This story is from the comments by /u/chocolatecakedonut that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "chocolatecakedonut" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments display:
- Personal, detailed, and consistent narratives about their own transition, detransition, and history of severe childhood trauma.
- Nuanced and empathetic advice that acknowledges the complexity of gender dysphoria and the validity of both transition and detransition paths.
- A clear, long-term personal timeline and a consistent perspective that has evolved over years of posting.
- Appropriate emotional resonance, including passion, frustration with misinformation about detransitioners, and compassion for others—all of which align with the expected demeanor of a genuine individual who has experienced significant trauma and medical transition.
The account exhibits the depth, consistency, and emotional complexity of a real person sharing their lived experience.
About me
My gender dysphoria started when I was three, and I thought becoming a woman was the only way to fix the deep discomfort I felt with my male body. I transitioned in my early twenties, but everything changed when I remembered the severe childhood abuse I suffered, which was directly linked to being forced to act like a girl. I realized my desire to transition was a trauma response, so I stopped hormones and began to detransition, which was incredibly difficult and isolating. Through therapy focused on my trauma, I've been able to understand the roots of my dysphoria and it has lessened significantly. I'm now learning to accept myself as a man, and I believe the most important thing is to be yourself without changing your body to fit a stereotype.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was really young. I had severe gender dysphoria from as early as three years old. I didn't understand it then, but it was a deep discomfort with my male body and a feeling that something was terribly wrong. For a long time, I thought the only way to fix that feeling was to become a woman.
I started identifying as transgender in my teens and began medically transitioning with hormones when I was 20. I was on HRT for over two years. It did help reduce my dysphoria somewhat; I noticed fat redistribution, my skin got softer, and my emotions felt different. For a while, I thought this was the right path. I lived publicly as a woman for about three years.
But the real turning point came when I started recovering memories of the severe abuse I suffered as a child. From ages 3 to 15, I was raped and tortured daily by a family member. A big part of that abuse involved being forced to cross-dress, being called a female name during the assaults, and being told constantly that boys were disgusting and that if I had been born a girl, the abuse wouldn't have happened. I realized my desire to transition wasn't coming from a true place of self; it was a trauma response. I was trying to become someone else to escape the pain and the person my abuser had told me I was.
That realization led me to detransition. I stopped HRT about five months after remembering the abuse. It was an incredibly difficult decision. I lost friends, and I struggled with shame, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. But I knew I couldn't live my life making permanent changes to my body based on the wishes of my abuser.
Therapy has been my biggest help. I found a therapist who specializes in trauma and doesn't approach things from an affirming-only perspective. We worked on understanding the roots of my dysphoria, which were tangled up with PTSD, internalized homophobia, and the messages I was fed as a kid. I'm gay, and I also struggled with a lot of shame about that, which I think played into my desire to not be a man. Through a lot of hard work, my dysphoria has lessened significantly. I still have bad days, but I'm learning to accept and love my body as it is.
I don't believe there's any such thing as a "brain sex" or an innate gender identity. I think a lot of what we call gender is just social stereotypes. For me, transitioning was a form of escapism. I don't regret it because it was a necessary part of my journey to understanding myself, but I do regret the permanent changes, like breast growth, that I now have to live with. I also gave up a promising career during that time, which is something I wouldn't do again.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's okay to be a feminine man or a masculine woman. You don't need to change your body to fit a stereotype. The most important thing is to be yourself, whatever that looks like. I benefited greatly from non-affirming therapy that helped me tackle my underlying issues instead of just affirming my desire to transition.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 3 | First experiences of gender dysphoria and the start of severe childhood abuse. |
| 15 | The abuse finally stopped. |
| Teen Years | Began identifying as transgender. |
| 20 | Started hormone replacement therapy (HRT). |
| 23 | Began recovering memories of childhood abuse; realized my transition was linked to trauma. |
| 23 | Stopped HRT and began the process of detransitioning. |
| 23-Present | Engaged in intensive trauma therapy; working on accepting my male body and managing dysphoria. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/chocolatecakedonut:
Use the mens room. Period. I know you asked for female replies, but i used to be in the exact same boat as you, with men giving me weird looks or asking what im doing in the mens bathroom. Same for changing rooms. People just assumed i should use the womens ones. BUT this is largely due to women being socialized to be less confrontational and fearing what could happen if they do confront you and you retaliate. The truth is, very few people are actually accepting of either of use using womens facilities. People are just afraid and dont want to rock the pc boat. It's your responsibility to make people not uncomfortable, even if you are uncomfortable too. I have suffered significant trauma from both men and women, so i wish there were just more single stalls and changing areas. But at the end of the day, you should be looking out for others and assume the responsibility of speaking up that you are wearing womens clothing, but are a male. It might be hard, but being trans is not an easy thing. I dont blame you for your past actions, but going forward, you should be more conscious of how you affect other people.
