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The user provides a highly detailed, personal, and emotionally consistent narrative of their detransition, including specific medical details (T dosage, physical changes), a timeline of their evolving feelings from age 12 to 18, and psychological motivations (internalized misogyny, fetishization of gay men) that are commonly reported by female desisters. The language is natural, with personal reflections and caveats that read as genuine.
About me
I started thinking I was a boy at 12 because I believed being a girl was a bad thing and that my life would be easier as a male. I began testosterone at 14, but the physical changes it caused, like facial hair and acne, ended up making me deeply unhappy. I canceled my top surgery at 17 when I realized I didn't actually hate my body and was making a huge mistake. I finally stopped testosterone and detransitioned, and now I am so much happier living as a female, embracing myself without worrying what others think. Looking back, my struggle wasn't with being a girl, but with low self-esteem and a desire to escape the difficulties of growing up.
My detransition story
My whole journey started when I was just a kid. I always wanted to be a boy because I had this idea that being a girl was bad or less than. Boys didn't seem to like girls, and I read a lot about feminism on Tumblr when I was around 12. I got it in my head that girls had it so much harder and that my life would be filled with injustice just for being female. I thought I'd automatically be happier as a boy. I also had this thing where I fetishized gay men and wanted to be one so badly. Of course, I was only 12 and didn't realize that was a terrible reason to think I was trans.
I was also overweight and hated my body because of that. I hated everything about female puberty and always envied guys because I just assumed they had it easier. So all of that mixed together, and by the time I was 12, I came to the conclusion that I must be transgender.
I started taking testosterone when I was 14. For a while, I thought it was the right path. But as I grew up, I slowly started doubting myself. I began to realize that I wasn't actually happy living as a guy. I felt pretty comfortable with my body itself; the only things I started to really hate were actually the changes from testosterone—the facial hair, the body hair, the bad acne. It's ironic, but the testosterone itself ended up causing me a kind of dysphoria that I never had to begin with.
By the time I was 17, I was scheduled to get top surgery. But I had a huge realization: I was going to get it for all the wrong reasons. I didn't hate my breasts. I was actually comfortable with them. I just wanted to stop the discomfort of wearing binders and to feel comfortable in public, like being able to go to a pool. I realized that getting such a major surgery for those reasons would have been a horrible mistake. Having a boyfriend around that time really helped boost my confidence and gave me the support I needed to make that decision. I canceled the surgery.
Even after canceling, it still took me a few more months to fully accept that I couldn't keep living as a guy. I wanted to detransition for about a year before I actually did it. Eventually, I told my boyfriend and my family, and they all reacted very well. I just started wearing makeup and whatever clothes I wanted, and I stopped worrying about what other people thought of me. I've been so much happier since.
After I stopped testosterone, a lot of the changes reversed. My face shape changed back a lot, my acne went way down, and my facial and body hair grew much slower. My voice changed a bit too. Now I pass easily as a girl, with or without makeup, whereas before I never could have.
Looking back, I don't think I ever had real gender dysphoria. I think my feelings were a mix of low self-esteem, hating the changes of puberty, internalized ideas about what it meant to be a girl, and a desire to escape. I do have some regrets about taking testosterone, mostly because of the permanent changes like the facial hair I'm now stuck with. But I don't regret realizing it was a mistake and choosing to stop when I did. I'm just glad I figured it out before I had any surgeries.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12 | Concluded I was transgender due to internalized ideas about gender, discomfort with puberty, and being overweight. |
| 14 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 17 | Canceled planned top surgery after realizing it would be a mistake. Began the process of doubting my transition. |
| 18 | Stopped testosterone and socially detransitioned. |
Top Comments by /u/carlsaganist:
It was a very gradual decision, I wanted to detransition for about a year or so before I actually did it. First, I started testosterone when I was 14. I was overweight (5'4 and weighing about 165lbs) and I hated my body for that. I hated puberty and I always envied guys because I assumed they had it easier. So when I was 12, I came to the conclusion I was trans and after a while, as I grew up, I started doubting myself and I started realising I wasn't happy living as a guy. I felt comfortable with my body, and the only things I hated about myself were testosterone related. Facial hair, body hair, acne, etc.
