If this only occurred after having a such a large, physicality changing surgery (a hysterectomy), it’s possible the regret and negative emotions you’re experiencing are connected to just that event. Like, I don’t want to push you to continue as you are OR to look more into this sub here, but like shit dude. If you’ve been happy for so long before now... I don’t want to see you have to go through the pain of regretting it all.

No matter who you are, getting an organ removed is life changing. And shit, it’s really unfair that you had to have that done to continue a medical transition. I never got even close enough in my mess of an FTM transition to being on T as long as you were and needing those kinds of surgeries. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like.

My breaking point was just... realizing I had kidded myself and lied to myself for years due to some rather negative influences in my life, and that I had been on testosterone for a year and wanted to kill myself because I was so unhappy. Just some dumb bitch who gave herself gender dysphoria she didn’t even have ¯_(ツ)_/¯ also my acne was terrible, lmao

Anyway, if you really think this is just a bump in the road, listen to your gut. In the end, we all know what’s really true for us. I knew that I was making a mistake in transitioning, but I kept ignoring that voice because I didn’t want to look critically at what in my life brought me to that point and admit I was acting irrationally. Every person here would probably be able to agree that they knew on some level that what they were doing was wrong for them, but they either kept being talked into it by peers or themselves. Therapy sounds like a good idea.

I really, really wish the best for you.

Huh. You’re actually the first person I’ve come across in this subreddit that I feel I had a similar experience to in my transition. Especially the parts where you didn’t actually have dysphoria, and eventually you had a major mental breakdown because of HRT. It’s fucking weird how we as humans can have such strong self denial.

My name is easy to turn male, and the nickname of it is gender neutral (Samantha, Samuel, Sam), and I had already gone by Sam most of my life anyway, so... I just kept it. During my most severe special snowflake phase, I would see all the other kind of ... questionable non-binary transmasculine folks around me, and wish I had picked a cooler name. But now I realize that people like that only seem cool on the internet, and I’m thankful as fuck that I didn’t embarrass myself by doing that shit. Apollo..... Jesus fucking Christ, we get it, you like anime and “Wiccan pagan” religion (that you’re probably practicing incorrectly tbh) and you want people to see you as a “prince” or some shit 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Whatever course of action you choose, please remember the golden rule of teenagers: if you try to force them to think a certain way or do a certain thing, they WILL fight you tooth and nail to show you you’re wrong.

Screw cutting it off, they will RIP their nose off in spite of their face, if the two of you fight over an issue enough. Me wanting to rebel against my mother telling me who she thought I was, when I was a trans identified youth, was honestly a gigantic contributor towards my decision to medically transition.

When she found out I was trying to transition, she got into gender critical stuff on the internet and barraged me with all sorts of content, lots of the same things people replying here are telling you to say or show to your kid. But I was so angry she was trying to change what/who I thought I was, I buckled down and tried ten times as hard to keep transitioning, when I wasn’t even really happy or comfortable at all with the changes. I just wanted to prove her wrong.

I think it’s definitely important for you to sit down with your child and figure out the reasons why they feel the way they do. We’d be able to provide better advice if you could even tell us why they want to transition. Try to provide as much comfort and understanding to your kid as possible; they’re hurting. You don’t want to transition if you don’t hate yourself for some reason. Encourage them to cry their feelings out and hold them, you know?

I don’t know what your child’s internal feelings are. No matter how many of our stories you read, you’ll never be able to find another person who will give you the perfect insight you’re looking for to change your kid’s mind. In fact, I really feel like the majority of us HAD to go through the painful aspects of a failed transition to realize how we weren’t happy, had unaddressed issues under the surface, etc. It’s an extremely personal realization to go through; you can’t force it upon your kid.

Also, the hard thing to accept as a parent, I’m sure, is that a teenager isn’t nearly as easily swayed by their parents as they are their peers. It’s a normal, typical, and expected part of mental development. They’re at a stage where they care much more about what advice their friends offer, and you can’t change that unfortunately.

In the end, though, once your child turns 18, you really can’t control them anymore. So my advice to you is try your damnedest to create a positive relationship between the two of you. Even if they don’t change their stance on the trans stuff. Because if you and them butt heads repeatedly over this issue, especially if you just expect them to “see the light” at your insistence and not because they came to their own personal epiphany... all you can be sure of is that the second they can leave your life and never look back, they will definitely do it. Best of luck.

