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Reddit user /u/crawfishwoman's Detransition Story

Detransitioned: 25
female
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
got top surgery
body dysmorphia
retransition
homosexual
puberty discomfort
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or not a real detransitioner/desister.

The comments demonstrate:

  • Personal, detailed lived experience with detransition, dysphoria management, and social repercussions.
  • Consistent perspective on being a gender-nonconforming lesbian who detransitioned.
  • Emotional nuance and specific advice that aligns with known detransition experiences, including the pain of social rejection and the struggle for self-acceptance.

The user's passion and critical views are consistent with a genuine member of this community.

About me

I was born female and never fit the narrow expectations for girls, which made me hate my developing body and believe transition was my only escape. I took testosterone and had top surgery to live as a man, and for a while, the respect I received felt easier. I eventually realized I wasn't a man, but was just trying to escape the difficulties of being a masculine woman, a decision that cost me my community. Now, I've found peace as a lesbian woman who is still very masculine, and I no longer care how strangers see me. My journey taught me that the problem was never my body, but society's rigid boxes, and I am finally learning to accept myself as a whole person.

My detransition story

My whole journey with transition and detransition was messy and deeply tied to my struggle with being a masculine woman in a world that doesn't make space for us. I was born female and from a young age, I never felt like I fit into the box of what a girl was supposed to be. I hated the expectations of femininity and I really hated my breasts when they developed; they felt alien and wrong on my body. I think a lot of my feelings were about puberty discomfort and a deep-seated feeling that womanhood was an incredibly difficult and often alienating experience, especially for someone like me.

I came to believe that transitioning was an escape from that. In a patriarchal society, what sucks more: being female or being male? It felt like an escape from misogyny. When you can pass as male, things are very, very different. So I started to transition. I took testosterone for several years. It changed my body and my voice. I got top surgery and had my breasts removed. For a while, I thought this was the answer. I was living as a man and, in many ways, it was easier. People treated me with a different kind of respect.

But eventually, I realized I wasn't solving the root problem. I was trying to escape being a gender-nonconforming woman instead of learning to live as one. I lost most of my family when I first came out as trans, and then I lost even more people, including my entire local trans community and old friends, when I decided to detransition. They bullied me relentlessly. It was a very lonely time.

Detransitioning was its own struggle. At first, I had no idea who I was. I regretted my transition and I tried to over-correct, forcing myself to be feminine and straight, which was just another form of pretending. It took me a long time to find a middle ground. I don't label myself beyond being a lesbian woman. I don't care how strangers refer to me; most assume I'm male because of my deep voice and masculine appearance, and that's fine. I only care that my close friends, my lovers, and my doctors see me as female.

I still dress very masculine. I wear tight sports bras and will occasionally bind, though it gives me anxiety now to have a constricted chest, so I'm trying to go braless more, which is really difficult because I still don't like my breasts. I try not to look at them and keep them covered. Getting masculine-looking tattoos drastically helped my dysmorphia. What helped me the most was finding community with other masculine women, butches, and studs. Being around that masculine female energy made me feel like I wasn't a freak or a failed man, but a whole person.

My thoughts on gender now are that the boxes are too small. I don't regret my transition anymore because it got me to where I am today. It was a necessary part of my journey to self-acceptance. The problem was never my body itself, but my relationship with it and society's reaction to it. My healing has come from meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, running, screaming in my car, and reading self-help books and feminist literature. I focus on what my body can do, not just how it looks. I am a whole, complete, and valuable person as I am.

Age Event
13-14 Started hating my breasts and feeling alienated from womanhood during puberty.
20 Started taking testosterone.
22 Had top surgery (double mastectomy).
25 Stopped taking testosterone and began my detransition.
26 Lost most friends and community after detransitioning; began a difficult period of self-discovery.
27 Found peace identifying as a masculine lesbian woman and found community with other butches/studs.

Top Comments by /u/crawfishwoman:

8 comments • Posting since November 23, 2023
Reddit user crawfishwoman (detrans female) explains that many AFAB individuals transition to escape the oppression and alienation of womanhood in a patriarchal society.
28 pointsNov 23, 2023
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Think about it.

What sucks more in a patriarchal society: being female or being male? When there's an escape from misogyny, of course a lot of women are going to take that route.

Womanhood is an incredibly difficult experience and little girls are told they have to be feminine. Yet so many women don't actually enjoy being feminine, womanhood very quickly becomes an alienating experience and seemingly exclusionary of more masculine women. Plus, transitioning for AFABs is, in many ways, escaping oppression. When you pass as male things are very, very different.

Reddit user crawfishwoman (detrans female) offers encouragement to a struggling user, affirming their pain is part of necessary change and that they are already whole and worthy of love.
23 pointsNov 24, 2023
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You're exactly where you need to be. The only constant in life is change, and that's painful... Good that you let yourself feel it. You're whole, complete, valuable, and worthy of love as you are. There's no alternative life to be lived. You got this.

