This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments are:
- Emotionally consistent with a passionate, radical feminist detransitioner/desister.
- Personally detailed with specific anecdotes, a recommended book, and a coherent, evolving philosophical journey.
- Stylistically human, with natural language, humor, and emotional shifts in tone.
The views are strong and niche, but they align with a known ideological perspective within the detrans community, not the markers of a fabricated account.
About me
I started my journey because I hated the narrow expectations placed on women, and as a tomboy, I felt I had to escape being a "girl." I tried identifying as non-binary to rebel, but it just left me confused and stuck in my head for years. A big part of my struggle was fueled by anger from past trauma with my father and an abusive ex-girlfriend, which made me rage against the patriarchy in general. My turning point was realizing that being a woman doesn't have to mean fitting a stereotype; a woman can look and be like me. Now, I'm a proud butch lesbian, and I've found peace by simply being who I am, free from the constant need to define my gender.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition started because I couldn't stand what the world said a woman had to be. I was a tomboy from the very beginning and I always felt a deep disgust for the roles girls and women were forced into. I felt so distant from the idea of being a "girl" or a "woman" because it seemed to come with a list of expectations I wanted no part of.
For a long time, I thought the problem was me. I started identifying as non-binary as a way to escape those boxes. It felt like a rebellion, a way to "queer gender" and defy those stereotypes. But the more I focused on my own identity, the more confused and stuck in my own head I became. I was constantly wondering what I was and what it all meant. I spent years running around like that, trying to figure out my "gender" when the whole concept just felt like a confusing performance.
A huge part of my anger came from my past. I had a lot of trauma from my father, who was an alcoholic, cheated on my mom, and then abandoned us. People told me to let go of my anger and forgive him, but I held onto that rage. It was that anger that gave me the clarity and strength to get through that time without being completely broken. That same feeling of uncompromising rage extended to the patriarchy in general; I felt a deep, reasonable misandry because of the trauma it inflicts on women. I also had an abusive ex-girlfriend, and finally allowing myself to be angry and talk about what she did was one of the most healing things for me.
Things finally started to shift for me when I had a simple but powerful realization. I was always getting asked by kids, "Are you a girl or a boy?" and I'd give them these cutesy, non-binary answers. One day it hit me: the most feminist answer was, "A woman. A woman can look like this too." It felt like a revelation. I realized that girls can be anything, even butch! Why was I trying to opt out of womanhood when I could just redefine it on my own terms?
I understood that my life has been radically shaped by the fact that I am female, no matter how I identified. That connects me to every other female person throughout history. Letting go of all the gender identity stuff felt like leaving a cult. I had to learn how to think critically again. I started connecting with an intergenerational lesbian community and female-only spaces, and I found my people: fellow rebels who were still women. It made everything make so much more sense. I feel so much more proud now to exist as a defiant butch lesbian female than I ever did when I was trying to queer my gender.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. My transition was entirely social, and my detransition was just a mental shift, a change in how I saw myself. I don't regret exploring my identity because it led me to where I am now, but I am so relieved to be free of the constant mental gymnastics. These days, I put zero effort into how I'm read. I just am who I am. If someone asks, I tell them I'm a woman. It's that simple. The problem was never with me; it was with a world that tries to put women in a box. I was always fine.
Age | Year | Event |
---|---|---|
N/A | 2019 | Wrote about using anger as a strength to heal from parental abandonment and an abusive relationship. |
N/A | 2024 | Attended a womyn's land event and connected with the detransition community. |
N/A | 2025 | Fully embraced identifying as a butch lesbian woman, ending my social non-binary identification. |
Top Comments by /u/boss_butch:
A couple years back I met a detransitioner at a womyn's land event who had transitioned as a kid and was just now detransitioning as an adult. She said, "Fuck you, Dylan Mulvaney, I'm ACTUALLY experiencing my first year as a woman!" And I laaaaaaauuughed so hard! XD
Things got a lot easier for me in my own head once I realized that the only truly feminist answer to the constant "Are you a girl or a boy?" was: "A woman. A woman can look like this too." After all, why not? You don't have to try to look like a woman or like being a woman in order to be one. You just need to exist as a female human being. Giving what was usually small children all these cutesy trans-positive/non-binary answers like I'd been doing felt like a complete cop-out. It feels kind of simplistic now, but it felt like a genuine revelation to me to realize, "Wait, girls CAN be anything, even butch AF!" And if I don't show them that, who will?
I'll spare you my whole story, but I was a tomboy from day one who was always disgusted by the roles women and girls were relegated to and expected to play. For a long time it caused me to feel distant from the whole idea of "girl" or "woman." But now, decades later, I feel so much more PROUD to simply exist as a defiant butch lesbian female than I ever felt all those years I was busy defiantly "queering gender" and running around with myself in my head about wtf that even meant. I now realize all that is/was so confusing because gender is really nothing more than a bunch of stereotypes and performances. It isn't real... but sex is. And sexism is. By hyperfocusing on my own identity, I was turning my natural revulsion of a patriarchal society/female oppression inward and making it about something being wrong with me, something I could fix or at least escape all on my own. But I was always fine! There was something wrong with the world! I realized my life has been radically shaped by being female, no matter how I identify/identified my gender, and that connects me deeply across time and space to every other female, regardless of how they identify. And once I started connecting with intergenerational lesbian community and female-only spaces, to realize there were fellow rebels out there who were still women, to remember that I was once a little radfem, everything just started to make so much more sense. SO MUCH MORE! Lol... Just letting go of all the gender nonsense really did feel like leaving a cult, and I had to learn how to use all of my own brain and really think critically about a lot of things again.
These days I put zero effort into being read one way or the other. I just do me and I don't care. If it's someone I'll talk to again, I'll make it clear I'm a woman if they ask or if it comes up. But that's is. Otherwise it's for other people to worry about, not me.
Lashing out at the oppressor who has traumatized you your whole life is not exactly being a narcissist. When my father became an alcoholic, starting cheating on my mom, and eventually abandoned us, real quick everyone started telling me I needed to "let go" of my anger and "forgiveness is a gift to yourself" and all that garbage. No, it was my uncompromising rage at him that gave me the clarity and enormous strength to get through that period of my life relatively unscathed. When I broke up with my abusive ex-gf, finally talking shit about her and just allowing myself my anger was the very most healing thing in the world.
I can't begrudge any female her misandry. It's just too reasonable a response to the trauma of patriarchy.
Then make that your mission. Killing yourself only defeats yourself and, ultimately, lets them off the hook. By refusing to be beaten and speaking our whole truths out loud, THAT'S how we truly defeat our abusers.
Live for the people coming up after you. Live for all the other people in your situation or similar who would only be hurt by you killing yourself.
The book Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach helped me through an incredibly difficult time in my life. It truly changed the way I see the world and was incredibly healing. I hope you give it a read and find it at least a little bit helpful.
And remember that there is truly NOTHING stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself. It's hard and painful and it takes time, but man, life on the other side of a journey like that is so freeing. You deserve it. We all do. We're all in this together, even when it doesn't feel like it.
I don't think trans and detrans people can be friends.
This has unfortunately been my experience. I still technically have trans friends, but they are more acquaintances than friends, and I just accept that there are a lot of things we'll never be able to talk about, which necessarily means we can never be close friends. It's very sad, but it's harsh reality. But if they ever start to question things themselves, they'll probably have an inkling of who it might be safe to talk to... And I'll be there.