This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The user's story is detailed, emotionally consistent, and evolves naturally over a three-year period, which is typical for a genuine detransitioner or desister.
About me
I was born female and always felt most like myself as a masculine woman, but I thought I had to become a man to be taken seriously. I started testosterone in college and lived as a man for years, but I eventually felt like a fraud and had to stop. I was terrified to detransition and had to change my legal documents back, but I found peace in accepting myself as a butch woman again. My social anxiety has improved since stopping hormones, and I've learned to love my body without medical intervention. I now know that I never needed to be a man to be a valid, masculine person.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and confusing. I was born female and from a young age, I was a tomboy and I knew I was attracted to girls. When I hit middle school and early high school, I tried really hard to be super feminine because I was getting picked on for being different and I just wanted to fit in. That didn't feel right either.
By my junior year of high school, I finally embraced being a butch lesbian, and that was the happiest I had ever been. But even then, I felt like something was missing. I wanted to be more masculine. I’m petite, and I felt like people didn’t take my masculinity seriously. I thought that if I became a man, everyone, including myself, would finally see me as truly masculine.
So, when I started college, I began living as a man socially. In my second year of college, I started taking testosterone. I was on it for about three years, on and off. At first, I was happy. I felt like a handsome man. But that feeling didn't last. I started to feel like a hideous woman instead. A little voice in my head kept telling me to stop, and it got louder and louder until I finally listened. I stopped testosterone about six months before I first started posting here.
The decision to stop was terrifying. I was so scared and confused. I didn't know who I was anymore. I had my legal gender changed to male, and now I have to change it back. For a while after stopping, I tried to identify as genderfluid, floating between being a butch woman and a man, because that felt less overwhelming. It gave me some peace of mind to tell myself I could be both a handsome man and a beautiful butch woman.
But as time has gone on, I've settled into just being a masculine woman. I’ve been fully detransitioned for about three and a half years now. I never had any surgeries, but I got very close to getting top and bottom surgery. I’m so relieved I didn't. Now, I just try to exist as I am, without any medical intervention. I feel way better off of hormones.
A big part of my life has been struggling with really bad agoraphobia and social anxiety. It got worse during all of this, but it’s started to get better since I stopped testosterone. I just had to force myself to do things, because the more I hid away, the worse my depression became. I still have anxiety every day about how people perceive me in public, but I’ve gotten better at handling it. I remind myself that no matter what, I am female, and that’s a fact that will never change.
My feelings about my transition are mixed. Sometimes I regret taking hormones, especially when I see that I’ve gained a lot of weight and feel miserable about it. I think I should have stopped years earlier, when I was still happy with the changes. Other times, I still love some of the changes testosterone gave me. I’ve had to practice radical self-acceptance through meditation and yoga to feel more in tune with myself. I’m still not 100% sure what drove me to transition in the first place, but I feel like I get closer to understanding it every day.
Looking back, I think I was influenced by the idea that I had to be a man to be truly masculine. I now see that was wrong. I’ve learned that my life isn’t ruined. My voice did lighten up after I stopped T, and things have slowly changed back. I’ve been able to do amazing things with my life since detransitioning, and I’ve even come to love my body. I’ve also realized that being detransitioned hasn’t been a problem for dating. People who are attracted to women are still attracted to me because they know I am a woman.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Young Child | I was a tomboy and knew I was attracted to girls. |
| Middle School / Early High School | I hyperfeminized myself to try and fit in with peers. |
| Junior Year of High School (approx. 17) | I identified as a butch lesbian and was very happy. |
| First Year of College (approx. 18) | I began socially transitioning to male. |
| Second Year of College (approx. 19) | I started taking testosterone. |
| About 3 years after starting T (approx. 22) | I stopped taking testosterone for good. |
| Present Day (approx. 25-26) | I have been living as a detransitioned female for about 3.5 years. |
Top Comments by /u/confusedquinoa:
You CAN do this, you were only on for three months. I promise you that your voice probably sounds fine and will lighten over time. Have patience, your life isn’t over. I was on for three YEARS and I’ve been having lots of good days. Tell me, is my life ruined? You’d probably tell me no. If mine isn’t, yours certainly isn’t.
