You are not alone. I promise this gets easier. I've been off T for over 2 years now, after 6 yrs on, and I promise you it gets easier. There are still hard days, and I am still dealing with the 'consequences', but I'm alive and I got through it and that's what matters. I also felt ecstatic at the beginning of my transition, and I hold onto that as proof that I thought I was doing the right thing back then. I thought I was doing what would make me happy, and it did for a while. It's okay that it changed, we did what we thought was right for ourselves and then we did that again when we stopped transitioning. We have life experiences and self knowledge that many will never have, we have a deep understanding of self in many ways after going through what we went through. One day we will look back on these dark moments and think "wow I'm so glad I don't feel like that anymore", and that's reason enough to hang in there. Love to you x

I was on testosterone for 6 years, and I am around 8 years post top surgery. I feel very lucky in that I've never once regretted top surgery, it was the right decision for me and I would do it again in a heartbeat. Hormones are a little trickier, I wish I hadn't taken them, but it is what it is. I detransitioned around 3 years ago, and I'm almost 30 now. I think about gender less and less as time goes on, and I worry less and less about how I'm perceived as the days go by. I am often misgendered as a man, but it doesn't bother me too much these days. Some days are harder than others, I won't lie to you, but I think that's true for anyone! My transition is becoming a thing that lives in my past, and every day I learn more compassion for myself and why I made the choices I made. I stand by that I thought I was doing what I wanted, I still vividly remember how badly I wanted it and how much I thought I needed it - so I hold that close when I feel the regret creeping in. I did what I thought I needed, and it's okay that in the end it didn't work out. In the same way that back then I was doing what I needed, I am now honouring myself and doing what I need by detransitioning and learning to live 'in between'. I identify as a woman, I know I am a woman, but I live very much in the grey in real-world terms. And that's okay! I have a very deep sense of self, a deep understanding of who I am, and a very unique experience of the world that most don't ever get. There's a lot I can be grateful for (when I'm having a good day lol), and the stuff that I wish was different - I'm learning to live with it and remind myself that hardly anyone has their 'ideal' body/presentation and part of what makes people beautiful is our unique differences. It's going to be okay, you will figure it out, and one day you will look back on what I know might feel like a really scary and confusing time, and you will feel so much love and compassion for this person you are right now. I promise that it gets easier, and that there are people out there who will understand you and support you. Much love x

Using words like 'mutilate/d' is entirely unnecessary and I really urge you to be more considerate with your language. You are not someone has gone through surgery like this. I don't consider my body mutilated and I know I find it personally really alienating, and to be honest very hurtful, when fellow detransitioners use this kind of language. Please don't contribute to the stigma.

Hey friend, how long have you been detransitioning for? It sounds like maybe you're early on, apologies if I'm wrong! But I promise this gets easier. Some days I don't even think about it, in fact I'd say it's most days! You aren't ruined, but I'm so sorry you feel that way. I wonder if there's room for you to explore some neutrality towards your body and your features such as your voice? You don't have to love them right now, but maybe you can get to a place where you feel neutral about it. I promise you that how you look and sound is the least interesting part of you. You have inherent value and worth, you are worthy of living a life that feels good. I know this is so hard right now but please hang in there, sending you much love x

How long were you on T? That can play a big part in how long these things take. It takes longer than you might expect to get back to 'normal' (everyone's normal is different, of course). I was on T for 6 years, I also quit cold turkey and it took months for my period to come back. Give it time, I know it's really hard but try and have patience and take it day by day. Things like this take time, but it will be okay x

You're being unnecessarily cruel and rude in your replies and this isn't the only post in this sub I've seen you be this way on. Maybe you can try and leave space for other experiences and other peoples feelings, otherwise why are you here? Other than just antagonising people going through a hard time.

These comments are unnecessarily cruel. Talking about other people's bodies as 'mutilated' is not okay, ever. I think you need to stop fixating on what other people are doing and worry about yourself. I detransitioned after medical transition, including top surgery, and the surgery is the only part I don't regret. You don't know how people will feel, and fixating on it and disrespecting them does nothing to help you. You said yourself - you never even had surgery, so maybe get off the soapbox and stop with the excessive negative comments. This is a support space, not a place to speak so horribly about other people's bodies and choices.

You won't be able to get rid of it in one session, I'm sorry! I had a lot of laser on my whole upper back, my chest, my stomach, and my neck/face. In the end it removed a lot of my body hair and lightened what was left, and my hormones normalising had a lot to do with it too. After that though I was still left with a beard, so I tried IPL (ultimately did nothing except really hurt and turn the hair white again), and electrolysis. I did 30 mins of electrolysis once every two weeks for about 9 months and it did help to reduce the hair in the areas I concentrated on, but it's an extremely slow process and can be very painful. I'm nowhere near finished, but it was costly and painful and time consuming so I'm taking a break. Anyway - I want to remind you that it's probably not as obvious to everyone else as it is to you, and as your hormones level out things may begin to shift on their own. You will likely not go back to how you were pre-T, but I have had so many people tell me they never noticed I had any facial hair and I have spent years agonizing over it! So, it does get better and easier. Good luck!

I know this is so cliché but I promise this gets easier as you get older. If you don't want to transition, you also don't have to alter yourself to be a certain type of woman. There is no one way to be a woman. I medically transitioned for many years and although I've detransitioned, I still live with effects of being on T for years and I am post top surgery. I am lucky that I love having a flat chest, but the other stuff can be hard sometimes. Having a deep voice, growing facial hair, etc. But I'm still a woman, I know exactly who I am and I literally don't care anymore what other people think I am. It will get easier to spend less and less time worrying about how people are perceiving you, just lean into who you are and what you like. Maybe men's clothes don't look awkward on you, you just FEEL awkward right now because you're expecting it to look a certain way. Build up your self esteem with positive affirmations, practicing self love and self care, and trying to focus more on the internal than the external. Try body neutrality, even! Your body and appearance are the least interesting things about you, I promise.

I have had top surgery and was on hormones for many years - I promise that this gets easier. I know that right now it feels so hopeless and dark but please hang in there, you will look back on this period of your life one day and it will feel sooo far away and you will be so glad you stuck around. You are loved and valued, your life has meaning, please stick around to see where it goes x