This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user demonstrates:
- Personal, detailed experience with transition, surgery, HRT, and detransition.
- Consistent, nuanced views over a two-year period, expressing anger and criticism but also pragmatic advice and compassion for others.
- Complex reasoning that reflects the passionate, often stigmatized perspective of a desister/detransitioner who cannot fully reverse their medical transition.
The account shows no signs of automation, scripted rhetoric, or a fabricated persona.
About me
I started transitioning in my early twenties because I felt it was my only option, believing I was born in the wrong body. I had surgeries and took hormones, thinking it would fix everything, but it only provided a temporary high before the same old problems returned. I stopped hormones when I realized I had permanently altered my body's natural functions without solving my underlying anxiety and low self-esteem. I now see that my distress was more about escaping social expectations than an innate identity, and I deeply regret the permanent changes. These days, I focus on building a real life through my hobbies and relationships, living socially as male for simplicity but knowing true peace comes from within.
My detransition story
My journey with transition started because I felt like it was something I had to do. I didn't even really want to, but I believed the narrative that some people are just born in the wrong body, and because I didn't fit neatly into the expectations for my birth sex, I thought that must be me. I saw it as inevitable. Looking back, I think a lot of it was about control and a deep discomfort with the roles and expectations placed on me.
I was very pragmatic about the whole thing. I thought if I just went through the steps—hormones, surgeries—I would finally feel free and whole. I got top surgery and later, bottom surgery. I had what many would consider near-perfect results with no major complications. But the feeling of wholeness or elation I was promised never came. After the initial achievement high wore off, it was just my everyday life, but now in a body that felt permanently altered. The biggest realization for me was that no surgery or hormone would give me more than a temporary fix. It didn't solve the underlying issues.
What really made me stop and question everything was realizing how much I had messed with my body's natural functions. I came to understand that my hormonal health would always be suppressed. Being on exogenous hormones meant my body could never truly function on its own terms. Since stopping hormones, I’ve noticed improvements, especially in my libido. I feel like I’m too far gone surgically to meaningfully detransition, but letting my body return to its own hormonal balance was a step I had to take.
I’ve come to see that a lot of my distress was tied up with low self-esteem, anxiety, and a kind of escapism. The trans community I was in felt cultish at times. It encouraged a sense of persecution and paranoia about what others thought, which just made my mental health worse and trapped me further inside the bubble. Stepping away from that mentality was crucial for me. I started to see that the constant hypervigilance about passing and transphobia was exhausting and unhealthy.
My thoughts on gender have completely changed. I don't believe in the idea of an innate gender identity anymore. I think "gender" as we talk about it now is largely a social construct, often used to sell products and ideas. The idea that you need to transition to be your "true self" feels like indulgent navel-gazing. Human males and females come in every possible combination of traits and personalities. Why wasn't that enough for me? I think I got caught up in trying to control how others saw me, but you can't control what people think. Transitioning is just a series of aesthetic changes; it doesn't change who you are.
I have a lot of regrets. I regret not understanding that developing my own interests, building stable relationships, and creating a safe life for myself were what would actually make me feel whole, not transition. I regret the permanent changes I made to my body. The gravity of how I've altered myself weighs on me. If I had known then that transition itself wouldn't set me free, I would have never done it.
These days, I live as the opposite sex socially because it’s just easier at this point, but I’m honest with myself that it’s a choice I’m making, not an innate truth. I focus on my hobbies, spending time in nature, and talking with a close friend who understands. That’s what really helps.
Here is a timeline of the major events:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early 20s | Started believing I was trans and began identifying as such. |
| Mid 20s | Started taking testosterone (HRT). |
| Late 20s | Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| Early 30s | Underwent bottom surgery (phalloplasty). |
| Mid 30s | Realized transition hadn't solved my problems; stopped hormone therapy. |
| Present (Late 30s) | Living with the permanent changes, focusing on building a life beyond gender. |
Top Comments by /u/dentsdeloup:
the idea that trans people have special/superior experiences or knowledge is very tiresome and largely untrue. it stems from projecting flatness onto the experiences of natal men and women.
trans women are considered sufficiently oppressed to be coddled in liberal spaces. instead of being treated like a normal person, some social circles will defer to MTFs (and occasionally FTMs) as if they are both made of porcelain and more enlightened. it's insulting, alienating at best.
yeah I mean I was quite sure too in my early 20s but here I am now, putting my life back together after breaking down all the fake ass shit I believed about what and who I was. plenty of people are happy living as the opposite sex, but you have to at least accept the possibility that as you mature (you sound... young) things MIGHT change, like wanting to have kids or literally anything that being trans makes more difficult for not much benefit.
