This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "chachidubss" appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user shares highly specific, personal, and emotionally resonant details about their 10-year history with testosterone, detransition, and the resulting physical and psychological effects. The narrative is consistent, complex, and reflects the passionate and often painful perspective common in the community. Comments on unrelated topics like politics and personal style further support this is a real person.
About me
I was born female and my journey started at 14 when I discovered transition online, which felt like an answer to my deep unhappiness. I was on and off testosterone for ten years, completely convinced it was right for me until I started passing as a man and the spell suddenly broke. Now, I’m dealing with a permanently deep voice and fertility issues, which are painful, permanent reminders of that choice. I feel a lot of grief and anger over a decision I made as a troubled teenager, and I often feel politically homeless. I’m now trying to heal and accept that I can be a masculine woman.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and confusing, and I’m still trying to figure a lot of it out. I was born female, and as a kid, I was pretty feminine. I didn’t start feeling like I wanted to be a boy until I was about 14, right after I found out that female-to-male transition was a thing you could do online. It felt like a lightbulb moment that explained everything I was feeling.
Looking back, I had a lot of other stuff going on that probably contributed to those feelings. I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional home with an abusive, misogynistic dad and a mom who struggled with eating disorders and was obsessed with plastic surgery. I was diagnosed with OCD, selective mutism, and a hair-pulling disorder by the time I was 11. I was an overweight, shy girl with a bald spot from pulling my hair out, and I had no friends. People mostly ignored me until middle school when I started cutting myself; then the bullying got really bad. After that, I starved myself and lost almost 50 pounds in high school.
I hated my body. I hated getting my period, I hated my breasts and my curves. I never understood or got along with other girls—I suspect now that I might be autistic. I was terrified of men treating me "like a woman," but I was still attracted to them. Discovering transition felt like the perfect solution. I was also really into yaoi, which are romance stories about gay men, and I think that played a part in me wanting to be a gay boy rather than a man.
I came out as a trans guy at 15 and started testosterone at 17. I was on and off T for about ten years, finally stopping for good when I was 28. I never had any surgeries. For a long time, I was extremely sure this was the right path for me. But a couple of years ago, something shifted. I had started to consistently pass as a cis man, and instead of making me happy, it kind of broke the spell. It was like a veil was lifted. I started missing being a girl and feeling jealous of other women. It was so confusing, like waking up from a really long, strange dream and wondering what the hell I had done to myself.
I have a lot of regrets. I feel like a mistake I made as a teenager has messed up my life forever. My voice is permanently deep, which gives me a lot of social anxiety. It sounds nasally and lispy to me, and I hate the confused looks people give me when I talk. I’m looking into vocal feminization surgery, but it’s expensive and not covered by my insurance. My menstrual cycle is also completely messed up. Even a year after stopping T, it's still irregular—I'll skip a month, have random spotting, or have a heavy period that lasts ten days with awful cramps. My doctor told me I'm practically infertile now because my ovaries are so screwed up from years of hormonal chaos.
I stopped T cold turkey and never told my original clinic. I just didn’t refill my prescription and stopped going to appointments. My current doctor just changed my records back to female. I think a lot of detransitioners like me just disappear from the system, which is why the official detransition rates seem so low.
Politically, all of this has made me more of a centrist. I understand why some detransitioners are drawn to the right, because they seem more supportive of our stories and want more safeguards around medical transition, which I think I would have benefited from. But I can’t bring myself to fully align with them because of issues like abortion and women’s healthcare, which I strongly support. I feel politically homeless a lot of the time.
I’m trying to cope by not dwelling on the past too much, but it’s hard. I go through all the stages of grief—anger, bargaining, depression. Some days I feel acceptance, and the next day I’m right back to being angry and sad. It’s isolating because there’s not a lot of understanding or support out there for us, and we’re often seen as a threat or called transphobic for just talking about our own experiences.
