This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's posts show a consistent, nuanced, and emotionally complex internal struggle with their transition, detransition considerations, and identity. The narrative evolves over several months, reflecting genuine personal reflection. The language is personal, self-critical, and captures the specific anguish of someone who feels trapped between identities, which is consistent with the experiences of genuine desisters.
About me
I felt from a young age that I couldn't live as a woman and was certain that transitioning to male was my only choice. I took testosterone and had top surgery, which did help me feel more connected to my body, and I now live my life as a man. However, I realized that further surgery wouldn't fix my deep discomfort, and I had to learn to accept my female body. I now feel stuck, questioning my path and wishing I had been helped to make peace with being female instead. While I can't go back, I see now that the real challenge was learning to accept the body I was born with.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and I’m still figuring things out. It started when I was really young, before I was even a teenager. I just couldn't imagine living as a woman; the idea felt like a constant, painful reminder that I was female and not male. Back then, and for many years after, it felt like my only two options were to transition or die. I was so scared and convinced that I was doing the right thing for myself.
I believed, completely, that I was "neurologically male" and that I needed hormones and surgery to ever feel normal. I thought if I didn't transition, my dysphoria would just keep getting worse until I killed myself. For a long time, I was certain that I would need bottom surgery to be happy. I was sure that all the risks would be worth it to have the "correct" set of genitals.
I started testosterone and eventually got top surgery. In a lot of ways, these things did improve my life. They helped me feel better connected to my body. I pass as a man in pretty much every situation, even intimate ones, and I don't miss looking like or being seen as a woman. My life is good as a man, which is a big reason why I haven't committed to a full detransition.
But my thinking has really changed. After a lot of research and soul-searching, I realized that bottom surgery probably wouldn't have cured my bottom dysphoria. I had to find a way to accept the body I have. I still wish I had a penis, I'm still uncomfortable with my genitals, but I've learned to live with it. That was a turning point for me. It made me wonder if it would have been possible to accept the other parts of my body I was dysphoric about if I had just gotten the right kind of help and therapy instead of being told I was a man in a woman's body.
I started to see the moving goalposts. I realized that more time on testosterone wouldn't make me more "male." I had to face the fact that I needed to find peace with being female, whether I live as a woman or as a trans man. I don't even know if I transitioned for the right reasons anymore. Now, I feel stuck between two unsatisfying choices. If I'm openly trans, in my own mind that feels like being openly female, so what's the point of calling myself a man? If I'm stealth, I feel like I'm hiding something. So, for the same reasons I felt I couldn't continue being a woman, I now feel I can't continue being a trans man.
It’s an odd, sad feeling. I just wish people had seen my dysphoria for what it is—a serious mental illness—and treated it as such. I wish there had been more effort to help me be okay with the body I had and the life I would have lived as a woman, instead of reinforcing the idea that I genuinely was a man. It sucks. I don't feel like there's any going back for me now, but I also know that past me did the best she could with the information and options available at the time. We weren't lying or manipulating people; we were just trying to survive and asking for respect. Ultimately, you can't change your sex, and finding a way to make peace with that is the real challenge.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Around 11-12 years old | Started feeling that I couldn't live as a woman; believed I was male and that transition was my only option. |
| For 5 years during my teens | Was absolutely certain I needed bottom surgery to ever be happy. |
| As a teenager / young adult | Started testosterone (T) and had top surgery. These steps helped me connect with my body. |
| As an adult | Researched bottom surgery and realized it wouldn't cure my dysphoria; began learning to accept my body as it is. |
| Present day (adult) | Living as a man but questioning everything; feeling stuck between identities and wishing I'd had different help earlier. |
Top Comments by /u/boutofucyowif:
I feel similar to you. I’ve had severe bottom dysphoria and longed for the day I would be able to get bottom surgery. After doing a lot of research I realised that it probably wouldn’t have cured my bottom dysphoria and I had no other choice than to find a way to accept what I had. I still wish I had a penis, I’m still uncomfortable with any vaginal penetration, I still don’t like my genitals, but I’ve learned to accept it and live with it. That made me realise it probably would have been possible to accept and live with the other parts of my body I’ve been dysphoric about if I had just gotten the right kind of help and therapy.
It’s and odd kind of sad feeling. My life is good as a man, I pass in pretty much every single social situation. Even intimate (unless my gf is lying) and I don’t really miss looking like a woman and being seen as one which is why I’m not committing to detransition. I just wish people saw it for what it is, a serious mental illness and treated it as such. Putting more effort in helping me be okay with the body I had and the life I would’ve have lived as a woman. Not making me believe I genuinely was a man in a woman’s body. It sucks. I don’t feel like there’s no going back for me now though.
“The moment the goal posts no longer become visible is where problem arise and the question is.. will it ever be enough?”
This is exactly what made me start considering detransition…. but letting go of the idea that I’m trans and that transitioning being my only path is so hard especially since it’s been my reality before I was even a teenager and I’m an adult now. I also never actually tried to understand my “dysphoria” and why I felt the way I did, because I genuinely thought that I was “neurologically male” and due to that needed HRT/surgeries to ever feel normal or else my dysphoria would just keep on spiralling until I killed myself. I was so scared but also convinced I was doing the right thing for myself. For 5 years straight I also believed I would eventually get SRS because there was no way I could be happy without having the “correct” set of genitals, and all risks would be worth it….but time passed and realised I actually do care and worry about the risks and results. I also realised more time on T wouldn’t make me more “male” and I have find peace as a trans man or a woman if I want to be happy. Either way I have to find peace with being female…
It was a bit hard to read but thank you, I needed to hear this
I don’t know. I don’t even know if I transitioned for the right reasons either. I just remember feeling it was this or death. I couldn’t imagine living as a woman, it was a constant reminder of being female and not male. But I’m not satisfied as a trans man. Either I’m openly trans which in my own mind equals being openly female, so why even call myself a man? Or I’m stealth, but I don’t wanna feel like I’m hiding something. So for the same reasons I used to feel I can’t continue being a woman I feel I can’t continue being a trans man, it’s just not an option anymore
Do you want to live in society as a woman or a man? If you want to live as a woman socially it would be easier to introduce yourself as one immediately before people creates an image of you in their head as a man. So I’d say female. You’re a woman regardless how you present and unless you think it would be unsafe since you’re gnc there’s no reasons for you to play along with being a man
Yeah I get what you mean I just don’t like the idea that we were lying and manipulating people when trans like we did that on purpose. We just did what we thought was right for ourself and asking people to respect our identity really isn’t too much to ask. It affected us more than the since we struggle with gender dysphoria and they don’t. It’s just not “convenient” for them
I’m not detrans (only thinking about eventually stopping T at some point) so not sure if I’m allowed to give advice on this subreddit.
Personally, HRT and top surgery did improve my life as it helped me better connect with my body. It is possible. Just be aware there are many risks and there are no way to know how hrt and surgery is gonna affect you personally. Keep in mind that you can’t change your sex. You can call yourself a man but you’ll never be the same as a cis man, but it seems like you already know this. And if you do start T you don’t have to be on it forever either.
Nobody here can know why you have gender dysphoria. There seem to be many reasons people develop this, and it’s likely a combination off nurture and nature. I would give it time, genuinely think it though. If you do this, even if you realise it was the wrong decision in the future, at least you would know that past you did the best they could with the information and options they had available.
Don’t get stuck in thinking wether it’s morally right or wrong to transition. You shouldn’t be doing this for anyone besides yourself.