I found out I was autism spectrum 6 years into transitioning, and it really made me rethink all of the fixations I was having, and all the unrealistic points of view I was harboring. I'm not a woman and I'll never be a woman. I had breast surgery 70 hours of electrolysis hormones for 6 years multiple bottom surgery consultations, but even if they were using stem cells and implanting uteruses, I still wouldn't be a woman. Women are under attack in society, the rights are being stripped away, and they have been the receivers of coercive domestic abuse for the history of humanity. Trans cannot be the thing that destroys women, I think trans need to realize that maybe we have some issues we need to work on. No one is requiring us to get a year of psychotherapy first to actually dig through all of these reasons and figure out how we got fixated in the first place, but as I have, if you start digging in and realizing where it all came from you might be more peace with who you actually are. It's very tempting to go down that road and it feels like sexually charged and interesting but it's really not the path. I detransitioned, and I'm now in the predicament of having to figure out how to get these breasts removed, as well as get my social security name and gender set right, especially since no one will hire me because of the way I look, not overtly saying it, despite my $140 credits of college in physics education psychology, pre-med, a current x-ray license in California, 10 years as an X-ray tech in medical assistant, 10 years as an audio engineer freelance for live and studio... I look and feel ridiculous, but the truth is I'd rather live my life as a man and do I really am. After 2 years of not having hormones anymore, I incurred an injury to my back, but on a positive note my wife and I were able to get pregnant and are now seven months pregnant, expecting a baby girl. If schools tried to tell my baby girl to affirm a gender change without even notifying me, which is the way society is going, that would be absolutely absurd. Parent rights are being taken away over this.

I was also coming out of my second marriage and felt a failure as a man, not realizing that my social problems were making me isolated even in a relationship. So when I did start transitioning, I was 70 mi away from my then-10-year-old son, my second ex-wife had rejected me for having bisexual proclivities and was dating another man and didn't want to work it out anymore and so I also had to say goodbye to my stepson, and I was alone by myself living in a house full of roommates who were stinking up the house and f****** in the room next to me. I was pretty f****** distraught. I need an escape goat, and I spent 6 years trying to see if that was the thing. It wasn't. I learned something, but I wouldn't recommend it.

Testosterone thickens the vocal cords, once they are thickened they cannot be unthickened. This is why I think there's only one doctor in Columbia who does vocal surgery and it's more about getting all the muscles around it to shorten the length of the vocal cords. My wife took testosterone for 6 months and her voice deepened and it's never gone back. I was on estrogen for 6 years and my voice is still deep

I felt like for myself, keeping up pretense became too difficult and there was a need to just BE AUTHENTIC TO MYSELF AND MY OWN NEEDS even if I may have jumped the gun getting hormones and surgery in my obsessed fixation with remaking myself to be the thing I admired instead of the thing I was. Good luck friend. ❤️

I would think with the actual breast tissue gone, there's no tissue left to grow no matter what your estrogen levels are. There's always implants and things like that if you feel like that's necessary someday, but getting too fixated on our bodies is what got us into the problem in the first place, so when I start cycling on how much dysmorphia I'm having, I try to remember that.

Treat it like dysmorphia or OCD. Forgive yourself, realize the obsession, find ways to avoid the trigger, focus on treating the discomfort, not by changing your appearance, but by working on learning to improve your relationship to yourself. ❤️ Best of luck friend.

I was chasing the beauty I admire in women for myself because I felt deeply like I had failed connecting to myself as a man, as a normal human being.

Later finding out after I had no hormones for a year (no health insurance) that I was on the autism spectrum gave me time to reflect on my history, and my relationship with myself, and though I'm still stuck with breast surgery, I researched bottom surgery, as a medical professional, I felt that it wasn't a vagina. Even if it was stem cells and an implanted uterus I still wouldn't be a woman. It didn't increase my happiness, but I did get hyper focused on myself for a while, lost 70 lb at one point because I was starving myself to look cuter, spending hours and hours on makeup and clothes trying to beautify myself according to some social standard, and realize that the entire cosmetic industries really just built on money, people's deep set fears or relationship with themself is deeply askew in this society.

So I can put down the masking and I can accept myself as a quirky person who is intelligent but sometimes just doesn't have my s*** together, and I make mistakes because I'm human, but at least I'm not hiding anymore about it and I can talk about it and I'm willing to make peace with what I did and come to a truce with myself over the ruin that I've caused in my life and in others.

It was hard losing another trans friend to suicide after their orchiectomy and deleting all of their social accounts. It was difficult to watch JK Rowling getting attacked for trying to talk about what a woman's experience is, or what fellow women that she and others have known have even gone through. To not have the freedom to talk about the social implications of violence on women being so out of proportion to violence on men. And then I think the last bit was Lia Thomas taking the really obvious advantage, and being oblivious to the social implications of what they were doing. Malignant,? Or maybe autistic? I don't know. But I know for myself that there were a lot of factors that led me to transition, and the factors that led me to detransition feel more like I am settling into my own skin and being a more complete and whole person psychologically. Even if it was elicited by a lack of health insurance, that opened my eyes to the haves and the have nots, and gave me the break to accept my real reality, this body, now.

It's like I get it you know. I know who I am now.