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Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display:
- Personal, detailed history: The user shares specific, lengthy, and emotionally charged personal experiences with transition, detransition, and medical complications over a 10-year period.
- Consistent narrative: The story of transitioning young due to internalized homophobia, trauma, and social pressure, and later detransitioning, is consistent across multiple comments.
- Emotional complexity: The writing expresses a wide range of genuine, messy human emotions—anger, regret, shame, compassion, and hope—which is consistent with the stated passion and pain of the detransition experience.
- Engaged interaction: The user directly responds to others' posts with empathy, advice, and shared experiences, which is typical of a real community member.
About me
I was a masculine girl who was bullied and felt deeply ashamed of being a lesbian, so I believed I must be a boy and was put on testosterone as a teenager. The hormones made me very sick, causing serious health problems that led to a hysterectomy at eighteen. My entire identity became a performance to cover up my trauma and self-hatred. I stopped hormones two months ago and am finally accepting myself as a woman, which has brought me immense mental freedom. I'm now focused on healing from the permanent damage and learning to live my life for me.
My detransition story
My journey started when I was a young girl. I was always a masculine kid, and I got a lot of harassment for it. I remember girls at school trying to look in my stall in the bathroom to see if I "had a penis" because I looked so boyish at twelve years old. My own mom would tell me I was "standing like a guy" or that I sounded like a boy. It made me feel like there was something wrong with just being myself.
Around that same time, I started to realize I liked girls. I felt like a sicko for it because of the messages I got from the world and the internet. I looked things up online and found all these ideas that lesbians couldn't have "real sex" and that the only valid sex was penetrative sex like a man would do. This messed me up a lot and I started consuming a ton of gay male romance stories and porn, which gave me really twisted ideas about sex and relationships before I was even fourteen.
All of this made me hate myself and my body. I felt like I could never be good enough for a woman because I wasn't a man. I became convinced that the reason for all my misery was that I was born female. I found out what being transgender was online, and it felt like an answer. It made sense to my confused teenage brain: I hated myself, I liked girls, and I was masculine, so I must be a boy.
I told my mom I would kill myself if I couldn't transition. She was influenced by things she saw on Facebook and was scared, so she took me to a doctor. The doctor didn't question me or try to figure out why I felt this way. She just agreed that if I didn't transition, I might hurt myself, and she put me on testosterone when I was fifteen. There was no proper therapy to deal with my OCD, my trauma, or my internalized homophobia. They just gave me the hormones.
I was on testosterone for almost ten years. The physical effects were horrible. My blood pressure skyrocketed when I was sixteen. I gained a lot of weight and became really aggressive. My depression and anxiety got so much worse. I developed vaginal atrophy and a prolapsed cervix at seventeen. I started having insane cramps and leaking fluid, so my doctor encouraged me to get a full hysterectomy, removing my ovaries and uterus, when I was eighteen. I started balding at nineteen and had high cholesterol by twenty-two, despite eating healthy. Testosterone was literally making me sick.
Throughout my transition, I was obsessed with being "man enough." I was constantly worried people would find out I was female. I had a severe porn addiction that I used to cope with trauma. My entire identity became about being a man, and it was a blanket I used to cover up all my real problems—my low self-esteem, my OCD about my health and gender, and the deep shame I felt about being a lesbian.
The turning point for me was starting to ask questions. What if I had never heard of being trans? What if this medicine didn't exist? What would I be? I started to realize that my maleness wasn't real to me. It was a costume I put on to feel safe and to escape myself.
I stopped testosterone about two months ago and started taking estrogen. The withdrawal has been hard—I’ve been exhausted, dizzy, and unable to focus. But mentally, I feel freer than I have in a decade. Accepting that I am female, and that being a woman isn't the reason for my misery, has lifted a huge weight. I don't get dysphoria from being called she/her or a woman anymore.
I do have regrets. I regret the permanent changes to my body—the facial hair, the baldness, the fact that I am now infertile and have a lifelong illness because of the hysterectomy. Most of all, I regret that no one protected me or tried to help me understand my feelings instead of just giving me hormones. I was a child with serious mental health issues, and I wasn't fit to make those decisions.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's mostly irrelevant. Femininity and masculinity are just boxes. You can make your own box called "you" and put whatever you want in it. What makes you interesting and desirable is who you are on the inside, not your gender.
