This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments demonstrate:
- Personal Experience: The user shares specific, first-person details about being a "masculine female," having taken testosterone, and the physical changes that resulted.
- Consistent, Nuanced Philosophy: The views are consistent across posts, advocating for the separation of gender expression from identity, and are critical of trans ideology from a detransitioned/desisted perspective. The arguments are complex and not simple slogans.
- Natural Engagement: The user responds directly to others' situations, offering tailored advice and engaging in a conversational tone.
The passion and criticism present are consistent with the genuine perspective of a desister/detransitioner.
About me
I was a masculine girl who felt like a failure for not fitting in, and my discomfort with puberty led me to believe I was a trans man. I took testosterone and got a deeper voice and a more masculine build, thinking it was the solution. I now see my struggle was really with body image and society's narrow expectations, not my sex. I've stopped all medical transition and have accepted myself as a female who is simply masculine. Through therapy, I've learned to live authentically without labels, and I regret that I wasn't first told it was okay to just be me.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was very young. I was a masculine girl and never really fit in with the expectations people had for me. I felt a lot of discomfort with my body, especially when I went through puberty and developed breasts. I hated them; they felt completely wrong on me and didn’t match the person I felt I was inside. I think a lot of my feelings were tied up in not being able to perform femininity in a way that felt acceptable, and that made me feel like a failure as a girl.
I found a lot of this online. The idea that I could just be a different gender altogether was really appealing. It felt like an escape. Instead of being a girl who was bad at being a girl, I could just be something else and finally feel normal. That’s what led me to transition. I started identifying as non-binary first, and then later as a trans man. It felt like a solution to all my discomfort and low self-esteem.
I ended up taking testosterone for a short period of time. I experienced a lot of changes very quickly: my voice got deeper, I grew more body hair, and my jawline became more pronounced. I also got really into lifting weights, which gave me a very masculine build. Even though I’ve stopped, some of those changes, like my deeper voice, have stayed with me.
I never got surgery, but I wanted top surgery desperately because of how much I hated my breasts. Looking back, I realize a lot of my feelings were a form of body dysmorphia, mixed with a deep anxiety about not fitting into a social category. I was trying to fix an internal problem with an external solution.
My thoughts on gender have completely changed now. I don't believe that clothes, hobbies, or personality traits have anything to do with your sex. I'm a female, and I'm also very masculine. That's just a type of woman. The problem was that I associated my inability to be feminine with being the wrong sex, instead of realizing that there's no wrong way to be a woman. Society makes that hard to see. We should be encouraging masculine girls and feminine boys, not telling them they might be born in the wrong body.
I do have some regrets about taking testosterone. While I don't mind the permanent changes it left me with and even like some of them now as a masculine woman, I regret the reason I did it. I was trying to escape from myself and from the pressure to conform. I wish I had been told it was okay to just be a gender-nonconforming person. I benefited immensely from therapy that wasn't affirming—therapy that helped me work through my self-esteem issues and my need to escape, rather than just telling me to transition.
Now, I don’t use any labels for my gender. I just am who I am. I’m a female who looks and acts very masculine, and I’m finally comfortable with that. I tell people they can use whatever pronouns for me because it doesn’t change what I am. My goal is to just live authentically without worrying about what box I fit into.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12-13 | Started puberty; began to feel intense discomfort and hatred toward developing breasts. |
| 17 | Found trans communities online; began identifying as non-binary. |
| 19 | Socially transitioned and began identifying as a trans man. |
| 20 | Started testosterone. |
| 21 | Stopped testosterone after a short period; began the process of detransitioning. |
| 22 | Underwent non-affirming therapy which helped address underlying self-esteem and body image issues. |
Top Comments by /u/chubblift:
"cross-dressing" is not the problem. men who wear feminine clothing, and vice versa, is just gender nonconformity. it's normal and healthy, and does not involve hormones or surgery. we should be encouraging people to wear what they want and live how they please, disregarding the gender stereotypes that lead them to feel ostracized in the first place; associating these things with sex is what leads people to transition. if a man cannot preform masculinity or a woman cannot preform femininity to a societally acceptable degree, they may be intrigued by trans ideology, because it offers them a way to feel "normal" and fit into a norm, even if it's not the norm. this is harmful. encourage masculine girls and feminine boys. let them know there's nothing wrong with it so they never have to feel like transition is what they have to do to be accepted.
i'm a masculine female, so the inverse of your situation, however the best advice that i can give is to allow people to interpret you however they want without fixating so much on your specific presentation. dress, behave, and look however is most comfortable and natural for you without worrying about what it means for your identity.
you can't control what people think of you. some people instantly recognize me as female, others refer to me as male; it doesn't mean anything aside from what people call me, and personally, i don't really care. i am who i am, i don't need to apply strict labels to myself because after a long time of trying, i know that i don't really fit into anything as perfectly as i'd like.
the less you concentrate on how people perceive you, the more authentic you'll be to yourself, if that makes any sense.
This type of thinking is part of what leads people to transition in the first place.
If a man cannot fulfill the societal expectations of manhood regardless of how much effort he exerts or how long he pursues it, what does that thought process lead him to if he believes he is a "failed" man?
He'll look to other options, to achieve an identity which he can "properly" and successfully assume the role of. It's easier to be the "right" version of something else, than to be the "wrong" version of what you are. This is exactly what made transition so appealing to me, and it is absolutely not the ideals you should be promoting if you want to see change.
Well, to put it as plainly as possible, you should work to disconnect yourself from associating certain clothing styles with gender.
What does it mean to "dress like a woman"? Because if you just mean dressing femininely, that is not really the same thing as "dressing like a woman". Dressing like a woman is just being a woman and wearing whatever you like. As long as you are female and wearing clothing, you are dressing like a woman; and vice versa.
These are all cultural norms pushed onto us at a very young age, and as long as we remain adamant about who and what we are while dressing and behaving however feels most natural for the particular individual, it shouldn't be an issue.
That said, it takes a lot of time and thought to substantially break away from these societal norms, and for them to stop being automatic assumptions/functions in our minds. It's not easy, and you have to find a balance between being thoughtful and not fixating on it so heavily that it consumes you.
"Cross-dressing" shouldn't have the goal of assuming a role, and if you feel you'll get caught up within that, I'd advise against it. Just wear what you feel comfortable in, don't compartmentalize what it means to be male or female; just be.
Hopefully that makes sense.
of course, no problem! it's nice to engage with others who are in similar positions, they typically have more compassion and insight with this stuff, which i highly appreciate.
it's always difficult when it comes to professional settings; even in everyday public interactions, i've had people ask what my pronouns are, and i'll respond that "i don't mind whatever people call me", and they continue to press on. i think a lot of people expect you to have something specific that you like to be referred to as, and when you don't, they fear upsetting you by saying something wrong.
i'd say a good middle ground for the pronouns might be they/them if you're unsure? this gives you some leeway in case the other options feel too restricting. as far as name goes, i chose a gender neutral one when i changed mine, which also helped alleviate some of the stress of "picking a side".
i was on testosterone for a short period of time, but i experienced quite a lot of changes. more body hair growth, a deeper voice, and a more pronounced jawline which has stuck with me. i also lift, so i have a very masculine build. but i love it as well, i personally take a lot of pride in being such a manly woman, lol.
i think it's all about finding your perfect blend of masculinity and femininity, which can take some time to figure out, as well as feel comfortable in. the important thing to keep in mind is that there's no wrong way to be a man or woman, y'know? society makes this hard to internalize, but it's true!