This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display a highly personal, nuanced, and emotionally complex narrative that is consistent with the experiences of many detransitioners/desisters. The writing is introspective, contains specific life details, and shows a natural evolution of thought over time, which is difficult to fake. The user's passion and criticism are well within the expected range for someone who has experienced harm from transition.
About me
I was a gentle boy who felt more comfortable with girls and resented male stereotypes. I learned about being trans in my twenties and transitioned, thinking it was the answer. I took hormones and grew breasts, but it started to feel like I was damaging my only body. I stopped and realized my real issue was with society's expectations, not my body itself. I'm now learning to accept myself as a man, focusing on what my body can do rather than how it looks.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started long before I even knew what the word "trans" meant. I was a quiet, gentle boy who never really understood or liked the divisions between boys and girls. I liked all sorts of things—trucks, coloring, beads, dolls, guns—and it was annoying that I wasn't allowed to do beads with my friends who happened to be girls. I always felt more comfortable socially with girls and women; my male friends were often quite rough, and I struggled to be with them. I also deeply resented the negative stereotypes about boys, like we're always violent or that we only want one thing from girls. That still pisses me off.
Puberty was confusing. I liked looking at girls and it felt nice to be with them, but that was it. I had a religious background, and my Christian mother would talk about "worldly girls" stealing my purity, which made me feel like it was my fault for being a guy. I didn't understand any of it at the time.
I was in my mid-twenties, a student in Ontario during the whole SJW/Jordan Peterson thing at the University of Toronto, when I first learned what being trans meant. I delved into it and had this moment of, "oh shit, I feel like I totally get these so-called weirdos." By my late twenties, I couldn't deny it anymore; I felt like I was supposed to be a woman. I just assumed I had to transition. I didn't have extreme dysmorphia, but when I talked to doctors, they just accepted it because I know how to talk in doctor language.
I started taking anti-androgens in my early thirties. For the first 18 months, it felt fine. Growing breasts was actually sort of fun; to this day, I sometimes wish I could have inflatable or deflatable breast implants for when I want them. But as time went on, something felt more and more wrong. I felt like I was fixing the wrong thing and wrecking my only body. I feel a sacred responsibility to look after it, and the idea of frying my reproductive ability, reducing my sexual function, and messing with my muscles and bones felt so wrong. I hit a wall and had to stop. Within a week of stopping the medication, I mentally rejected my breasts; they feel foreign and wrong to me now. The fact that my girlfriend and I enjoy them sometimes doesn't justify having them.
A big part of my confusion was around my sexuality. For a while, I wondered if transitioning had made me more into guys. I realized that wasn't it at all. I'm 99% into women. A lot of it was unpacking years of religious shame around masturbation and self-pleasure. I discovered I really like the feeling of things in my butt, and I had internalized a lot of fear and shame about that. I was scared of trans porn for years, but once I started watching it without fear, it was fascinating. I wondered if I was "transosexual." But now I see it clearly: I'm a straight man who enjoys being pegged by his girlfriend. It's not gay; it's just a sexual preference. I have no desire to be with a man or a trans woman.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized my issues weren't with my body itself, but with society's assumptions about me as a man. I don't like my body under any circumstances, and I feel socially more feminine. But changing my body didn't fix any of that. I will never be a woman. I can be a trans woman, but not a woman. I can't ever have the experience of growing up as a girl in this society. I'll never have a female puberty, never grapple with media from that subjective perspective, or have my grandma give me her jewelry. The trans experience is a third category, and that's okay. There can be a genuine beauty in a good transition, but it wasn't my path.
I've given up on gender identity. I am myself, a person with a body. Most people see me as male, and that's fine. The people close to me care about me as a person more than my body. With my girlfriend, we're just two people in love who have bodies. Sometimes I'm the man and she's the woman; sometimes we switch.
I don't regret exploring transition because I needed to go through it to understand myself. But I do regret the permanent changes. I'm worried I might now be infertile; I have to wait another 16 weeks for a sperm count test and I'm scared. I regret growing breasts. I hate them; they feel like they're not part of me and they draw unwanted attention. My basic therapy right now is to not think about my chest. I wear big floppy hoodies and focus on what my body can do—like taking me on peaceful walks in the forest, gardening, woodworking, or feeling loud music vibrate through me. My body is my way of experiencing the world, and that matters more to me than how it looks.
I'm seeing a trauma therapist now, not a gender therapist. I needed someone who understands that people carry things forever, not someone who sees things as having an endpoint. I'm learning to live in this in-between space and find a compromise that works for me. I will probably always have times where I feel like I'm in the wrong body, but I feel way worse when I was actively damaging it to try and fix something that can't be fixed.
