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Reddit user /u/denverkris's Detransition Story

female
low self-esteem
puberty discomfort
only transitioned socially
benefited from non-affirming therapy
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user consistently identifies as a gender-nonconforming (GNC) woman, not a detransitioner or desister, which is a perspective they are open about. Their comments display a coherent, long-term worldview focused on rejecting gender stereotypes, a personal history that spans decades, and nuanced opinions that are consistent over time. The passion and frustration expressed are in line with someone who is deeply invested in the topic from a gender-critical perspective.

About me

I was born female and never fit the feminine stereotype, which made me feel like I wasn't a real woman. I explored transgender ideas online but realized my discomfort was with society's expectations, not my own body. My real turning point was understanding that being a woman is a biological reality, not a feeling or a set of interests. I now see that my journey was about overcoming low self-esteem and accepting myself as a whole, confident woman. I'm glad I never medically transitioned and I hope to be an example for other gender non-conforming people.

My detransition story

My journey with gender wasn't a typical transition and detransition story, because I never actually transitioned. Looking back at my comments, I see that I was always just a woman who never fit the feminine stereotype. I spent a lot of time in online communities trying to understand the intense focus on gender identity, and my own thoughts evolved through those discussions.

I was born female, and as a kid and teenager, I never felt like I fit in with other girls. I liked boy things: video games, working on cars, and I hated wearing dresses and makeup. I had very short hair and wore men’s clothes because they were more comfortable. For a long time, I felt like I was a different kind of person, that I wasn't a "real" woman because I didn't like the things society said women should like. I now realize this was a form of low self-esteem and internalized misogyny; I thought that to be a valid woman, you had to be feminine, and since I wasn't, I must be something else.

The concept of being transgender became prominent later in my life. I'm in my fifties now, and I'm honestly glad it wasn't an option presented to me when I was young and struggling. I worry that I might have been influenced into believing my discomfort with gender roles meant I was born in the wrong body. My discomfort wasn't with my female body itself, but with the narrow box I was told I had to fit into because of it. I hated the expectations, not my breasts or my biology.

My real turning point was realizing that "woman" isn't a feeling or a list of hobbies. It’s just a biological reality. I am a woman because I am an adult human female. There is no "feeling like a woman." I just am one. My interests in STEM, Jeeps, and video games don't make me less of a woman; they just make me me. Letting go of the need to "identify" with anything was incredibly freeing. I stopped worrying about whether something was masculine or feminine and just did what I enjoyed.

I see now that a lot of my earlier struggle was rooted in not having positive examples of gender non-conforming people. I was bullied for being different, which really affected me. If I had seen more women like me—women who are engineers, who have short hair, who love mechanics—I might have found peace with myself much sooner. My goal now is to be that example for others and to push back against the idea that not fitting a stereotype means you were born in the wrong body.

I never took hormones or had any surgeries. My "transition" was entirely social and internal: I transitioned from a woman who thought she was broken to a woman who is confident and comfortable being exactly who she is. I have no regrets about not medically transitioning because it was never the right path for me. My only regret is that it took me so long to understand that I could be a whole, complete woman without being feminine.

I believe that for many young people today, their non-conformity and normal puberty discomfort are being medicalized too quickly. I’ve seen friends and people online get swept up in this and I worry for them. I think we need to show kids that it's okay to be a boy who likes dresses or a girl who likes trucks, and that doesn't mean they need to change their bodies. We need to help them accept reality and themselves, not affirm a delusion.

My thoughts on gender are simple: it’s a social construct, and a harmful one at that. Sex is real and immutable. I benefited from what some would call non-affirming therapy—the simple, reality-based concept that I am a woman, and that is okay. It was the acceptance of that fact, not the rejection of it, that finally made me happy.

Age Event
Childhood Felt different from other girls, preferred boys' toys and activities.
Teen Years Experienced bullying for being gender non-conforming. Felt like I wasn't a "real woman."
21 Cut my hair very short, stopped wearing makeup, and embraced a masculine style of dress.
20s-40s Lived as a gender non-conforming woman, comfortable in my identity without labeling it as anything other than me.
50s (Now) Fully accepted myself as a woman. Understand that my journey was about self-acceptance, not transition.

