This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user's posts display a highly specific, personal, and emotionally charged narrative that is consistent over time. The depth of surgical regret, the intricate knowledge of reconstructive options, and the complex, evolving personal philosophy (e.g., incorporating transhumanism and Buddhism to cope) are not typical of a simple troll or bot script. The language is passionate and nuanced, reflecting the expected anger and trauma of someone who feels profoundly harmed.
About me
I was born male, and as a teenager, I struggled with being a feminine gay boy, which led me to transition because of shame and internalized homophobia. I pursued hormones and surgery, but I regretted the operation almost immediately, realizing it was a terrible, irreversible mistake. My biggest regret is the surgery, which caused me to lose a part of my body I can never get back. Now, I've detransitioned and accept that I am just a gay man, which feels liberating. I focus on my future and hold onto hope that new medical technologies might one day help.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition is something I’m still trying to process. I was born male, and as a teenager, I really struggled with being a feminine gay boy. I hated it. I felt a lot of shame and internalized homophobia, and I think that was the biggest reason I wanted to transition. I didn't feel like I could just be a man who was gay; it felt easier to try and become a woman.
Looking back, I can see I was also influenced by things I read online that made it seem like transitioning was the only solution for someone who felt different. I had a lot of mental health struggles, including anxiety and low self-esteem, and I think I used the idea of transition as a form of escapism. I convinced myself that becoming a woman would fix all my problems.
I socially transitioned first, and then I pursued medical transition. I started taking estrogen when I was 17. I remember having doubts even then, but I pushed them down because I was so sure that my problems were because I was born in the wrong body. The medical system didn't help; it felt like they just affirmed everything I said without asking any hard questions. One doctor approved me for surgery with no pushback at all.
I had vaginoplasty, what most people call "bottom surgery," just after I turned 18. I regretted it almost immediately. I remember lying there in the hospital bed just a few hours after the surgery, trembling with fear and the realization that I had made a terrible, irreversible mistake. But I was too ashamed to say anything to the surgeons.
That surgery has pretty much ruined my life. I lost a part of my body that I can never get back. I don't have dysphoria about not having a penis; my pain comes from the loss itself and the memory of what I had. My neovagina is just… there. It’s meh to gross at times, but I can still orgasm, so I try to focus on that.
My thoughts on gender have completely changed. I don't really believe in it anymore. I think I'm just a biological male, and that's okay. I've come to accept that being gay is awesome, and I wish I had been able to see that sooner instead of trying to escape from it. Cutting off the "trans" identity was the best decision for me. It’s liberating to just be myself without trying to fit into a box.
I absolutely have regrets. I regret the surgery more than anything. I regret not being more honest with myself and not understanding that my feelings were rooted in internalized homophobia and a dislike for the stereotypes about gay men, not in being a woman.
To cope, I focus on the future. I hold onto hope that new technologies in tissue engineering might one day be able to help people like me regrow what was lost. I try to stay healthy, exercise, and practice mindfulness and Buddhism to deal with the depression and anger. I’m trying to build a life where I’m not defined by this mistake.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 17 | Started taking estrogen (hormones) |
| 18 | Underwent vaginoplasty (bottom surgery). Regretted it hours later. |
| Mid-20s | Now. Living as a detransitioned male, working on acceptance and looking to the future. |
Top Comments by /u/detrans_throwaway11:
First off, keep moving on, it's only going to get better from here, I swear my life on that. Bear in mind that I have the exact same mentality and similar circumstance as yourself, surgery just after 18 and I'm in my mid-20s. Transhumanist science will come to the rescue within a few decades at most (maybe less than a decade otherwise). If nothing else because I'll do it on my own dammit. Don't worry too much about the time scales, biological immortality will allow us to rejuvenate. The truth is that we only have the future, not the past, so don't worry about the past. Fight for the future that will be thankful you did at all.
Yep, that is how it feels, spot on with losing a limb. Imo it's identical because we did lose a limb. I decided to hold off trt and remain on estrogen precisely for that reason (and balding runs in my family). Although I try to microdose ashwaghanda which can provide a bit of T, not sure if it works without testicles, however.
I've managed to feel better by exercising and trying to get a physique I like. It helps to imagine how I would've behaved regardless of transitioning and this accursed surgery. Also low-key practicing Buddhism has been vital for my detachment from depression. Focusing on other things, etc... I stopped caring with all the identity stuff and I'm just existing as myself. Biological male and all that. Lately I've been working on dealing with my anger towards the endless pro-trans push. Our situations are bad, but I try to have compassion for others in worse situations. Some people are born without physical mobility, some males get botched circumcisions, more rarely they lose their penises in accidents or become fully numb and paraplegic. You have EVERY right to compare your situation to theirs. Don't let anyone gaslight you or shame you otherwise. Your negative thoughts are a reflection of your circumstance, so at least make sure to never downplay how you feel. I tried doing that for years and it only left me in a far worse state. I'm still terrified to admit that feminism influenced me to cut off my penis because of the social backlash. But it is what it is.
