This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "detox5617" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user demonstrates a consistent, deeply personal narrative of detransition, including specific regrets about top surgery, a history of dissociation, and complex emotional processing. The language is nuanced, emotionally varied (anger, sadness, support), and reflects the expected passion and pain of someone who has experienced this harm. The advice given to others is detailed and personal, not scripted.
About me
I started identifying as trans while struggling with an eating disorder and a difficult home life, seeing it as a way to control my body. I rushed into top surgery after a therapist rubber-stamped my request without exploring my trauma or mental health. The instant I saw my results, I knew I had made a terrible mistake, but I was too numb to process it for years. A profound experience with a psychedelic drug finally broke through and cured my dysphoria, making me lose all interest in transitioning. I now live with deep regret and infertility, feeling failed by a medical system that never asked me why.
My detransition story
My whole journey with this started because I was really struggling with an eating disorder. I was anorexic, and as I was trying to recover from that, I suddenly switched to identifying as trans. I see now that it was just another way for me to try and control my body because my entire life felt completely out of control. I didn't have a good relationship with my parents at all; they were pretty awful, so I didn't have anyone to really talk sense into me. My sibling also transitioned, so it felt like the path I was supposed to be on.
I was deeply influenced by the online trans community, especially on sites like Tumblr. I got it in my head that I needed to transition physically and that I had to do it as fast as possible. I had this feeling that time was running out. I hated my breasts and felt a lot of general discomfort with my body, which I now think was more related to puberty and low self-esteem than anything else. I also had moments where I’d get dressed up in a super feminine way and feel really confused, almost attracted to my own reflection, but also disconnected from it. I think a lot of it came from just hating myself and not being able to accept that I could be an attractive person.
I started identifying as a trans man and socially transitioned. I changed my name, which I now realize was a way for me to dissociate from myself and run from my past. I was approved for top surgery after only three or four appointments with a gender therapist. She didn't actually provide any therapy; she just went along with whatever I said I wanted. There was no real exploration of my mental health or the reasons behind my feelings.
I had top surgery six years ago. The moment I saw my chest after the surgery, my first thought was, "What have I done?" But I was so deeply dissociated from my body and my feelings that I just pushed that thought down and ignored it. For years, I was completely numb to it. It wasn't until about two months before I started posting in the community that I really started to process it. The pain came up during an energy healing session, and it was like a dam broke. Now, I either spend my days crying and screaming about what I did to my body, or I'm so exhausted and dissociated that I can't even cry. I feel like my body has been mutilated.
I was also on a very low dose of testosterone for a little while, but I never went further with it. What stopped me was an experience with MDMA, a psychedelic drug. While I was on it, I looked in the mirror and for the first time in years, I felt like I could see my old self again, the person I was before all the trans stuff. It completely cured my feelings of dysphoria and body dysmorphia in that moment. I lost all interest in transitioning after that. I stopped caring about how people gendered me or how I presented myself.
I don't identify as trans anymore, but I still struggle to think of myself as a 'woman'. I'm trying to understand that most people don't heavily identify with a gender; they just are who they are. I'm trying to get back to my birth name because I think running from it was really harmful for me. If a name freaks you out, that's a sign you need to figure out why, not just change it.
I have serious regrets about my transition, specifically about having top surgery. I regret it every single day. I am now infertile from the hormone treatment I did take, and that is a deep loss. I feel like the medical system completely failed me. They never looked into my history of trauma, my eating disorder, or my obvious mental health struggles. They just rubber-stamped me for surgery.
My advice to anyone questioning is to slow down. There is no hurry. You can stop taking hormones; you can always start again later. You can cancel a surgery consultation. You don't need to have all the answers right now. Try to take a step back from thinking about gender entirely and just find something else you love to do. Get immersed in a hobby. And please, find a therapist who will actually challenge you and help you explore your feelings, not just affirm everything you say.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 18 | 2013 | Had top surgery. Immediately felt regret but dissociated from the feeling. |
| 24 | 2019 | Took MDMA, which eliminated my dysphoria and made me lose all interest in transitioning. Stopped testosterone. Began the process of detransitioning and processing my regret. |
Top Comments by /u/detox5617:
LOL. No, not a parent, only someone who has gone through this. I had top surgery and regret it every day. Not sure why you're posting in here if you don't want to hear from detrans people. We do have some idea of what might have helped us, and we sure do know what hurt us.