Top Comments by /u/denverkris:

26 comments • Posting since June 28, 2019
Reddit user denverkris comments on the 'trans healthcare rollback,' explaining it allows doctors to choose their patients and why they don't believe it should be illegal to refuse care.
95 pointsJun 15, 2020
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I've gotten into some discussions on FB with some friends of mine who are all in an uproar over this "trans healthcare rollback", as the news keeps titling it. From what I have seen, this doesn't "rollback" anything, all it does is allow doctors the freedom to choose which patients they want to treat. As in, if I'm a gynecologist, I should be free to treat female patients only. Thus I exclude all males, not simply trans identified ones. This seems perfectly reasonable to me. Also, I personally wouldn't want to try to force a doctor to treat me, who was uncomfortable for whatever reason. Everyone seems to think this is an automatic "oh no, these doctors are transphobic assholes", when i don't think that's necessarily the case. Sure, some might be, but as I said, you can't always force people not to be an asshole.

Am I incorrect about any of this? For me, I think people who refuse to do their jobs because of personal views are, in fact, assholes, but I just don't think it makes sense to use laws to attempt to force people not to be assholes in every single situation. In this case it seems it could have some very negative connotations for either the doctor, the patient, or both.

Reddit user denverkris comments on a doctor's right to refuse service, using the example of a gynecologist who only treats females.
40 pointsJun 15, 2020
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I understand your sentiment and in general I agree with you. But...I think there are cases where a particular doctor may not be qualified TO help someone. For example, I think a gynecologist should have the right to say that they only provide services to females.

Reddit user denverkris comments on the silencing of detransitioners, stating that any reasonable person would want to hear all perspectives on an issue with such a major impact on physical and mental well-being.
25 pointsJun 28, 2019
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It's really unfortunate that they don't want to hear all perspectives. I think any reasonable person would want to hear all sides of an issue, especially given the potential impact on a person's physical and mental well being. I had no idea the type of transition you experienced occurred so many years ago. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Reddit user denverkris (fuck gender) comments that identity is not something to be obsessed over, advising to focus on living life, personal growth, and practical self-improvement instead.
17 pointsApr 20, 2020
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As an older person, I do not understand this obsession with "identity". You don't need one. Just be you, your "identity" will naturally change and grow as you do. I'm not the same person at 50 that I was at 20, or even 30. The person I am today did not get formed overnight.

Live your life. Do what you want to do. What things do you find important? How is your health, your finances? Could those areas of your life use improvement? Do you have any hobbies? If so, maybe join some (non trans related) clubs. Maybe take a class at a local community college or arts center.

I dont know who I am anymore - You're you. You've always been you. Like I said before, who you are will change over time. Just get busy living for a little bit.

It may sound overwhelming, but just take things one day at a time. Build a routine if it will help. But think to yourself "What can I do today..." And do that.

Reddit user denverkris comments on parental responsibility, arguing it's a parent's job to help children accept reality, not confirm a delusion, and that enjoying girly things doesn't define being a girl.
14 pointsAug 22, 2019
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Because apparently it's no longer a parent's job to help their children to accept reality, a parent's job is to just confirm whatever delusion they may have at the moment. Enjoying dresses and girly things is not what makes someone a girl, ffs. /rant.

Reddit user denverkris (fuck gender) comments on hostility from the trans community, arguing that the pressure to transition is a two-way street and that people should be free to transition or detransition without being told what to do.
12 pointsApr 16, 2020
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You could literally turn around and say the exact same thing most trans people.

Transition if you want to, and detransition if you want to, but don't tell other people they should transition which is something I've noticed a lot of trans people do.

See how that works?

