This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and personal perspective that aligns with a genuine detransitioner/desister experience. Key indicators of authenticity include:
- Personal Narrative: The user shares a specific, evolving story of their own experience with gender identity, linking it to eating disorders and a redefinition of womanhood.
- Complex and Contradictory Thoughts: The user holds nuanced views, such as acknowledging that people can be genuinely trans and thrive before detransitioning, which is not a simplistic or scripted position.
- Practical, Empathetic Advice: Comments offer detailed, personal advice (e.g., suggesting specific hobbies or types of clothing) that demonstrates real-world understanding and empathy.
- Consistent Voice and Context: The writing style is consistent, and the user provides contextual details (e.g., being from the Nordics) that add credibility.
The passion and criticism present are consistent with someone who has experienced harm and is speaking from a personal place.
About me
I felt a deep disconnect from being a woman, which led me to identify as non-binary for a while. I now see that my feelings were tangled up with trauma and an eating disorder, and I mistakenly thought transitioning socially would fix my self-hatred. Learning about concepts like autogynephilia made me question the narratives I was following and realize my problem was with society's narrow view of women, not with being female itself. My detransition was an internal shift where I decided to challenge those stereotypes instead of opting out of womanhood. I am now learning to accept that being me means being a woman, even with all my struggles.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started because I felt a deep disconnect from being a woman. I never related to any sense of womanhood, and that led me to identify as non-binary for a while. Looking back, I now understand that a lot of those feelings were tangled up with my eating disorders and the self-hatred that followed some traumatic experiences I had. I hated my body, especially my breasts, and I think I saw transitioning as a way to escape all of that discomfort and pain.
I was influenced a lot by what I saw online, and for a time, I really believed that changing how I presented was the answer. But I started to doubt the whole movement after coming across some research and discussions about why some people transition. I heard about how a large group of males who transition to female do it because they identify with the female role when aroused, which is called autogynephilia. While I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing—sexuality is vital and feeling aligned with your sexual self is important for mental health—it did make me question the narratives I had been following.
Ultimately, I realized that my problem wasn't with being a woman itself. My problem was with a society that makes women feel weak and powerless, and that tells us there's only one way to be a woman. I decided that the answer wasn't to change my position from female to something else, but to dismantle that system and expand what it means to be a woman. I wanted the concept of womanhood to have space for me, too, even if I hated my breasts or felt disconnected sometimes.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. My transition was entirely social, and my detransition was a social and internal process as well. I don't regret exploring my identity because it led me to a better understanding of myself. But I do regret that I was so quick to think I had to opt out of being a woman instead of challenging what that meant. I benefited from stepping back and reflecting, and from realizing that my feelings were more about trauma and low self-esteem than they were about being born in the wrong body.
Now, I believe that feeling like me is feeling like a woman because I am one. It's okay to be sad about parts of my body, but that sadness doesn't make me less of a woman. I'm trying to build a life where I can be myself, as I am, and find my own feet.
| Age | Date (Approx.) | Event |
|---|---|---|
| (Age not specified) | (Date not specified) | Began to feel a disconnect from womanhood, influenced by eating disorders and trauma. |
| (Age not specified) | (Date not specified) | Started identifying as non-binary. |
| (Age not specified) | Early 2023 | Began to doubt the transition narrative after learning about autogynephilia (AGP) in research. |
| (Age not specified) | Early 2023 | Realized my dysphoria was linked to eating disorders, self-hatred, and societal pressures, not an innate identity. |
| (Age not specified) | Early 2023 | Decided to stop identifying as non-binary and re-identify as a woman, accepting that my feelings are part of my experience as a female. |
Top Comments by /u/catacles:
I think that this is mostly for the same reason that someone who was once a lesbian but then dates a man tends to say that they are straight - not bisexual - nowadays. We deal in absolutes.
I think that you can absolutely be trans for a while, and thrive living as the other sex, and still change your mind and detransition without it changing the fact that you did thrive or that you were trans.
Just like you could be trans and not thrive and decide to either detransition or not.
It doesn't change anything, it just makes people very uncomfortable.
I don't think so, I never thought so and identified as NB because of never being able to relate to some sense of womanhood - but whoopsie turns out that was mostly because of eating disorders. Nowadays instead I assume that feeling like me is feeling like a woman - because I am one.
Being a teenager is absolute pain. And getting breasts and butt along with it is really hard, for a lot of people.
Unfortunately the teenage part you just have to suffer through. And you can be as masculine or boyish as you want, even with a female body. You do not have to transition to have short hair or dress manly. Plenty of space to be a butch without that!
The b*tch of a sister though, you can kind of do something about. Do you have any hobbies that brings you out of the house? Maybe some sport (preferably one that has a rumour of attracting lesbians because you know... dating opportunities AND hobby in one!)? Because then you can start doing your wholesome hobby all the time and not be in the same house as her. Try to figure out stable and recurring weekly hobbies that will keep you occupied, meeting people and out of the house. You never know, maybe she'll move out in a year.
If you still have trouble with disordered eating - try to talk to a therapist or other adult about it. It can ruin too much, and it also fuels gender dysphoria.
I think my dysphoria mainly came from eating disorders, SA and the self hatred that followed, but it's not that I realised I'm "not trans" is more that I realised I wanted the concept of woman to have space for me too.
It felt horrible, to have to change who I was and cast myself out from womanhood because of my inner disconnect with my sense of sex - if there even is one.
So I decided that I wont define myself as non binary anymore, even though I feel l am still. I can hate my breasts all I want - it doesn't make me less woman. It just makes me a bit sad.
I'm with you on all of this.
I'll also add that there is some research showing that a large group of people who transition from male to female do it because they identify with the "female role" when aroused.
That however is not necessary bad. Sexuality is vital to many and to feel aligned physically with your sexual self is necessary for mental health for most of us. But it does mean that there is merit to the idea.
(That research is from a couple of years back, they talked about it in a podcast about scientists being hunted down for their results - and I can't find it. I'll keep looking though, it's really interesting and was actually the interview that made me start to doubt the current trans movement)
You know, society makes women weak. We don't have power or agency. But the answer is not to change your position from male to female, but to dismantle the system. Fuck the system for making us feel such hatred towards our own sex (regardless! The box for men is tiny and horrible too but in a different way).
Ah this might be a context thing, I'm in Europe, the left isn't necessarily woke or liberal here - that's separate, social liberalism. And not even those are woke in the same progressive way here. I'm in the Nordics and even if some were upset that for example Norway stopped puberty blockers for girls most people on the left agreed it was sensible.
It's ok to be sad, all our emotions are ok to feel.
And you have small good things in your life - and from those you can build more. I'm sure you'll find that life can be good for you as you are - as yourself, if you just give it time and find your feet.
How about those tool skirts, for workers? Or gothy black skirts for men? It might be possible to find a middle road where your wife won't be to weirded out, while you still get a bit of feel for it. There are plenty male coded skirt and dresses out there that she might be ok with!
Therapy might not have helped then - but you are older now and have more capacity for self reflection. Give it another go and see how it works with where you are now.
And in real life, with a therapist, trauma isn't over used. It's just overused online.
Btw it's ok to not talk to anyone for a while, if you start a new course. Just being around new people engaging in things that are interesting might get you feeling better. Take it one small step at a time!