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Reddit user /u/caterpiller100's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 23 -> Detransitioned: 26
male
internalised homophobia
took hormones
regrets transitioning
influenced online
homosexual
doesn't regret transitioning
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's perspective is complex, nuanced, and internally consistent, detailing a very specific personal experience with medical continuation post-detransition—a documented position within the detrans community. The language is natural, and the passion aligns with the expected sentiment of someone who has experienced harm.

About me

I started questioning because as a gay man, I felt immense pressure to be masculine, and I thought transitioning to female was the answer. I began hormones and loved the physical changes, like softer skin and less facial hair, which I see as a personal body modification. I eventually realized I wasn't a woman either and had just traded one set of restrictive gender stereotypes for another. Now, I've dropped the trans label and am detransitioning socially to live as a feminine man. I'm continuing hormones for my own comfort, believing the real problem is gender roles, not my body.

My detransition story

My whole journey with this started because I never felt like I fit in as a man. I’m a gay man, and I felt a lot of pressure to act a certain masculine way that just wasn't me. I had traits and interests that people said were for women, and it made me feel like I was broken or in the wrong body. I think a lot of my discomfort came from internalized homophobia and not being able to accept that a man could be feminine. I hated the gender roles I was supposed to follow.

I was influenced a lot by what I saw online. I found communities where people talked about these feelings and said it meant you were transgender. It made sense at the time. I thought the solution was to transition, so I started to identify as a woman and began taking estrogen hormones (HRT) and testosterone blockers.

I don’t regret taking hormones, even now. The physical changes were something I really wanted. I loved that my skin got softer and that my facial hair growth slowed down so much. I hated having facial hair. I also don’t have a strong attachment to my male genitalia; the idea of an orchiectomy is something I’ve seriously considered. For me, HRT feels like a form of body modification that I choose for myself, separate from any gender identity. I understand the serious health risks, like the possibility of osteoporosis later in life or being dependent on the medical system forever, but right now, the benefits feel worth it to me.

But after a while, I realized a huge problem. I had stopped identifying as a man, but I didn't actually identify as a woman either. I had just traded one set of restrictive gender stereotypes for another. I learned the hard way that you can't win by trying to fit into a different box. The problem wasn't my body; it was the rules society had about what a man or a woman should be. I realized I wasn't transgender. I was just a person who hated gender roles.

So, I’ve decided to detransition in terms of my social identity. I’m dropping the trans label completely. I’m going to live my life as a gender non-conforming, feminine man. I’m fine with people seeing me as a man, I just want my body to be modified in a way that makes me comfortable. I wish there was a community for people like me who want to change their bodies but don't subscribe to a transgender identity, without it being fetishized.

My thoughts on gender now are that the whole concept is flawed. We should be working to get rid of gender roles entirely, not persuading people who hate them to change their gender. Living your life should be about doing what makes you happy, not about trying to fit into a box.

Age Event
22 Began to question my identity as a gay man, feeling pressure to be masculine.
23 Influenced by online communities, I started to identify as a transgender woman.
23 Began Hormone Replacement Therapy (Estrogen and T-Blockers).
26 Realized I didn't identify as a woman and that my struggle was with gender roles, not my sex.
26 Decided to detransition socially and live as a feminine, gender non-conforming man. I plan to continue HRT for its physical effects.

Top Comments by /u/caterpiller100:

6 comments • Posting since December 31, 2023
Reddit user caterpiller100 (Questioning own transgender status) explains that gender dysphoria is socially contagious, arguing it persuades those who dislike societal gender roles to transition rather than be gender non-conforming.
13 pointsFeb 5, 2024
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I want to say yes, but not in the way that children and adults suddenly start hating their own gender. What I believe is that these were already people who disliked the gender roles society placed upon them, and instead of being gender non-conforming they became transgender. I believe this because of the prevalence of transgender communications that persuade those who hate the gender roles forced upon them to change their gender. Instead of what we should be doing which is getting rid of gender roles all together.

Reddit user caterpiller100 (detrans male) explains his struggle with detransition, wishing for a non-fetish community for males who don't want to be fully male physically and consider staying on estrogen after an orchiectomy.
4 pointsJun 28, 2024
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I feel this so much. I have trouble with my de-transition because even though I realized even though I don't want to be a woman, I still don't want to revert back to a man. I mean I am fine with people seeing me as a man, I just don't want to be one 100% physically. I thought about getting orchi and then just staying on E. I wish there was a community for males like us that wasn't just some weird fetish shit.

