This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
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Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display:
- Personal, detailed anecdotes with specific timelines and emotional depth.
- Consistent internal logic and a coherent personal narrative across all posts.
- Complex, nuanced opinions that reflect the passionate and often conflicted feelings common in the detrans community.
- Emotional resonance, including fear, regret, and anger, which aligns with the experience of someone who feels they were harmed.
About me
I started as a depressed, lonely teenager who felt ugly and unlovable as a girl. I believed becoming a gay boy was the only way to find love and almost had surgery to remove my breasts. I stopped hormones after a year when I realized I had fetishized male relationships and was just a feminine person all along. I'm now a heterosexual woman, comfortable being girly, but I carry regrets about the permanent changes. I believe vulnerable young people are being misled and we desperately need more support for detransitioners.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was a teenager. I was really depressed and felt incredibly ugly and unlovable as a girl. I felt like I could never be the right kind of pretty or desirable. I was also severely isolated. For some reason, I got it into my head that the only way I could ever find real love was if I was a gay boy. I was a huge fan of FTM YouTubers and their podcasts; it felt like a whole world I wanted to be part of.
I started identifying as non-binary first, but that quickly turned into wanting to fully transition. I think a lot of that came from creating these really strict stereotypes in my head about what a man and a woman had to be, and because I didn't fit perfectly into the "woman" box I'd made up, I thought I must not be one. I see now that a lot of kids do that—they create these stereotypes and then feel uncomfortable with them, so they want to be "different."
I was on hormones from around age 16 or 17. I was also on a waitlist for top surgery, and it honestly scares me like a nightmare now to think about how close I came to losing my breasts. I’m so grateful that never happened. Looking back, I realize a big part of my desire to transition was that I fetishized gay male relationships. I wanted to be in one so badly, but I was never actually masculine. I was a "femboy" and still wanted cute, girly things, which just made me look like a very young boy. The men who were interested in me were all creeps because I fit that little boy look with my small stature and style.
I stopped hormones about a year to a year and a half after starting. When I began to detransition, I really tried to play it down. I’d say, "It was a long time ago," or "I was just going through a phase," or "I was just emo." I still don't like to talk about it much, especially with my straight boyfriend. I have this messed-up fear that he'll see me as a boy or think he got some "damaged" version of a female.
Now, I’m living as a girl again and I’m very heterosexual. I’m doing girly things and I’m a lot more comfortable. My feelings about gender now are that a lot of young people, including me, are victims of social media, loneliness, and depression. We were brainwashed at a young age when we were too vulnerable to make these permanent decisions. I don't think hormones or surgeries make people happy in the long run. I really believe you shouldn’t be able to start hormones until after 18 and surgery until after 25. This generation is messed up, and it’s scary and tragic. I just wish there was as much medical support for detransitioning, like laser hair removal or help for our voices, as there is for transitioning.
I do have regrets. I regret ever starting hormones and coming so close to having surgery. I regret the time I lost and the confusion I put myself through. I was just a kid who felt ugly and unloved and thought becoming someone else was the answer. The real answer was learning to be okay with myself.
Age | Event |
---|---|
16-17 | Started taking testosterone. |
17-18 | Was on a waitlist for top surgery. |
18-19 | Stopped testosterone and began socially detransitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/blackmeshbish:
This is accurate, I feel the same way. I think non binary only exists because these children are creating stereotypes of what a woman is and what a man is and because they are young and having a understandably distressing emo phase, they obviously don’t feel comfortable with the stereotypes they’ve created in their head and want to be “different” to feel more comfortable in a confusing and troubling time in their youth.
Dude literally and that’s exactly what I was too. I just fetishized gay male relationships and I wanted to be one so bad, but I was never actually masculine, so I was a “femboy/think” 🤮 and still wanted cute girly things. All of this made me look like a 4 year old boy. And the men who WERE interested in me were all just pedos cuz I fit the little boy look with my kawaii things and 4’11 stature. Anyways, I’m girl again, doing girly girl things and I’m very hetero. I was just severely isolated back then and depressed because I felt really ugly as a girl and unlovable, for some reason I felt like I could only find real love as a gay boy.
There’s actually a LOT that you can do!!! First, no more beanies. Second, hear me out I know it sucks, TRY contact lenses for a little bit just while you’re going through this transition stage. I’m serious, do girly ass skin care, it will make a difference. I’m talking those “glass skin” trends and such. Keep the hair long! A hair style that is strictly feminine is a balayage so if you can afford that then it would instantly identify you as female. Curl your lashes, mascara, (I know it sucks, but wearing tight clothes might just bring you back into femininity until you feel feminine enough to go back to baggy if that makes sense)
I’m so sorry and I feel this and sympathize heavily. I didn’t have a mastectomy but I was on that waitlist and it scares me like a nightmare thinking about how close I was to losing my breasts. My issue was the same, started hormones around 16-17. That’s seriously the big issue. You shouldn’t have been able to have hormones at that age and then surgery at 18, it should be hormones after 18 and then surgery after 25. This generation is so messed up and it’s so scary and tragic that we are victims of social media, loneliness, depression, brainwashing. I just wish there was medical support for detransitioning as much as there is for transitioning. Laser hair removal and restoring genitalia and vocal chords should be a vital part of healthcare offered for detrans people.
I didn’t until at least 1-1.5 years later and I REALLY made it a point that “it was a long time ago” “i was just going through a phase” “I was just emo” etc. and then after that I try not to speak about it too much because I don’t want my straight boyfriend to ever see me as a boy or think he got a “damaged product” knowledge off version of a female (I know that’s effed up to say but that’s how my brain works).
Omg I felt this too as a previously huge fan of UpperCaseChase1 and his friend Aaron, both FTM YouTubers. They were my favourite to watch, especially their FTM podcast. being detrans, I don’t feel comfortable watching Chase anymore like the content isn’t… for me… idk i feel weird watching a guy unbox and review packers now and talk about trans things I maybe don’t fully agree with anymore and overall don’t care as much about. The podcast him and his friend Aaron did though, even if I’m detrans, will forever be one of the best most hilarious and entertaining podcasts I’ve ever watched. I went back to find it a few months ago to see all episodes were deleted when they had a falling out. 😔
I read everything you wrote and I’m really impressed with how well you articulated what you mean and how thoroughly you’ve weighed different outcomes! Very advanced for that age. I could of course be incorrect but I have a suspicion that you fetishize (I don’t mean this in any derogatory way!!) yourself in a feminine form, I don’t really think that you wholeheartedly want to be as close to a real female as possible; I don’t think you want men making you feel like you don’t know what you’re talking about because you’re a woman, yelling “bitch, slut” at you from their cars as they drive by, being prey, and I don’t think you want people in general to see you as a female/woman/girl. I think like you said, right now you’re uncomfortable with the idea of gayness and straightness as a male. First of all, you’re just a lil baby, you can be weirded out by sexuality all you want for many more years, that’s the beauty of being young, nobody is going to tell you at 16 years old “how dare you not have your sexual preferences figured out at a minor age, you should know exactly what kind of sex you want to have right now!!”
I don’t think hormones or surgeries is going to make you happy honestly, I really don’t. If you like being feminine, you might LOVE the idea of cross dressing. It’s fun, you can do it in a sexual way, there’s no permanent mutilations, and there’s such a vast variety of kink stuff related to cross dressing like you can buy silicone boobs that look very real. Wear those, and you might find that satisfaction you’re looking for I’m not sure. Tons of men are MEGA into cross dressers as well. They’ll love you as a boy and they’ll love you as “girl”. Idk! Explore your options! Thankfully the world isn’t just trans & cis 🩷