This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly specific, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent. They detail a personal journey from transition to detransition, including complex feelings about their body, name, autism, and the social pressures they experienced. The language is natural, with self-reflection and vulnerability that is difficult to fake. The account aligns with a genuine detransitioner/desister who is passionate and working through their experience.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort with social expectations and my own body started young, which I now understand was due to being autistic. I transitioned to male thinking it was the answer, and I even had top surgery, believing it would finally fix me. I eventually realized I had completely misinterpreted my feelings, confusing sensory issues and body dysmorphia for being transgender. I deeply regret not exploring other options for my self-hatred before making such permanent changes. Now I'm an agender female trying to reconnect with my birth name and find peace with the body I changed.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated, and looking back, I see a lot of things I didn't understand at the time.
I was born female, and from a young age, I never really fit in with what was expected of girls. I was oblivious to a lot of social rules about gender, which I now understand is likely because I am autistic. I didn't like the feeling of certain clothes or my body, which I thought was a gender thing, but was probably more of a sensory issue related to autism. For example, I hated the feeling of my breasts and only started shaving my legs because other kids commented on me not doing it.
When I discovered information about being transgender online, it felt like a lightbulb moment. All my discomfort suddenly had an explanation: I must be a man. I think I was also trying to escape from myself. I had a lot of self-hatred and had been obsessed with the idea of cosmetic surgery long before I considered transition. I hated my more masculine facial features, and transitioning felt like a way to make those features make sense. Instead of being a woman who looked masculine, I could be a man who was supposed to look that way. It was a way to reconcile with parts of my body I had always disliked.
I socially transitioned and started using a male name. I was very intent on shedding any connection to femininity. I later had top surgery, a double mastectomy. At the time, I truly believed it would fix me. I told others that after surgery, you might look different, but you are more yourself than you have ever been. I held onto that belief tightly.
But doubts started to creep in. I began to realize that I had misinterpreted so many things. My body issues weren't gender dysphoria; they were more like body dysmorphia. My discomfort with social expectations wasn't because I wasn't a woman; it was because I'm autistic and just see myself as a human, not a gender. I started to wish I had taken a more androgynous route instead of rushing to fully male.
The communities I was in, while well-meaning, weren't helpful when I expressed doubt. Every time I questioned myself, I was told it was just "internalized transphobia" and that I was still valid. I was never once encouraged to truly question my feelings, and that was ultimately really harmful for me.
I eventually realized that being a man wasn't right for me. I consider myself an agender biological female now. I just don't deal with gender anymore; the concept itself doesn't resonate with me. I prefer to just be seen as a person.
I do have some regrets. I regret not exploring my autism and my sensory issues more deeply before making permanent changes. I regret not exhausting all other options to understand my self-hatred and body issues. The large scars from my top surgery are a big source of discomfort for me now. I'm looking into tattoos to cover them and have considered using breast forms to fill out my silhouette. I've even looked into breast cancer survivor support networks, as they are women going through a similar loss.
I'm now trying to reconnect with my birth name. It's hard and fills me with dread, but I'm practicing using it online and in games to get used to it again. I even think about saying it out loud in the mirror, though I still can't stand to look at myself. I feel like I need to reconnect with who I was, with all her baggage, to truly move forward.
I don't resent the therapists who diagnosed me with gender dysphoria. They assessed me, and I was sure it was what I wanted. I can't say if transition is right or wrong for anyone else, but it wasn't the solution for me. My advice to anyone feeling discomfort with their body is to seize that feeling and look deeper. Ask yourself what the trigger really is. Is it a tactile sensation? Is it visual? Have you been teased about it? Exhaust all the options first so you can be sure what help you truly need.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| ~15-16 | Began experiencing intense discomfort with body and social expectations, later understood as autism and sensory issues. |
| 22 | Discovered trans communities online; socially transitioned to male. |
| 23 | Started using a male name and began identifying as FTM. |
| 25 | Underwent double incision top surgery. |
| 28 | Began to seriously doubt my transition and realized I had misinterpreted my feelings. |
| 28 | Started the process of detransitioning and re-identifying as an agender female. |
Top Comments by /u/born_of_frustration:
about a year ago i was in a position of denial. i realize now that it was from a place of subconscious fear that i might really have rushed into something that wasn't what i needed.
if a trans-id person comes to detransitioners for advice, they're probably experiencing a tangle of emotions. mostly i wanted validation that i'd done right by myself, and so i only listened to the advice that fit what i already believed. but now in retrospect, i'm glad for the variety of perspectives that i was given. my mind didn't listen at the time but my heart did.