I'm not sure if you repressed yourself sexually, but I know I did heavily, so I use that as a psychological crutch to cope and tell myself that I probably would've done some other form of self-harm or remained celibate for a long time had I not transitioned. Products of our time.
If the sensations are your biggest concern, you can focus on pretending you have a penis still and see how that makes you feel. Even if you are very numb feeling down there, touching the area or using your neovagina can help to stimulate growth of nerves and improve sensation. It helps me feel better fwiw. This is a form of mental yoga.
The biggest thing that has helped me however is reminding myself that the technology to regrow lost limbs, actual organs not the fake surgery propaganda that seems to be everywhere. There's already quite a bit of progress. Look through my comments to see what I've found so far. The field is called tissue engineering (or bioengineering) and it's only going to continue growing. In the future there will be some options. The type that will probably be first available will be donor transplants (a few penile transplants have occurred), but I'd rather wait until my own stem cells can be cultured and placed onto an artificial scaffold because of risk of rejections and immunosuppressants.
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/transplant/programs/reconstructive-transplant/penis-transplant.html (Unfortunately regretting vaginoplasty is not included in eligibility and you must be a us citizen, but it'll happen one day when we become vocal enough).
https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.abj2164
The best we can do is just spread the word that it will be possible one day to fix all of this and keep trans people happy since the technology benefits them too. Tbh I'm still too ashamed to admit it irl.
Can confirm, I would not have gotten this life-ruining surgery if it wasn’t for government coverage and the affirmation model. I had doubts right up until the day of the surgery, right in front of the surgical team, but no one seemed to be concerned.
Looking back it was so obvious I was just an angsty gnc teen boy with internalized homophobia. It’s terrifying to think about how many teens and young adults might go through with this for the wrong reasons.
That being said, I'm not sure if a vague metric like "100%" certain is fair, because it may just push some people to gaslight themselves into thinking they need it 100% in fear that they might be rejected. I also did this, but only because the internet gave me the impression it was difficult to get approved, which couldn't have been further from the truth in my case. One of the required doctors just approved it with no questions asked, maybe because they didn't understand the whole trans thing back then, maybe from my paranoid insistence. "If you don't let them, they're gonna hate their life", uno reverse on me.
It might be better if it was reworded into something more concrete like requiring to be financially stable, if not independent/co-op; how would someone afford this if they can't afford shelter, especially if they have mental health issues? These are serious procedures that could render someone bedridden or at least less able for some months after. I'm sure there's an argument to push for it then as well. But, then again, some people advocating for total affirmation don't understand some places fully cover this stuff, making the process far too easy with an affirmation model combined with mental illness and angst.
Ironically, most trans people I've spoken to about this fully agree with me, but they like doing mental gymnastics when it comes to supporting the affirmation model, while also recognizing that pressuring people to be honest about why they may want to transition would help prevent regret. I'm pretty sure that would be called transphobia outside of my personal interactions. It's pretty hard to say surgical regret doesn't matter when you're speaking to someone who is regretful.
Have you considered venting on r/mensrights? There should be more detrans men speaking up about the push towards surgery. Intactivism is a big part of the movement and it’s always struck me that encouraging feminine males to equate their experiences with misogyny and inverting/cutting off their genitals is a very misandrist thing.
Quite misandrist as it can be seen as an extension of the general Western support for male genital mutilation while banning female genital mutilation. Most laws in the west are written this way in fact.
I relate to this a lot except my parents didn’t push me towards surgery, instead it was my own internalized-homophobia and casual misandry that I experienced as a teenager.
The maleness aspect should really be considered. There is a general trend to see all penises-havers as rapists after all, and this can impact teen boys, especially feminine ones, not to mention how their parents may behave.
Man I vibe with this so hard. I wish I was more honest with myself before getting that surgery that pretty much ruined my life.
Honestly I feel the same way with all sorts of judgement when I don’t fit into someone’s neat little box. Before it was being judged (by psychiatrists) for mental illness, and afterwards it’s now judgement for detransitioning (and homophobia), if not outright mockery for making an irreversible mistake.
Btw cutting off the tras is the best decision possible. Being able to stand up for myself without that woke religious bs is so liberating. Like honestly screw all of it. Being gay is awesome.
The neovaginal canal is compressed when not dilated so prostate stimulation via the rectum is most likely possible based on physical pressure alone, in addition to any neoclitoral orgasms. Besides that, sexual activity has a psychological component. Pretending I have a dick helps. NSFW but may be useful info: >!Inserting a sex toy in my neovagina and pretending it's my dick helps too since I can orgasm from that. The nerves are all the same for me so I can close my eyes and pretend like nothing has changed; bear in mind it took me years to get this level of sensation. It did not come over night, and definitely not when I forced myself to be a "woman".!<The body has an underestimated potential for regeneration, especially with regard to nerves. Don't despair if you cant feel anything. Stimulation can improve feeling, but please do it safely, with inspections from a doctor if possible.