Personally I feel I need to legally change my name back to my birth name. I used transitioning (including name change) as a way of dissociating from myself, running from my past, etc, so it feels very important for me to go back to my "real" (birth) name. For me, running from my name was extremely harmful. I'm realizing if my old name freaks me out, I need to step back and try to figure out why; it's just a name, after all.
hi, i'm also struggling with this right now. i had top surgery 6 years ago. i remember thinking "what have i done?" when i saw myself at the chest reveal, but i pushed those feelings down until just 2 months ago when the pain was brought up during an energy healing. i was extremely dissociated the whole time I ID'd as trans and am very slowing "waking up" now to my body, which feels mutilated/destroyed to me. now i'm either crying/screaming about my body or am too tired/dissociated to cry. i don't know what to say, just that i'm going through the same thing now and you're welcome to message me. i would love to be in contact with someone else who is currently processing all this.
and, yeah, therapists don't seem to know how to deal with any of this. i've pretty much given up on doctors and therapists at this point. i was approved for top surgery after only 3 "therapy" appointments with one of those useless "gender therapists."
How is taking her phone away gonna help? I would not suggest depriving her of things (phone, computer, binders, whatever). This will just make her rebel harder and keep her in the trans mindset. I wasn't close with either of my parents (they were awful) so I wouldn't have listened to them if they had tried to really talk to me about trans stuff (though they never did; they didn't really care what I did).
Your therapist gave you exactly what you wanted at the time.
I'm not sure what point you're trying to make here. I didn't receive any actual therapy from this therapist; she just went along with what I wanted to do. That's not how therapy is supposed to work.
There’s no one to blame in this
People shouldn't be getting approved to have body parts removed after just a couple of sessions with a therapist. That's insane. There's NO way a therapist can know if someone is "really trans" after only 4 sessions, not to mention that's not enough time to really understand how mentally well the client is.
please don't feel like you need to continue to physically transition just cuz you've already started and had to fight hard to get this far. that was how i thought about my transition, and then i wound up having top surgery and regretting it. (not saying you will regret it, just telling you my experience.)
that would be bizarre if your friends cared if you stopped identifying as trans, or stopped physically transitioning, or whatever - why should they care what your gender is?
there's no hurry to have top surgery - you can have your consultation and then stop and think about it a while - you don't need to schedule the surgery asap. i know you feel like you've been in your body a long time, but 17 is honestly so young. and i know it feels like you have to make these big decisions asap, but you really don't! there's really nothing wrong with pausing physical transition and just continuing to be male socially while you continue to think about this.
I feel like time is running out for me since I’m still on testosterone (thankfully a very low dose), and I have a top surgery consultation very soon. I don’t want to make the wrong decision.
time isn't running out! you can easily stop taking T (you can always start taking it again) and just hold off on scheduling top surgery. i know it's soo hard to get out of the mindset that you need to make all these changes asap, but believe me, you don't need to do any of this right now. you can totally take a break. (and the break could wind up being a couple months or a couple years!) take a step back and try not to think about gender for a while. find something you love to do and get totally immersed in it. that's great that you're not on tumblr, i was super influenced by the trans community on there.
also try not to think of it as, "if i'm not trans, then i'm a woman." people who don't struggle with gender don't heavily identify as "men" or "women" - they just are. they don't think about it. i don't ID as trans anymore but i still struggle to think of myself as a 'woman.' try not to get hung up on the language.
I think I understand what you're saying? I've had moments before, when I presented super-femme (usually as a "joke" - maybe for Halloween or a drag show, etc) where I was confused by my reflection, because I was looking at a "hot girl," but I didn't "feel" like a girl (whatever that means), and I was also attracted to pretty girls, so I kind of felt attracted to myself, which was weird and made me feel like "I" was actually someone else (and not the "hot girl" in the mirror). Is that what you're talking about? This isn't something I've thought about much (or maybe at all), but these kinds of moments might have contributed to my transition. When I look back, I think I just hated myself so much that it was difficult to accept that I was actually quite an attractive person?? (Plus I was just dealing with the general shame that comes from simply existing as female.) idk. It's all so fucked up. I'm glad you're able to try to understand these things about yourself at such a young age. Also, sorry if this isn't what you were trying to get at it in your post?
yes, the 2 things were the same for me. i was anorexic, and then as i was “recovering” i switched to identifying as trans. it was just another way to control my body because my life felt out of control. sadly i had top surgery. i don’t know how to accept what’s happened and am deeply dissociated to avoid the pain. please don’t let your kid transition. i hope you have a good relationship with her - my parents are awful, so they couldn’t have convinced me to stop. my sibling transitioned too.
MDMA cured my dysphoria and dysmorphia. i looked in the mirror when i was on it and felt like i could see back to my old self, from before the trans BS. unfortunately at that point i'd already had top surgery, but i hadn't started T yet, and that experience kept me from ever taking T. i just lost interest in transitioning. i stopped caring about my gender presentation, no longer cared if people "misgendered" me, etc.