None of you women have it bad at all. Nothing compares to getting kicked! Makes up for ten years of pain.

Guys wanting to have periods, getting kicked comes pretty close, after all, they aren’t guy parts… right?

Completely satire…

How delusional we can be…

I never had period delusions, I also never took hormones… but I was terribly jealous of pregnancy…

While both sides do have their own problems the other can’t relate to… no one pretends their kidney stone is them being pregnant… the pain is worse, but it doesn’t last anywhere near as long as pregnancy. Pretending to have periods is so obviously a male thing as I don’t know any female that likes them.

Yes, giving in to your "feminine" identity will weaken you over time, its an addiction. Your views of what a woman looks like fits with someone who has a low view of them and I think that you likely have a distortion where women have an easier life when in actuality you will never actually experience some of those hard aspects even with transitioning. I've had my own share of "suffering" but when you take a step back, if your feminine self is only true when you demean it, have to force it into an erotic view, perhaps you should ask yourself if its actually a desire to be female or if its just a desire to be a very narrow particular version that hardly even exists in reality for your pleasure/fantasy that you have locked on to.

Ironically, chatgpt helped me process some of my own thinking because it mirrors so well it can pull out bits of you that you are afraid to even voice sometimes. Now, you can definitely train and I do say train, chatgpt to just affirm anything you believe and that isn't your goal. You want to use it to find out what is really in you and I suggest you turn off memory and start clean chats each time you talk. I realized that much of my dysphoria is actually more of a stress response and while I don't actually want to transition, I do want to resolve the stress. So the AGP behavior is for me at least, a response to things I can't control or fix and its almost like slipping into a protective behavior of brainwashing yourself to believe you have no choice and you are this negative stereotype. The more you do it, the more you believe its the only safe route.

For me, if I embrace my desires, I will lose my wife and children, I will lose any friends I currently have, end up extremely depressed and be basically retraining myself to believe these people hate me as my "true" self and never actually liked me when in actuality, they did care enough to tell me.

If your view is that women = desire and women = submissive then you are doomed from the beginning. All of your actions will seek to fulfill that privately while never actually wanting to live that sort of life. Are you really fine having someone else tell you when to clean your home? be a house"wife" with all the downsides they actually have? or is that just something you want during your excitement?

After working with chatgpt, I came to the conclusion I have a very messed up view of everything. I have boxes and they are fairly hard to change. Doing dishes = feminine (yes I know its a skewed view) and I would get stressed out trying to manage things I perceived as my wife's work believing how unfair life was that I worked so hard and food still wasn't on the table and the house was messy. Did I ever consider that maybe having 5 children to take care of might impact that? no of course not because its a delusion.

AGP for me, is a mental illness in response to a control issue. Yes, maybe I have wanted to be a woman from a very young age, but at this point, I feel helpless and decide that means I'm a woman. That sounds both deeply insulting and braindead. No, I really just want to have control over my environment because I'm type A and I really don't see how hard it is.

Just for a last point, if you start chatting with a bot to pull out yourself, start out by saying you don't want to transition, you just want to understand why you have these desires. If it starts affirming you, you won't get anything useful about yourself out of it.

I think therefore I am.

Now do I think like a male or a female? If thinking like a female or a male can be distilled into a list of desires or emotions/no emotions maybe one can argue that. In my experience as a male, there are times when I can fit in either box under those two idea's but my wife tends to be the exact opposite of what I envision a female to be. Then I can conclude that my logic is flawed and what I think a woman is like is wrong.

"I don't think like a man" I declare. "so you don't think like man? what do men think like?" "I can't explain what a man thinks like" I respond "Then how do you know? and how does a woman think like?"

I may feel like the things I like a feminine and I don't like many masculine things, but that doesn't mean I don't feel like a man does it? Desire and feelings are remarkably deceptive.

