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Reddit user /u/daughter_of_bilitis's Detransition Story

female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
escapism
autogynephilia (agp)
influenced online
body dysmorphia
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
eating disorder
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic and not a bot. The user explicitly and repeatedly states they are not detransitioned ("I am not detrans myself"), which is a significant sign of authenticity. Their comments display a consistent, nuanced, and passionate perspective, deep personal investment in the topic, and a high level of rhetorical skill and knowledge (e.g., legal analysis, citing FBI statistics)—all hallmarks of a real, engaged person. There are no red flags suggesting inauthenticity.

About me

I'm a woman who started feeling a deep discomfort with my body and the changes of puberty, which got tangled up with a serious eating disorder. I spent a lot of time online and thought identifying as non-binary would be an escape from the pressures and fears of being female. I became very cautious, especially after questioning if my feelings were truly about gender or just a way to avoid other issues like body dysmorphia. I never medically transitioned, and I'm relieved I didn't make any permanent changes. Now, I'm focused on learning to accept myself and my body instead of trying to change it.

My detransition story

My own journey with gender was complicated, and looking back, I see it was tangled up with a lot of other issues I was dealing with. I never medically transitioned myself, but I spent a lot of time thinking about it and watching others go through it. I’ve had my own serious struggles with body image, including a severe eating disorder and what I believe was body dysmorphia. For a long time, I hated my body, particularly my breasts, and I felt a deep discomfort with the changes of puberty. I think a lot of that came from a place of low self-esteem and anxiety, and from feeling like my body was being judged by others.

I spent a lot of time online, and I was definitely influenced by what I saw in trans communities. There was a period where I thought maybe I was non-binary, because the idea of escaping from being a woman entirely felt like a relief. It seemed like a way to stop the constant pressure and the feeling of being preyed upon just for existing in a female body. I saw how women are harassed and how little girls are taught to be afraid, and I wanted no part of it. Transitioning felt like a way out.

But I also saw a pattern in others that worried me. I saw how a childhood interest in crossdressing could, after puberty, turn into a full-blown sexual fetish. It made me question whether for some people, the desire to transition was more about a sexual fixation, what some call autogynephilia (AGP), than a true identity. I started to wonder if I was falling into a similar trap, just wanting to escape the difficulties of being female rather than actually being a different gender.

I never went on hormones or had surgery. I think my background in law school made me really cautious about making permanent changes, especially after reading about informed consent and how little is known about long-term effects. I saw it as a serious decision with factual consequences, not just a feeling. I also saw how gender dysphoria has a high comorbidity with other mental illnesses, and I had to ask myself a hard question: how could I tell the difference between gender dysphoria and my own body dysmorphia? I never found a clear answer, and that uncertainty stopped me from taking any medical steps.

My thoughts on gender now are that it’s incredibly complex and often mixed up with other problems like trauma, OCD, or internalized homophobia. I don’t believe that feeling like you are the opposite sex makes you that sex. I think we put too much emphasis on changing our bodies to fit a feeling, when sometimes the feeling itself is what needs to be addressed. For me, the solution wasn't transition. It was learning to ignore how I thought others were judging my body and trying to find comfort in being myself, whatever that looked like. Life as me is worth more than my life as either sex.

I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to a deeper understanding of myself. But I am relieved that I didn't make any permanent changes I might have later regretted. I benefited from stepping back and questioning everything, rather than just affirming the first feeling I had.

Age Event
During Puberty Started experiencing severe body discomfort, hatred of breasts, and developed an eating disorder. Felt intense anxiety about being perceived as female.
Early 20s Spent a lot of time online, influenced by trans communities. Identified as non-binary as a form of escapism from the pressures of being a woman.
Mid 20s (Law School) Began seriously questioning the narrative around transition. Studied informed consent and became cautious about medical interventions. Questioned the difference between gender dysphoria and my own body dysmorphia.
Now Have desisted from identifying as non-binary. No medical transition occurred. Focused on managing body image issues and self-acceptance separately from gender identity.

