This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's comments demonstrate:
- Personal, nuanced experiences with transition, detransition, misogyny, and trauma.
- Consistent perspective across multiple posts, with specific, emotionally resonant details.
- Engagement in complex discussions that reflect a genuine individual's thought process, not a scripted narrative.
About me
I'm a woman who started socially transitioning as a man in my teens after a difficult childhood. My decision to medically transition was heavily influenced by trauma, low self-esteem, and a deep discomfort with the misogyny I experienced. I later realized I was trying to escape being female rather than truly being male. I've since detransitioned and am learning to accept myself as a masculine woman with a complex history. I now see my journey as less about being in the wrong body and more about healing from trauma.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was very young, long before I even knew what the word “transgender” meant. In kindergarten, I told my classmates to call me by a male name. I refused to wear dresses or skirts, all my role models were men, and I just felt more comfortable interacting with boys. It felt natural to me. When I finally learned about being transgender as a teenager, it felt like an answer. It was a label that explained why I had always felt so different and withdrawn from my peers.
I was raised in a very religious and abusive family. My self-esteem was incredibly low. My parents gave me confusing messages; they told me to pretend to get bad grades because boys wouldn't be impressed with a smart girl, but then they’d punish me if my grades were actually bad. I felt like I couldn't win and that I was fundamentally unworthy of being a girl. I was convinced I was too ugly. I also grew up with a lot of internalized misogyny and what I now recognize as internalized homophobia. People used "lesbian" as an insult towards me before I even knew what it meant, and I absorbed the idea from my religious background that women were weak and that a man defined your worth. Since I knew I wasn't attracted to men, I felt like I had no value as a woman. I devalued women and even participated in misogynistic conversations with my male friends because I thought they were superior.
A major turning point was when I was sexually assaulted at 17. I was already identifying as male socially at that point, but the assault made me pursue medical transition much more aggressively. I started testosterone. I wanted to be unclockable and invisible. It felt like a form of safety, a way to hide and protect myself from being perceived as a vulnerable woman.
For a while, transitioning felt like it worked. But over time, I started to question everything. I began to realize how much of my desire to transition was fueled by trauma, low self-esteem, and a deep hatred for the female body I was born into, rather than a true male identity. I started to see how online culture and the communities I was in, even at my very trans-friendly workplace, played a role. People there would often treat me like a fascinating object or a "fanfiction character" rather than a person, and it felt isolating. I tried to tell people I was just a masculine woman, but they wouldn't believe me. This constant scrutiny was bad for my mental health.
I also became very critical of the online trans narrative, especially on platforms like Instagram. I hated those "before and after" transition photos that show a sad, awkward teen transforming into a confident, perfectly passing adult. They present an unrealistic standard that isn't achievable for most people, especially if you're not white and skinny, and they send a harmful message that you need this medical "glow-up" to be happy and valid.
My detransition was a slow process of untangling all of this. I had to confront my internalized misogyny and my deep-seated belief that I was too broken to be a woman. I realized that for me, being trans had become a performance, a way to escape the trauma and discomfort of my female body and the misogyny I experienced. I don't regret my transition entirely because it was a necessary part of my journey to understanding myself, but I do have significant regrets about the permanent changes to my body and the years I spent seeing myself through a lens that wasn't completely true.