I’ve kept most of my old photos from my transition. I came out at 15, so that period covers my high school graduation, college, my wedding, my entire twenties. It’s a huge part of my life, and even though it makes me cringe sometimes, I can’t just pretend it didn’t happen.
Now, I’m just trying to move forward, focus on my hobbies, and heal. I’m learning that there’s no right or wrong way to be a woman, and that I don’t have to perform femininity to be one. I’m still a masculine woman, and that’s okay.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 11 | Diagnosed with OCD, selective mutism, and trichotillomania. |
| 14 | Discovered FTM transition online; began wanting to be a boy. |
| 15 | Came out socially as a trans man. |
| 17 | Started testosterone (T) therapy. |
| 17-28 | Was on and off testosterone therapy for 10 years. |
| 28 | Stopped testosterone permanently and began detransition. |
| 29 | One year post-T; dealing with permanent voice changes and irregular menstrual cycles. |
Top Comments by /u/chachidubss:
You're not alone. I was a feminine kid. I'm bisexual leaning straight, but prefer men. Never wanted to be a boy until I was about 14 and found out you could be ftm online. 10 years on and off T here. Feels like I woke from a long, weird dream and am sitting here thinking "what the fuck did I do that for?"
I was under the impression that Testosterone itself raises blood pressure, cholesterol, and causes secondary polycythemia (increased iron, red blood cells and thicker blood) leading to increased stroke and heart attack risks which is why many trans men need to donate blood frequently (myself included)?
I have gone off T for months at a time quite a few times and the iron, red blood cells count, blood pressure, etc. would all return to healthy levels despite me continuing to drink, smoke weed, vape nicotine, and eat like crap (working on all of these now cause I know that's unhealthy, but the impact from stopping T alone is massive)
I totally agree that social factors, diet, etc. contribute as well, and you made a very good point about the other untreated mental health issues leading to unhealthy lifestyles.
To ignore all that and say it's mainly stress from discrimination is utterly insane and negligent of these "experts".
Youre not alone, i also started around 15 and it still is hard to believe that a mistake i made that young completely fucked me over for life. It's rough. I don't know how I cope sometimes. When I sit and think about it too much, it sends me spiraling. The best thing I've noticed is honestly not dwelling on it, which is easier said than done. Fill your life with hobbies and fun things, movies, music and focus on healing the damage in the background and with time things just start getting a little better. You're going to go thru the stages of grief. I keep bouncing back between anger and bargaining and depression, somedays though I feel like I've hit acceptance and then bam, next day, back at fucking anger or depression.
It's really sad we don't have much understanding and support outside of a few small places on the internet and we're seen as transphobic and bigoted, which is so ironic. It's isolating as hell. Almost doesn't even feel real that something this bizarre and shitty can really happen to someone yet here we are :/
Oh wow, i relate so hard to this. Especially the yaoi and wanting to be a gay boy but not a man. Someone should really do a study on girls being into yaoi and effect on gender dysphoria cause I've seen so many other detrans women who experienced that too, it's wild.
That photo I'd definitely say female. That hairstyle is more flattering and you have feminine brows and eyes that the glasses kinda hide.
Maybe a pair of round, thinner framed glasses or contacts (if you don't mind those) would help. The makeup in the original photo is too heavy as well.
I think it's mainly just the makeup style and blocky glasses because you look way more feminine in the photo without them.
I'm so sorry. Nothing I can say is going to take away everything you've been through, but know you're not alone. I haven't had a hysterectomy but my doctor told me I'm practically infertile, my ovaries and cycle are screwed up even a year off T and likely always will be.
I totally relate, I was terrified of men and being objectified and abused and testosterone gave me a little force field of protection in a way. I feel the exact same way, like I woke from a coma or a really long, strange dream. Like waking up a totally new person, completely aware and wondering what the fuck did I do to myself? I daydream everyday about going back in time and not doing this. It's a suffocating, overwhelming and isolating thing to experience.
Let yourself grieve and feel the pain and not feel any guilt for it. None of this was your fault, you were just a child who thought you were doing the best thing for yourself and pushed by misguided professionals along the way.
