This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. The user shares a detailed, emotionally complex, and internally consistent personal history of transition, detransition, trauma, and ongoing social struggles. The narrative is nuanced, emotionally resonant, and reflects the specific, often contradictory, frustrations common in the detrans/desister community. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic account.
About me
I was born female and realized I was a lesbian as a teenager, but I never fit in and was abused by my boyfriend, which made me hate being seen as a woman. I transitioned to male at 18 thinking it would protect me from harassment and solve my pain, and for a while, it did make me feel safer. I eventually understood my transition was a response to trauma and internalized misogyny, not my true self, so I chose to detransition. Now, I am working to live authentically as a butch lesbian woman, though it's frustrating when people who knew me before struggle to respect that. My journey taught me that my feelings were deeply tangled with abuse and that finding my real self was the true solution.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it's taken me a lot of time to understand why I did what I did. I was born female and knew I was a lesbian from around the age of 13. I was always super shy and I think I might be autistic, which made social things really hard. I never fit in with other girls. I hung out with my female cousin’s friends, but they treated me terribly. To try and belong, I forced myself to be super feminine. I wore a lot of makeup and even tried to date guys, because I had completely internalized this idea of what a woman was "supposed" to be, and I knew I wasn't that.
When I was 15, I met a guy who became my best friend and then my boyfriend. He ended up physically abusing me for years. It was during that time that I first started feeling what I called gender dysphoria. He would make sexual comments about my body even though he knew it made me uncomfortable and I hated it. I never told my parents about the abuse. My depression got so much worse because of it, but my parents just put me on a bunch of different SSRIs. The real problem was the abuse, not my brain chemistry. I never wanted to feel weak or "less than" a man, and being abused made those feelings a thousand times worse.
When I was 18, I told my parents I was trans. They kicked me out of the house because of it, and also because the abuse had made me so angry and depressed all the time. I thought becoming a man would solve everything. I thought it would stop the sexual harassment I'd always gotten and protect me from violent men. And in a way, it did. When I started passing as male, the harassment stopped. But I became invisible. I couldn't relate to guys or to girls. People always acted like there was something "off" about me and I was incredibly lonely. I went to college and had no friends. The only people I felt were "like me" were the lesbians I saw, but they didn't see me as one of them anymore.
I stayed on testosterone for a long time for a few reasons. I felt like I had something to prove to my family and everyone who had rejected me for being trans. I was also still terrified of going back to being seen as a woman and dealing with harassment and violence from men. My transition was a form of protection.
Eventually, I realized that my desire to transition was mostly rooted in trauma and internalized misogyny. I hated the expectations placed on women and the violence I had experienced. I didn't hate my body because I was meant to be a man; I hated it because of what had been done to me and what it represented in a sexist world. I started to detransition.
Detransitioning has been its own struggle. It's frustrating when people who knew me before can't respect that I don't want to use my old male name or pronouns anymore. Some people from my high school found out I was trans and then saw me detransition, and I know they talk about me and think I'm weird. It’s especially hurtful when close friends or even my therapist slip up and use my old male name or pronouns, even though they know it bothers me. Strangers see me as a woman, but the people who know me sometimes struggle. I don't want to have to change who I am—I'm a butch lesbian—just to get people to respect that I'm a woman.
I don't regret my transition because it was a necessary part of my journey to understand myself. It helped me survive a very dark time. But I see now that it wasn't the right solution. I benefited from therapy that wasn't just about affirming I was trans, but that helped me dig into the real reasons behind my feelings, like the trauma and abuse. My thoughts on gender now are that it's incredibly complex and for some of us, it's deeply tangled with other issues like trauma, autism, and internalized homophobia. I just want to live my life authentically as a butch lesbian woman, without having to constantly explain or defend my past.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Realized I was a lesbian. |
| 15 | Entered an abusive relationship; began experiencing gender dysphoria. |
| 18 | Came out as trans; was kicked out of my family home; began social transition. |
| 18 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 20 | Began to detransition and stopped testosterone. |
| 20+ | Worked on understanding the trauma and internalized misogyny behind my transition. |
Top Comments by /u/confuschiaus:
Thanks for sharing ur feelings, I can relate a lot to this! It’s really difficult being accepting of nearly everyone but no one gives you the same decency. I agree with the religious thing,
I don’t see why they do that though... almost seems like they just need someone to get mad at or blame their problems on. I don’t see how it affects anyone. I guess the logic we used to detransition (realizing it was mostly misogyny or trauma, etc) is just too much for them like some sort of cognitive dissonance. Maybe some of them notice this in themselves too but just can’t let go of the trans identity bc of pressure, so they just get mad.
