This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. The user demonstrates:
- Personal, detailed narratives about their detransition experience, including specific emotional and physical changes.
- Consistent, passionate ideology that aligns with many detransitioners who feel harmed by transgender ideology.
- Engaged conversation where they respond directly to other users' points and offer supportive advice.
There are no serious red flags suggesting this is a bot or an inauthentic account. The user's passion and anger are consistent with a genuine detransitioner or desister.
About me
I'm a woman who once believed I was meant to be a man and even scheduled surgery, but I realized I didn't actually want to remove my breasts. My journey made me see that my discomfort wasn't with being female, but with society's hatred for masculine women. I stopped testosterone and came back to myself, understanding that I am a woman because I am an adult human female. I regret the pressure I put on my body and the alienation I felt from other women. Now, I'm learning to love my masculine traits as a part of me, and it feels liberating to just be.
My detransition story
My journey into and out of transition was a long and confusing one. For a long time, I was completely certain that I was meant to be a man. I had dreamt of being a boy since I was little. That certainty felt so real and so firm. I started taking testosterone, and I even got to the point where I was scheduled for top surgery last summer. But at the last minute, my caregiver bailed and the surgery fell through. When I finally got another call to reschedule, the news didn't feel good; it made me feel mildly sick. I realized I didn't actually want my breasts removed. I don't particularly like them, but they're mine. I wanted a cis male chest, not just no chest, and that was something I could never have.
It was like a switch flipped in my head. My entire concept of gender just shattered into a million pieces. I couldn't figure out where it started, where it ended, or what it even meant. All I knew for sure was that I am female. That's my scientific, factual reality, and there's nothing I can do to run from it. I realized that wanting to be a biological man was a desire that would never be attainable, and I'm not even sure where that desire came from.
A lot of my struggle, I think, came from the pressure of society. Being perceived as a woman and expected to "act like a woman" was straight-up traumatizing for me because my natural expression is much more on the androgynous or masculine side. I truly believe I would feel a lot less shitty if society didn't hate butch women so much. Society already hates women, but masculine women are some of the most vulnerable.
I started to see the trans community as having many similarities to a religious cult, which is horrifying. The ideology didn't leave any room for questions. I felt like I had been influenced online and by friends to see my body discomfort as a gender issue. For me, it wasn't about gender identity. I finally understood that I don't have a gender identity; no one does. We have bodies and we have personalities. My personality isn't a set of stereotypes. I am a woman because I am an adult human female, not because of how I feel. What I feel has nothing to do with gender.
I stopped testosterone. My voice had changed and that’s permanent, but my hairline started growing back almost instantly. Coming off hormones felt like coming back home to myself. It was a relief to stop pressuring myself into a box. Not having my sense of self based on other people's perceptions—which is an unstoppable outside factor—has been incredibly liberating.
I do have some regrets. I regret not taking more time to think when I upped my testosterone dose. I should have taken a break to see if my other problems were related to the testosterone or not. You can always start hormones again, but you can't get back the time they've been in your system. The changes are stressful for the body; it's like going through puberty twice. I also regret the alienation I felt from myself and from other women during that time.
But I also don't regret my transition entirely. It forced me to develop coping mechanisms I never would have considered otherwise. It led me to this point of clarity. Living as a masculine woman is hard, but living with an air of fraudulence was so much harder for me. Now, I'm trying to work on loving the heavily masculine aspects of myself. I think it's beautiful in other women, so why not return that feeling to myself?
I've told my friends and my best friend is actually desisting alongside me. But I still haven't told my mom and little sister. It's emotionally draining because trans activists can be ruthless, and being alienated from womanhood while trying to return to it is a lot to process. But my real friends have stuck by me, and we've actually become closer since I detransitioned. With less focus on trying to be someone, all my focus went to just being.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| ? | Dreamt of being a boy since I was little. |
| 22 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 23 | Scheduled for top surgery, but it was cancelled. |
| 23 | Decided to detransition and stopped testosterone. |
| 23 | Began social detransition, telling friends and changing social media. |
Top Comments by /u/butchbabeblues:
Hello!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I have some comments on things, but can say those later. Lemme know if you're interested in that. Just a few notes. Brain development isn't anywhere near done yet. It ends when you're around 25. Human bodies aren't supposed to be subjected to synthetic anything for long periods of time.
I can answer your end questions though.