I struggled for a long time, and I’m telling you now that I should have detransitioned years ago when I first thought about it. I was happy with my changes a year or two on testosterone, I should’ve stopped when I was still happy with it. Now I weigh almost twice as much as I used to and I’m miserable. If you’re having ANY doubts, just stop. It’s not worth it.
Yes, I suffer from HORRIBLE agoraphobia and social anxiety that has only now started to get better. I guess I just said “fuck it” and made myself do things, because the more I didn’t do anything, the worse my depression got. I’m still struggling with this daily but it’s getting better.
I understand feeling like dying. I was on T for three YEARS and have been off for about five months. The changes are slow but I have hope because stuff is already happening. Four months on is basically nothing (not downplaying your experience, just stating that since you were on it for so little time things are likely to revert back somewhat quickly). It is likely that many things will go back, and your voice definitely has the potential to lighten (mine already has).
You’re not alone. I’ve been through this exact same thing, but I actually was on hormones for three years. I don’t know what to do either. I’m very confused and scared. I’m trying to find a middle ground and just be a person. This journey is hell but we can only do our best and be kind to ourselves.
Aww. I definitely remember feeling exactly the way that you feel now earlier on in your detransition. But I promise you, it absolutely does get easier. I am roughly 3 1/2 years detransitioned, and I’ve been able to do amazing things with my life, and have come to love the state of my body. I promise you, that feeling is possible for you too. Have patience, be kind to yourself. You are the victim of terrible propaganda and no matter what people say or who blames you, it is not your fault.
Every single day I have anxiety out in public. I’m still trying to navigate it, but it does get better. I worry about how others perceive me. But I tell myself that no matter how other people see me, I am female and that is a fact that is never going to change. Best of luck on your journey friend, you’ve got this!
My gender conflict began when I was young. I was always a tomboy and I got picked on for it. I was also attracted to girls from the time I was three. Then when I got older, middle school/early high school I hyperfeminized myself to fit in with everyone else. Then by my Junior year of high school, I identified as a butch lesbian and was the happiest I’d ever been (though I also like guys now). But I thought I was missing something, that there was something more. I wanted to be more masculine and I thought taking testosterone would help me achieve that (I was always petite so I felt like I wasn’t unquestionably masculine) and that it would make both others and myself take my masculinity more seriously. I socially transitioned to male my first year of college and was on testosterone from the beginning of my second year for three years off and on up until about six months ago. I changed my mind because I stopped consistently feeling like a handsome man and started feeling like a hideous woman. Plus the little voice in my head that told me to stop got louder and louder until it finally won. Even though I still want to be male ideally, in practice, it’s not working out anymore.
I’m in the exact same boat and have been struggling with this for a few years nonstop now. For me it was too stressful to keep taking testosterone with all of the uncertainty so I stopped about four months ago now, and it’s honestly given me a lot of peace of mind. Telling myself that I am a handsome man as well as a beautiful butch woman makes me feel better. Right now I am identifying as genderfluid between butch woman and man, and that has put my mind at ease a little bit. Be patient with yourself, I know it’s confusing and frustrating. You just have to remember that not everything is black and white, people constantly change and feel differently about the same things at different or even at the same time. If you want someone who completely understands to talk to, feel free to PM me. I wish you the best of luck!
Hi there, I’m in almost the exact same position as you are. Recently though (and I mean just within the past three days) I’ve decided that at this point in my life, I can’t continue. I’ve been off of testosterone for 83 days. I was happy as male...until I wasn’t. Now I’m looking into butch forums (I am a former butch lesbian) and feeling comfortable there. My gender is also legally M and I’m going to change that back. I’m feeling more comfortable with myself now that I’ve stopped trying for something that just isn’t plausible. The important thing is that you’ve realized that you needed to stop, good for you! Things will change back, it’s going to take a bit but they will. As for who you are...it’s an ever-changing process. What if you gave detransition a trial run first before changing back any of your documents? I know the position you are in. It’s terrifying. If you need to talk don’t be afraid to PM please. Best of luck to you!