(ftm detrans here)
are you still gendered as male now that you're 3 years into detransitioning, and (if it bothers you) how do you cope with this?
do you have an idea of what could have led you to think you were trans? and what made you realize that wasn't right for you?
" I thought, maybe I’m internalizing transphobia "
This. I feel this was a huge obstacle in coming to terms with my genuine self for a long time, and was echoed back to me by the communities I was in whenever I was open with doubts.
No matter what I said, it was because I had 'internalized transphobia' and I was still 'valid', even when I talked about times I didn't have dysphoria about femininity. It was all well-meaning but ultimately really harmful for me as I was never once told to question myself instead.
hi! i'm about to go through this same thing (had the double incision) so i don't have much in the way of an answer but i've heard that as some fatty deposits are left behind it's possible that future weight gain might add to them. it's unlikely there will be any development of breast tissue though.
if it helps - you might look a bit different now, but you are more yourself now than you have ever been. i'm trying to focus on that during this healing process.
yw! you're far from alone in this journey.
i'm also looking into breast cancer survivor support networks for mental and cosmetic approaches to recovery, since they are also women going through a similar situation.
the large scars i have are a big source of discomfort for me, but i'm now considering aiming for tattoos because i've seen some beautiful results. if you haven't tried yet, for short term relief slipping some breast forms (can be DIY'd) into a sports bra will at least take care of filling out your silhouette in the meantime. :)
thank you for your hope. that's a totally absurd law and i'm so sorry you have to work around that.
if you think that there might still be a chance that you can get to know yourself as Sofia again, i would suggest trying to ease yourself back into it as others have suggested for me, unless you definitely prefer Danni.
i still haven't gotten around to breaking it to my family as i don't see them much at the moment, but - this is maybe a bit silly - i've been starting to use my birth name as my handle online and in games and it's getting me used to seeing it again in relation to myself. i'm thinking about writing it on a bit of card and holding it up to myself in the mirror, and eventually saying it out loud while looking in the mirror (this one's going to take some time, i can't stand mirrors right now). i wonder if this might also help you decide?
i'd been transitioning for 3 years, so it's going to take some time to get reacquainted. good luck to you too, you can get through this. :)
that's a valid point in it being another form of dysphoria, thanks for the thought.
i suppose i should at least try - as much as it fills me with dread to even think about - to go back to it with my family and close friends for a while, and if that doesn't work out then at least it'll hopefully make introducing my new name easier. nothing about this is going to be easy, so i owe it to myself this time around to give every option a try.
sorry for the mess, a bit sleep deprived but want to contribute. thanks for being respectful and i hope this helps. i just wish for everyone to be able to make truly informed decisions especially as we still don't really know how all the facets of our brains and bodies and cultures interact to create the feeling of gender.
i consider myself an agender biological female, for context, if i have to fill in a gender form. preferably it'd be blank. i just don't deal with gender any more.
- misinterpreted my sensory issues and general obliviousness to gender related expectations most likely due to my autism (e.g. not liking the feeling of breasts/i only started shaving my legs and stopped picking up bugs when other kids commented on it.) as i read about trans stuff i assumed my resistance to these expectations was me not being female. i think about myself as simply 'human' now and it helps a lot.
- misinterpreted my body dysphoria, was actually diagnosed with it but was in denial because i was obsessed with cosmetic surgery long before transitioning and i hated that it seemed to reduce how i felt to something you get given a self-help book for. transitioning was i think subconsciously a way to try to reconcile with my more masculine appearance as something that i had because i was 'supposed to be male'. it made sense all of a sudden to me and i liked that.
- misdiagnosed: presented to new therapists with gender dysphoria, and they validated it. i don't resent them - they assessed me pretty thoroughly and i was still sure it was what i wanted because it seemed to fix all the problems i had with myself.
i can't say whether transitioning is right or wrong for others, only that it wasn't the solution for me.
but anyone uncomfy with parts of their body should seize that moment of discomfort and look deeper. is the trigger a tactile sensation? visual? have you ever been teased about it? what does a 'woman' look like to you? exhaust all the options first so you can be sure what help you need.
hey, thanks for this. i'm glad you were able to find your way. it really does feel like limbo.
i think i'm going to try - the familiarity should at least be a safe place to return to while i figure out where i want to go. it also has ties to memories i'd like to remain distant from, but i'm starting to feel that if i don't try and reconnect with who i was despite all that baggage then i'm going to struggle to move forward.
i'm a bit confused by this considering one of your more recent posts?
i hope you are able to find yourself regardless