This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal narrative about the user's lived experience as a trans woman, including the specific social and emotional challenges of being a detransitioner/desister. The emotional depth, self-reflection, and specific, non-clichéd details (e.g., working in legal tech, the specific ways people's behavior changes) are not typical of inauthentic accounts. The user's passion and criticism are consistent with a genuine individual who has experienced significant harm and stigma.
About me
I started my transition at 22, convinced it was the only way to feel right in my own skin after a lifetime of discomfort with my male body. For a while, the medical changes helped, but the social reality has been incredibly isolating. I pass well professionally, but the small tells and the moment I disclose my history change how everyone, especially men and other women, treats me. I deeply regret losing my fertility and feel the weight of that loss more now at 28. Despite the initial hope, I’ve found that my male biology prevents me from ever fully sharing the female experience, and I struggle daily with the loneliness of my situation.
My detransition story
My journey with transition started from a very young age; I always felt alienated from my male body, and those feelings just got worse as I got older. I found a lot of communities online, like on Reddit, that were overwhelmingly positive about transition. They painted a picture that was almost too good to be true, focusing only on the good and omitting the difficult parts. I wish they had been more realistic and honest about what life is actually like after you transition.
I began my medical transition six years ago when I was 22. I took hormones and eventually had a sex change operation. I was convinced that this was the path to finally feeling like myself. For a while, it did help with some of that deep discomfort I felt.
But the social experience has been the hardest part. I pass well enough that most people don’t immediately know I’m trans. In my professional life as a data specialist in legal tech, I meet a lot of important people and I’m never given a hard time because they usually don’t know. But it’s the little things that give me away over time—my hands are a bit larger, my feet are bigger, my shoulders are broader. People sense I’m different, even if they don’t know why, and it makes me incredibly self-conscious.
The moment I disclose that I was born male, everything changes. The atmosphere shifts. It’s like an elephant enters the room. Men who were chatty and friendly suddenly become distant or see me as a secret, someone to be hidden. I’ve been asked out maybe ten times in six years, while I hear about other women being asked out constantly. It makes me feel like I’m “attractive for a trans person” but not “attractive for a woman.” I still hope to find a heterosexual cis husband, but I worry about the burden my history would place on him and his family.
Women treat me differently, too. When they don’t know, they share very personal things and are open with me. The second I tell them, they become more cautious and distant. I’m seldom invited to women’s gatherings. It’s a lonely feeling.
I often feel like people are just treating me with equality because they’re afraid of the political climate, not because they genuinely see me as a woman. It makes me feel abnormal, like a fragile flower they have to tip-toe around. I’d much rather people be honest with their unfiltered opinions. The feeling of being a fraud if I don’t disclose is overwhelming, but disclosing makes me feel like a freak. It’s a no-win situation.
One of my biggest regrets is the loss of fertility. I knew going in that I would never be able to carry a child or have that eternal bond of creating a new life with a partner. But knowing it at 22 is different from feeling the weight of it now at 28, when I see so many women my age starting families. Surrogacy is an option, but I would feel like a fraud calling myself an authentic mother without having gone through pregnancy.
My outlook on life has changed dramatically. I had male privilege for 22 years, and I’ve lived without it for the last six. The perspectives are vastly different. I thought transition would bring me a 9/10 happiness level, but the reality feels much lower. I think I need to work on seeing the glass as half full, but it’s a struggle every day.
I don’t believe my feelings were just a fetish; someone with a fetish wouldn’t go to the lengths I did. I think my male biology simply excludes me from ever fully sharing the female experience, no matter how I look or what my documents say.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 22 | Started hormones and began medical transition |
| 28 | Now, 6 years into transition, reflecting on the social difficulties and personal regrets |
Top Comments by /u/confinementisnotfine:
Biology is indeed mostly immutable but experiences pre trans and post trans are different.
Transition changes one's experience and outlook on life.
Sadly, people treat you like your desired sex mostly out of fear for facing repercussions. When we turn our backs, the real sentiments come out. That's what I hate most about being trans. People playing tip toe to avoid a scene. I would prefer them to tell me their unfiltered opinion. It would make me feel more normal than treating me like a fragile flower.
I'm ashamed because even though people don't say it to your face, they still see trans people as confused or mentally ill. They just supress their true opinions because of the political climate and the potential to be sued for saying what they truly think. That's what makes me ashamed. Sometimes I wonder if people who know that I'm trans go out of their way to treat me with so much equality because they truly believe in their actions or because they adopt what they have been told by the political world. It makes me feel abnormal. Sometimes I wonder if people feel like they need to tip toe around me or if they feel able to voice their true feelings on certain matters.
Well, I have indeed always felt alienated from my male body. So in that regard the feelings were present from a very young age. They got progressively worse as I got older. Though, Reddit exposure and other trans circles omitted the bad of a transition and were overtly positive about the good of a transition. That's where I feel the trans community flawed. They should be more realistic and honest about what one can expect post-transition.