I don't like makeup so I must not be a woman. I like dresses so I must be a woman. I like gaming so I must be a man. I like babies so I must be a woman. I like chopping wood so I must be a man. I don't like long hair because it gets my shirt wet so I must be a male. (I never could manage to grow my hair out)

None of those things makes me a male or a female. I must be non-binary I conclude but then I ask, what does non-binary act like?

The only thing I know is that I know nothing and gender confuses me. Biologically, I have no questions. Never do I think for a moment that I'm biologically female. I know I'm biologically male and I never questioned it. I certainly have desired to change it but desire doesn't make me a woman. I also am lonely which then triggers my desire when I see my wife having social activities regularly and men, men work. How do men even make friends when they work solitary and have more responsibility at home?

If it wasn't for the extreme cost and the knowledge that I wouldn't actually reach what I desired... I've found journaling helps some with expressing my thoughts. I know following one of my slips into gender dysphoria that reading my notes was eye opening. When I was gender sober my notes looked very male like pretending to be a woman. My writing style doesn't change, nor does my tone. Its stationary like my mind. I can change outward signs/words but the inward doesn't change.

I never would have thought I would be so lonely as an adult when as a child all I wanted to do was play on the computer and never socialize. If I focus on what I don't have, the gender desire gets overwhelming. If I remember what I do have, it fades. Reading people's stories and experience on here really does help keep my desires in perspective.

Honestly, figure out what you want, be centered, and don’t ever tell a soul when you join the military. The Marines will eat you up and spit you out if you ever said these sort of things to them. There’s much that happens that is not legal and women get abused and raped. Men who want to be women or have that kind of history Are also in danger. If you can figure out the social and medical side of things and then join, you’ll be a lot safer. They will tell you anything you want to hear until your name is signed on the line. recruiters lie. Marine Corps is super challenging for someone who is not fit and has some mental health issues. Don’t end up in a rebound crisis, running away from your struggles. Fix your mental state, then decide what you want to do. You can go to any recruiter and I would strongly suggest you pick a different one if you join. Don’t have that reputation going in from the beginning. If you end up wanting to join as a female, I would suggest things would probably go better in the Air Force or Navy. I’ve heard too many stories of sexual abuse and just downright deranged conduct about marines… they have to uphold their reputation as crazy.

Honestly, I would sit down and make sure you understand why you believe its wrong. Have it clear in your mind and be just your choice not influenced from some youtuber or a podcast, if you believe its wrong and you know why, build on that foundation. Remember that if one believes its wrong, it is no worse then any other type of sin that all believers have to fight to overcome. There are other therapists out there that are willing to explore other reasons for your dysphoria but you have to look hard to find them. I'd be willing to bet someone here could help you find one. One of the hardest things though of Christianity is finding someone willing to walk with you with the ups and downs of trying to break free from desires or personal feelings of gender and I never really found someone and its mostly been struggling through it on my own. I have a few people I can talk to but they don't understand. 99% of people out there will continue to struggle with sin and gender desires (from a perspective of it being sinful) is no exception. Don't expect if you get the doctrine right, or find the right church that it suddenly will go away. In fact you likely will struggle with your gender identity the rest of your life but you can come to accept what God made you and honor Him in your personal convictions by following what you believe. That being said, be prepared if you go to church to have people mistake you for a MtF and not like you. I think their was someone who posted about their experiences a while back and how they often had strange looks until someone introduced them and explained their history. I can't relate to your personal struggles and why you wanted to be a male and sometimes I wish people like you and I could just swap places but that isn't possible. I never took hormones, I only went out once but I still struggle with my desires and little choices of what I do. You can still have a fulfilled life regardless of how you look and anyone who tells you otherwise is stupid.

In the Wizard of Oz books the Princess of Oz was raised by a witch as a boy through magic but was transformed back into a princess later in the story. A “Christian” civil war book had a boy pretending to be a girl to slip through confederate lines. Tom Sawyer pretends to be a girl in one of the books. I’ve seen it several times. A newer book “Dreadnaught” is hard to see as anything but an autogynephilic fantasy, especially how the scenes with nail polish, undergarments and the proud declaration of being a lesbian.

