This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The user shares a detailed, nuanced, and emotionally complex personal history that is consistent with a desister's experience. The language is personal, reflective, and shows a clear evolution of thought over time, which is difficult to fake convincingly. The passion and internal conflict described align with the expected perspective of a genuine desister.
About me
My journey started at 14 when I came out as trans and wanted to become a man. I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria at 25 and was set to start testosterone, but I cancelled the appointment at the last minute. That decision was incredibly difficult and sent me into a dark place for a while. Now, at 34, the intense need to transition has faded and I feel most comfortable as a butch female. I don't regret my choice, and while I sometimes get curious, the feeling is now a quiet "want" instead of a desperate "need."
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and complicated. I’m 34 now, and it started when I was 14. That’s when I first came out to my parents as trans. Back then, I identified as a man and really wanted to start hormones. It felt like something I needed to do.
I ended up getting an official diagnosis for gender dysphoria when I was 25, which led to an appointment with an endocrinologist to finally start testosterone. But on the day of the appointment, I cancelled it. After a lot of soul-searching, I realized that for me, medical transition wasn’t completely necessary. I’ve always had this personal belief that transition should be a last resort, and I decided my situation didn’t reach that point. Making that choice sent me into a really bad mental spiral for a while. It was a hard decision and I struggled with it.
It’s been about nine years since I cancelled that appointment, and my feelings have changed a lot. The intense desire to transition, the dysphoria, has mostly faded. It only really comes back now when I’m under a lot of stress. Sometimes I still get a flicker of that old feeling—I’ll feel curious about how I’d look or sound on hormones, or I’ll like it when strangers mistake me for a guy. But it’s different now. It feels more like a “want” than a crushing “need.” Before, it felt like I had to transition to survive. Now, the idea of permanently altering my body, especially with the risks of negative health or psychological changes, stops me from going through with it.
My thoughts on gender itself have shifted. I don’t really identify with having a gender at all anymore. I used to feel like I had an internal gender, but I don't anymore. I reject the label "cis" for myself, but I respect anyone's choice to use whatever label fits them, whether that's trans or something else. It’s impossible to escape gender completely because people will always put gendered expectations on you, but I try not to engage with it personally. I feel the strongest connection to the identity of a butch female. That’s what I am.
Pronouns and gendered language like “miss” or “lady” can still feel a bit weird to me sometimes, even after all this time. I think that’s pretty common among masculine females. It’s not a huge deal, just something I notice.
Looking back, I don’t regret my decision not to transition medically. I’m glad I didn’t start hormones. I promised myself that if the dysphoria ever came back so strong that I became suicidal, I would transition rather than harm myself, but that hasn’t happened. I read forums for transgender men sometimes and I just don’t feel like I’m one of them anymore, which is a strange feeling after so many years identifying that way. I guess you could say I desisted, since I never took any medical steps.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 14 | Came out to my parents as transgender. |
| 25 | Officially diagnosed with gender dysphoria. Cancelled my endocrinologist appointment to start testosterone on the same day. |
| 25-34 (Present) | Lived as a masculine female. The desire to transition has mostly dissipated, only returning during times of stress. |
Top Comments by /u/chipmnk75:
I can relate to this. I don't identify with the label 'agender' because my thoughts about the concept of 'having a gender identity' have changed, but I feel that I used to experience an internal gender and no longer do.
Came out as trans at 14 to parents and I'm 34 now. Used to identify as a man and wanted hormones. Got diagnosed officially with gender dysphoria at 25 but cancelled the endocrinologist appointment to start hormones the day of. I determined it wasn't completely necessary in my case after a lot of soul searching. I'm from the old school 'transition as a last resort' mentality which I still hold for myself but don't judge others on their choices with their bodies. Went into a downward spiral mentally from my decision not to transition for sometime.
But in the 9 years since, my desire to transition/dysphoria has dissipated and only comes up now when I am under stress. I read the ftm sub and don't feel like I'm one of them anymore and it's strange. But I promised myself if I became suicidal again bc of dysphoria I would transition rather than make an attempt.
Yes I feel this. Sometimes I think 'desisted' doesn't really describe me. I experience the desire to transition from time to time and also like it when people think I'm male.
Transitioning feels mostly feels like a 'want' than a 'need' and that's what ultimately stops me from going through with it (along with fears of negative health/psychological changes).
For some people it could be interalized misogyny, but I don't think this is true in every case.
I reject "cis" in general but if a person feels that it describes them I respect their choice just as calling oneself trans is their choice.
I tend not to associate with myself with gender but as others have said it's inevitable that others will place gendered expectations on to you in some form or fashion.
Mostly no. I identify most strongly with butch females because I am one. I'm usually read as a guy by strangers and I don't have a problem with it. Occasionally, I get excited/curious about how I would look/sound on HRT and how things would change for me socially but not enough to alter myself permanently. Before it felt like a pressing need in order to live.
Detrans means you took medical steps in transitioning and then stopped which usually means stopping hormones and/or having reversal procedures. It also means you stopped identifying as the gender you were transitioning to.
Desist means you stopped identifying but did not take medical steps to transition.
Sounds very similar to my own story. I questioned things and ended up canceling the endocrinologist appointment 8 years ago. It wasn't a simple decision at the time but overall I'm glad I did it.
It is normal to feel uncomfortable with female pronouns/langauge especially after identifying as ftm so long. Sometimes 'she' still feels weird to me but less so now. Among masculine females, it's quite common to also be uncomfortable with 'miss', 'lady', etc.
I don't see anything in your post about dysphoria from not being on T so I'm leaning towards cancelling the appointment. But since it's some time away, you can hammer out for yourself precisely why you don't want to go on it to give you more clarity about your decision in the long run.