I think I may have confused what I was as referring to with my timescale. I am referring to commercial tissue engineering. Fortunately for us, body parts that stick out of us or are relatively simple will be commercialized first. On the other hand, this also means media will not catch on because people will be far more interested in lab-grown hearts and other vital organs, which are more complex and have far less room for error.
With regards to definite and literal biological immortality, it’s an unfair bar to judge longevity research from such a lofty goal. Although I agree with the comment you replied to that 50 years for longevity escape velocity is a reasonable guess.
It’s more correct to say that we are advancing research in what is known as “healthspan”: the length of one’s life in a healthy body (assuming no diseases or disabilities), and “longevity escape velocity”: the fuzzy time at which longevity research has reached a point in rejuvenation so that anybody will be able to be kept alive until biological immortality can be achieved, if they so choose. Biological immortality would probably be mean yearly rejuvenating therapies, maybe nanobots or some other technology far into the future.
When considering longevity, you always have to go back to the basics. A safe level of exercise, a healthy diet, and a healthy sense of self and place in the world. There's no point to even consider living beyond normal lifespan without these basics, but at the same time it's the first part of the path to longevity for each person who consents to extending their lifespan, temporarily or otherwise. Also vitamin supplements, especially ones that may be lacking in your diet or are hard to come by generally. This isn't medical advice and always consult with your doctor about your personal limits/ability with exercising, modifying your exercise routine, changing your diet, or taking any supplements.
There are also potentially dangerous supplements claiming to be rejuvenating that definitely shouldn't be taken without consultation with a doctor.
In terms of longevity research, Yamanaka factors can transform adult somatic cells into pluripotent stem cells, but they are also linked to tumor growth and tumor resistance. Many more molecules are also being researched. The path towards biological immortality requires an understanding of all this biochemistry and far more interdisciplinary research, to understand just how the body degrades over time as part of aging as a disease, and how it can be cured.
A phalloplasty isn't what I'm looking for, *see my other comment. I wrote this as a part of the other comment, but I think it's better to separate. The same teams who do these surgeries will probably be the ones utilizing future technology on tissue engineering like Dr Djordjevic; he's Serbian and works part time between Belgrade/New York. He's like the only guy that seems to be specifically looking into phalloplasties for detrans men, but I heard that others like Dr. Cetrulo are open to it on a case-by-case basis, just not vocal. I'll try asking about a metoidioplasty-inspired procedure. Either way though, all technologies are going to advance rapidly beyond our wildest beliefs in the next few years, so I think it's more a matter of who is skilled/knowledgeable enough to apply them vs focusing on what is currently widely available. The Wake Forest Institute for Regenerative Medicine has also been looking into this, but they focus on research as of now.
One other thing I should have clarified is that there can be a spectrum between current phalloplasties/metoidioplasties and fully growing a penis, which would work for ftms too btw. I think I'm trying to conceptualize what a procedure that utilizes new types of tissue engineering may look like at first. It's not ideal, but when is anything?
As for the never to return bit, take a look at this (CW there are graphic images of tissues): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6841966/
This is actually more complicated than what I'm trying to explain. I just want a little rearrangement.
I should also clarify that getting a fully transplanted organ from a donor for a non-life-threatening reason is a terrible idea because you'll have to be on immunosuppressants for the rest of your life, so transplants are way out of question. Decellularization is a different circumstance, however.
100% this. Weighing the pros and cons, current phalloplasties are just not worth it for me.
I think a good way to describe my detrans perspective on surgeries is that I don't feel dysphoria over not having a penis-shaped part of my body. It's more complicated, something about remembering what I lost and why I lost it. My body is how it is, but I'm upset I went this far when it turned out to be useless and harmful.
So while my neovagina is meh to gross at times, I can still orgasm and it's not bad overall. It would be great to get it all back, but that means back as it was beforehand, not a completely new structure that is meant to resemble the lost organs with implants or however. Function (and safety) over form if you will.
Just thinking about losing my clit makes me shiver in fear! That's so unfortunate. That's not even close to any sort of issues I have ever had with my neovagina. In fact I never get UTIs or yeast infections. Maybe because I'm a germaphobe and I shower a lot. I'm trying to be neutral about it all, but I suppose phalloplasties should be called out just because situations like that can occur so often. At least he likes it? Hopefully not coping...
I regretted getting rid of my penis about 4 hours after the surgery. I was trembling in fear so much the surgeon asked what was wrong and I just blew it off because how can I possibly admit that I just made a mistake right after they had spent their time on it?
It's been several years as well and I had it just after 18. So don't worry about me, I know what I lost and how I feel about myself. It required a lot of dark moments, soul-searching, and brutal honesty, but I'm mentally better off now. Ego-destruction and compassion for others has helped me eliminate the narcissism inherent from regret over something so important, especially for gay guys. I always hated being gay beforehand anyways. Can't miss what you never experienced.