This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user self-identifies as a desister, provides a consistent, multi-faceted personal history spanning decades (including autism diagnosis, internalized misogyny, and an abusive background), and offers nuanced, empathetic advice that focuses on therapy, self-discovery, and time—all of which align with a genuine lived experience. The language is natural, complex, and shows deep personal reflection.
About me
I felt like a boy from a young age and hated becoming a woman, but I now see my discomfort was from autism and sensory issues, not being born wrong. I created a male persona to escape my anxiety and low self-worth, but I never medically transitioned. Getting away from my abusive home in my mid-twenties was a major turning point that helped me finally become comfortable as a female. My biggest regret would have been getting surgeries I didn't truly need, and I'm thankful I found therapy that challenged me instead of affirming my escape plan. Now I know the goal isn't to fit into a box, but to build a life you have control over and make peace with the body you have.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was really young. As a kid, I always had boyish haircuts, wore boys' clothes, and even used a boys' name. I just never felt like I fit in with what a girl was supposed to be. I felt a lot of discomfort, especially when I hit puberty. I hated my breasts and really didn't want to be seen as a woman or be sexualized. I think a lot of this was tied up with internalized misogyny; I had a low opinion of what it meant to be a woman.
Looking back, I now know that a huge part of this was because I'm autistic and have a sensory processing disorder, which I wasn't diagnosed with until my mid-thirties. I think a lot of my discomfort was sensory and social, not necessarily because I was born in the wrong body. I was also dealing with a lot of anxiety and low self-esteem, and I now see that my desire to transition was a form of escapism. I created a whole new persona for myself, a mask, to try and become someone else.
I was lucky that I was born in the early 80s, so this ideology wasn't everywhere when I was in school. If I had been born later, I absolutely would have been convinced I was transgender and probably would have medically transitioned. My school was an all-girls school that was thankfully pretty relaxed about gender roles, which I think helped a lot in the long run.
I never ended up taking hormones or having any surgeries. For me, it was a social thing that I eventually grew out of, which I guess makes me someone who desisted rather than detransitioned. It took me until my mid-twenties to finally become comfortable, or as comfortable as I can be, in my own body. Moving away from my abusive parents in my mid-twenties was a major turning point, though my underlying issues didn't just vanish; my complex PTSD morphed into an eating disorder for a while.
Even now, I sometimes have fleeting thoughts like, "I wish I could just get rid of my breasts, they're in the way," or "it would have been easier to be a man." But they don't last long or cause me real pain anymore. They're just passing frustrations.
I don't have any regrets about transitioning because I never medically transitioned. My biggest regret would have been if I had gone through with medical procedures, because I now understand my feelings came from a different place. I benefited greatly from what I'd call non-affirming therapy—therapy that challenged my ideas and helped me work through my anxiety, insecurity, and self-worth issues without pushing me toward one identity or another.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's best to move away from interpreting everything as strictly man or woman, masculine or feminine. We should just try to exist as people in the world, accepting the things we can't change and working on the things we can. For anyone questioning now, my advice is to take your time. Don't feel pressured to put yourself in another fixed box or label. Get offline, talk to a therapist, focus on exercise, hobbies, and building a life you have control over. It takes time and distance to really understand why we feel the way we do.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 8-9 | Started feeling strong discomfort with gender expectations and began preferring boyish clothes, haircuts, and a boy's name. |
| Early Teens (Puberty) | Experienced significant discomfort with female puberty, hated developing breasts, and felt a desire to escape being a woman. |
| Mid Teens | Attended an all-girls school with relaxed gender roles, which slowly began to help. |
| Mid 20s | Moved away from abusive parents. The intensity of my gender discomfort began to shrink significantly around this time. |
| Mid 20s | Finally reached a point of being mostly comfortable with my body and female identity. |
| Mid 30s | Formally diagnosed with autism and sensory processing disorder, which provided a clearer explanation for my childhood and adolescent experiences. |
Top Comments by /u/bonuce:
I hope it’s okay for me to comment - I desisted instead of detransitioned. If you’d rather not read on then please ignore me!
