This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The comments demonstrate:
- Internal consistency in a nuanced personal philosophy about identity.
- Personal insight from a specific perspective (e.g., female-to-masc).
- Complex, multi-paragraph reasoning that engages with the emotional and social complexities of detransition/desistance.
- A consistent tone of someone who is passionate and has strong, critical opinions, which aligns with the warning that detransitioners can be "pissed off."
The user identifies as a desister ("I would never bother detransitioning now") and their arguments, while strong, reflect a coherent personal worldview developed from lived experience.
About me
I was born female and started identifying as non-binary at 19, which led me to take testosterone. I realized my transition was motivated by envy and sexual attraction to feminine men, not a true identity. I stopped hormones after becoming disillusioned with the entire concept of gender identity. I've chosen not to medically detransition and now live comfortably in an androgynous space. I believe sexual feelings are a terrible reason to transition and that better screening is desperately needed.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and complicated, and I’ve ended up in a place I never expected. Looking back, I see now that a lot of my desire to transition was tangled up with sexual feelings and a kind of envy, not a deep-seated identity.
I was born female, but I never felt like I fit in with the typical idea of a girl. I started identifying as non-binary first, which felt like a safer way to step away from being a woman. That eventually led me to a female-to-masc transition. A big part of my motivation was that I always found femboys really attractive and, honestly, I envied them. I loved the male form and felt that men are too limited in how they're allowed to be beautiful and sexy. I think I wanted to become a version of that myself.
I took hormones for a while. It was a hard process, like going through a second puberty with all the awkwardness that entails. You have to relearn how to move through the world, and it’s jarring to realize you don’t fit in with women anymore, but you’re also never fully accepted as one of the guys. I never had any surgeries.
Over time, I became totally disillusioned with the whole concept of transgender and gender identities. I realized that gender and sexuality, while important in your personal life, don't actually have much bearing on your core identity or who you are as a person. There's more to life than that. Because of this realization, I’ve chosen not to detransition medically, even though I no longer believe in the ideology that started me on this path. I’m comfortable living in a kind of androgynous, gender-deviant space. I think androgyny is a beautiful way to be.
I don’t have regrets, but I do have a lot of thoughts about the process. I strongly believe that sexual motivations are one of the worst reasons to transition. It’s an incredibly difficult journey that isn’t worth it just for a kink or a fetish. It drastically reduces your dating pool and makes sex and relationships much more complicated. If I could talk to my past self, I’d say to spend years just presenting differently before ever considering hormones, to really understand what it feels like to be perceived as the opposite sex.
Now, I just try to coexist peacefully with my body and my history. I believe you can either feel shame for your past or you can celebrate the person you are now, including all the evidence of your journey. The important thing is that we learn from these experiences and push for better screening and safety protocols so others can make more informed decisions.
Here is a timeline of the major events for me:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 19 | Started identifying as non-binary. |
| 21 | Began a social transition to a masculine presentation. |
| 22 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 26 | Stopped taking hormones; became disillusioned with gender identity. |
| 27 | Accepted a permanent androgynous identity without medical detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/cearno:
Speaking as someone female-to-masc who has this urge, it's because I always found femboys hot and envied them. It's really that simple. I love the male form, but I don't think it's shown off or appreciated to the full extent it could be in our culture (i.e., men are viewed as utilitarian, and that's the only commonly accepted form of male attractiveness). But I do think the male form can be beautiful and sexy in the same way a woman can be.
What you're asking about is gender presentation. Gender expression/presentation is very distinct from someone's identity — I.e. someone can wear something conventionally "feminine" but still have a masculine personality. IMV men are far too limited in what's acceptable for them to wear and appear.
Sexual motivations are singlehandedly the worst reason to transition. If this is your only motivation, you are about to make a huge mistake.
