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Reddit user /u/desertdarkhorse's Detransition Story

female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
depression
body dysmorphia
puberty discomfort
anxiety
only transitioned socially
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

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Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.

There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display:

  • A consistent, nuanced, and personal perspective.
  • Empathy and support based on lived experience (e.g., discussing birth control effects, body dysmorphia, personal fashion history).
  • A natural writing style with casual asides and corrections for typos.

The user identifies as a 46-year-old woman who desisted, which is consistent with their commentary. Their passion aligns with the expected perspective of someone critical of medical transition based on personal experience.

About me

I was born female and my struggles started as a teenager when puberty made me deeply uncomfortable with my developing body. I now see my distress was a mix of not fitting the narrow stereotype of a woman and my own depression and anxiety. I never medically transitioned, and I'm concerned it's pushed too quickly on young people before other issues are addressed. Today, I've found peace by embracing androgyny, expressing both masculine and feminine sides without changing my body. I believe you can be happy as a masculine woman or feminine man without needing hormones or surgery.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was born female, and I began to feel a deep discomfort with my body, especially during puberty. I hated my breasts developing; it felt wrong and foreign to me. At the time, I didn't have the words for it, but looking back, I think it was a mix of body dysmorphia and just general puberty discomfort that a lot of kids go through. I felt like I couldn't think straight about my body; everything felt rational to me even when it wasn't.

I was also struggling with depression and anxiety, which runs in my family. My self-esteem was very low. I see now that a lot of my feelings were about not fitting into the narrow box of what a woman was supposed to be. I was a tall, masculine woman and I felt like there was no place for me. I think if I had seen more examples of strong, gender-nonconforming women in history, it might have helped me feel like "woman" was a big enough category for me too.

I never medically transitioned. I didn't take hormones or have any surgeries. For me, my journey was more of a social and internal struggle. I am deeply concerned about the medical path for others, though, especially young people. I believe that medically transitioning should be an absolute last resort because of the serious health complications and side effects that can happen. I took a low-dose birth control pill later in life for a medical reason, and even that was really hard on my body. I can't imagine the physical toll of cross-sex hormones.

I’ve seen a lot of people, especially young ones, get influenced online or by their friends to transition quickly. I am particularly disturbed by the misdiagnosis of people who are autistic or have OCD, where their underlying conditions aren't addressed before they make permanent changes. The human brain isn't even finished developing until around age 25, so a 14-year-old isn't fully equipped to make such a huge, life-altering decision. Adding puberty blockers into that can cloud their judgment even more.

My own path was about learning to connect with the body I have. I found peace by embracing androgyny. I've learned that I can be me—whether I'm wearing a men's suit or a 1950s dress. I love being able to express both masculine and feminine sides of myself without having to change my body. I've been mistaken for a man from behind, and it didn't upset me or thrill me; I just laughed it off. I wish we lived in a world that embraced masculine women and feminine men without them needing to medically transition to feel safe and accepted.

I don't regret not transitioning because I found another way through it. I think it's mentally more beneficial to learn to connect with your own body. I benefited from stepping away from the digital world and social media, which can really increase depression, and instead finding small joys in the real world—like a beautiful flower or the sun on my face.

For me, gender is just a social construct that has changed drastically throughout history. The pressure to "choose" a gender identity now feels unnecessary. You're biologically male or female, and you can dress and express yourself however you want, in any way that makes you happy, without needing to alter your body with hormones or surgery.

Age Event
Teenager Experienced significant puberty discomfort and hated developing breasts. Struggled with body dysmorphia, low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety.
21 Wore 1950s dresses as part of exploring feminine expression.
26 Switched between dressing in a very masculine "dandy" style and a feminine "femme fatale" style.
43 Began taking low-dose birth control pills for a medical reason, which softened my features and thickened my hair, but also made me aware of how hard hormones are on the body.
46 (Now) At peace with my female body and embracing an androgynous expression. I feel liberated being able to move between masculine and feminine presentation without medical intervention.

Top Comments by /u/desertdarkhorse:

9 comments • Posting since April 10, 2019
Reddit user desertdarkhorse comments on the importance of including desisters and detransitioners in the conversation, expressing concern over the misdiagnosis of autistic, OCD, and ADHD individuals.
18 pointsApr 16, 2019
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Good luck with the story. I think it's important that desisters and detransitioners are added to the conversation. People need to have information so they can make choices that work for them instead of finding out after taking an extreme option that ends up not helping them at all. I for one am deeply disturbed by the misdiagnosis of autistic, OCD, and ADHD individuals.

Reddit user desertdarkhorse comments on a detransition video, empathizing with the psychological struggle and expressing relief at the poster's peace, while discussing the significant physical toll of cross-sex hormones.
8 pointsApr 24, 2019
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Wow, I am so sorry that you ended up having that break in your psyche, but at the same time relieved because it led you to what seems like a place of greater peace now. I'm really glad that you are embracing androgyny because I think that it is a very liberating place to be, mentally.

From everything I read, hormones are so hard on a body. I am a biological woman who is 46 and let me tell you, just taking birth control pills to hopefully stave off osteoporosis is really hard on my body. Really, really hard. I can't even imagine the physical toll of putting cross hormones in my body.