Edit: adding on real quick, even if your kid does change their name, go on hormones, get a surgery, anything else they regret... life still goes on. It’s hard to accept the possibility of your child changing themself so drastically, especially if you are convinced they would regret it, but it’s not like they would be mutilated, ugly, or broken after going through such a change. To imply that they would be is an insult to all of us here who HAVE gone through that.

It’s really tricky finding yourself in a place where you’re just not sure what you want. I would say, if you aren’t UNCOMFORTABLE where you are right now... you don’t need to change anything. And that means you don’t need to detransition, OR progress with a transition. You can just kinda be some gender confused kid who binds and dresses comfortably and isn’t sure about things right now.

Let yourself feel in control of your body. If you don’t, that’s the first bad sign. Are you in therapy for your eating disorder and depression? Not being able to imagine a future and seeing yourself as being dead instead is very much a symptom of depression and other mental health issues. Work on your mental health, first and foremost. It’s more important than your gender. Then, after you start feeling in control of your body and your life, I think the answers will come to you.

There’s nothing wrong with being trans. There’s nothing wrong with being unsure. I don’t know what my fellow detransitioners here think about trans people post their experiences, but I hope that this group is just neutral on people for whom transition was a good and positive experience. Several of my closest friends, and my current partner, are all people who didn’t have early childhood signs of being transgender, so I really can’t give you an opinion either way on that one. Do you have any friends irl you can feel safe talking to about this?

Just... you gotta learn to figure out what YOU want in life. Listening to other’s opinions of what THEY think you are won’t do you any good. I promise, promise, promise, you WILL know what you really want, and what will help you live the happiest life you can, if you work on your mental health and making your mind a positive space.

Oh, thank you for the advice. Honestly, yeah, I’ve been very sad about my short hair lately. I have some wig experience from being a cosplaying weeb as a kid, but really don’t want to look unnatural or bring to much attention to myself, and wigs can looks pretty unnatural unless you do them well. I’ve been thinking about saving up for a human hair one or something, but I’m not sure. They are very fun, but... I think I’m too mentally ill and obsessed with looking “normal” at this time to do anything that feels “fake” lmfao. I try to style my hair most days, so it’s not too bad for me. Halsey is an icon though damn, maybe I’ll do it just to be like her 😭

There are some people who say “start before you develop curves”, but I don’t think there’s nearly as much pressure to transition early for FTMs because testosterone is SUCH powerful hormone. It can change a body rapidly. It doesn’t seem to matter as much to trans men because you can transition at any age and still get enough features to “pass”. I guess this is because girls and boys all start out looking pretty androgynous until puberty hits, and then males go through pretty major physical developments, all of which are linked to masculinity. A lot of MTFs wish they could have prevented them because “reverting” masculine features to closer to what they looked like before male puberty is so, so much more difficult than FTMs taking the soft features they possess and using T to change them. But the main puberty related complaint I hear from FTMs is boobs and hips.

I’m sorry that you felt pressured into something you weren’t sure of. I really hope you didn’t get any surgeries you regret now.

Edit bc I forgot something:

I remember when I was on T still, and thinking about stopping, a very close friend of mine was like “your hips will come back. Do you want that???” And what you were saying kind of reminded me of that. Idk why that scared me at the time though because I’ve realized now I fucking love being soft and curvy ✌️

EDIT TIMES TWO COMBO I just keep thinking of shit,

When I was on T I actually remembered just now (because I fucking forgot I guess) that I felt MASSIVELY insecure about looking so much younger than I actually was. With FTMs, you look like a fucking baby compared to the dudes around you until you’ve been on T for at least 3 or more years. I remember when I was only a few months on it, thinking “wow I can’t wait until I look my age so I can be a hot party guy and pick up chicks” (what a fucking idiot I was) So that’s definitely a reason why some FTMs feel the pressure and anxiety to start sooner rather than later.

This!!! I haven’t had the thoughts and energy to write out a post about detrans girls and getting your voice back, this is such a great resource!

It’s absolutely possible to get a higher voice again. Maybe not exactly how you sounded before, but you can get closer than whatever dude voice being on T gave ya. I’ve found a lot of mtf voice training tips to be helpful? And you’re so right about the chest vs head voice thing.

A tip for anyone trying to make their voice higher: put your hand on your chest and just talk. Does it rumble in your chest when you talk? We’re gonna try to change that, because that’s one of the main things that reads as a male quality of voice. You’ve got to try to talk from your THROAT. Experiment feeling where in your body your voice seems to be projecting from, and just slowly try to move it upwards into your throat and head. Head voice by itself is very quiet, so you’ll need to make sure you’re using throat too if you want to be able to speak up. If you can speak while touching your chest and don’t feel any vibration, you’re on the right track.