Now, I see gender as a much more complex thing. I believe my discomfort was less about being born in the wrong body and more about the trauma I associated with being female and the pressure to fit a specific, often unattainable, ideal of womanhood. I'm learning to just be myself, a woman who is masculine and has a complicated history, without needing a label to make it make sense for other people.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Kindergarten | Told classmates to use a male name, refused to wear dresses. |
| Teen Years | Learned about transgender identity and socially transitioned to male. |
| 17 | Sexually assaulted; began pursuing medical transition (testosterone) soon after. |
| Early 20s | Began to question my transition, influenced by re-examining trauma and internalized misogyny. |
| 22 | Started the process of detransitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/darkened_sea:
I feel this so hard. Most of it stems from online spaces imo so I try my hardest to avoid them. On Instagram, a bunch of “activists” I know post ill-informed infographics so I just mute them if it’s consistent. In person, I’ve never been one to seek out trans friends or the trans community but I do work at a very trans-friendly institution. It drives me a bit insane honestly, on both sides; on one side I feel very lonely and isolated, but on the other I would rather feel like a human being and not some strange study of fascination for people. I get what you mean when you say it’s bad for your brain, I feel like it really impacted my mental health in a negative way as well
Oh yes, I’ve seen some of the posts you’re talking about. I wish to see an accurate Instagram infographic one of these days that includes detransitioners and the spectrum of GD instead of reducing it (and very serious medical procedures) to something “aesthetic”
I agree completely! I’ve noticed these same people usually refer to binary trans people as they/them even after they have stated their pronouns. How is that allyship? Everyone wants to be treated like a person at the end of the day, not a fanfiction character
Same here. I’ve been accused of having internalized transphobia for being uncomfortable with some things, and I know my opinion is the minority, so I decided to see if I’m crazy or people here agree with me...I would’ve felt more scrutinized posting on a trans forum than a detrans forum since I think folks here understand nuance a bit more 😬
You actually worded this a lot better than me! I really feel you. “being trans was a performance everywhere” is exactly my experience and since I enjoy sex a lot, it really impacted my perception of myself in private and public and made me reconsider a lot of things
I felt this way a lot growing up. I can go into more details if you want to DM but basically I was convinced I was too ugly and unworthy to be a girl from a very young age and, being masculine anyways, I identified as a boy pretty early on. I think that we’re in an extremely toxic time period in terms of body image and acceptable femininity, and it’s really hard to feel worthy of being a woman when this specific image is forced down your throat (especially if you don’t have soft, dainty Eurocentric features). You mentioned an online environment and honestly Instagram culture has been so toxic to everyone’s self-esteem, regardless of gender
I’m not sure if this counts because I’m at an awkward stage between transition and detransition but here you go
I transitioned because even before I knew what transgender was I’d picture myself as a boy, wanted to be a boy, interacted with people “as a boy”, and all my role models were men. I got along better with boys, I told classmates to call me by a male name in kindergarten, I refused to wear skirts or dresses, etc. It just made sense to me once I was introduced to the idea of being transgender that that’s what I was. I also never fit in with my peers and I was always very withdrawn and different
I detransitioned because I reconsidered how much of my transition was fuelled by misogyny and lesbophobia. I was accused of being a lesbian before I even knew what that word meant; to me it was just an insult and I was raised very religious. I was also raised with the idea of a man defining your worth and I always knew I wasn’t attracted to men. Because of this idea, I devalued women a lot and never wanted to be associated with them, I thought they were weak and I took part in misogynistic conversations with my male friends because I thought they were superior
I agree, I’ve seen similar treatment to people with mental illnesses and autism. I have BPD myself and people are like whoa not //that// kind of mentally ill person when I have an episode because they expect some digestible, cutesy breakdown? Idek. Internet culture gone wrong and invaded into real life affecting real people like ourselves imo.
I definitely think so. You always see those before and after transition posts where before they look sad and a bit goofy/awkward (and are usually teens) and in the after they’re confident and very gender ideal conforming (can’t think of a better word).
These posts have always rubbed me the wrong way because I don’t think they’re very genuine and they give off a harmful message to young trans, gender non-conforming and questioning people that you need to achieve this “glow up” too (on top of being like, I was a depressed gender non-conforming kid and now look at me, I pass!). Also the results they present are usually not actually achievable for your average, everyday person, especially if you’re of a racial minority or a different body shape (they’re usually all skinny, white, etc)
That’s true, I never liked the phase “that’s so valid.” It seems condescending....cis people don’t get told their gender is “so valid.” As a SA survivor and mentally ill person, that same phase is applied to those and never left a good taste in my mouth