This story is from the comments by /u/ccnnvaweueurf that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user demonstrates a consistent, deeply personal narrative centered around complex trauma (C-PTSD), a history of considering transition, and a detailed, evolving worldview. The writing style is nuanced, self-reflective, and contains specific, lived experiences (e.g., living in Alaska, EMDR therapy, LSD use) that are complex and emotionally resonant, making it highly unlikely to be a bot.
There are no serious red flags indicating this is an inauthentic account or someone falsely posing as a desister. The passion and critique align with genuine experiences of those who have questioned their gender due to trauma and societal pressures.
About me
I was born male and my deep discomfort started from a traumatic childhood, which made me hate the masculinity I associated with my abuser. Online communities told me my feelings meant I was transgender, and for a while I believed them. Trauma therapy helped me realize my dysphoria was actually a response to that past abuse, not an innate identity. I never medically transitioned and I'm now grateful, as it would have covered up the real issues. Today, I'm comfortable in my own skin, living a simple life and understanding my true self.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started with a deep discomfort and confusion about myself and where I fit in. I was born male, but from a young age, I felt a strong disconnect from what society expected of men. I now believe a lot of this was rooted in a very traumatic childhood. I experienced a lot of abuse from a male figure, and I score a 9 out of 10 on the Adverse Childhood Experiences test. This left me with a lot of self-hatred and a complete distaste for masculinity, which I associated with violence and control.
When I was around 16 or 17, I started hearing about being transgender online. I had a lot of female friends and really looked up to female role models because the men in my life had been so harmful. People online and a few in person told me that my feelings—my dislike of male culture, my discomfort with my body, and my general sense of not fitting in—meant I was "obviously trans" and was an "egg" waiting to crack. For a while, I really considered it. I was confused and in a lot of emotional pain, and it seemed like an answer.
But I was also starting to deal with my trauma around that time. At 18, I began trauma-focused therapy, specifically EMDR. That therapy was a complete game-changer for me. It was never about gender; it was about processing the awful things that happened to me as a kid. Through that, I started to untangle my feelings. I realized that a lot of what I thought was gender dysphoria was actually a trauma response. I had a deep-seated hatred for the male role I was supposed to occupy because it was connected to my abuser. I wanted to be the safe, caring person my mother was.
I also had to confront my sexuality. I'm bisexual, but I'm not really attracted to men or "maleness" as a concept. I'm attracted to penises, but not the masculine gender performance. On top of that, I discovered I have autogynephilia (AGP); I'm sexually aroused by the thought of being a woman. For a long time, I couldn't separate this sexual feeling from my other emotions because my trauma had left me with what felt like one big, messy emotional state. Therapy helped me see that these were distinct parts of myself.
I never ended up medically transitioning. I didn't take hormones or have any surgery. I'm really glad I didn't, because for me, it would have just been a band-aid on a much deeper wound. Transitioning wouldn't have fixed my trauma; it would have just covered it up. I needed to deal with the root cause.
My views on gender have completely changed. I now see gender as a social construct, a "spook" as the philosopher Max Stirner called it. It's a set of ideas that society made up, and it doesn't have to control us. I believe we're all just consciousness experiencing the universe through these different meat-sack bodies. A male body, a female body—it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. What matters is being comfortable in your own skin and not letting society dictate who you should be.
I do have some regrets about how much time I spent confused and listening to people who were so quick to label me. I regret that I ever thought changing my body was the solution. But I don't regret exploring those feelings, because it led me to a deeper understanding of myself. My path was through trauma therapy, embracing a simpler life off-grid in Alaska with my dogs, and using tools like mindfulness meditation and, cautiously, psychedelics like LSD to explore my consciousness.
My advice to anyone feeling confused is to look inward and question everything. Don't let anyone else tell you who you are, especially people online. If you have trauma, please seek trauma-focused therapy first. It saved my life.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Childhood | Experienced significant abuse and trauma from a male figure. |
| 15 | First got on Reddit; began to be exposed to more online ideas. |
| 16-17 | First heard about being transgender; people online began telling me I was "obviously trans." |
| 18 | Started EMDR trauma therapy. This was the turning point. |
| 19 | Continued counseling, focusing solely on trauma, not gender. |
| 24 | Had a vasectomy. |
| 27 | (Current age) Living a rural life in Alaska, comfortable in my body and understanding that my past dysphoria was a trauma response. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/ccnnvaweueurf:
It frustrates me that there is no middle ground on the conversation around gender currently.