You mentioned several things that you feel about women’s clothing or social markers of feminine things… An experiment for you to consider, take whatever you need to affirm your views of gender, go off by yourself for a few days and live as that gender with zero contact with humans. After that ask yourself how many times you viewed porn, how many times you self pleasured and what actually drives you to dress and act a certain way. Is it how others you think view you? Or how you view you.

It’s the “island scenario” obviously we are social creatures, but does it require someone else to make this something you desire?

I over categorize everything as masculine or feminine when in actuality those categories are made up… Ask yourself what things do you view as feminine and what things to have you view as masculine. Perhaps if you consider those things, you will see that your desires are not actually based in reality and the people all the time don’t fit into our neat models. You do not have to fit in a cookie cutter model nor change certain stereotypical, masculine chores, or feminine chores.

If you do end up transitioning, just understand that it’s going to cause you a lot of heartache with personal relationships and you’re going to end up with relationships with people that won’t be there to help you if you ever really need help. I would lose my children, my wife and everything I value all for what in my own words… is a sexual fantasy. I once almost was there and I was suicidal, dealing with my own self-worth and the knowledge of my own delusion. There is incredible power to what we choose to focus on… if I dwell on itl, I will lose myself in the fantasy.

I still remember the Gunnery sergeant lifting an E2 by his shirt, cussing him out and dropping him. Walking away he commented that it was why the guy was still an E2. Made me happy I was in the Navy even though I was a corpsman in training for 8404. (Never deployed, just the stories) This Marine is saying what I’ve heard and seen.

While I can’t relate like a woman could, I can speak from personal experience that following pregnancy, a woman’s breasts are not as perky and sag considerably. I don’t mind and still find them attractive. An airbrushed “perfection” isn’t what a man should desire for lasting relationships. If someone is attracted to only what is under your clothing, they aren’t worth being in a relationship with. Someone who appreciates who you are won’t discount you because you made choices you now regret.

Honestly without close friends to talk to over this its a challenge to face on your own. I actually am a male desister and can't fully relate but the point of what are male thoughts and what are female thoughts really stick out... How do you know the thoughts are male or female thoughts? As for Christianity, many people don't quite know what to make of someone who wants to be a woman or a man despite being the opposite. While I've had a person comment "I woke up from a nap on my wife's clothes and couldn't understand" many of the people I go to church with who actually know are sympathetic but if I did go forward with it, they wouldn't be supportive of my choices but would still try to show love I think. Our church isn't supposed to be overly political, so maybe that helps. A lot of mainstream churches seem to act like this kind of stuff is absolutely vile, while turning a blind eye to other socially acceptable sins.
Remember that no matter what you do though surgery or chemicals, you still will not be a man and you will have those thoughts still. Yes it feels nice to be mistaken, I would be quite happy if someone mistook me for a woman some days and would rather wear my wife's clothing. For the sake of Christ is a good deal of the reason I fight against my desires. One thing you should consider if you have OCD and perhaps a therapist could help you with that, I have OCD and I really struggle with gendered everything which in my mind translates to "oh I like the violin, therefore, I must be a woman" or "I like cooking" and so on and so on. I don't however, pick out in my mind the categories of "masculine" things I enjoy such as chopping wood or doing yard work. Once I get started going, my wife can barely get me to stop. While I'm not trying to say that chopping wood is gendered, it is in my mind and I don't focus on that. I do however focus on the aspects that are feminine which is part of the obsessive side of things. Hopefully I'm making a little sense here, but what you do or think is not a defining characteristic of being male or female and thinking that is an obsessive trap that has no end.

Identifying why I want these things is important, it might be that you have some views of what a woman is that is resulting in you envying being a male, this was certainly true for me.

My wife wanted to add something supportive for you. She thinks it would be really hard in a group that looks at you like something dirty, and I (wife) just wanted you to know that God does love you and wants to support you through this struggle. He's not just waiting to use His holy mallet when you fall, but loves you as His child.