Even with the JK rowling stuff, like she said she has trans friends and completely supports trans people etc but people still demonize her as a terf. Kinda crazy to me bc when I read it, she didn’t give any hate to trans people. I think a lot of it is just a big echo chamber and almost like witch trials of anyone who doesn’t 100% agree with all of the TRA logic
I’ve known I was a lesbian since I was 13 or so, but I’ve been isolated from both sexes most of my life. I was super shy and possibly autistic, hung around my female cousin’s group of friends who treated me like shit. I conformed to femininity a ton then and tried to be the perfect girl, forced myself to date guys and always wear makeup. I internalized a lot of “what women should be like” as a kid and never felt like that.
Around 15 I met a guy I liked a lot, my best friend /bf who ended up physically abusing me for a few years. Around that time I developed gender dysphoria; he would make sexual comments knowing I was dysphoric and didn’t wanna talk about my body.
I never told my parents about the abuse and my depression got a thousand times worse; they put me on so many SSRIs even though the main problem was the abuse. I never wanted to be weaker or “less than” a man and it got worse during the abuse. They kicked me out at 18 for telling them I was trans and bc the way I was acting since th abuse (angry, upset all the time, depressed).
I thought being a guy would solve the abuse as well as sexual harassment I’d gotten a lot. And it did, but I became invisible.
When I passed as male, I now couldn’t relate to guys or girls and people always acted like something was “off” about me, and never wanted to be friends. I went to college and was so lonely, but envied the lesbians I knew a lot and they were the only ppl I felt were “like me”, but they didn’t recognize me as one of them anymore.
I think I stayed on T so long bc 1. I got no support and felt like I had “something to prove” to my family and everyone who hated me for being trans, 2. worried about sexual harassment and traumatic experiences as a woman 3. to protect myself from violent men.
I’m glad it doesn’t bother you anymore, I find I’m caring less about some things but more about others (rn at least with the name/pronouns shit). I’ll try to bring it up sometimes but it’ is embarrassing and I don’t like having to “confront” people like that. It’s even people like my partner and my therapist :/
Some of it might just be my social anxiety too but the lgbtq group probably did shit talk about me. I think the other people (from my high school) mostly just saw me transition and even that was too weird for them. A lot of them talked about me bc idk how they all suddenly knew I was trans to begin with... and detransitioning I never “came out” as doing, so now they’re prob thinking how weird I am for coming out as trans and presenting so masculine then just stopping.
Thank you much tho, I wish you the best too!
Yea it’s not bad when a stranger does it but it hurts when a friend or my therapist does it, since they know how I feel. I have a deep voice too which might also contribute.. but strangers still call me a woman, I don’t get why people I know won’t. Especially since it’s some of the same people who refused to acknowledge me as a guy when I was transitioning, who now won’t acknowledge me as a woman either
Why do you even comment on these, you’re not trans or detrans. I’ll never be comfortable with my birthname nor will ever go back to it, it’s not even legally mine so why should anyone still be calling me it, especially people who literally barely knew me? It’s not like they’re my family who called me it for 20 years.
Some names either just feel wrong or have actual trauma associated with them (both for me). Im not the only one who has changed their name or used a nickname out of discomfort.
I’m turning on detrans replies only, this is not helpful.
I’m not sure if it’d trigger dysphoria for you but I think it’d be a very interesting and probably rewarding experience. I personally couldn’t date most people who ID as trans because differences in ideology , but cis people also don’t understand the gender struggles that detrans and trans people face.
So you still want him to call you he? Do other friends do too or just him?
It didn’t bother me for a while til I started passing as female 100% and now I hate the weird looks I get when people see him call me “he” or when they look around looking for the guy he’s talking about like “who’s ‘he?’”
Thank you! I like the approach you wrote out, has a lot of good thought.
I’ll tell him how it makes me feel and maybe ask how he feels about it all. He still uses my chosen name which I’ve recently gotten more and more discomfort around, and uses it way too much. I’ll just explain why it makes me uncomfortable.
Thanks for the reply!
They knew me by my birth name 1 year and male name 2 years. It’s really obnoxious they can’t respect my choice to not associate with my birth name that I’ve been trying to get away from for my whole life. I know all I can do is deal with it, just complaining because it’s a shit situation