Reddit user crawfishwoman (detrans female) comments on clitoral shrinkage after detransition, advising against reduction surgery due to loss of sensation and noting that a larger size enhances sexual function.
20 pointsNov 29, 2023
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Omg I never considered detrans females might actually want their clits to shrink back.

My clit didn't shrink back, but I was large pre-T anyway. I wouldn't recommend getting that surgery either, it's not likely you would feel your clitoris afterward. I'm sorry this is something you're struggling with.

Sexual function is enhanced the larger you are. No one has ever been weirded out or anything by my size, only impressed or delighted. You're overthinking it.

Reddit user crawfishwoman (detrans female) explains her daily strategies for coping with gender dysphoria, including meditation, journaling, nature, avoiding social media, and finding community with other masculine women.
17 pointsNov 23, 2023
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I face it, every time. It is as difficult as it is worth it. Results vary, but my attempts are consistent: every day I dare to accept myself as I am, without alteration. I remind myself that this is the only body I have, so I am grateful for it. I try to focus on the abilities of my body rather than its appearance.

I pour my emotions into my journal, artwork, I drive out to the country where no one can see me and I run on trails, explore nature, I scream and cry in my car. I meditate every day. Meditation, journaling, unplugging and spending time in nature and being active has all helped me. I try not to compare myself to others. I don't have social media. I don't have full length mirrors in my home. I vent to my partner or a friend. I go to the lesbian bar. I read as much as I can... Self help books, lesbian stories and feminist literature have been most helpful.

I don't label myself beyond a lesbian woman. I don't care how people refer to me really, because most strangers assume I'm male. I only care that my close friends, lovers, and doctors see me as female. I still dress very masculine and wear tight sports bras (I'll still bind occasionally) but my anxiety kicks up now with a constricted chest, so I'm trying to go braless more. That's been really difficult because I don't like my breasts. I try not to look at them and keep them covered. Also... getting masculine-looking tattoos drastically helped my dysphoria. Being with other masculine women, butches/studs, helped me immensely. Get masculine female energy around you. Befriend other masculine women. Try to keep going and expressing yourself in truth despite how much society doesn't want you to. ♥️

Reddit user crawfishwoman (detrans female) discusses the pain of detransitioning, contrasting a supportive mother's evolution with the loss of family, friends, and community due to being a masculine lesbian.
9 pointsNov 27, 2023
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First of all I'm glad that your mother had a change of heart and accepted you 💓 good on mom for changing her ways! It sounds like she really loves you, so I can't imagine anything really bad would come from you telling her.

That doesn't make it not painful though, I understand. But your mom didn't go through all that trouble to understand you for nothing... You're still a gender non-conforming lesbian, which is still a challenge for parents to accept. Your mother has seemingly let go of her attachment to you looking a certain way or living a certain lifestyle... So it's really good that she evolved to support you.

When I told people I was detransitioning it did not go well, but in my situation people were more readily supportive of transition as a kind of a cure for gender non-conformity and homosexuality. I lost most of my family when I came out as trans. I've lost many more people because I'm a masculine lesbian. My local trans community and all my old friends bullied me relentlessly when I first came out about my detransition. I get treated worse now, but I feel like I'm living more authentically... I'm sorry I can't give you more hope.

Reddit user crawfishwoman (detrans female) explains that detransitioning doesn't require conforming to gender roles, sharing her journey to becoming a happy, gender-nonconforming female.
6 pointsNov 27, 2023
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Sure, I hope you know that you can still express yourself in feminine ways even if you detransition. Fuck gender, you can be as feminine as you want and still be male.

I say that bc after I detransitioned I had no idea what to do or who I was, so I just flung myself into trying to fit in with the gender roles of my birth sex. And worse, I tried to be straight. I regretted my transition at that point. Once I accepted myself and let a lot of shit go I don't regret my transition anymore... I'm quite happy as a gender-nonconforming female. but people aren't less shitty actually, it was actually an issue with my confidence and comfort with myself.

Reddit user crawfishwoman (detrans female) explains the employment discrimination faced by gender non-conforming people, sharing that her butch partner struggled to find a job until hired by a fellow masculine lesbian.
6 pointsNov 27, 2023
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Employers are generally discriminatory against trans and gender non-conforming people. My mostly-passes-as-male butch partner took quite a long time to find a job. She would get to the interview and then nothing after... She was unemployed for months past when she expected, and the person to actually hire her was a fellow masculine lesbian.

If you are concerned with only employment it may not be worth it to change your life over. But it sounds like this is a much deeper issue than employment.

Reddit user crawfishwoman (detrans female) comments that a straight, gender-conforming detransitioned woman is now cisgender, arguing the "queer" label has become indefinable.
6 pointsNov 28, 2023
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Adding the "Q+" is kind of grasping at straws here. Same difference.

By the post-modernist gender theory regarding the cis/trans dichotomy... Yes. You are only cisgender now. But I guess nowadays in 2023 anyone can be queer for any reason bc the label is largely indefinable.

I believe there's a lot more nuance to that, but you said it yourself that you're not exactly gender non-conforming anymore. You are literally a straight woman. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...