I’m working on healing now. Therapy has been crucial for dealing with my trauma and OCD. I’m learning to accept my body as it is and to believe that I am worthwhile and beautiful as a lesbian woman. I’m finally getting to experience life—exploring art, painting, and trying new things I never got to do as a teenager because I was so shut in. It feels like I’m finally living.
Age | Event |
---|---|
12 | Harassed at school for being a masculine girl. Family criticized my masculine behavior. |
14 | Discovered trans identity online. Consumed gay male content and developed distorted views on sex. |
15 | Told my mom I would kill myself if I couldn't transition. Was put on testosterone. |
16 | Blood pressure soared. Gained significant weight and became aggressive. |
17 | Developed vaginal atrophy and a prolapsed cervix. |
18 | Had a full hysterectomy (removal of ovaries and uterus). |
19 | Started balding. |
22 | Was diagnosed with high cholesterol. |
23 | Realized my transition was based on trauma and internalized homophobia. |
23 | Stopped testosterone after nearly 10 years and started estrogen. Began the process of detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/blitz-angel:
I think about this often. I got a full ass hyst at EIGHTEEN. swiftly removing my ovaries just because I "wouldn't need them anyway" because I was "transgender". what a joke. I now have a lifelong illness because of this, and people who have actual issues with their reproductive systems get to suffer (endometriosis for example)
crazy!!!!!
here are the health effects after being on t almost 10 years for me. i started when i was 15.
first, my blood pressure SOARED, at 16 i was getting readings of like, 150/90,
then i gained A LOT of weight, and became aggressive. depression got worse. anxiety got WAY, WAY worse as i went deep into my delusions.
i had vaginal atrophy and cervix prolapse when i was 17.
after about 4 years (i think? or 5)i started having INSANE cramps, so much more painful than period cramps ever, and started leaking these huge globs of yellow/green fluid during times i would have been on my regular cycle. i got my ovaries and uterus removed by encouragement of my doctor.
i also started balding at 19, and then at 22 i was told my cholesterol was to high. (not kidding, i was a pescatarian, and i ALWAYS get my 5 a day!!! not to mention im big on nuts and seeds and uncooked extra virgin oils)
whenever i start thinking about this shit i wonder why i never stopped earlier. genuinely thought its what i needed to stay alive, that if i lost my testosterone i would actually die. nope. testosterone was what was killing me.
I'd say, acceptance. It's okay you hated yourself, it's okay that you went on HRT and did something you regret. I promise
We have a tendency to dwell and panic in the moment and feel bad, and forget that we have a long and beautiful life ahead of us, and even though there may be some irreversible changes, you won't feel so nasty about them in the future. Acceptance is hard, but a key component to overcoming regret. Everything will be okay :) Good luck
i am SICK and TIRED of this whole thing being spread that transgender kids will "kill themselves and enter this horrible dark path" if they dont transition! im SICK OF IT! my mom was influenced on f-ing facebook when i was a child when she reached out for support that id kill myself if she didnt rush me into transition.
i had my DOCTOR say BASICALLY the EXACT SAME THING TO ME! she was like "what worked for you then, might not work for you now, and thats ok, because if we hadnt let you transition, who knows what you would have done to yourself, you could be dead" WHAT? you barely f-ing knew me, you barely HELPED me figure myself out or DO anything to help me. you just gave me hormones and told me to get the hell out of your office, no psychatric follow up with that poor sucker!
its inexcusable. they only said that to make themselves feel better, as another user portaux put it. you didnt deserve to have someone say that to you, you deserve better. you shouldnt have been influenced to go down a path of transition. you should have been protected, given proper psychotherapy, and there should have been made effort to FIGURE OUT why you felt the need to change your body, not given hormones! the medical system IS messed up! of course, yes, you are responsible for your own decisions. but i mean jesus, i, and i dont know about your position, but alot of us here, WERE ONLY CHILDREN. i was FOURTEEN.
and like ummmmmmmm... yeah, responsible sure, but when someones feeling mentally unwell and in a bad place, they arent really FIT to make decisions, are they? someone with somatic ocd (ME) cant walk into an office and claim i have afib, and that i DEMAND treatment now because im CONVINCED i have a heart condition (this happened....lol) and the doctors go yep yep yep. heres some pills for your heart. NO! they are gonna run thourough TESTS AND MAKE SURE! ITS THE SAME GOD DAMN THING!!!!!!!!! AGGH!!! i completely understand. you ARE seeing reason for the first time.
