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There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The user's story is highly detailed, emotionally consistent, and deeply personal, spanning many years and covering complex topics like trauma, medical procedures, and the long-term psychological process of detransition. The account expresses a wide range of genuine human emotions—anger, regret, anxiety, hope, and empathy for others—which is not typical of automated or troll accounts. The narrative is specific and complex, making it highly improbable to fabricate.
About me
I started identifying as trans at 11 because I was disgusted by my developing female body, a feeling I now know was rooted in childhood trauma. I medically transitioned at 18 with testosterone and surgery to become who I thought was a gay man. By 25, I woke up and realized I had been escaping my reality and would never actually be male. I deeply regret transitioning and am now a woman living with permanent changes like a deeper voice and no breasts. I'm focused on healing from my trauma and seeking reconstruction, but it's a difficult journey.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was around 10 or 11 years old, right when I hit puberty. I began to feel extremely uncomfortable with my developing female body, especially my breasts. I saw them as huge lumps of fat that made me look overweight and sexualized me, and I was just disgusted by them. This feeling of hating my body and my puberty is where it all began.
Looking back, I now understand that a lot of this was connected to trauma. I was sexually abused as a child, and I developed a deep hatred for my female body. I didn’t want anyone to look at me. I also had a serious obsession with Japanese yaoi, which are stories about gay male relationships. I was so attracted to the idea of these beautiful, feminine gay men that I wanted to be one. I think I created a character in my head—an ageless, beautiful anime prince—and I decided to become that person. It was a form of escapism from my reality as a traumatized young girl. I didn't want to grow up; I wanted to be a young boy forever.
I started identifying as trans around age 11, back in 2007, and I medically transitioned as soon as I turned 18. I took testosterone for about 4 or 5 years and had a double mastectomy to remove my breasts. At the time, I was completely convinced I was a gay man trapped in a woman’s body. I was even “Tumblr famous” for a while as one of those young trans guys who looked like a cute anime character.
But around age 25, everything changed. I’ve heard that’s when your brain finishes developing, and for me, it was like I woke up from a long fever dream. I realized I would never actually be a man, no matter how hard I tried. I started to hate how I was being treated as an effeminate guy and felt like I was just playing a character. The older I got, the more I realized I didn't want to grow old being seen as a man. I also began to understand how my childhood trauma and internalized misogyny were the real roots of my discomfort, not my gender. I’ve always had low self-esteem, anxiety, and what I now believe is body dysmorphic disorder—I’ve always hated my body and still do, even after changing it.
I regret transitioning medically. I wish I had waited longer to figure things out. I saw many therapists from the age of 12 to 18, and I feel they all failed me by just affirming that I was trans instead of helping me explore the deep-seated trauma and mental health issues that were causing my distress. Now, I’m a woman with a deeper voice from testosterone and no breasts, which makes life really difficult. I’m often misgendered; people sometimes think I’m a man or a trans woman, which causes me a lot of stress and anxiety, especially with things like phone calls or job hunting. I feel hopelessly androgynous.
Detransitioning and accepting my biological sex has helped me mentally, but I’m still on a long road of self-acceptance. I’m seeing a therapist, which is helping. I’m trying to focus on myself and care less about what others think, but it’s a daily struggle. I’m also looking into breast reconstruction surgery and have had a consultation, but it’s considered elective so it’s not covered by insurance, which is a financial burden.
My thoughts on gender now are that the ideology can be dangerous. It often takes normal feelings of discomfort, especially from trauma or puberty, and labels them as being trans without looking for the root cause. I’ve experienced this firsthand, and it’s led to serious health complications, like being infertile and having permanent voice changes. I don’t regret detransitioning, but I deeply regret ever transitioning in the first place.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 10 | ~2006 | Puberty started; began feeling intense discomfort with my female body and hated my developing breasts. |
| 11 | 2007 | First had feelings of being a boy; began identifying as trans. |
| 12 | 2008 | Started seeing psychologists for these feelings. |
| 18 | 2014 | Began medical transition: started testosterone and had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 22-23 | 2018-2019 | Stopped testosterone after 4-5 years of use. |
| 25 | ~2021 | Realized my transition was a mistake; began detransitioning and identifying as female again. |
| 28 | 2024 | Currently detransitioned, living as a woman, and seeking breast reconstruction. |
Top Comments by /u/cinder_garden:
I’m sorry you experienced such crap from those people. This is the problem with gender ideology in my opinion. Any shred of trauma or distance associated with your sex is seen as a verification that you are somehow trans. It’s so dangerous. I hope you are doing okay and I just want to say I have a similar experience to you, so if you ever need to talk to someone you are welcome to talk to me.