Top Comments by /u/daughter_of_bilitis:

13 comments • Posting since June 19, 2019
Reddit user daughter_of_bilitis comments on the high trans suicide rate, questioning why transphobia would cause higher rates than homophobia or racism faced by other minorities.
27 pointsDec 2, 2019
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Disclaimer: I am not detrans. I just like throwing out that at the beginning in the rare chance I comment here because I know this space is not designed for me, and that's ok - if I am out of line commenting on this thread, lmk and I'll delete the comment.

But on substance, I'm curious - if you think transphobia is the reason behind the high suicide rate, why wouldn't it follow that we would see similarly high rates for other minority/marginalized groups? Ex. why wouldn't we see homophobia causing similarly high rates of suicide among LG and/or B people? Or racism (which I would argue is much more pervasive than 'transphobia') cause a similar rate of suicide for ethnic/racial minorities?

I'm not trying to "haha own" you or anything, I'm curious for the answer that feels right to you, given your original comment.

Reddit user daughter_of_bilitis comments on the low likelihood of a successful appeal in a case about a consent form for a trans child's hormone therapy, citing the appeals court's deference to the lower court's factual findings and the waiver's mention of unknown long-term effects.
21 pointsSep 5, 2019
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After reading the article, I don't have high hopes for his luck on appeal. Usually, appeals courts will be reluctant to overturn or stray from a lower court ruling esp since the lower court is the "finder of fact"- the appeals court will rely on their facts. And this will almost certainly be a factual issue. The article talked about informed consent in the state as being the understanding of the consequences of the treatment, and the waiver did mention that the treatment had not been well-studied and the long term effects are unknown. So, as a factual matter... I see it unlikely that would be overturned since the factual analysis won't be much changed. That, plus the excerpted comments from the judges, leads me to believe the court won't buy the lawyers arguments here.

Source: my thoughts + some law school

Reddit user daughter_of_bilitis advises a detransitioning AFAB person with an eating disorder to ignore others' judgments and make decisions based on their own needs.
19 pointsJul 6, 2019
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While it makes sense that you judge yourself based on how other people judge you, you shouldn't make lasting decisions based on how they judge you. As an AFAB person who has had a serious eating disorder and body issues, you genuinely just should try your best to ignore how you think others are reacting to your body, and then make the best decision you can based on you. I know - easier said than done. But, it will go every day at a time. Their opinions are real and will impact you, but they shouldn't shape you. And I hope you find clarity and comfort whatever you choose ♥️

Reddit user daughter_of_bilitis comments, questioning the claim that homophobia is less vicious than transphobia and arguing that high trans suicide rates persist despite social acceptance and transition access, suggesting another cause.
18 pointsDec 2, 2019
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Well I mean I'm just going to say, citation needed for the claim that homophobia/biphobia is not as vicious as transphobia. I mean, yeah, I'm just going to need a citation for that because that does not hold true with any of my experience or my understanding of global politics, esp outside the US. That also doesn't really address the plight of racial minorities too, though, which I don't think anybody would argue that transphobia in 2019 is more vicious than 1800s chattel slavery was for black people.

Clearly, homophobia/transphobia/etc-phobias will cause distress an uptick in suicide rates for affected groups, but the issue here is that trans suicide rates are so high, and so seemingly unaffected by 1) increasing social acceptance, 2) ability to transition, 3) geographic location (which would mean it holds across cultures and political differences), and at that point I just think there must be another explanation - or at least, a concurrent one.

Reddit user daughter_of_bilitis comments on the irony of trans activists labeling refusal to allow a child's transition as child abuse, arguing it's the activists who cling to outdated gender roles by equating feelings with womanhood.
13 pointsSep 26, 2019
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What world am I living in where refusing to let your child's mental illness control their lives and mutilate their bodies is considered child abuse?

Ironic you think that we're the ones "clinging to outdated gender roles" when you're the one who thinks a man in a dress with makeup is a woman because he feeeeelz like it. It's all projection, isn't it?

I hope you never have children, though you've probably already ensured that was impossible so, thank God.