There are a lot of other women on here who have been through hysterectomies and have gotten onto estrogen therapy with awesome results. You should try searching through the subreddit to find their posts, there's a lot of good info and advice on there. Many women get hysterectomies, even in their 20s, for various reasons. You're absolutely no less of a woman for going through one and the hormone treatments nowadays are like miracles of science.
The right outwardly seems more supportive of detransitioners than the other so thats likely why. They also vocally campaign towards more safety guards in regards to hrt and srs which a lot of detransitioners could've benefited from.
The left, in general, is against any "gatekeeping" and see detransitioners as a threat to self-id and informed consent and the trans movement as a whole, and therefore lash out at us. I'm not saying the whole left does this, but it's more common than not. And if you keep feeling attacked from one side, it's natural to start to identify with the other.
Many of us also feel burned out from having to walk on eggshells and hide our opinions to keep the peace with friends and acquaintances on the left and end up boomeranging to the right. like you said one extreme to another.
I've become more centrist over the years because of this, but definitely wouldn't consider myself "right" though due to stuff like abortion rights and health care, but I understand the draw the right has to people like us.
Why some with platforms do so? Could be for more visibility and views, could be because they just lean more to the right anyway and agree with Trump and feel more comfortable being publicly vocal about it as a detransitioner than they did when they identified as trans.
This might be an unhealthy way to go about it...You've mentally linked "woman" with "feminine" and things like makeup and dresses and nail polish but all that stuff is performative and unimportant for being a woman. Forcing yourself to perform that way if you dont want to is going to lead to linking "womanhood" with discomfort. Like another comment said, there's no right or wrong way to be a woman. You can be 100% butch and masculine as you want to regardless of sexuality. I always thought butch meant youre a lesbian but you can be butch af and be bi, straight, gay, asexual, etc.
For the not fitting in with girls and feeling othered because of it, I totally get it. I never had female friends growing up, still don't lol. I feel like an alien around a lot of women even now. It doesn't make you a lesser woman. I identified as trans for like 15 years, on T for 10, so i totally understand the habitual mindset you mentioned. Is it that you want to be more feminine but feel like you're not allowed to because you identified as a trans man? Or do you feel like you have to perform femininity to be a woman, and that makes you uncomfortable?
Maybe trying to find other masculine women in your community to hang out with and talk to would help. Even online too, theres a lot of subreddits for masc women of all sexualites. I think seeing that there's so many different ways to be a woman would be a good start. There's subreddits for feminine trans men as well, so you can see that being a trans man doesn't mean you're not allowed to enjoy feminine things as well.
I stopped T cold turkey and never refilled it. Told my current doctor and she just put me down as female, she's knowledgeable about trans stuff but its not her primary area of expertise so I'm not sure if she participates in research and studies in trans/detrans stuff. I never reached out to original clinic and they never followed up after I stopped going so I highly doubt I'm included in any follow up studies, statistics or any of that.
I think the official rate is so low despite there being so many of us online is because we just stop refilling and stop making appointments and doctors are so busy nowadays they don't notice unless you're part of an official study or something.
Nervous lol
Kamala all the way btw✌️
Mainly because abortion and women's health care. I've seen talk about Republicans wanting to go after birth control too, which is just so unhinged and cruel because it's also used for other things than preventing pregnancy (which is a totally valid reason to take it anyway). I think overturning roe v wade was a bad move cause I know some Republicans who are voting for Kamala purely because of it. I think most people know someone who has miscarried or had to get an abortion for one reason or another. I know multiple personally, one who would be literally dead if they didn't.
I agree more with conservatives on some trans issues (like sports, and minors getting hrt) but I can't bring myself to vote for that side because of the other issues. I also don't think either sides gonna have too much of an impact on it anyway, it's probably gonna come down to states if anything.
I haven't been watching any news or videos about it, I voted and now I'm gonna try to tune out til it's over lol