Reddit user caterpiller100 (detrans male) explains that the desire to transition can stem from pressure to conform to gender stereotypes, not from being transgender, and advises rejecting gender roles entirely.
4 pointsFeb 27, 2024
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You covered a lot of stuff here that I know I am not qualified to discuss, but I can offer some advice from my own perspective. I am also a gay male, and I transitioned thinking it was what I was supposed to do. There are some things I have learned and some things I definitely regret. Mainly I learned that I don't actually identify with the 'female gender'. The reason you and I feel the need to transition from male to female, I feel, is because of the pressures of the male gender stereotypes. As a gay male, you already break the stereotype to some degree. You also mentioned having some traits that wouldn't typically be assigned to a man, or may even be something we directly attribute to women. These are, however, just harmful gender stereotypes. IMO the truth is you probably aren't "transgender". You just don't want to have to strictly follow the rules of male gender. Also if I understood your post correctly you also don't feel any strong attraction to certain female gender roles. This is the same thing I have discovered the hard way after transitioning. There is no winning when you pick a gender stereotype to hold yourself accountable to. It doesn't matter if it wasn't the one you were originally held to. The best course of action is to reject gender and its roles entirely. Live your life doing what makes you happy, and be less concerned with what "box" you need to fit in.

The only other thing is of course hormone replacement and other trans-sex care. One thing I personally haven't entirely regretted was starting hormones. I especially want to keep my long hair for as long as possible, not grow back facial hair, etc. I also don't feel particularly attached to my male genitalia. However these are trans-sex concerns, and my personal philosophy is that they are distinct from being "transgender". What I mean is, if you want to change your body a certain way, then you should do that (understanding the risks). That said, make sure to distinguish trans-sex desires from transgender desires.

Considering these two points, and your own post, it is my opinion that you are neither transgender or someone who would benefit from any trans-sex changes. I especially want to make it clear that being around trans people doesn't make you trans. What makes people trans is the pressure to conform to gender stereotypes (something that can happen to a greater degree among trans people). Once you accept being a man means nothing outside of the physical repercussions, you won't feel the need to transition ever. At least, that is my opinion and personal experience on the matter. I really hope this helps. Good luck!

Reddit user caterpiller100 (Questioning own transgender status) explains their decision to continue cross-sex hormones despite the risk of osteoporosis, comparing it to a smoker who needs cigarettes to function.
3 pointsDec 31, 2023
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Yeah the risk of osteoporosis is something I've been aware of for a while, but at this time I don't feel like a future medical issue such as that is something worth stopping HRT (for me). This probably makes me akin to someone who smokes cigarettes, but needs to do so because it helps them get up in the morning every day. Not exactly the same, as for me it's more that I just desire the effects on my body more than I fear the consequences. Something for to discuss with a future therapist I suppose.

Reddit user caterpiller100 (Questioning own transgender status) explains their decision to continue feminizing HRT for the foreseeable future, citing irreplaceable benefits like reduced facial hair regrowth and skin changes, while expressing concerns about surgical risks and long-term healthcare dependency.
3 pointsDec 31, 2023
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Yeah I understand the risk with HRT and the issues with not only taking a lifetime of such a medication but also the risks of being dependent on the healthcare system for my entire life. Despite these issues I feel like the best route for me is to continue HRT for the foreseeable future. Ideally I would be able to stop taking T blockers after some kind of surgery, but since all of them carry a heavy risk I haven't made a strong conclusion about what surgery I will get. Benefits HRT that ATM are irreplaceable for me is the change to my skin/hair. Especially the reduction in facial hair regrowth as that was something I couldn't stand, among other things.

Reddit user caterpiller100 (Questioning own transgender status) explains their decision to continue HRT as a form of body modification and to live as a GNC/feminine man after dropping the trans label.
3 pointsDec 31, 2023
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Wow! Thank you so much for the response. I think you really understood what I am thinking and how I feel about it moving forward. As far as the HRT thing goes, yeah. I'm honestly just seeing it as a form of body modification. I understand fully the risks and feel like it worth it to continue HRT because it is what I want for my body. I feel like if more people saw HRT this way then there would be way fewer trans people. Also yeah I think I'm going to go ahead and change my name. This comment has really inspired me. I think I'm definitely going to drop the trans label completely and just live as a GNC/feminine man. Again thanks so much for the well thought out response it means a lot!