Oof I remember that feeling. Coming out the second time was so, so much harder than the first. Like you say, the guilt & humiliation of admitting I put my mother through all that pain for “nothing,” and that she was right about it being a phase. She took it incredibly gracefully, all things considered.

You’re strong OP, you can do this! ❤️

It sounds like you would benefit from talking to a therapist. If you go that route, just be careful not to end up putting faith in one who will encourage you to transition. That conversation would just be a waste of your time and cause you even more distress. It’s clear you don’t want to transition and so I hope it’s reassuring to hear from a stranger on the internet — you’re not trans, and you’re not going to become trans against your will.

I used to be trans. As far as I’m concerned, “being trans” = identifying as trans. Nobody is ACTUALLY born in the wrong body/supposed to be the opposite sex; you either have dysphoria or you don’t, and how you conceptualise it/deal with it can change over time.

Ew, I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for raising the alarm.

As a trans teen I was twitter mutuals with some adult AGPs who would ask people to tweet at them in the third person using their pronouns/affirming their femininity. To “validate” them and “help with their dysphoria.” Like “Violet is a girl, she is so pretty” or whatever. Poor naive little me thought she was doing a good thing, she was really just feeding their fetish. 🤢

Detransition itself is also a burgeoning kink scene now. If you search it on tumblr you’ll find lots of trans people sharing their fantasies of being correctively raped and forced to conform to their birth sex role. Stay vigilant against perverts using our experiences this way. ✌️

One small piece of advice I’d like to offer, based on my own experience, would be to avoid thinking of “trans” and “cis” as things you just inherently are. They’re labels that broadly describe different ways of living, but neither of them is written indelibly on a piece of paper hidden deep inside your brain, if you see what I mean. You can never know what you really are deep down, because deep down you’re not anything very clear-cut or specific. We all just make choices based on how we feel, and then we label those choices after the fact — sometimes our feelings change, so our choices change, so our labels change.

I know this isn’t really answering the question you asked! Just something on my mind, that’s all. I hope you get lots of helpful answers OP, and I wish you lots of strength & luck, it sounds like you’re in a difficult place rn. ❤️

these are just things that have helped me and/or people i know! obviously everyone is different etc but my top quick recs are:

• avoid trans content, mute people who love to push how wonderful transition is etc
• spend more time with your body, admire the things it can do, accept the neutral objective fact of what it is
• exercise for fun + get fit
• if you’re female, get into 2nd wave feminism. read the scum manifesto, egalia’s daughters, herland, woman on the edge of time, the female man. you don’t have to pursue separatism but read about it and let it teach you something about your own value & capabilities
• some dysphoric women also get into witchcraft/occult/pagan stuff or goddess worship, so experiment if that interests you
• personally, celibacy really helps me. if you’re sexually active you could try it for a while or just cut back/be more selective about partners

Obviously nothing's changed except I got a better camera :P

I'd been on blockers for a while, started T when I was 18, took it for two years before stopping. My fiancé took this last photo in our living room a few weeks ago. Look close and you can see my scraggly little beard. I really don't regret anything.

I get it and I totally sympathise. This is a cliché and it’s easier said than done, obviously, but still: I think you should take the plunge and be true to yourself, regardless of what other people might say. Getting judged is an inevitable part of life, you can’t afford to keep living a lie because you’re worried what other people might think.

As to how to make it easier... tbh my experience was swift disillusionment with, and exit from, the capital-q Queer Community. That’s more specific than the lgbt community, I mean the social & political scene dominated by Trans and Queer politics, which I assume is what you’re talking about. I came to realise the politics are pretty bad and the scene, while fun sometimes, is actually kind of insane and not a very safe place for GNC women. Six years ago when I was a student all my friends were Queer, now that word is a red flag for me.

I’m bi but I’m in a monogamous straight relationship now, so I have had to go through that process of slowly losing my connection to lgbt identity. It is kinda sad, and something is lost, but that’s another inevitable part of life, to be grateful for the experiences you had and let them go. You stand to gain other things — identity and community with other women, a more authentic relationship with yourself and your sexuality. You can try to do it gradually — like, start reorienting your sense of self/community around other things, and don’t let go of Queer until you feel ready to do so.

I have always had dysphoria about my FEMALE traits. That’s WHY I transitioned in the first place. I only stopped because transition didn’t help.

Your underlying assumption is that, for everyone with REAL dysphoria, transition works. That’s one of the most harmful myths that detrans advocates are trying to counter.

It sounds like you’re having a very difficult time and I wish there was more I could do to help. All I can do is remind you of something you already know, since you’re on this sub: that you’re not the first person to have feelings like this and come out the other side alright, one way or the other. You wouldn’t be the first person with intense, long-term dysphoria to have a change of heart and go on to lead a happy, fulfilling life. 22 is very young, your brain is still developing, it is absolutely not crazy or improbable for you to go through big changes at this age.

Acknowledging the fact that I’m female used to make me feel worthless, wrong, invisible, unreal, like my life wouldn’t begin until I could transition. I don’t feel that way anymore, even though I still have dysphoria, and I’m doing really good. It didn’t happen overnight and it was certainly a hard, scary process, but it didn’t ruin my life. I’m only saying this in the hope it makes you feel less alone and a bit less anxious about the future. Wishing you lots of good vibes & good luck, I hope things start to clear up for you soon. ❤️