This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "cosmicflamexo" appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display:
- Personal, emotionally complex narratives about detransition, body image, and relationships.
- Consistent internal logic regarding the user's specific experience of wanting to be a cis man but accepting being a woman.
- Varied language and tone, from supportive advice to raw emotional pain, which is consistent with a passionate individual who has experienced significant harm.
- Specific, mundane details (e.g., insurance questions, the process of changing a name, a friend's experience with hair removal) that are typical of genuine personal sharing.
About me
I started as a teenager, hating my body and finding escape in online communities that encouraged me to transition. I lived as a man for years and had surgery, but it only made me feel more like I was living a lie. A terrible relationship and the constant feeling of being unlovable made me realize I needed to stop. I've had to accept the permanent changes, like facial hair, and I regret the path I took. Now, I'm learning to live as a woman again, and I've found a loving fiancé who helps me see my own worth.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started when I was a teenager. I was deeply uncomfortable with my body, especially when I went through puberty. I hated developing breasts and just felt wrong in my own skin. I think a lot of it was tied up with low self-esteem and depression. I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere, and I found a lot of community and acceptance online in trans spaces. It felt like an escape from just being me.
I started identifying as non-binary first, but that quickly shifted to me believing I was a trans man. I think I was heavily influenced by what I saw online and by friends I had at the time. I was convinced that transitioning was the only way to fix the deep unhappiness I felt. I started taking testosterone when I was 19. I thought it would solve everything, but it just created a whole new set of problems.
I lived as a man for several years. I even got top surgery when I was 21. But the whole time, I never felt like I was truly passing or being seen as a real man. I hated being perceived as trans even more than I hated being perceived as a woman. I never wanted to be a trans man; I wanted to be a cis man, which is something I know now is impossible for me. I was lying to everyone, including myself, and it just got me into a lot of trouble and heartache.
A big turning point for me was a terrible relationship. My sort-of ex would constantly nitpick every masculine thing about me and tell me I was "mutilated" and that nobody would ever love me. I completely believed him and felt unlovable. That experience, on top of the general feeling of living a lie, made me realize that transitioning wasn't making me happy. I stopped taking testosterone when I was 24.
The aftermath was hard. My facial hair continued to get worse for about a year after I stopped T. I’ve had to learn to incorporate shaving into my regular routine, which is a permanent reminder of a choice I regret. I’ve pretty much resigned myself to never getting reconstruction surgery on my chest because of the cost and insurance issues. It feels like a door has been permanently closed.
I do have regrets about transitioning. Every single day I think about how my life would be different if I was just born a man. I mourn the life I’ll never have. But I’ve also come to a place of acceptance. Being trans didn’t make anything better because you can’t change reality. I’d rather be a woman than go back to that sorry existence. I’ve had to learn to play with the cards I was dealt.
I’ve been lucky to find love after all of this. I met my now fiancé, who is an amazing man. He tells me my scars are beautiful, even if I don’t quite believe him yet. He reassures me when my dysphoria comes back and says my deep voice is sexy. He chose to spend his life with me, and that has shown me that there are good people who will love you for who you are.
Legally, it’s been a hassle. I changed my name by just altering one letter to make it masculine, and now I’m in the exhausting process of changing it back on all my legal documents. I’m tired of getting strange looks, like people think I’m MTF, whenever I have to show my ID.
My thoughts on gender now are that it’s a very complicated thing. For me, it was wrapped up in a lot of pain and a desire to escape from myself. I know now that I’m a woman, and even if it’s a life I’ll never fully enjoy deep down, I’ve built a good one anyway. I have to be realistic.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Teenager | Felt intense discomfort with puberty, hated my breasts. |
| 19 | Started taking testosterone. |
| 21 | Had top surgery. |
| 24 | Stopped taking testosterone. |
| Now (25) | Engaged, working on changing my name back legally, managing the permanent effects of testosterone like facial hair. |
Top Comments by /u/cosmicflamexo:
sis I mean this in a respectful way but I don't think you ever really looked like a guy, I see a lot of women on here wondering if they still look masculine when they look like they never really "passed" in the first place, you look fine it's just a bit of that trans delulu still wriggling around in your head
I'd choose some more subtle or complimentary makeup colors... brights like that are what may make people assume you're mtf because they come off a little bit, for lack of a better phrase, try hard. The glasses shape, too, I would say look very masculine. You look much more feminine in the other picture you posted without either. Don't get discouraged by certain people being an arse in this comments section, I think you're capable of looking beautifully feminine, it's just a process and honestly a skill that needs honing.
I thought the same thing for a long time. Didn't help my sort of ex would nitpick every masc thing about me and repeatedly tell me nobody would ever love me because I was "mutilated", the scumbag. I was completely convinced I was unloveable. Then I met my now fiancee. The man who says my scars are beautiful, even if I don't quite believe him yet. The man who reassures me when my dysphoria comes back and tells me how good I'm doing. The man who says my deep voice is sexy. The wonderful, amazing human who chose to spend the rest of his life with a broken girl like me. There are good people out there who will love you for who you are. Don't lose hope just because they haven't found you yet.
The fact that I hated being perceived as trans even more than being perceived as a woman and would refuse to interact with anyone who knew unless they were immediate family. I never wanted to be a trans man. I wanted, and honesrly still want, to be something impossible for me to be, a cis man. but I never will be. so I'll play with the cards I'm dealt.
could be short for Theodora. My name is very similar, in the way that I just changed one letter at the end to make it masculine and now go by a shortened version. Finally almost have it changed back. shit's exhausting but I need to for legal docs and stuff I'm tired of getting looked at like I'm MTF every time I need to make an official appointment.
Every. single. day. I'm always thinking about how my life would be different if I was born a man. where I would be now. all the things I could see and do that I'll never be able to. hating myself for the situation I have to be in. but I wasn't born that way, I tried to lie to everyone and tell them I was and all it got me was trouble, at the end of the day it's just not possible and I know I need to be realistic. Doesn't mean it doesnt hurt like hell, but being trans didn't make anything better, cause you can call yourself what you want but you can't change reality. I'd rather be a woman than go back to that sorry existence, even if I'll never get to live the life I want as one. I've built myself a good life anyways, even if it's one I'll never truly enjoy deep down, but I wish I was born a billionaire too, we can't always get what we want.
yeah my facial hair continued to get worse after I stopped taking T. Took about a year to not see any effects from it other than the permanent things. My guess is it takes your body some time to completely get used to making it's own hormones properly again... although I'll reiterate this is just my guess and I am in no way a scientist or doctor. Unfortunately you'll just have to learn to incorporate shaving anywhere you don't want hair into your regular hygiene routine. It'll get easier once it's routinified for you.
umm I'm sorry if this is too personal of a question so you don't have to answer if it is but what insurance provider do you have? because I was under the impression that they didn't cover those kinds of surgery at all... I've pretty much resigned myself to never getting reconstruction at this point aha
I haven't tried it myself cause even that's a bit out of my price range, I do have a (not deteans) friend who did it on her legs because her chronic pain made it impossible to shave, she says they work well. It takes many appointments to do though... and it thins out the hair but doesn't remove it completely, according to her.