Age | Event |
---|---|
Teen | Experienced confusion and discomfort during male puberty. Felt socially more comfortable with girls. |
Mid-20s | First learned about being transgender while a student in Ontario. |
Late 20s | Came to believe I was supposed to be a woman and decided to transition. |
Early 30s | Started taking anti-androgens and began growing breasts. |
33 | Stopped taking anti-androgens after two years. Mentally rejected my breasts shortly after. |
33 (Present) | Stopped all medical transition. Living as a male, focusing on trauma therapy and body acceptance. Waiting for fertility test results. |
Top Comments by /u/darth_glorfinwald:
Yeah, and it's sad to see that mentality get validated. It's like a game of dress-up using a body combined with the Emperor's New Clothes. But a lot of people think if they care about the person they have to play along and use terms that can't be applied to that body.
Can you focus on what you do with your body? My basic self-therapy for the past week has been to not think about my chest. You and I are going in opposite directions, I have big dangly chesticles that piss me off, but still, same area and a similarish dissatisfaction. So I've been wearing big floppy hoodies and doing stuff I like. I can go for a long walk down the forest paths and go "huh, my body can take me to peaceful places away from town where I experience peace and calm, I like that about my body". Or gardening, I really like the experience of texture and figuring out what dirt to use or not use. Woodworking and the delicate textures of the grain while sanding. Really loud music to the point where my body vibrates. And so on. I'm reminding myself of all the things my body can do that aren't related to my boobs or how people see me. My body is my way of experiencing the world, that matters to me.
I can't comment yet on whether or not this really helps in the long-run, I've only been trying this for a week.
Here in Canada we have our beloved (sarcasm) Jessica Yaniv. Filed a discrimination complaint against 15 Asian-owned beauty salons because those female beauty techs wouldn't wax her balls. And tried to arrange a parent-free clothing-optional public swim for teens. I'm not entirely opposed to nudism in some contexts, but going out of your way to emphasize keeping parents out is creepy.
At some point, I feel like a lot the trans/detrans experience is living in an inbetween space and just finding a compromise that works for you. A fair number of us will never be fully this or fully that. I've given up transitioning, I'm a biological male with a beard and a functioning penis and hopefully functioning testicles. I will probably never stop having times that I feel like I'm in the wrong body. Either that my body feels wrong, or that people see me in the wrong body. I have accepted that. I felt way worse when transitioning, like I was damaging my body to fix something that can't be fixed.
Does any of that sound like it applies to you? It sounds like you don't have a lot of distress from your body and it's more like alternate timeline speculation. I sometimes wonder about what would happen if I had made different choices a long time ago or if things had gone differently in my life, but I can't change them. If you don't have a lot of distress there is no point thinking you'll transition. If you want an example of what I mean by distress, sometimes I can't look at my chest. I regret growing boobs, I want to ignore them and have them gone. They are not part of me. Do you have a similar feeling of "not me", or is more like "huh, I wonder....."?
It's a whole different experience being trans. A fair chunk of people don't grow up in inner conflict over their body, identity, physical presentation and social perception. A fully transitioned woman and a born woman have very different experiences getting to the same point. I'm not saying born woman have it all easy, but it's a different path. I'll never have the experience of growing up as a girl in this society, seeing womanhood as my future, being brought up in path. No puberty, realizing male interest in my body, no grappling with media from that subjective perspective. No trying to lose my virginity without getting pregnant. No weird fears over childbirth and breastfeeding. Grandma didn't give me any of the jewelry.
I'm fine with trans being a third category. I'm fine calling myself a male who is a trans woman. There can be a genuine beauty in a good transition that you don't get with biology. It's not my future, but I can't deny it.
Hi Emily not real name, You sound a lot like me. I didn't understand or like gender division as a kid. I liked trucks, colouring, beads, dolls, guns, all that, it was annoying that I wasn't allowed to do beads with my friends who happened to be girls. Puberty was confusing, I liked looking at girls and sometimes it felt nice to be with them, but that was it. I had no idea what my Christian mother meant about worldly girls stealing my purity or "something happening". It was like it was my fault for being a guy, at that time I didn't know how much crap girls got for having bodies.
I will point out that in many ways I felt more comfortable around girls socially. I was a gentle quiet boy, a lot of my male friends were quite rough and I struggled to be with them, but in my conservative town it was normal to force boys to play with boys. I still to this day feel socially more at home with girls and women, in that sense I still feel trans. I also resented a lot of stereotypes about boys, like we're always violent, even if we're not violent we need pre-punishment, we only want one thing from girls, we lie, etc. That still pisses me off.