Reddit user denverkris (50+ year old woman) explains how she identified as a boy or "hybrid" in her youth but, without the concept of being trans, simply grew into womanhood, arguing that gendered labels like "masculine" and "feminine" are arbitrary and have no real power unless you give it to them.
11 pointsJun 9, 2020
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NOTE: I am not trans or detrans.

That said, I am likely older than most of you (50+). I too claimed that I was a boy, or or some kind of hybrid (i got a kick out of that one, i've not heard many other people express that sentiment). I looked like a boy if my hair was short. I could have easily passed (probably still could). But trans was not a thing when I was young. I learned that I was going to grow up to be a woman and there was absolutely nothing I could do about that. So, I just...did it.

That said:

That and being a little too scared to express my femininity right now.

If I'm going to do something, I've never worried whether or not that thing is "feminine" or "masculine". A thing is just a thing, and it's just me doing it. There doesn't need to be any connotation other than that. I don't consider nail or toe painting "feminine" and I have had many men friends who have sported painted nails and/or toes. It's as if you have given this "masculine/feminine" dichotomy power over you. I've personally never enjoyed anything "feminine", but I am absolutely not afraid to paint my nails or to swap the axles on one of my jeeps. Probably the most "feminine" thing I do is make jewelry, but there are plenty of men who do that as well.

or just acting like less of a fuckboy in general will help me

I'm not sure what this means, really. But again, there's no rulebook that says you have to act/dress/whatthef*ckever any certain way because you're a man vs a woman.

You are you. At any rate, I hope that you feel better, the craziness in the world surely isn't helping the situation.

Reddit user denverkris comments on an FTM questioning post, sharing her experience as a GNC woman who is glad transition wasn't an option in her youth.
11 pointsJul 9, 2020
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Adult human female here. This response describes me as accurately as anything I've ever read. When I was about 21 I cut my hair into a buzz cut, ditched all the makeup, loaded up on cargo shorts and T's, and stopped dating men for about the next 25 years. I play video games, am learning bass guitar, enjoy working on my Jeep (like changing engine parts and what not) and taking it out Jeeping, of course. I never had kids and I'm not sorry about it. Oh, and I'm an engineer :). I, too, never quite "see" myself when I look in the mirror. I wish I had more muscles, was maybe a bit taller/thinner, had smaller feet. But, I don't stress too much over those things that I can't change. Being "trans" wasn't an option when I was a kid and I'm glad. I worry I would've wasted a bunch of my life chasing after a false reality. I'm a woman simply because I'm an adult human female, and there's nothing I can do to change that. I used to think I was "not like other girls", but I've also learned as I've gotten older that women are amazing. They're strong and confident and smart and beautiful, and there is no right or wrong way to be one.

I wish you all the best.

Reddit user denverkris explains that a controversial figure's tweet is real and has locked his account due to backlash, quoting a tweet that claims Gender Dysphoria is often temporary and caused by a lack of affirmation.
11 pointsAug 22, 2019
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I poked around on twitter. Yes, it's legit. He appears to have locked down his tweets due to the backlash

Here's another of his recent tweets:

Gender Dysphoria is often a temporary state, from not being affirmed. I don't understand how folks believe we woke (ha, pun) up one day and said, we need a trans child in our lives." Almost every developmental psychologist agrees that children know their gender ID by age 3.

Reddit user denverkris (fuck gender) comments about rejecting gender norms, sharing their own experience with "boy" activities and clothing as a non-trans person.
10 pointsJan 17, 2020
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Which when something was labeled as being for boys that made me want it even more.

No shit, me too! :D

Whenever I post here I usually start out with I'm not trans/detrans. That said, I'm sorry your parents were so strict. But now that you're 18, you should be able to choose things for yourself (I hope?). Trans wasn't a thing when I was your age, so I just had to accept that I was a girl. I'm 51 now, and I wear almost nothing but men's clothes, rarely wear makeup, and my hobbies include bass guitar, video games, Legos, working on my Jeep(s), bowling, and a ton of other not very "girly" things. Maybe take some time to just figure out you without their influence, if that's possible?