This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "bigbeard61" appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, nuanced experience: The user consistently shares a detailed, personal narrative about being a gender non-conforming man who considered but rejected transition, a story that is complex and specific.
- Consistent, developed viewpoint: They maintain a coherent and nuanced position across many months, acknowledging that transition is right for some while criticizing rushed medicalization and advocating for the affirmation of gender non-conforming youth.
- Engagement and empathy: The user responds directly to others' personal stories with relevant questions and empathetic, personalized advice, which is difficult for bots to replicate convincingly.
The passion and criticism align with the expected perspective of a desister who is deeply engaged with the topic.
About me
I was a feminine boy who faced a lot of trauma for not being masculine, and I thought about being a girl every day to escape that pain. My journey was about untangling my gender dysphoria from my same-sex attraction and the shame I felt. With the help of a good therapist, I realized I could either try to become a medicalized version of a woman or embrace being a gender non-conforming man. I chose to live as a gay man who doesn't conform to expectations, and while the dysphoria is still there, it doesn't control me. I am now happy and fulfilled, and I'm concerned that today's pressure on young people to transition quickly is a dangerous path for many.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started a long time ago, and it’s taken me most of my life to figure out where I truly belong. For as far back as I can remember, I thought about being a girl every single day. This feeling started in childhood and followed me all the way into my twenties. I was a feminine boy who had no interest in typical masculine activities, and that made my childhood incredibly difficult. I faced a lot of rejection and trauma just for being myself, a gender non-conforming boy. That experience was deeply painful and shaped a lot of my early feelings about my body and my place in the world.
I struggled with gender dysphoria, but for me, it wasn't a clear-cut desire to have a female body. It was more about feeling like my life would have been so much easier if I had just been born a girl. I hated the expectations placed on me to be a certain type of man. I felt like I couldn't be myself. During this time, I also came to understand that I was gay, which added another layer of complexity to everything. I think a lot of my feelings were tied up with processing my same-sex attraction and the shame that sometimes came with it.
I never medically transitioned. I am so grateful that I was older and that the current rush to transition wasn't a factor when I was figuring things out. The pressure on young people today seems immense, and I’ve seen it firsthand as a teacher. I was lucky to find a therapist who was neither anti-trans nor someone who would just rubber-stamp a transition. He didn't push me in any direction. Instead, he helped me work through my trauma and see my options clearly.
He helped me understand that I had two real choices. I could choose to be a medicalized version of a woman—a simulacrum, as I came to think of it—or I could choose to be a gender non-conforming man. I realized I could never be a cis woman, and I also knew I could never be a traditionally masculine man. But I came to a crucial realization: not conforming to gender expectations doesn't make you any less of a man. My gender dysphoria didn't magically disappear, but it stopped controlling my life. I learned to live with it and build a happy, fulfilling life as an out, gay, gender non-conforming man.
I don’t regret not transitioning. For me, it would have been the wrong path. I believe transition can be the right choice for some people; I know there are trans women and trans men who are living their best lives and are happy with their decisions. But that choice has to be made with a full understanding of what it means. It’s a radical, irreversible step. The problem now is that the conversation is so polarized. Online communities and some activists push young, gender non-conforming people to transition quickly, often by giving them scripts to use on their parents and doctors, using the threat of self-harm to get what they want. This is reckless and dangerous.
We need to do a better job of celebrating and affirming gender non-conforming kids for exactly who they are. They shouldn’t feel like they have to change their bodies to be accepted. If we supported GNC kids better, I believe far fewer people would rush into transition, and those who did choose it would be absolutely certain. My biggest concern is that the backlash against rapid transition is also often hostile to gender non-conformity and gay rights in general. We can't let that happen.
Age | Event |
---|---|
Childhood | Constant daily thoughts about being a girl begin. Experience trauma and rejection for being a feminine, gender non-conforming boy. |
Teens | Struggle with gender dysphoria and the process of understanding my same-sex attraction. |
20s | Continue to grapple with dysphoria. Begin working with a therapist who is neither anti-trans nor automatically affirming. |
20s | Through therapy, realize my choices are to be a medicalized simulacrum of a woman or a gender non-conforming man. Choose to embrace life as a GNC man. |
Present | Live a happy, fulfilled life as an out gay man. The dysphoria is still there but is no longer debilitating. |
Top Comments by /u/bigbeard61:
You don't have to transition. I've been there in my own life, and as a longtime teacher I have seen a lot of other young people deal with these feelings . Dysphoria comes and goes, and a lot more people live with it than you'd think. It decreases with maturity, and it doesn't have to be limiting or debilitating.