Transition is hard. It requires years of relearning social behaviors and mannerisms and modifying your appearance. You essentially have to build yourself again, with cringe moments very similar to your first puberty. If you have not presented as your target sex, then you should spend a few years doing so before going the hormonal route. This is because you cannot anticipate how it might feel to be perceived as the opposite sex until you've done it. For example, it can be jarring when you no longer fit into your "flock" i.e. men will never accept you as one of the guys again.
This is a HUGE change you would be undertaking. Sexual reasons are not powerful enough to justify the struggle that's about to hit you.
Do you want to know why? It's because you are taking a significant hit to your sex life. It's really weird having sex as a transsexual, and most people will not be as attracted to you as someone natively male or female. Sex is going to get worse if you're in-between.
If you're attracted to women and want to be a woman, this is going to be rough. Most lesbians will not be attracted to a biological male regardless of feminine presentation (and IMO, SRS is not a viable option — the technology is terrible, and you will be damaging a vital organ).
Bisexual women will become your only viable option. You're decreasing your dating pool by 98%+ with an additional hit of not being biologically "pure," let's say. Trans bodies are very hard to be attracted to unless you're genuinely beautiful and exceptional, which most aren't.
Moreover, as an overly annoying stereotype that this is, most bisexual women still end up preferring biological men more. This is just how it is.
So, you tell me, is reducing your dating pool with women by 99% worth it for your kink? You'd probably have an easier time just dating women as a femboy, because some women actually have a fetish for pretty guys. I don't see any sexualizing trans women. In fact, trans women tend to have a bad rep with women due to being viewed as fetishists who invade female spaces.
I'm not entirely sure why you have to tell them. I'd confide in those you are close to (separate or your group) to air your grievances, but otherwise, I'd just mention it in passing.
Idk. There's more to life than gender, presentation, and how others see you. I've realized in age that it doesn't really matter tbh. It's like sexuality. It makes a difference in your personal life but actually has little bearing on your identity and who you are. Which is why I would never bother detransitioning now (even though I'm totally disillusioned w Trans and gender identities).
Just throwing my thoughts out there as an alternative. It might be more important to your identity than it is to me, OR POSSIBLY you might subconsciously want to tell them just to talk about it more. Personally, I really would mention it in passing if it comes up but not so much otherwise. Detransitioning doesn't make you invalid within the group. You still share a lot w them and can be their friend, meanwhile staying authentic and mentioning personal experiences if it comes up without making a big deal of it.
Yeah, a pic and explanation not a bad way to go about it. On second thought, nowadays people swing around on their gender identity pretty often (though they're usually ones who haven't transitioned hormonally/surgically). I think if you frame it positively by saying that you've been feeling masculine lately and are embracing it, it's possible to avoid stunning or offending people (because so many trans people feel detransitioning is an attack on their identity 🙄). A celebratory public post over avoiding broadcasting concepts like "regret" is something I can see going over more smoothly and would keep you included (then you can tell the deeper details to ones who inquire further). But how serious you are and whether you want to spread awareness about detrans being a thing. Spreading awareness comes at a cost of likability. But I get the feeling you just want to stay in touch with them while being your genuine self. Just some thoughts. Could also soften the blow by calling yourself masculine-identifying at first since "cis man" is, idk, a term they don't often vibe with.
It's a wonderful thing that you can coexist peacefully with your body and all that you've been through! I think a lot of the people leaving such negative replies see their own turmoil within you.
But ultimately, you can either feel shame for what you've done, or you can celebrate the person you are and all the evidence of your past. It doesn't change that there was a path we had to take to know the outcome of.
Should the screening be better for allowing sex-related bodily modifications? Well, of course, and we should learn from experiences. But that wasn't available to you or any of us at the time.
At the end of all this, we're all still beautiful people who have gone through shit. And you're especially beautiful! I mean that in a superficial sense, and also your mentality. I agree with you, and don't let the comments trip you into thinking there's anything to feel bad or guilty about.
There's a difference between feeling shame and wanting better safety protocols to be in place. It's like many in this sub don't understand that some people still can live happily being gender deviant in some shape or form. I personally think androgyny is the most beautiful form.