I think it might be important to tell him that he doesn't need to be a girl to be loved and accepted. That its 100% fine to be a guy who is effeminate, and that men are just as worthy as love and positive attention. Especially if he was a social outcast, he might feel that if he was a girl he could've been apart of a tight knit social circle , or had a group of friends. So I think its very important to tell him that he as a man is just as worthy of all of that, and that his sex doesn't define his self worth or feeling of value. It also might be worth bringing up how not all desires we have are good for us. Sometimes we want things that might actually hurt us. Not all thoughts should be listened to or trusted, even if they are persistent. Im sorry this is so rambling, I hope there is something in here you might find useful. And I would definitely be willing to talk to him, if that comes about.
I really dont like the having genital preference makes you transphobic line of reasoning. Ive often heard from the same people that individuals need to "re-learn" their preferences to not be transphobic. Which reminds me a lot of conversion therapy tbh. Its confusing given that the lgbtqia+ montra that i grew up with was that you dont choose and can't change who and what you are attracted to. Sometimes, it really seems like things are moving backward.
I think there are a lot of reasons a person could have dysphoria in their body that have nothing to do with being trans. Hating your breasts doesn't make you trans at all, it just means you have insecurities about your body. Like many people.
Has taking testosterone helped your self image at all? Because if not thats a very big sign you arent probably trans. I think the fact that you still wish to be cisgenderned is also a sign that continuing transition might not be helpful to you as a person. As you might regret moving further away from that ideal as well.
Im not really sure if there is a way to 100% know if youre trans or not, but even if you have dysphoria it doesn't mean you have to identify as trans. You can always chose other ways of managing it, such as therapy or medication, if that ever becomes possible again for you.
Im sorry it is your responsibility to inform female staff of the appropriate facilities for you. It might be deeply uncomfortable to do, but you are making women deeply uncomfortable by using these facilities. I had to do the same when i was presenting as a woman, and yeah, its uncomfortable and sucks. But its your choice to dress that way, and thus your responsibility to inform others about which facilities you should actually be using. Its just part of the struggle as presenting as a sex you weren't born as. Its like, one of the worst parts of it, but you have to actually assume the responsibility of your choices.
Full honesty is the only way this could work out in my opinion. You cant really build a healthy relationship keeping such important things from them. Just be honest and accept any potential consequences. Its better than letting anything fester under the surface. Your identity is just as important as anyone elses on earth. You have a right to speak your true feelings.
Be realistic with your expectations in regards to appearance and function. Be aware this is a permanent surgery to damage healthy tissue, and that this will come with a lot of pain, and no way out. Once its done its done, and you will be left with repurposed and damaged genetalia, the upkeep of which can be extremely painful. Consider your daily life, the pain and complications that may occur, and that this likely wont help you pass, especially socially. Its a permanent solution for a problem that may well go away as your brain matures in your twenties. Just be 300% sure that this is what you really want for the rest of your life. And wait for your brain to finish maturing before making any permanent descicions.
I feel like we're almost fighting a losing battle about this sub tbh. I know we got a ban reversed, but everything feels so fragile. We have such little control over our own narrative here it just feels pointless to be on this site as a whole sometimes. I'm just so sick of this stuff, it's tiring, frustrating, and at times almost heartbreaking the missinformation said about us. I wish people could just have some empathy for our situation for once...
Warrior Cats was the shit back in the day. One of my favorites as a kid. I think niche fandoms often draw in people who struggle to relate to their peers and who are looking for escapism. Gender dysphoria can definitely lead to not really fitting in, and to desire a way out of ones current situation or self.
I went through with it because it made me feel better about my body. I do worry about peer to peer education as I feel everyone seeking transition should see a physician and therapist before they are allowed to start. And I feel peer to peer education has many more biases then medical professionals and often lacks proper medical backing. As well as the fact that promoting transition as the sole way to overcome dysphoria is harmful. I think all transition procedures can be humane, but again, I would want a psych evaluation confirming this is the best step for that individual medically.