Lol these people are insane and in complete denial that people are starting to see through this crazy ideology. I was trans for 13 years of my life, hormones for 4-5 years, top surgery too. Never in my life would I have thought I would end up detransitioning, but here I am. Went through all of the medical and psychological testing, did everything by the book.. and here I am.
It certainly was for me... there were many factors, but me being obsessed with yaoi when I was 13 made me want to be a cute gay anime boy so bad. I had that look perfected from when I was like 15-24 years old. I was one of those "Tumblr famous" ftm teens in around 2010-2011 because I genuinely looked like a young gay teen from a cartoon. I had so many creepy men in my DMS.
Realising I can't be a cute young anime boy forever and the lack of ability to imagine myself growing old as a man really shattered that idea of myself (along with internalized misogyny and having a childhood riddled with trauma). I think I used this "character" of a boy to escape my reality of being a traumatised young girl. It felt like a Peter Pan syndrome where I did not want to ever grow up, just wanting to be a young boy forever. Then reality hit me like a fever dream. So yeah, I'm one of them and I think it's quite common from what I've seen.
I don’t think I would have ever gotten my breasts removed/taken testosterone if the multiple therapists I talked to from ages 12-18 actually asked me questions instead of blindly affirming and got to the root of my problem which was my childhood sexual trauma. Now I’m just a woman who still has trauma and now with more added trauma of having my body parts removed and sounding like a man. Life sucks :)
I remember seeing Thomas on the news when I was like 11 years old. I was so confused because it was sold as an actual biological male giving birth. My 11 year old brain couldn't handle it. It really shows how the denial of reality can seep into children's minds.
Yeah, I understand completely. It's just so confusing to me. I feel like they are living in a completely different reality. I feel so fake too and I'm sick of it because I want to be a person who holds integrity as a core value. When it's people's identities on the line, it's like there is absolutely no room for discussion.
I literally have the exact same experience. I also have no idea how I got here. 4-5 years in testosterone and a double mastectomy. Always been extremely feminine, and always been straight. I thought I was a gay guy trapped in a woman's body. Looking at yaoi as a 12 year old made me think I was meant to be a feminine boy, but I could never see myself growing old as a man. It's crazy looking back. How could I have done this? It feels like I was a completely different person. Just know that there are people who share a similar experience to you. It feels isolating.
I'm completely with you in that I can't understand why any male would want to enter a female only space. I used to agree with trans women being allowed into women's spaces but it doesn't make any sense to me anymore. I know it may sound silly, but our spaces as women are truly sacred. It's a safe area for us if we're feeling threatened and there is often a sense of comradery in female spaces - we all have each other's backs because we all know what it's like to navigate the world as women. There is an instinctual sense of caution when interacting with any male at first. We often have to scan for threats. It's literally a subconscious process. Men and women have different energies. Even as a detrans woman, I feel a sense that I don't want to intimidate anyone.. and this is in my own space.
A few reasons:
By finally just realising that I'll never be a gay guy, no matter how hard I try.
Hating how I was being treated as being viewed as an effeminate guy and having this weird, idealised view of being a pretty femme anime prince forever. The older I got, the more it felt like I was playing a character. I realised I have to grow up and I didn't want to grow older being seen as a man. Hating what testosterone did to my body.
I ended up thinking I was trans because I was sexually abused as a child and developed a hatred for my female body. I didn't want anyone looking at me. I'm still dealing with that internalised misogyny. I'm 100% sure it's a combination of that and undiagnosed body dysmorphic disorder. (I was 12 when I had feelings of being a boy and I'm nearly 28 now.)
Along with that, I created this character in my head and decided to become that character. I wanted to be like an ageless, beautiful prince. I can't understand why mental health professionals (and I saw MANY) didn't get to the root cause of this shit because I've been seeing psychologists since I was 12. 5 years on testosterone and a double mastectomy later, here I am. It feels like I've woken up from a long, fever dream.
Thanks for your response, I saw a post of yours a few days ago and could relate to it so much. I was 18 when I transitioned medically, so similar to your age. I didn't realise it was a mistake til I was 25. If you ever wanna chat just send me a message and maybe we can help support each other.