For your Adams apple? It will not go away, unlike some changes on t cartilage growth (AA, nose, etc) is not going to revert. It may even get more prominent with coming off of t as your neck will probably thin out. Mine has gotten more prominent since stopping t, and I've seen a few other women's get more prominent as well.
I'm unsure if your breasts will further develop. I haven't had top surgery and spoken to many women that have about that. But if there's tissue and you've still got puberty left in you I can assume that some development would occur.
Fat will definitely redistribute... Where fat is stored depends on hormones.
Health risks from going of of exogenous hormones? No. There may symptoms of change but as far as I know there are more risks to being on hormones as there are to being off.
I am not you so I can't say anything about YOUR regret or lack of. But from what I've experienced it's much better being my actual self and not some trans self. Lots of other detrans/desisted women I've spoken to say the same.
It's felt like coming back home. For me at least. Not pressuring myself into a box (gender) has been a relief. Not having any of my opinions of self based on other people's perceptions (an unstoppable outside factor) has been quite liberating.
For me realizing that I am my sex (female) and that regardless of what other people may read me as (trans, male, female, whatever) , I am always me has been so comforting.
I wish you the best of luck. If you have any questions for me, feel free to ask them. If you want me to elaborate, go for it. I also did an AMA about my detransition so if you go through my post history you can see some more of my thoughts there.
❤️
I wonder why people don't realize the problem isn't with their bodies and its with their mental health (or lack thereof)
Attempting to control other people's thoughts/perceptions of you is a trap. It's both impossible and robs you of yourself.
Men and boys are males. Women and girls are females.
You are inauthentic in your self if you're trying to portray something that LITERALLY does not exist (gender).
Anyway...
Can I just say, no one asked?
I'm 110% confident my brain is a few pounds of neurons and doesn't have the capacity to have a gender identity.
I think people are born sexually diamorphic but no one is stopping any man from becoming the prettiest most feminine man on earth and vice versa.
There is no "other voice". There's truth and critical thinking, then there's the trans Cult gender identity shitshow that is called the "trans community".
No one has a gender identity!! Your brain isn't female. Your brain is in charge of your body and itself.
I'm not going to be silenced but YOU seem to think it was necessary to come speak over
Genuine gender dysphoria and trender gender dysphoria are not black and white. I'd say they're both purple in a world that's blue and red.
I don't mean to be rude but I'm going to be blunt, youre allowed to express how you want and do as you please but lord. Hush up. I was born with a fuckin vagina and my brain isn't even 100% female. It's just my brain, with its traits.
Ugh. Thanks but no thanks man, you annoy me.
Can't say what's best for you but I'm here to say that detransitioning was the best option for me. I'm in an awkward state, I've told my friends, I've told y'all, but I haven't told my mom and little sister yet. So that's something I'll tackle soon enough and, I know it's for the best. Echoing what some other people say, if they accepted your transition, it would be absurd of them not to accept your new reality. I had a similar thing just happen to me recently. I was scheduled for my surgery back last summer but my caregiver bailed last minute so long story short I tried to go another route. After going that way when i finally got a call back i felt midly sick. It wasn't "good news" I don't particularly like my boobs but they're mine.. And they're okay. So why would I give someone the money to take that away from me? I want a cis male chest... if anything, not removed breast. That was quite blunt, sorry if my phrasing wasn't the best.
Truthfully, living as a masculine woman is hard but I feel like living with an air of fraudulence is so much harder. For me at least.
And I think working towards the point of loving the heavily masculine aspects of myself is worthwhile. I think it's beautiful in other women, why not return the feeling to myself?
I think whatever you decide to do is great. Challenges will come, that's an awkwardly painful fact of life but you can do this!!
Also, someone who gave me some hope was Dylan C on YouTube!! Most recent video on her channel will be "Snowmageddon".
Idk. Some thoughts. I wish you the best!! I hope everyone takes your decision well and shows you the most respect.
If hormone blockers mess up brain development I could only make guesses about cross sex hormones. I am no doctor but, doctors don't even know stuff about this.... Hormones play a LARGE role in full body development (organs, bones, etc) so. I assume it would damage brain development as well. Good question.
My voice has been changing too! Speaking and singing are a little bit smoother.
My hairline started growing back in like... Instantly. I've always put castor oil in my hair though so sometimes I wonder if that was a part of it.
I'm happy to hear your appetite is baxk and that you've been sleeping well. Those parts of the basics make infinite improvements to any situation!!