I think you were just wearing a mask and created a brand new persona for yourself, possibly fuelled by testosterone physically and the trans community generally? It wasn’t “real” or sustainable as such but it was what you wanted to become, and sometimes acting a way makes us feel that way.
You can still do that though, you can really transform yourself and tackle things like anxiety and insecurity and self-worth (I’ve done it over time, so have other insecure people!) - but this time maybe be honest to who you are.
Are you in therapy and if not could you look into it? Real life guidance is invaluable. Things like meditation, exercise, and eating healthily will help your body too.
You’re also still recovering from this whole time of change and instability, so take it easy on yourself.
Ultimately it would be best to move away from interpreting everything in terms of man/woman, masculine/feminine, and just exist as a person in the world, accepting things you can’t change and working on those you can - but that’s going to take you some time and growth.
Yes that’s pretty much my story too OP (except that I’m straight and was “lucky” enough to be born in the early 80s when this ideology didn’t have such a stranglehold over schools and society).
I know others who were the same, and I know if I’d been born later I’d be in your ranks!
It’s so hard to work out why you are going through something while you’re actually going through it. It usually takes some distance to say “oh THAT’s why” or to be able to consciously ‘admit’ it to yourself. We also usually need to make our own mistakes in life rather than learning from others.
So the chances are that it’ll be a good few years into adulthood (or more) that you’ll be able to analyse yourself more and work some of this stuff out, whatever the cause or feeling - most people I know started confronting issues as they hit 30s or became parents.
Could you talk to a therapist about things? Ask them specifically to challenge your ideas around gender rather than supporting one view or another. Tell them right out you don’t want to hear their view or influence on if you’re transgender or not, but you want them to help you work out why things are so rough. They’re there to help you work through thoughts and nothing more.
Meanwhile, please do try getting back to your hobbies like swimming and choir - would it help to secretly imagine that right now, you’re just playing the part of a woman in public?
Same after a long childhood where I used a boys name, had boys haircuts and clothes etc. For me, it took getting through puberty and tackling a lot of internalised misogyny to get over it. I think it helped that I was sent to an all girls high school which didn’t do concepts of femininity or girliness or restrict things for boys/girls.
I probably became finally comfortable with my body (or as comfortable as I could be) in my mid 20s. Was diagnosed with autism and sensory processing disorder mid 30s which also explains a lot.
From a read of your posts, you’ve been hesitant for a long time. It sounds like you don’t want to be a grown woman, to be sexualised or get pregnant, and you also sound a little scared of getting older. I was the same at your age for sure.
Based purely on your posts alone, I wouldn’t do anything in your position to medically transition, but I would look into long-term birth control to help with one of those fears, and look into ways of taking a bit of control of your life.
Therapy, exercise with heavy weights, self-defence classes can help, reading, and spending time with some older women - perhaps volunteering? Get offline and try that stuff before anything that could give you long-term medical issues.
You’re about the age to leave home too and have more independence - is university a next step for you? Could you get a job, buy your own clothing and watches and so on?
Yeah, mine started aged 8 or 9 and shrank in my mid 20s when I moved away from my abusive parents.
I wouldn’t say the underlying issues just vanished, the cptsd helpfully morphed into anorexia for a while instead.
I have still random thoughts now and then too like “I wish I could just get rid of my breasts sometimes, they’re in the way” or “god it would have been easier to be a man”, but they don’t last long or cause pain.
I don’t know if my advice would help and am happy to delete it if others would like me to, because it was decades ago that I went through this.
But as an older human, I’d like to suggest you don’t necessarily have to tell everyone or make any “big” announcements or put yourself into another fixed box or label right away. You have time and can be gentle with yourself.
Do you have any trusted people who you could talk to, like a therapist, to work out things for yourself and then work through other people’s responses with you?