I knew men would not be falling all over me just for being a woman, but I'm convinced they treat me differently when they have the knowledge that I'm a trans woman than when they do not have that knowledge. When I meet a man for the first time and he doesn't know he's all chatty and treats me differently than when I disclose. When I disclose the type of treatment I get is different. Maybe he feels shame or discomfort for being attracted to me. Maybe he wonders what his sexuality is now etc. When they don't know they react differently to me than when I tell. I always tell before sexual contact because I think they deserve to know. I would feel like a fraud if I didn't disclose. With women it's the same. When a woman doesn't know she's very open and chatty and she discloses very personal things about herself to me. When I tell she becomes more distant, more cautious. In environments where it doesn't matter, I don't tell and when they meet me for the first or second or third time nothing is up and I'm just treated like any other woman. That changes when they are around me for longer periods of time. Usually after a few weeks they notice something is different about me but they can't immediately tell what it is. I pass well enough for people not to immediately know something is up but I'm not that unclockable that they would never know something is up. It's the small things like my hands being somewhat longer than those of a cis woman, my feet being a bit bigger, my shoulders being somewhat larger. They don't draw the conclusion that I'm trans but they draw the conclusion that I'm different. It makes me uncomfortable. I'm indeed in tech and I love being a data specialist. My area of interest is legal tech. I'm very focused on that area and I get in touch with lots of lawyers and company directors etc. I meet lots of important people in my professional life and I'm never given a hard time in my work life because most of them don't clock me, but I would life if I said that I'm that woman who catches a man's interest immediately. Men are friendly to me, women as well but I'm not that woman that gets asked for her number. That hurts sometimes because other women on the work floor get asked for their number regularly if I hear their stories. Then I wonder if it must be because of the size of my feet or hands or if my breasts are looking weird etc. It makes me ashamed of myself. I know my self worth doesn't depend on a man but I would love for a man to ask my number more often, to flirt with me, to be that woman that gets noticed by men. I have maybe been asked out by a guy 10 times since I started my transition 6 years ago. Other women get asked out 10 times a week or so. Other women also seldom invite me to women's gatherings. They probably know something is up or they think I must be weird or so. I'm that type of woman that is '' attractive for a trans '' but not '' attractive for a woman ''. I feel self conscious often. Maybe I should work on my outlook on life and try to look at it from a more glass is half full projection than glass is half empty projection but it's difficult sometimes.
I understand that there are people with just a fetish who call themselves women but I have been transitioning for 6 years already and have had a sex change operation. I mean, someone with a fetish wouldn't go to those lengths to be seen as a woman.
Maybe it's just that the fact that I'm biologically male excludes me from sharing female centered experiences with me as my genetics are male and immutable.
Thank you for reacting to my post. I know not all women are living perfect lives but the thing here is that as soon as people have the knowledge that I was born male, I can expect a different treatment even though that person may not have had any idea about me being trans before that very moment I told them. It's frustrating sometimes. All that changed is that one disclosure. It brings about massive consequences.
Women treat me differently too once they know, not only men. When women don't know they tell me personal things about themselves, they are very open about very personal stuff and all and when I tell, they become more distant, more cautious etc.
Men would have dated me if they hadn't known. It's just that as soon as they know I become that quick fuck they don't want anyone to know about. For love matters they will find a '' real woman '' is how I'm subtly told. Those same men considered me '' a real woman '' before that very moment that I disclosed.
Medically for most purposes I'm considered female, legally I'm considered female, politically I'm considered female, yet socially there is always this little noise as soon as the cat gets out of the bag.
Well, millenials definitely make it seem like a 8/10 or a 9/10 is possible. Even scientific researches conducted often mention happiness rates of 9/10 or higher for young people. It makes me feel like I'm living a life that is 20 happiness percent points lower than someone my age should be able to expect and be entitled to. Maybe I should reprogram my mind regarding this matter.
I still have hopes to find a heterosexual cis husband. I know they are out there. I have even met guys who didn't mind that I was trans despite them identifying as heterosexual. It's just that I wonder how much harder I'm going to make their life if they ever decide to tell their family about my history. I pass well enough for people not to immediately draw the conclusion that I'm trans. Many don't even know if I don't tell. Once I tell though, the atmosphere changes. There is this elephant in the room suddenly. The different treatment etc. Not telling makes me feel like a fraud, like a person who can't be genuine to others. Telling me makes me feel like a freak, like an abnormal person. Like someone people need to tip toe around. On one hand I would just want to be known as a female without disclosing anything. On the other hand I feel like the fact that I was born male will never allow me to live the exact same experience naturally born women have. I'm 28, I see so many women around me starting families. I can't help but feel sorry for my future husband that we will never be able to have that eternal bond of having put a new life into this world together. I know there is surrogacy but I would feel terribly guilty for calling myself an authentic mother when I have never been through the struggles of a pregnancy, of feeling a new life grow within me, of having a baby recognise my smell and feel familiar with it. It fills my heart with tears just typing those words. I knew I would never be able to give birth when I started transition, but the feelings I held over the matter back then are vastly different now that I'm six years older and have been able to live more closely to a woman's life than I was able to back then. Back then I looked at it from a point of view of someone who had held male privilege for 22 years. Now I'm looking at it from a point of view of someone who has not had that male privilige for the last 6 years. The view points are vastly different.