Reddit user daughter_of_bilitis comments that a person excited by sexual attention would likely not enjoy it if they had grown up female and experienced the harassment, predation, and danger women face from infancy.
12 pointsJun 19, 2019
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Something tells me if this person had grown up in a female body/being perceived as female, they would not enjoy people viewing them sexually as much as they do. Women are preyed upon and harassed for the behaviors he is excited to get attention for. Little girls have been killed for looking too sexy to the wrong adult and we are taught from infancy to be wary of that attention.

Reddit user daughter_of_bilitis comments on a detransition update, urging OP to be kind to themselves and emphasizing that their life as themselves is worth more than a life as either sex, while offering support for body issues and suicidal ideation.
11 pointsJul 18, 2019
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Your last sentence worries me a little just because it has an ominous tone to it - please be kind to yourself, and realize that life as YOU is worth more than your life as EITHER sex. I mean it.

Admittedly I am not detrans myself but I do hope to support people who are, and if you ever need to talk with someone who has had body issues/suicidal ideation, etc. Id love to help. Please take care of yourself.

Reddit user daughter_of_bilitis explains how childhood interests can develop into adult fetishes, using the example of crossdressing becoming sexualized after puberty.
11 pointsSep 21, 2019
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Re: "crossdressing wasn't sexual for me as a kid" - yeah, cuz you were a kid. Once you developed a sex drive, you sexually fixated on that activity and it quickly became a fetish. That's a very, very common development pattern for fetishes. Most people with a lifelong or "significant" fetish DO have that transition from, "oh I really liked playing doctor as a little kid" to "oh fuck nurses can stick their fingers in my butthole and that's so hot." It's not like anyone pops out the womb with fully developed sexual fetishes and fixations. That's why fetishes are different from sexual orientations - they're mutable, and they develop over your life.

Reddit user daughter_of_bilitis counters claims on transphobia vs. homophobia, citing FBI 2018 hate crime data showing anti-gay male bias as the leading motivator (59.7% of incidents) compared to 157 anti-transgender incidents.
10 pointsDec 2, 2019
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I mean I'm not even going to bother providing a reference because we both know it's true.

Nope, it's not true, and wishful thinking will not make it so. If you don't provide sources, you just encourage people to go do their own searching and then we find things like this - https://ucr.fbi.gov/hate-crime/2018/topic-pages/incidents-and-offenses - which shows that homophobia even in the US, which is very progressive on the issue of homosexuality compared to a lot of the world is wayyy more prevalant than transphobia. In 2018, AGAIN, gay males were the #1 most harassed and discriminated-against group in the LGBT unmbrella, per the FBI - 59.7% of the reported hate crimes were motivated anti-gay male bias. (Edited to add the italics) And that's from an analysis of more than 1,000 incidents. There were less than 200 gender-ID based incidents even reported, and only 157 of those were 'anti-transgender,' with the rest being anti-GNC. Until you can argue from more than your feelings, don't bother.

Is there anywhere in the world where its really acceptable to be trans?

Apparently not per your definition, but loads and loads of people will laugh at your assertion because yes, there are places. In fact, did you know wikipedia makes simple lists for stats like this? Very easy reading. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_rights

You're downplaying the role of transphobia in suicide rates. Now that I've seen you're a GC poster I can see why the idea would bother you.

First: lol. Second: I actually was not downplaying transphobia, I was saying there seem to be other causes (likely in addition to transphobia) given how high the rate is and how unlikely it is to change. But that didn't fit your narrative, so you don't like having a discussion about that. All I can say is, if you care so much about trans people you're willing to argue about them online with strangers, you should probably care enough to ensure best practices are being established to handle people with GID/dysphoria/gender discomfort. That may involve transition. A lot of people on this sub would disagree with that, obviously, but that does not make it right. But following actual data is key, not just assuming trans people are the most put-upon group ever in human history.

Reddit user daughter_of_bilitis comments on the difficulty of debating arguments that challenge the narrative of trans people being the most oppressed group in history.
8 pointsDec 2, 2019
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Yeah I mean, it's a pretty damning argument. Which is why the guy I'm debating even right now won't touch it. But so is any argument that undercuts the narrative that trans people are the most oppressed in human history, which takes a lot of hubris to assume, in my opinion.