It took a lot of time but by the time I was 17 I was supposed to get top surgery, but I realized I would have gotten it for all the wrong reasons. I just wanted to stop wearing binders, and to be comfortable in public, be able to go to pools and such. But I didn't hate my boobs and I was comfortable with my body. I had no dysphoria (actually testosterone caused some dysphoria that wasn't there to begin with). And so, I came to the conclusion that top surgery would be a horrible mistake. I started having a boyfriend around that time and it really helped me boost my confidence and take that decision. So I canceled the surgery, but it still took me a few months before truly realizing I couldn't keep living as a guy. Eventually I told my boyfriend and family and they all reacted very well. I just started wearing makeup and whatever I wanted, and I stopped worrying about what others thought of me. And since I started doing that I'm so much happier. This of course, is my personal experience and it doesn't necessarily apply to everyone. But I think it's important to make decisions that involve your body and your well-being for yourself and not for others.
When I stopped testosterone, my facial shape changed a lot, my acne went down, my facial hair and body hair grew slower, my voice changed. Now I pass easily as a girl, with or without makeup whereas before I could never have passed, even with long hair.
It was a very gradual decision, I wanted to detransition for about a year or so before I actually did it. First, I started testosterone when I was 14. I was overweight (5'4 and weighing about 165lbs) and I hated my body for that. I hated puberty and I always envied guys because I assumed they had it easier. So when I was 12, I came to the conclusion I was trans and after a while, as I grew up, I started doubting myself and I started realising I wasn't happy living as a guy. I felt comfortable with my body, and the only things I hated about myself were testosterone related. Facial hair, body hair, acne, etc.
It took a lot of time but by the time I was 17 I was supposed to get top surgery, but I realized I would have gotten it for all the wrong reasons. I just wanted to stop wearing binders, and to be comfortable in public, be able to go to pools and such. But I didn't hate my boobs and I was comfortable with my body. I had no dysphoria (actually testosterone caused some dysphoria that wasn't there to begin with). And so, I came to the conclusion that top surgery would be a horrible mistake. I started having a boyfriend around that time and it really helped me boost my confidence and take that decision. So I canceled the surgery, but it still took me a few months before truly realizing I couldn't keep living as a guy. Eventually I told my boyfriend and family and they all reacted very well. I just started wearing makeup and whatever I wanted, and I stopped worrying about what others thought of me. And since I started doing that I'm so much happier. This of course, is my personal experience and it doesn't necessarily apply to everyone. But I think it's important to make decisions that involve your body and your well-being for yourself and not for others.
You mean acne? Or facial hair? I had a lot of acne during testosterone, but it cleared up as I gradually lowered my dose of testosterone, and it pretty much went away after a few months off testosterone. I have the occasional flare up but that's it. As for facial hair I sadly still have some, but it grows way slower, the texture is different too. I was supposed to do laser, but after my first treatment the clinics closed due to the virus
When I was a kid I always wanted to be a boy because being a girl was considered bad, boys didn't like girls etc. It's ridiculous but that's how I felt about it. I always kinda hated being a girl because I thought it was too complicated. I kept reading a lot about feminism on tumblr when I was 12 or so and I thought girls had it harder and that my life would be filled with injustice from being a girl in society. So I thought I'd be happier as a boy. I also fetishized gay men, and I wanted to be a gay man so badly. Ofc I was 12 back then so I didn't realize that wasn't a good indicator of whether or not I was trans.
this is a very important aspect to keep in mind. so many people forget this and think they're trans just because they don't fit societal norms around gender. it's ok to dress more feminine as a guy, doesn't mean you're a transgender woman. same goes for girls !!
Don't be too scared, you can definitely look feminine and you already do. I think you're making a good decision to stop, if that's what you're considering. I started T at 14 and only now am I coming to my senses (18 yo). it's never too late but it's better to prevent rather than to heal. And worst case scenario, if you realize that stopping T was a bad idea, you can always go back on it later on when you're older and your decisions are clearer.