I was very fortunate to deal with all this before the "everybody must be trans" craze, and I had a therapist who helped me accept that I would never be a female person or a gender-conforming man. It's harder for GNC people, but gender role expectations do not define what it means to be a man or a woman. For some people, transition is absolutely their best choice and they are their best selves as trans women, and that's great. But no one should feel they have to become a medicalized simulacrum of a woman because they can't meet the expectations of being a man.
Right now, do everything you can to keep your body healthy and work on developing skills that will give you the greatest freedom when you are an adult. Try to worry less about how you are perceived (easier said than done, I know), and don't pass up opportunities to have fun in the present. You're not finished developing.
This is a really thoughtful and expressive piece of writing that demonstrates your capacity for self-reflection. I would urge you not to think of yourself as being wrong when you were identifying as gender-fluid. You were legitimately exploring your identity and learning what is and isn't right for you.
I think the problem is the gender ideology that people are picking up on the internet. It's become sort of a thought police. If male gender role expectations don't resonate for you, there is pressure to tell yourself you're not really a boy. But being gender non-conforming doesn't make someone any less of a man or a woman. This message is being drowned out by the pressure to transition. I worry that young lesbians and gay men are being transed out of existence.
It's ironic that you are being bullied for sharing your experience by trans people, but your story is an important one. please continue to tell it.
It’s oddly contradictory. On the one hand, the idea that gender is a social construct supports the belief that your perceived birth gender is not significant and therefore can be altered at will, and on other hand, the claim that you have an essential gender identity and it’s important for you to transition to your "real" gender assumes that gender is an innately true element of the self.
It’s so retrograde. If you can’t perform the expectations of your birth gender, you therefore can’t BE your birth gender? You have to be trans, or (the ultimate cop out) non-binary? The decades gays and lesbians spent fighting for rights made transgender rights possible, something they seem to have forgotten.
<If we advocate as strongly for gender nonconformity as they do for transition, we could move towards a healthier culture that alleviates dysphoria and lets people actualize in meaningful ways.>
THIS! 100%
Unfortunately, most of the resistance to rapid transition is also hostile to gender nonconformity.
Congratulations on finding the right path. I was very fortunate to work with an openminded therapist who wasn't intimidated by the trans ideologues, who helped me to this very realization. I saw that I would never be the woman I fantasized about being nor the man my family wanted me to be, but that I could be my best self as a gender nonconforming man and that gender norms don't define the gender.
I wish there were more of a focus on celebrating, respecting, and cherishing gender nonconforming kids as they are. No one should feel pressured into transitioning.
Many, if not most, trans people transition because they feel life as a gender non-conforming person is so horrible that they have a better chance of happiness as the opposite gender. Some people can be their best selves as trans people and that's great, but it should be a positive choice, not one of a set of shitty options. We need to prioritize celebrating and affirming gender non-conforming kids as they are. The sad part is that some activists (not the entire LGBTQ community) are more interested in pushing transition than supporting GNC people.
This is an extremely thoughtful and well-written piece, and the author speaks with a great deal of compassion and authority. Reed's story has all the benefits and drawbacks of being an account of first-hand experience of a highly qualified professional. The anecdotes are compelling, but anecdotal evidence can't provide objective analysis.
I wish other sources had picked up on Reed's story. The Free Press, which has some of the most accomplished editors in journalism, is a little too invested in the culture wars not to deploy it to suit their purposes. I also wish Reed was able to find an alternative to putting her account in the hands of the far right Missouri state government, which will use it as ammunition to attack LGBT rights in general.
I think many people in medical and social service professions were caught up in the enthusiasm of the transgender youth movement and allowed things to move too quickly, which was a mistake. And now there's no way for them to put the brakes on without being pilloried from all sides.
I have often had thoughts along the same lines. If fact the two are exactly opposite. The goal of therapy should be to become your best self based on accepting who you are, but that's what trans activists call "trans conversion therapy." Of course being forced to conform to gender role expectations of your biological sex can be as damaging as being forced to change your sexual orientation. But that doesn't mean you are the opposite gender.
I feel for you. Please don't be embarrassed about doing what you want with your own life. So what if it was a phase? It was real to you at the time. Anyone who really cares about you won't shame you.
If I may ask a question: why was your family pressuring you to transition? Did your trans friends coach you on how to talk to your family about you being trans? Had you convinced them that you might hurt yourself if you weren't allowed to transition?