i dont know if youre much of a reader, but the book "end of gender" by debra w soh goes into alot about doctors, scientists, trans activism influence on them, and how they are failing us and overcompensating. give it a try if youre able, and i wish you luck. we are all here with you (so sorry this comment turned into a bit of a rant lol) i wish you luck and happiness through everything youre going through
hey, thank you for your kind words 💓 accepting myself for what I am (female, which Isn't that horrible awful thing I feared as a child) has decreased so much superficial pain and anxiety, unloading the floodgates of what's Actually wrong! it's insane to me how much transition was a blanket on top of everything! and it's encouraged for any kid who comes in and self diagnoses! argh!!!! it is nice to know others can relate- that I'm not the only one who had this idea. thanks a bunch xox
It is completely messed up and unfair to you as a child, to simply EXIST, and to be told your "acting like" something youre not in a negative way. The exact same thing happened to me.
Just thinking back on that, thinking back on me and you and others who were just trying to be ourselves. just trying to live our life, and we get basically shamed for it. It really does something to your psyche and breeds some serious insecurities- no wonder we are here. Just tried to be happy and do what we wanted to do.
I remember being harassed by girls 2 grades up from me in the girls room on an almost daily in school, them trying to get in my stall to see if I "had a penis" because I was so masculine as a TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL. Among many, many things I was bullied for.
I remember my mom telling me at a cross walk once that i was "standing like a guy", because girls dont keep their legs spread out like that. That I sounded like a boy. That I dressed like a (insert slur here). Etc, etc ,etc.... Unbelievable.
The reason "why" we did all these "boy" things as young girls, is because its who we are. Its our nature. We were just trying to be happy.
I stand with you, that it is okay to be a masculine girl. It's okay to be a masculine woman. Its wonderful, actually! :)
you're so right. I definitely didn't get support with my changing body besides getting yelled at or told to cover up already.
I completely relate to feeling like you went crazy for a few years and then dont remember any of it. gosh, I feel like a ghost when I look in the mirror . like...how did I even end up here?
I struggled with porn addiction myself when I was transitioning, so the opposite!
listen to nolandnosea. STOP. LOOKING. AT. PORN. when you get the urge, find something else really gratifying, or change up your masturbation technique.
For me, the urge would hit and yes I failed at first, I ended up watching porn, but I refused to let myself watch hardcore porn (something I did to cope with trauma. hardcore porn is messed up on so many levels and we all know it. don't fall prey)
I would let myself watch girls masturbating or something easy and gentle instead. it helped me ween off.
over time, when I'd get the urge, I'd grab my keys and go for a walk/run/drive. or go eat some really good food, paint something, play a competitive video game, or write out pros and cons of watching porn. (never any pros except lizard brain gratification). Sometimes even shame myself out of it (while still being kind and telling myself I had an addiction)
if all else fails to kill the urge, I'd call my mother/best friend/girlfriend and have a normal conversation. That one really helps
I believe in you, porn industry wants you to be an addict, but you want real love and intimacy like every other human. you deserve it. you'll get your brain away from that vicious material someday.
I did it :) and many others do too. I believe in you!!!!
i can heavily relate to this. as a young girl, my budding sexuality leaned me towards girls, but i quickly learned from the internet and porn that lesbians werent capable of "actual, REAL sex" (dominating penetrative heterosexual sex/gay male penetrative sex), so i developed some sort of weird fetish for gay men (not just the sex part, the romance part that Lead up to the sex part....the romance was most of it for me?), started consuming way to much mlm content (written by womenlol), and it DEFINITELY messed with me. i developed some weird twisted ideas of sex, but the worst part is that all this happened to me BEFORE the age of 14. i can hardly believe it when i think of it. then i medically transitioned and started having sex with boys and trans boys that i HATED and i felt like a ghost during it. and i felt i was incapable of being with women bc i was broken for not being correct (a man). that i could never please a girl. good god.
if you would like to get more off your chest and talk about this, my dms are open!
femininity and masculinity is irrelevant honestly. when it comes to how u wanna dress and behave and look. these boxes don't need to exist unless you conform to them or step in them.
i spent way to much of my life labelling things this way. way to much. make your own box called "you" and it can have "feminine" "masculine" and "neutral" things. you are more than your gender and your presentation. you gender isnt what makes you desirable or interesting, it's you:)