Reddit user desertdarkhorse comments on an AMAB person's fears, advising against pressure to medically transition and advocating for flexible gender expression without labels.
7 pointsApr 28, 2019
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I think they're giving you some great advice. It's really surprising to me that people are being pressured to "choose," as though there was anything to choose. You're biologically male, and you can dress however you want-as feminine as you want or as masculine. You can go back and forth depending on your mood and as you age.

I'm 46 and a woman. When I was a teen I wore men's suits that I got at the DAV. When I turned 21, I wore 1950s dresses. At 26, I switched between dressing like a Victorian/60s bohemian dandy and 70s femme fatale. I've have had hair long enough to sit on and short pixie crops. All of these we're still me, despite being more masculine or more feminine.

The gist of this is, people used to be able to express themselves without being pressured to put themselves in a single box with a bunch of rules. I'd think a long time about ingesting hormones that would alter my body and potentially my mind. I've had anxiety and depression since I was a kid (runs in my family) and I'm pretty careful about what I ingest because even eating a crappy diet with too many processed foods can put me in a downward spiral. Good luck and whatever you decide, I hope it works out for you.

Ps- I've been mistaken for a guy from the back when wearing masculine clothes. It didn't make me feel bad or omg fantastic. I just laughed it off. I'm taller than the average American guy, and I LOVE being tall. I love being able to be masculine, feminine, or androgynous <3

Reddit user desertdarkhorse explains their view that medical transition should be a last resort, advocating for a world that embraces masculine women and feminine men to alleviate dysphoria without hormones or surgery.
7 pointsApr 21, 2019
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I definitely think dysphoria exists, just as dysmorphia exits, but I also think medically transitioning should be a last resort due to the side effects of hormones and blocked, as well as how serious the complications of srs can be. I'm not a fan of cosmetic surgery in general. I think it is more mentally beneficial for people to connect with the body that they have. I'd also prefer to live in a world that embraces masculine women and feminine men, without the need for them to medically transition in order to be safe and accepted.

Reddit user desertdarkhorse comments on a detransitioner's post, sharing their own past struggle with body dysmorphia and offering hope for healing.
6 pointsApr 15, 2019
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I am so sorry. There are other women here who have had the same experience and I hope they see this and can give you some advice and comfort. I had body dysmorphia as a teen and it was horrible. I could not think rationally because everything I was thinking seemed totally rational to me. I think about the bad choices I made, but as the years (decades) go on, the pain fades away. I don't have body dysmorphia and I hope you end up finding happiness and making peace with your body <3

Reddit user desertdarkhorse explains the potential impact of puberty blockers on a 14-year-old's decision-making ability and brain development, advising the poster to research and speak with their parents.
5 pointsApr 18, 2019
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You might also want to look into puberty blockers and IQ. Your brother may have difficulty making a valid decision. You might also want to talk to your parents about it. And also you might want to research a little bit about at what age the human brain is finished developing- it's about 25. So, the part of your brain that is able to make reasoned decisions is nowhere near developed at 14. And with puberty blockers, that ability may be reduced further. Good luck with everything and I hope your brother finds peace.

Reddit user desertdarkhorse comments on a post about being forced into being trans, suggesting the OP look to gender non-conforming women in history for inspiration.
5 pointsApr 10, 2019
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Holy shit- over the course of a week?

I know gender is weirdly narrow now, but over the course of history gender norms have changed drastically. Maybe look at gender non-conforming women in history to find inspiration? If you find some people in history that you identify with, maybe that will inch you closer to feeling like "woman" is a big enough umbrella for you as well.

Reddit user desertdarkhorse explains how to cope with transition regret, advising on physical feminization, finding joy in small things, and disconnecting from the digital world.
5 pointsApr 22, 2019
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As far as feminization goes: estrogen will soften your features and body. Give it a little time to work. The good thing about being a woman is, a lot of men are attracted to tomboys. You don't have to be the pinnacle of extremely feminine looks to find a guy who likes you. Explore your hobbies, start wearing slightly more feminine clothes now, if your head is shaved, wear a hat or a wig. Most of all, try to find small joys in your day to day life; beautiful flowers, a cup cup of coffee or tea, a great book, the sun or wind on your face. Connect physically with the real world as much as possible, and stay away from the digital world as much as possible. Sharing and venting here is great, but I'd recommend staying away from social media and the internet in general. Both have been shown to increase depression drastically. I wish you all the luck <3

Reddit user desertdarkhorse comments on the feminizing effects of natural estrogen, sharing their personal experience with low-dose birth control to suggest physical changes like a softened face and thicker hair may occur within six months.
3 pointsApr 22, 2019
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oh yeah I see what you're saying. I don't want to come off as argumentative because I know that you're the one who's going through this not me, but we do know that estrogen has feminized the appearance of men who take it, to some extent. And from my own personal experience, I'm currently 46 (female) and when I was 43 I began to have irregular periods. My doctor recommended that I go on a low-dose birth control pill to kind of stabilize my periods for two years so that I didn't go through menopause too early. And I will say even on a low-dose birth control pill, it did soften up my face a little bit more and it did make my hair thicker. So I think that maybe with your natural estrogen you may see some changes in the near future. it took about six months for me to see changes on birth control pills. but I just don't want you to feel like this is a never gonna happen situation. And I'm not saying that you're going to look the way that you did before you transitioned. But, you may be able to allow you to be happier with your appearance in the next few months as it begins to soften up <3

Edited for typos. Talk-to-text is the worst.