And like, god I had to re-learn how to be nasal again too. I had cut it out of my voice for the sake of “passing” back in the day, but making your voice more nasal can help a lot in achieving a more feminine voice. To help people understand what this feels like... you know how it feels to say “aww” vs “ahh”? You want to channel the feeling you get in your throat when you say “ahh”. I don’t know how helpful this is but I’m very passionate about wanting to give advice on this subject.

Either way, a lot of detrans women I’ve seen around have actually reported a slight raise in their voices even without training or trying over time, so... yep. Conclusion: we need more fucking research on all this.

This is a valid question. I feel like some people end up detransitioning because it is “ too hard”, namely trans women who aren’t able to be cis passing (aka able to function in society without discrimination), and don’t see a point in continuing to subject themselves to scrutiny even though they desperately want to live as themselves. But, I don’t think a lot of people here are of that story. Most of the people I’ve talked to in this group (probably because we share the same experience) have been detransitioning girls.

I feel like most of the people here were individuals who had poor self image issues, maybe felt like they were naturally masculine and couldn’t fit in with “normal” girls, and turned to transition in hopes of it helping them be more comfortable with themselves and fit in with society. The same thing can, and most definitely does, with effeminate men. The thing is, I personally believe being trans is something hardwired in your brain, and is also very rare. If you’re trans and you transition, you feel better. If you’re not trans and you transition, you feel really fucking awful.

The people in this group aren’t turning their backs on the trans community. That is, unless they become enemies of the community by severing themselves from all their friends and joining the ranks of those who oppose transgender rights. Assuming they haven’t, they just realized that gender transition was not what they needed to do to be comfortable with themselves, even if they once thought it was.

And the “mental illness” thing comes from the fact that a lot of people who have mental illness that involve symptoms such as:

• depression, anxiety
• desire to be someone else beside themself
• constant state of discontent with one’s own image
• bodily dysmorphia (like dysphoria but not the same thing)

Which can manifest in a way that may be mistaken with dysphoria. So, a person has issues with feeling out of place in their body, thinks they are trans, goes through the process of transitioning, and realizes one day that none of it has made them feel better. Well, shit! Now I have to deal with the fact that my head is sick. This is why people NEED to be mentally evaluated before starting HRT. Even then, people can slip trough the cracks.

It’s really unfortunate that this happens. And it fucking sucks the way that it affects people in the trans community. But, hopefully, we can have each other’s backs.

Hey, it’s okay. This is a really, really stressful thing to go through. I was in the same, overwhelmed position as you just a little over a month ago. You feel ugly and like there’s no way you can go back to living a normal life, I know. But the good thing is that you can.

It’s really hard to admit when you’re wrong. And it’s even harder to accept when you’ve made a mistake and hurt yourself, and you have no one to blame but your own poor decision making. It’s really hard to go through, and you should take some time for yourself. But first of all; forgive yourself. You’re not ugly. I know how disgusting you can feel sometimes, being a cis girl who has had male hormones in her body and having to deal with all the manly after effects. It’s really hard especially because girls are so ridiculed and told they’re worthless if they have deep voices or body hair or aren’t good at being feminine. Those reasons are part of why I even started HRT in the first place.

But you’re not ugly. You’re beautiful. No matter how you look, you are. I know it’s hard to really believe and feel, I struggle to feel like I am too. But I promise you that this gets better. I don’t know what your favorite things to do are, but do whatever you know will bring you happiness for a while. I myself just OVERCOMPENSATED, so hardcore for a while to feel more “worthy” of being female, because I didn’t at first at all. I did some pretty dumb shit, like waxed all my body hair off, plucked my facial hair out (all over my chin and shit, augh), started wearing heavy makeup every day, went on birth control,bought a push up bra and lots of panties.... of course, this is certainly not everyone’s cup of tea at all, but I just did everything I could to make myself feel like a “normal girl” because I just didn’t feel like one or like I was good enough to be one at all. But in just one month, I’m already so much happier. I really promise you’ll be okay.

Try treating your cracking voice as a sore throat or cold! Drink lots of hot tea with lemon and honey. Do salt water gargles. Drink lots of water, and try to rest your voice. You honestly may also have just caught a cold or something, it is starting to get colder and all. And even if you didn’t, being kind to your voice may help it relax.

Anyway, best of luck. Feel free to talk to me at all if you need support, I know how scary this all is.

❤️