i recognize you being bullied in the past. I’ve seen it so much directed towards you. You don’t deserve the focus you’ve gotten.

I’m glad you are feeling incredible. It is really hard to get to the point of feeling incredible. What helped me after years of anguish has been realizing I can do what I wish without transitioning either fully or partially.

Talking as a female I can be as masculine I wish to be without having to “pretend” to be the opposite sex and focusing on how people around me “pretend”.

You can wear bright colors, makeup, grow out your hair, whatever you want. Liking those things doesn’t change anything.

You should focus on only doing things you genuinely enjoy. It doesn’t feel good to try and fit in with what you observe; seeing women adorn themselves in a certain way then thinking you’re a woman because you want to adorn yourself in that same way.

Btw I love your shirt, I would pick it up if i saw it out somewhere.

I feel similarly, though in the opposite way. I enjoy wearing masculine clothes and shaved my head. I’ve had multiple random people just walk up to me and ask my pronouns, with no previous conversation or interaction. I feel so alienated from people my age. They can tell I’m female, but still feel the need to ask or even call outright me “they” and “he”.

It’s very frustrating, especially after previously identifying as trans and realizing it was very damaging to me.

If the pronouns stuff goes on for too long after I signal I’m uncomfortable, I usually say something like “I’m a woman with short hair and a button up, please don’t be sexist” in the nicest voice I can. It’s important to be kind to others, even when you’re frustrated or feel disrespected. Many people who are calling you “she” or “a girl” are just trying to be nice, even if it’s actually hurtful and confusing.

It makes me really sad that you don’t feel comfortable wearing things you love. Find your style; clothing and accessories that you feel confident, happy, and yourself in. If your style involves makeup, pastel colors, dresses, and cute prints that’s completely fine! I love all of those fashion choices. They can look beautiful on literally anyone.

If other people are making you dysphoric when you dress how you like, you could try what I do. Kindly and calmly say something like “I’m just a guy who’s wearing a pink sweater with hearts on it and I put on some eyeliner. Please don’t be sexist.”

I hope I can help you calm down with some advice and words.

Women’s voice isn’t just how deep it is; it’s the cadence, tone, diction, and inflection. you learn these things subconsciously from a young age as a female and you will sound like your sex even with a deep voice.

You haven’t been on T that long and some reversion of your voice will happen.

Female people often feel compelled to be feminine and gentile, otherwise we view ourselves as lesser than those who exemplify femininity in the preformative way.

On top of that, if you have a desire to be feminine and gentle your voice isn’t the deciding factor. I believe that female lions have a lot of feminine energy, and their voices are always deep and scraggly. They are still obviously female, very beautiful, and walk with a gentle nature.

There likely wouldn’t be a trans person who fits the criteria and is someone I connect with.

Even before I desisted, it was exhausting being around other trans people. You have to play along in a very dramaturgical way. You must go out of your way to compliment them in an affirming way, pretend that they’re the gender they want to be even when they don’t look or act like it, be okay with being told to stop talking if you don’t agree with them, and so on.

I remember disagreeing about trans women being in women’s sports when a friend was going on about how “it’s completely reasonable to allow women to play with women.” All I said was “I don’t think it’s fair for most women.” He responded with something like “You should focus on us being murdered daily instead of supporting those who want to take away our rights. Do you just think that trans women are men and don’t deserve sports? What you’re saying is pushing us to suicide.” as the rest of the group just loudly agreed and told me to “stop dancing around transphobia” and “focus on real issues.” They then went on for like 20 minutes about how fair and fine MTFs in women’s sports is.

Similar instances happened really often, the same happened multiple times with different people when disagreeing with the sports issue.

Being around them is like a constant show of who is saying the “right” things, who is saying the “wrong” things, who is pretending in the most realistic way, and who is the most trans. You have to be theatrical with them, but if you do it too strongly they say it’s “inauthentic” and “I know you don’t view me as a real _____”

You have to provide constant emotional labor. Lie when they ask your opinion, try not to say anything they haven’t already repeated, give them “affirming” comments, and pretend all day.

It’s exhausting pretending like someone is their opposite sex when you can blatantly see their sex characteristics and socialization. It’s exhausting to bite your tongue when they’re being creepy or overstepping boundaries or have delusional thoughts they push onto you. I can’t imagine how it would be when you live together and are extremely close as a couple.

The only way I would date a trans person is if they recognized their sex, we’re okay with their sex being noticed, and recognized how they’re different from a natal female or male. They also wouldn’t be in the weird cult-like hive-mind. I’d be fine with referring to them with their preferred pronouns and so on if they weren’t delusional and expecting delusion in return.

I’ve noticed the few trans people online who are like this are right wing, and I wouldn’t want to date any rightwinger. So I seriously doubt I’d date any trans person.

I’d think you’re female off of looks alone. To be honest, depending on your voice and presentation, I may wonder if you’re an early trans man who would want to be treated as such. But I wouldn’t think you’re male (sex).

That being said, your difference after detransition is stark. My first thought is you look like a gender nonconforming female. I agree that you have a lot of feminine features, too. The large glasses really bring out the features. The most notable masculine feature you have is your hairline. Even then, it isn’t really noticeable. It can also be diminished by medication or covered from hairstyles.

