It’s tough. I’m not anti-trans, but this kind of propoganda? (if that’s the right word) scares me. I have self-esteem issues, body dysmorphia, autism, other mental health issues… If I was even just 5-10 years younger, I think this kind of thing would have really confused and influenced me and I may have made a mistake.

As it is, when I was a teen-young adult, transitioning was still kinda “rare”, in that it was more difficult to start the process. Most trans people were socially out as trans for a while before they went on hormones. It just seems now that it’s almost too easy to do? Even as far as people DIY-ing it. And for teens especially, I worry that a signifigant percentage will regret it. Whether it’s 10% or 70%.

I have so many mental health reasons I hate myself, and even now I still wonder if transitioning will make me happier. But I just don’t want to jump into it without being sure. There’s an equal chance that treating my mental health, losing weight, and maybe some surgeries, will make me happier than transitioning would. And if doing all that still doesn’t make me happy, I can still transition later. Why rush?

I say this 100% genuinely - when I saw that last image, I instantly went “woah, she’s beautiful!”. And then when I read the title again, I thought maybe you were mtftm because I couldn’t understand why you’d think you were unattractive after seeing that photo. Though you also look great in all 4 photos - you have a really soft, friendly face.

The red colour of your outfit in the last photo really complements you though ❤️

The stereotype thing bothers me a lot, and goes hand in hand with the “egg” thing they so which I hate.

Like I’m fine if you want to be transgender - not my life, not my circus. And if you want to joke about “how could I not tell I was trans!” with friends, I totally get that. I make “technically incorrect” jokes sometimes with people I’m close to. “Haha, look at this thing I do, I’m so autistic!” (Disclaimer, I am autistic, otherwise I wouldn’t make light of it!)

But when people try and apply it to others, especially in a public space, it feels yucky. As a random, brief example - when people joke about “their egg isn’t cracked yet”, “waiting for their egg to crack”, because someone does something gender nonconforming/stereotypically one gender. Seems especially egregious with males dressing in “feminine” clothing, like skirts and thigh high socks.

I feel like there’s so much support in general around gender nonconformity in the lgbt+ community, and so much talk about how “clothes don’t have genders!” and “let kids play with what they want!”, and everyone cheers for the transman in a dress, or the bridesmaid in a suit, but then the egg jokes or the posting of photos of tomboy girls with captions about “how did I not know I was a boy” just reinforce the stereotypes.

Idk, even saying “gender nonconforming” feels almost like I’m doing the opposite because I’m basically saying clothes have a gender to nonconform from, but I don’t have better language for it.

Even being trans itself feels confusing for me sometimes, as someone who still gets anxiety sometimes that I’m “supposed to be a man”, and “I’m wasting years not being a man”. Like, do I really want to be a man, or need to be a man, or do I just want to feel less pressure to he a stereotypical woman? Sure, I hate having large boobs and having a vulva sucks sometimes, but do I actually want a flat chest and a penis, or am I just autistic with body dysmorphia, uncomfortable in my body, and would be happier with smaller breasts? Even if I got bottom surgery, would I be any more comfortable, or would I just have new discomforts?

It’s hard. I think the pressure to perform to what people think your gender should be can make people, especially teens or vulnerable people, think they need to transition. And you get a supportive community out of it, as long as you follow the rules, and that sounds pretty tempting if you struggle to make friends or are lonely.

Man, I remember years ago when I was younger and more insecure, asking on reddit if it was transphobic to prefer vaginas over penises. Not even “I only like one”, but just… having a preference of liking one more than the other.

You can guess the answer haha… But I really don’t see an issue with having a preference, even if that preference is “absolutely no to penis/vagina”. Whether just based on what you enjoy more, what you don’t enjoy at all, or trauma… So what?

That’s like telling someone they can’t be sad about their break up or divorce because “I’ve never even had a partner at all!”. Which I don’t doubt is something that happens. But what a ridiculous mindset - break ups hurt! Feeling unwanted or not good enough hurts too, definitely, but they’re different kinds of hurts and both equally valid. It’s not a competition.

I will never ever understand why someone would transition without dysphoria.

I mean, I’m afab and have large breasts, and I hate them because they get in the way and make me feel too visible and give me issues with my skin, so I’m totally hoping to get a reduction or top surgery when I lose weight (just in case that helps). Especially because I’m not having kids.

But why would you take hormones that have awful side effects, or get bottom surgery, without dysphoria?

Like, I’m not transphobic, I think adults should be able to transition, if they feel they need to and have all the info and have spoken to a therapist first. But if you don’t feel uncomfortable with your body and gender (which is a simplification of gender dysphoria), why go through the really hard parts? Just change your name and dress differently if it makes you feel happy, but without the actual mental health issue that causes a feeling of need to transition, why do it? It is not fun or easy even for those that have dysphoria!

Idk. Gender and gender expression can be as fluid as you’re comfortable with, and people are big these days on “clothing has no gender”, so why change your body if you don’t need to?

Not at all - there are many women who can’t get pregnant or don’t want to be pregnant. Why on earth would the ability to carry a baby definite womanhood? Nothing should define womanhood except the obvious - being a woman.

And I’m going to be honest - I can’t make heads or tails of your other questions, nor do I get how they relate to pregnancy or womanhood… A lot of big words and phrases that just muddy the actual question. But I’ll answer what I can.

1. Detrans people are still occasionally treated badly, as are trans people, but I think it also doesn’t help that there’s a lot of hate between the two. Trans people hating on detrans people and detrans people hating on trans people. We’re all in a similar boat - I don’t get why the two groups are so aggressive.

2. Um, however we like? Just… discuss it? I don’t know why we can’t discuss women who can get pregnant, or why we have to call them “people who possess the female form and have the ability to bring life into the world”. Just… call them women who can get pregnant?

I’ve thought about this a lot and I genuinely don’t know enough to have an opinion.

I hear two conflicting arguments whenever it comes up - that HRT affects how you perform (so it’s not unfair to let trans people compete with their chosen gender), and that HRT doesn’t affect how you perform (so transwomen would have and advantage and transmen would have a disadvantage). And I really don’t know who is correct! Even if someone replied to me here and told me, I wouldn’t know whether to believe them.

I honestly can’t think of any fair way to do it other than have trans people be in their own category - so men, women and trans. But people will cry transphobia, and then there’s the question of if there’d be enough trans athletes to make it worthwhile, and the same issue would arise of some people having an advantage…

I honestly don’t know the answer, outside of just not letting trans people on HRT compete.

I feel trapped in my body too, but not as a trans person, I just hate myself and my body.

I wish there was an easy fix, truly. But even if bankrupted myself to change parts of myself, I’m still trapped in the same body.

That’s why I think therapy is so important if you believe you’re trans. I’m not 100% against transitioning, but it worries me how many people DIY it without therapy now, or how many therapists just go along with it a bit too easily without asking the tough questions, because the ones that don’t are called transphobic.

I always feel bad when I see the “do I look male or female, be honest” posts, and I comment honestly, and then read the comments and everyone says the opposite to me, and it’s clear that’s the “correct” answer.

Like maybe I’m just too autistic and they don’t actually want me to be honest but I’m always left a bit “do other people really not see it?”. Usually the person is adrogynous if anything, but if pushed they usually look more the gender they’re detransitioning from, because people usually ask when they’ve not long stopped taking hormones. Like, some women look more masculine and vice versa and it’s fine - I’ve definitely thought a cis, never transitioned man on another sub was a woman once because they had long hair and a soft enough face to trick me, but you usually will look more masculine if you’ve recently been on testosterone (and vice versa!).