end all it achieved was about 10hz and only took the very worst of the deep pitch away. I could go back and do glottoplasty too, but I now can’t trust that the glottoplasty would work any better given what he told me VFMR would achieve verses the actual result.
Yes, you need to tell your GP that you want your gender marker changed back to female. You’ll be given another new NHS number, and the system is such that all your male-associated paperwork will be redacted on the system to hide that you previously identified as male by removing references to he/him etc. Unfortunately there’s no way to entirely reverse the process and get your original NHS number back, as all your GP paperwork from birth to when your gender marker changed to male (so everything under your original NHS number) will have been redacted. In the case of physical paperwork, with a black marker.
But the good news is that you will be able to be marked as female again for the NHS, which is obviously important for female-specific issues like smears.
I was on Nebido for about 10 years and had a lot of facial hair, a significant receding hairline and some head hair thinning. I began to take finasteride for 6 months, starting about 6 months after my last Nebido injection, and am still using Minoxidil and caffeine shampoo. Over about 3-4 months my hairline began to fill out and my hair is growing back thicker. Hard to say regarding the facial hair as I had a full beard after so long being on T, but the laser technicians were very surprised at how well the laser worked on my facial hair after only a couple of session, so maybe it played a part? Based on my experience I’d recommend finasteride, but I have had hysto, so my body will be different to yours.
Caveat to say my last T shot was six months before I started using the above, so the T would have had chance to lower/disappear out of my system.
Rosemary oil is proven to improve blood flow to the scalp, so buy some rosemary essential oil (make sure it’s real/organic and not synthetic) and add it to some carrier oil like coconut, olive, flaxseed, jojoba etc. Something like 5 drops to a tablespoon is good. Absolutely smoother your scalp in it - cover your hair too as it adds a nice shine but scalp is more important - and leave it on for 30-60 minutes. Do it every week if you can.
Use a scalp massager, the ones that look like wire spiders, every day for a couple of minutes. Basically the more blood to your scalp the better and these work wonders.
Shampoo every 2-3 days if your hair won’t get too greasy, rather than every day. Be gentle drying your hair and pat, don’t rub.
Avoid chemical processing (permanent dyes, bleach, permanent straightening) and the use of blow dryers and straighteners. Chemicals will permanently damage your hair and make it more likely to split, and heat will damage and roughen up the outside of the hair shaft, again causing breakage and damage.
The first 9 months or so of growing it out is the most awkward, but from there it gets easier to style. Headbands and hair accessories will help get you through.
I’ve gone from a short crop to shoulder length in 18 months - and that’s including breaking my own advice and having highlights at the 12 month mark. Good luck!