This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.
The user's perspective is internally consistent, emotionally resonant, and reflects the complex, often angry, reasoning common in the detrans community. They identify as a straight male who desisted, which is a recognized desister narrative. The comments show a personal investment and a developed philosophical critique of gender ideology, which is difficult to fake convincingly.
About me
I started transitioning because I was deeply unhappy and felt my female body was wrong, hoping to escape my pain. I was heavily influenced by online communities that offered a new identity as the solution. After taking testosterone and having surgery, I realized the ideology I had embraced no longer made sense to me. I now understand I needed self-acceptance, not to change who I was. I am at peace being a female and am learning to live with the permanent changes from that time.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started from a place of deep unhappiness and a feeling that I didn't fit in. For a long time, I felt like my body was wrong. I hated my breasts and felt a general discomfort with going through female puberty. I had really low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. I now see that a lot of this was tied to internalised issues and a kind of escapism; I thought that if I could change my body, I could escape the person I was and the feelings I had.
I started identifying as non-binary first, and then later as a trans man. A lot of this was influenced by what I saw online. I’d watch endless trans-affirming videos on YouTube that seemed to have all the answers. It felt like I had finally found a community and an explanation for why I felt so bad. The idea of an "authentic self" that was trapped inside felt so powerful. I started taking testosterone and eventually got top surgery.
For a while, it felt like it was working. I was focused on "passing" and building this new identity. But over time, the logic of it all started to fall apart for me. I began to see the whole thing as a kind of ideology, and it stopped making sense. The constant need to "pass" felt toxic and unrealistic. I started to see critiques of the ideology that I had ignored before, and it was like waking up from a dream, or maybe a cult. I realized that 99% of people just identify with their sex, and that trying to become something else was maladaptive and alienating. It wasn't that transitioning didn't "work out" for me; it was that the entire foundation of belief crumbled.
Detransitioning wasn't about going back to conforming to femininity. It was about accepting that I am female, and that I can be any kind of woman I want to be. The pronouns, the identities, and the surgeries weren't good for me. I see now that what I needed was love and acceptance for myself as I was, not a radically new identity. Life is a journey, and I don't regret the path I took because it led me to this understanding, but I do regret the permanent changes to my body. I see the whole experience now as a philosophical lens that shaped how I saw the world, and I'm shocked by how powerful that was.
Here is a timeline of the major events as best I can remember them:
Age | Event |
---|---|
14 | Started feeling intense discomfort with female puberty and developed depression and anxiety. |
19 | Began identifying as non-binary, heavily influenced by online communities. |
21 | Started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone. |
23 | Underwent top surgery. |
25 | Began seriously questioning the ideology behind transition; the logic stopped making sense. |
26 | Stopped taking testosterone and began living as a female again (detransitioned). |
Top Comments by /u/cloudseyes:
I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but...
You are a male. Everyone can and will always see you as male. 99% of the population identifies with their sex. Being trans is maladaptive and alienating.
Detransitioning does not mean conforming to masculinity. Be whoever feels authentic, but the pronouns, identities, surgeries, etc. are not good for you.
In a way I agree with them, however, the question isn't whether we all modify ourselves with gender in mind; it's to what extent our modifications are unhealthy. 'Cis' people aren't assuming maladaptive identities and pronouns, dissociating from their sex, suppressing their hormones, or removing healthy organs to 'become their authentic selves'. Extreme body modification is rare and generally frowned upon.
I'm so sorry you're feeling distressed. In the months leading up to detransitioning, I was tortured by questions like yours. The illogic of the ideology is ultimately why I desisted. It stopped making sense. Accepting my sex has felt as if awakening from a cult.
Life is a journey for all of us. Don't be ashamed of yours. This is what give life meaning.
I think this whole issue of passing is really toxic because it is the ruling logic underneath much dysphoria.
Absolutely. The concept of 'passing' is itself unhealthy and unrealistic.
And you're right, those who transition before puberty will 'pass' better, but it's rare. Those cases are almost always gay nonconforming children, and we have to provide less radical options for them.
Someone messaged to say I'm only thinking this way because I'm jaded being trans didn't work out for me. It isn't just that it didn't 'work out' -- it stopped making sense! When you stop orienting your life around the pursuit of 'passing' and quashing 'transphobia' (rational critiques and concerns), you stop seeing any of this as valid and start seeing it the way the rest of the population does.
Our institutions are making a huge mistake by assuming there's a consensus on gender. Even trans people are super divided and contentious among themselves. There isn't one way of viewing sex and gender. I think we're trapped in a corporate friendly version of this conversation, that censors all risk.
100%. This is my exact experience.
When the questioning started, I desperately searched YouTube for trans affirming content. It all stopped making sense. They avoid addressing these critiques in any meaningful way. Much of the time, they just tell you having these thoughts would group you in with all the bad people you don't like. It's so obvious how cult-like this all is now.
In my heart, I know you're right. I know that feeling so deeply from when I was trans. They need love and acceptance and a sense of self, and that's why I'm so concerned with them taking on such a radically maladaptive and contradicting identity. I'm worried they're hurting themself, and as a consequence, hurting everyone around them.
Do you feel his porn use is hurting your relationship? Do you have good communication with him that you feel you can talk about your feelings and insecurities openly?
Maybe try exploring lingerie, bras or shape wear that feel sexually empowering? This is probably an area more qualified for detrans females.
As a straight male, I try to cut down on porn use when in a relationship. It definitely helps me connect more deeply with my partner and her body. Also, I've dated women who were flat chested and thought they were so beautiful and lovely too, so remember that there's not just one ideal body type for us males.
Alright. Enough of my straight male perspective, lol. Hope some of this was helpful.
believe that by transitioning their own body, they become closer to their gods
In neoliberal ideologies, our 'authentic self' is our god we are trying to build a relationship with. A mythical true self that is uninhibited by modernity, if only we could rid ourselves of our sinful contemporaneity.