I was in my mid-20s when I actually found out what trans meant. It was in the whole SJW/Jordan Peterson trans thing at University of Toronto, I was also a student in Ontario. I delved deeply to find out what was going on and was like "oh shit I feel like I totally get these so-called weirdos". By my late 20s I couldn't deny it, I felt like I was supposed to be a woman. I got to a point where I just assumed I had to transition. There wasn't extreme dysmorphia, and when I talked to doctors they just accepted it. I know how to talk doctor language.
I started anti-androgens in early 30s, I stopped two years later. I felt fine for 18 months. Growing boobs was actually sort of fun, to this day I sort of wish I could have inflatable/deflatable breast implants for when I want tits. But as time went on something felt more and more wrong about it. I felt like I was fixing the wrong thing and wrecking my body. I'm not a big fan of my body, but it's the only one I have, and I feel like I have a sacred responsibility to look after it. Possibly frying my reproductive ability, reducing my sexual ability, messing with muscle and bone and energy and all that, felt so wrong. At some point I hit a wall where I had to stop taking anti-androgens, I felt like I was abusing my body by taking them. And within a week of stopping it's like I mentally rejected my breasts, they feel foreign and wrong. The fact that my girlfriend and I enjoy them once a week or so doesn't justify them.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I don't like society's assumptions about me as a man, I don't like my body under any circumstances, and I feel socially more feminine. None of those will be fixed by changing my body. I will never be a woman. I can be a transwoman, but not a woman. I can give up so much of my body to try to appease jerks, but that doesn't make me happier.
So I've made up my own categories. I'm not physically trans. I never really liked my body and felt uncomfortable with cameras and pictures, but I feel way more uncomfortable with breasts, they draw more attention. I grew up a boy into a man, I can never have a girl/woman social experience and have a part in that shared identity. I'm not sexually trans, if that's a thing. I'm fine having a penis and using it. I might be socially trans. So hey, maybe I am like 1/8 trans, that doesn't justify wrecking my body.
Does any of that hit home? I was never comfortable with my male appearance, I was never comfortable with my male social role, I felt really hurt by discrimination against males. I felt like myself the most around girls. But I learned the hard way that changing my body to a more feminine appearance didn't fix any of that. I don't need a female body, I just need to stay away from jerks.
I've stopped with gender identity. I am myself, I am a person with a body. Most people see me as male, that's fine. A few people close to to me know a lot more and they care about me as a person more than my body, that's awesome. With my girlfriend we're two people in love who have bodies. 80% of the time I'm the man and she's the woman, sometimes we'll switch. She's the only person who gets to care about my genitalia.
I don't know if this helps and it got long, but you got me thinking and typing.
I'm seeing a trauma therapist, not a gender therapist. I don't know what gender therapists do so I won't trashtalk them, but I'm hesitant to deal with anybody who sees things as having an endpoint. Trauma therapists are good at understanding that people carry things forever sometimes. Just my experience, I found someone who helps me grow, not tries to fix me.
To answer the idea of this subs stance on gender expression, it doesn't matter. There is a wide range of experience on here. I can say something and some people will get offended as if it's about them and others totally get it, that's normal.
I think the basic question is how much your body aligns with your clothing and behaviour. Am I wrong? You could stop all medical treatment and have (hopefully) fully functional genitalia and be a soft guy wearing dresses. Someone's fertility and sexual function are deeply personal and inherent to their sense of self, I understand protecting those. I have another 16 weeks until I can have a sperm count test and I'm scared, I don't want to have fried my balls. Would you feel weird wearing a dress and makeup in your current body? Or do you feel like you need changes to fit the look you want? Do you need that for your inner image to align with your body, or do you just not want to be seen as a guy in a dress?
Am I allowed to be quite blunt? You're looking at me like you want to pick a fight. I don't know if that is your intent, but I get that vibe. It's something about the eyes and mouth posture. A lot of girls and women are to trying to look a bit happy/smiley, if you make eye contact they'll often snap into smile mode. If they don't, it's often into a guarded "I don't know you why are you looking at me" mode. Or it's a "I feel like crap and know you well enough" mode. I don't get any of those vibes from you, it feels like a masculine expression. Just my thought on that, I remember sort of practicing girly faces and trying to get more smiley. I don't know if that was a good idea, but I did it, so if I'm not sure about that maybe my observation here is wrong.
And there's nothing wrong with confidence, screw gender archetypes. Maybe all you need is makeup that draws attention to the eyes and lips in the right way. If this is your natural expression and what you're comfortable with, a bit of lipstick could take you to the pouty look, and some eye shadow of some sort could soften the eye expression. I don't know a lot about makeup, that's the most I could say.
That is what I figured you were saying. The experience of a transitioning male is not even close to what women experience and live. Changes to a body don't suddenly bring on that lived experience and give membership to that club. Maybe a clunky phrase. But the trans experience is very different than any cis experience, they are not the same.