It like many things is hyper polarized.
The conversation completely misses and has for years silenced the voices of people discussing societal gender roles, the why of why we are filling into stereotyped roles and reorganizing society to change these roles.
Now that conversation seems out the window and the solution to gender is just transitioning.
I just a hour or two ago got told I have a tough life of misery ahead of me. Also was told I had fallen for terf conspiracy.
I thanked them for calling me a terf and said it's a compliment. I also live off grid in rural Alaska and thanked them because I do seek a tough life with tangible daily needs to think about but that misery is a mindset I don't much experience now days.
Now they told me to enjoy conversion theraphy when I referenced trauma theraphy. Funny thing is I believe the conversion theraphy is targeting gender non conforming and queer youth to transtion instead of understanding the self.
Good luck to em. I multiple times wished them well and truly mean it I hope life is good for them. I didn't get that wished back at me.
My gender dysphoria was largely related to child abuse and self hate applied to the male gender. Trauma therapy helped a lot. Realigning my life to be rural off grid also helped. Now I experience dysphoria because this reality sucks but accept my body just fine.
Surgery would have not helped me just a bandaid. For me personally.
The documentary What is a Woman? by Matt Walsh is a bit political in affect but overall shows some really good footage. Gender illogical people including many professionals were unable to define it. People in rural Africa of the Massai people easily said it's by genitals and thought the gender concept odd.
Yeah.
I live in a semi rural wooded area by a river here in Interior Alaska. I have a good dog. Winter will be gone soon. I will live more rural in the coming years and next step is buying land.
For me happiness comes from less involvement with society, but also less caring.
I have no running water at my house and if I don't shower for 3 weeks I really don't care what others think. The do not care has to be internalized and true. I care about others and respect their thoughts, but ultimately I don't care what they think of me.
My life got put back on the rails going to EMDR counseling for childhood trauma. I focused on the trauma, never on gender or anything.
I did not take hormones. If you are coming off hormones it'll take time to balance your body out.
I remind myself at least daily that I am safe and that right now is safe. Right now mattering most. Past is past and future is future but now is now. Right now I gotta stoke the woodstove then pee off the deck.
Take a deep breath. I am a big fan of the writings of Thich Nhat Hanh on everyday mindfulness. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%ADch_Nh%E1%BA%A5t_H%E1%BA%A1nh
I was a abused child who developed a hate for men and was raised with a worldview based in self hate. Combine with autogynephilic and male emasculation fetish.
Helping me understand my trauma and feelings though doesn't generate a cash stream of consistent treatment.
I did not transition but was also raised in an abusive home. I get a 9/10 on the ACES score test.
Join us over at /r/CPTSD and the related subs if you ever like. You are not alone.
I am also bisexual it turns out, and I am also sexually aroused by the thought of being a female but it is largely a sexual thing and I think related to childhood trauma and some sort of childhood distaste for men or something freudian if I had to guess.
Best wishes to you.
Go on a walk. It'll be okay. Deep breath.
It groomed me into confusion and I'm glad I went to trauma focused theraphy around same time and addressing my trauma ended most negatives related to the dysphoria.
Puberty blockers are similar drugs to what is used to chemically castrate sex offenders.
It's okay.
The past is in the past and yes this all sucked. Big time sucked. That shouldn't have happened to you.
His life is out of your control. He took control of you when you were 14 and that was wrong.
The thing is now though. Right now. Right now is the most important time in life.
Do you feel safe right now? That matters the most.
Fuck that guy.
Long story short I've been groped by a male coworker who was 30+ years older and grooming me for a long time (didn't realize it) and going back further my childhood was quite abusive and I have been diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress from that.
Refocusing on now has been a huge cooping mechanism for me and I greatly enjoy the writings on everyday mindfulness meditations by Thich Nhat Hanh.
It's gonna be okay. Deep breath.