I’d recommend focusing on vocal training to feel more comfortable, because you read visually as female to me in your 1 month detrans photos.

I know it’s difficult right now. But please have confidence. You don’t look how you think you look, and that’s hard to consider. Just go day by day and do what makes you feel the most comfortable and happy.

i’m saying if you have that desire in the future or in the past it’s fine. You can be a man while doing that if you choose to in the future.

You also shouldn’t focus on whether something is masculine or feminine, not saying you are right now.

Just do what you want and people will view you as male.

I’m so glad you were able to realize before your mastectomy. Don’t beat yourself up on the changes from T. You trusted medical professionals. You did what was recommended by people with multiple medical degrees. When working with doctors it’s ALWAYS on THEM to treat you, not for you to know more than them.

I almost got on T after mentioning dysphoria to mental health professionals. Gender helplines immediately pointed me to the nearest informed consent clinics. I wasn’t given full therapy, my other traumas weren’t addressed, they just pushed hormones when I showed anguish. They didn’t explain it besides saying masculinization aspects in a positive light. These people mentioned the risks to health, like liver and heart, however I had multiple instances of them adding “BUT it’s incredibly rare and the pros for you will statistically outweigh the cons.” I was told that I’ll likely kill myself if I don’t go on hormone therapy.

Again, don’t beat yourself up about it. I know many trans activists say to detransitioners “well it’s your own fault. you weren’t forced. You made a choice that you regret, that’s it. You found out you weren’t trans, that’s it.” It’s so incredibly wrong. Following medical professionals’ advice isn’t your own fault. Like you said, the problem is doctors giving you life altering medical treatments, that’s a treatment solely for mental health, without fully exploring less permanent mental health treatments.

Also, I don’t think you have to tell people about previously being on T until you have established serious relationships. Act naturally about your clitoris being big. If they see it “haha it’s kinda big isn’t it” is the most you should have to say, unless you’re in a safe and loving relationship.

Many cis women without ever being on T have large ones. You’re not abnormal or disgusting. You can google “the labia library” to see many of them from people who are female and have never altered their hormones.

I relate a lot to your post. I hated being called woman for literally years. I wanted to be male and being perceived as one was so soothing.

Being perceived as a woman means you are treated as one. Condescended, appearance scrutinized, creeped on, dehumanized, and not thought of as a “normal” person. This happens to people of the female sex everywhere in the world.

Being called a woman reminds me, and a lot of women who don’t even desire to be GNC, of all of the negative ways females are treated.

For many lesbians the treatment of women hurts even more because you likely don’t have the same desire for male validation as a straight/bi women. There aren’t the same feeling of satisfaction that come from doing what appeases men and catering to the male gaze. So you end up feeling only beaten down and don’t feel the faux positivity of it.

A few things helped me unlearn the self hatred, that all girls are taught, that resulted in me hating the word woman.

First I tried focusing on the fact that that woman are just as complex as men. Males aren’t the default person. Men aren’t the only ones allowed to dress or wear their hair like they do.

Being a woman should not inherently mean I am anything other than an adult female. It doesn’t mean that I deserve how I’m treated in society, that any female deserves this treatment, or that I should feel wrong for liking things that men typically like.

It is difficult because of how ingrained misogyny is on earth and it took me years to actually call myself a woman.

But now it feels freeing and I feel so happy to call myself a woman. I am a woman because I am an adult of the female sex, I am still one when I shave my head, wear mens section clothes, and talk in a deep voice. The very normal desire for me to be treated as a human doesn’t mean I am a man on the inside.

I experienced similar things to her with the love bombing online. Once I started questioning whether my trans identity makes sense and is helpful for my treatment, I was suddenly isolated and demeaned online by the same people who love bombed me.

I feel for Prisha so much. I can tell how nervous she is and I still experience that same nervousness. I also feel connected to her because I dealt with high levels of self harm, disordered eating, and other extreme aspects of mental disability during my most dysphoric times.

I’ve tried to talk about how T and social transition was pushed onto me by both medical professionals and other trans people online. How they showed a disregard for the core of my mental disabilities over pushing transition as a cure-all for all my problems. I still have fear even talking about it on detrans forums.

I get scared because being truthful about my treatment in the medical industry and by trans peers is very vulnerable. Being that vulnerable then being told to shut up, that I’m a liar, I’m a secret genocidal transphobe, that everything I say is mindless hate, that its my fault for listening to doctors instead of “realizing I’m wrong myself”, hurts deeply.

I start to shake even hearing other say these things to destrans/desister people who aren’t me. Let alone speaking aloud in front of those who think I’m a monster for talking about my life.

She was very eloquent and brave, I’m so proud of her for going to that podium and sharing her story.

Androgynous, but I think you could lean heavily into female if you have less texture on the upper lip/chin from shaving.

If you can’t afford laser hair removal, I seriously recommend waxing, you can get a wax pot on amazon with wax beads for around 25. It pulls the hair from the roots, so it stays gone longer and regrowth becomes smoother. Shaving leaves a blunt edge which makes bumps and shadow, giving a more masc appearance.

I use wax on my upper lip and chin and it stays clear for around 2 weeks. I wax then use tweezers for any stray hairs

I also recommend skincare after waxing to lessen irritation and allow smoother regrowth that would lead to easier waxing next time.