btw plenty of cis women are tall, angular and intense looking. if you've transitioned that young you will probably keep passing just fine. you seem focused on attaining a specific aesthetic. that's fine. but if it's anything deeper than that, you'll be able to experience more than just vanity surrounding the question of whether or not this is right for you.
i didn't wake up and decide "oh shit normal social and aesthetic expectations for my birth sex would be sick!! what have I done!!" it was more that i realized after having SRS that the whole narrative around what it means to be trans just doesn't hold water. there is no big pot of serene wholeness at the end of the bodymod rainbow, it's just a bunch of aesthetic fixes that neither change nor reflect who you are.
people forget the guy has published like a thousand legitimate papers in a huge variety of disciplines within the field, and is one of the few psychs who has taught while doing both research and clinical practice. he was a respected researcher and clinician for decades before he got absorbed into the right. whatever one makes of his politics, his psych work is meticulous
The way I see it is that there are sacrifices either way with an experience like this. You have to figure out which sacrifices are worth it to you. This includes social, medical, surgical interventions. I know people who've described the same stuff as you who grew to be completely comfortable as women. However, that doesn't mean you won't enjoy transition.
The biggest question I'd ask for people on the FTM pathway would be - are you comfortable looking like Danny DeVito? You probably will not look like Robert Pattinson or EmoBoy#3524 unless your male relatives already do. If you are comfortable being hairy, bald, potentially with a gut, or looking like your male relatives, then you are less likely to experience distress in doing this.
doctors generally do not assume anyone coming to their office saying exactly what prescriptions/diagnosis they want is correct. their job, their minimum decade of education + work experience, allows them to test and assess diagnostics and lay out an appropriate treatment plan. why is it that transition is an exception to this?
when med professionals run into motivated and driven clients wrt specific meds that tends to raise alarm bells for a reason. your job as the patient is to be as explicit and honest about your symptoms and history as possible, to let the professionals do their jobs competently.
people have died on the table for trans surgeries with long anaesthesia times by failing to disclose medical history. instead of working with the surgeons and anaesthesiologist to find a work around. many smaller tragedies occur daily with trans care because trans people spout off shit like this, and a decade later here we are on r/detrans trying to figure out what the fuck happened.
I've come to terms with a transition I can't undo, and I want us to be able to coexist with the general population peacefully. the first step is admitting that wanting a sex change is not a five alarm fire, and that we are strong and resilient enough to take the time for competent and compassionate medical professionals to assess us for underlying traumas, and physical and mental health conditions that might be the cause of our distress with our bodies and sex roles. the cost of doling out hormones and surgical referral letters like candy is wayyy higher than what those of us who stick with it stand to gain.
best thing i ever learned: men's attraction to women is less slanted towards stereotype than you'd think. it's more on a bell curve and there's absolutely guys right now who wish they were dating a woman who lifts enough to look strong. you have to trust that you are only going to find the right partner for you if you're honest with yourself about who you are. good luck!
This is completely true. No surgery or intervention will give you more than a temporary high. The day to day life with/without boobs, with/without a dick is literally just what it materially is. There is no sense of wholeness or any kind of elation beyond the brief feeling of achievement, the rest is just every day life. If that is a worthwhile sacrifice (for having kids, a normal life, saving yourself the time/money/stress), then maybe it's worth it. Even then every surgery/medical intervention has risks and needs to be weighed carefully against your mental and physiological health, as it can disrupt both of those.
I was incredibly pragmatic about my transition materially, but no one told me it wouldn't in and of itself set me free (but developing my interests and skills, working on having trusting and loving relationships, ensuring my life was safe and stable did!). If I had known this I would have never done it. I didn't even want to transition, I just felt it was inevitable because I believed the narrative that some people are born in the wrong body, and that my gender deviant experiences meant I was (regrettably) one of them.
misgendering is harmless the vast, vast majority of the time. sounding the alarm for this particular thoughtcrime won't have much currency in an environment filled with people who have experienced more injury worrying about misgendering than being misgendered in itself.
lots of ways to improve your health even if your foundation is compromised. if you're unemployed and live at home you have time to try to figure it out. i'm really sorry this happened to you. my transition coincided with developing a lot of health issues too, which have taken me years to resolve.
all i know is that silicone implants can really mess with your immune system - breast implant syndrome i think it's called. i know there are other methods like fat grafting, but of course the size change there would be more minimal. i have seen detrans women i know grow back breast tissue after even more involved mastectomies, so it may just take some time.