It's your body, do not make room for other people's opinions on it. Also, as for the pain in poses, you don't have to do anything you can't or don't want to do. I'd encourage you to try everything but pressing pause in order to regain focus/comfort is sometimes necessary. Don't beat yourself up for some things are just impossibly difficult and leaving room for blame will distract the brain from working through it!
Everyone makes choices, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has regrets. But not everyone moves on and forward.
I believe in you!
Thank you for sharing.
🌹
I returned back to my gifted name yeah. It makes me feel all kinds of uncomfortable when my dad uses it but I'm not sure what that is about. Personally I've never really connected to ANY names, the one my mom gave me or the ones I gave myself. I think names are a bit like a series of sounds that get your attention. Tone and who's saying it matters. I like it when people give me situational nicknames, those feel more like actual names than any others I've ever had. But I've seen people all across the board with names, I think ultimately something you like writing and don't mind hearing other people refer to you is just fine too.
Good question :)
Adult human females are women. Adult human males are men.
Id suggest therapy for the things you've described here. Not a gender therapist.
Identifying with opposite sex stereotypes means exactly that.
Sounds like you're a bit fixated on gender, which, no one really understands..
Transgenderism/gender identity ideology is a cult. I'd suggest looking up the BITE model and Steven Hassans tools to combat cult mindsets.
Best of luck!!
This may be midly confusing, so my apologies. But I've got a lot of feelings and thoughts so I figured id at least try to share some.
Firstly, my thoughts and feelings leading up to detransitioning were not there.. Then all of a sudden it was like, a switch. Almost as if my entire concept of "gender" was shattered into a million pieces. No matter what I looked at, it was impossible for me to see where it started, where it ended, what it meant. All I knew is that I'm female and there's nothing that I can do to run from my own scientific, factual reality.
Personally, I've upped my dose a couple times. During those times of dose augmentation I should've spent a bit more time thinking. Cause in retrospect, those times I should've taken a break to see if my other problems were testosterone related or not. You can always return to it, but you can't regain the time it's been in your system, ykno!? So maybe consider that. It's much easier to start again than it is to backtrack.
Relatable as ever! For the appearance stuff. I'm quite pleased with my ambiguity and the confusion i cause in others. "Womanhood" and being perceived and expected to "act like a woman" was straight up traumatizing for someone who's expression is comfortable on the more andro/masc side of things.
Trying to focus on labels will forever make me feel incomplete. I think in acceptance of one there is always a lie about another. Humans are too complex of creatures to fit under labels I'd say, other than the. Human label.
Sometimes when I can't believe in what I am I try to focus on what I'm not.
Wanting to be a biological man will never be attainable, I'm not even too sure where the desire came from...
But i do know for a fact that I'd feel a lot less shitty if society hated butch women less. Society hates women to begin with, but those with "supposed male privilege" are some of the most vulnerable..
Best of luck to you and your journey!! I hope you find the answers you need.
I can assure you the dynamic will be different! It would be a change for everyone involved, but do not think for a second that that change is guaranteed to be detrimental in your journey.
Since detransitioning me and my friends have become closer. With less focus on trying to be someone all of my focus went on just, being. Some of that went down to just being with my friends.
I recently watched a debate and Meghan Murphy said something along the lines of "cis is a word that was created by trans activist that means a person's who's gender identity matches their sex. I do not use this word and that is because I do not have a gender identity, and in fact, no one does! We have bodies and we have personalities.and my personality is not a set of stereotypes and I refuse to identify myself with a set of stereotypes that have been used to defend sexist practices and beliefs throughout history." ^that part of the debate really clicked in my. Like. OF course I don't FEEL like a woman, I just am one. And what I feel has nothing to do with gender.
So maybe consider that?
No matter how long you were on it for, it is never too late to change courses if a better route is found ❤️
It sounds like HRT gave you a sense of discomfort that you didn't have before.. I'd stop asap to try to figure things out properly.
You can imagine whoever you need to in your head with other people but I think it's important to remember that as you are now is perfectly okay. There's nothing wrong with being you, or having a different kind of journey, or being a masculine woman. There will always be space where space is made. Make space for your self! I know when I focused inwards (and on my body) all I did was close opportunities.
Your current self has wants, needs and desires and it serves no one to ignore that. You've changed yeah, but your old self is just, your new self anyway. The person you were pre transition is still you.
Anyway. I hope this gives you a bit of clarity!! I wish you the best with yourself and your friends!