This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and emotionally complex narrative of someone who identified as trans, began medical transition, and then detransitioned. The user discusses deeply personal topics like internalized homophobia, imposter syndrome, the social pressure to pass, and the influence of a patriarchal upbringing with a level of detail and emotional resonance that is difficult to fabricate. The language is natural, and the perspective aligns with the known experiences of many detransitioners and desisters.
About me
I started transitioning because I felt trapped by the expectations placed on women in my strict, religious home. I took testosterone to escape that life, and while it gave me confidence at first, I always felt like an unconvincing imposter. I realized my desire to be a man was rooted in internalized misogyny and homophobia, not in my actual body. I stopped hormones and had to confront my fear of becoming feminine again. I'm now at peace living as a masculine woman in a same-sex relationship, finally comfortable in my own skin.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition started because I felt deeply uncomfortable with the expectations placed on me as a woman. I grew up in a very strict, patriarchal religious household where the men were celebrated and the women were just expected to be housewives, constantly criticized for their looks. I saw how the women were treated and I wanted no part of it. I think a lot of my initial feelings were a form of internalized misogyny; I didn't want to be seen as less than, and I thought becoming a man was the only way out.
I started identifying as trans and began taking testosterone. For a while, it gave me a huge confidence boost. Before HRT, I couldn't even take pictures of myself or show my face. After starting, I finally felt like I could exist. But that confidence was built on something shaky. I always had this nagging feeling that I was an unconvincing man, that I was fooling no one. Passing was extremely important to me, and when I didn't, it made me incredibly depressed. Even when I did pass, I felt like an imposter. I came to a hard realization that no amount of hormones or surgery could ever make me a biological man, and that difference between trans and cis felt impossible to bridge.
A big part of my struggle was also related to my sexuality. I'm exclusively attracted to women, and being in a relationship that was seen as straight while I identified as a man felt off and disingenuous. It made me uneasy to think that my relationship was actually a lesbian one, which I now recognize was a lot of internalized homophobia. I was trying to escape being a lesbian by becoming a man.
Social media, especially TikTok, really messed with my head. I’d see these incredibly muscular, passing trans men and feel so jealous and insecure. It reinforced this idea that to be a real man, you had to be hyper-masculine. It took me a while to realize it was all filters and performance, not reality, but it really fueled my body issues.
I started to detransition socially with people close to me and lowered my hormone dose. Even just lowering the dose, I felt my body becoming more feminine again—my facial hair got light and patchy—and it freaked me out. But I knew staying on HRT long-term wasn't sustainable, especially just for the sake of appearances. I had to confront the fact that our society is obsessed with superficiality, and I had gotten completely caught up in that.
What really helped me turn a corner was time, reflection, and finding feminist literature and history. It helped me see that I could be as masculine as I wanted to be without needing to change my body or identify as a man. I realized my discomfort wasn't with being female, but with the oppressive box I was forced into. One day, the idea of being a woman felt like the worst thing in the world, and now it doesn't worry me at all.
I do have some regrets about my transition. I regret not understanding my feelings sooner and not realizing that my desire to transition was rooted in a need to escape sexism and homophobia. I put my body through a lot for a goal that was ultimately impossible. I don't regret the journey because it led me to a much better understanding of myself, but I regret the pain and confusion I put myself through.
I'm now comfortable living as a woman again, a masculine woman in a same-sex relationship. I still struggle with the pressures of society, but I feel much more at peace knowing I'm not trying to be something I'm not.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early 20s | Began identifying as transgender and started testosterone (HRT). |
| 23 | Lowered my testosterone dose and began my social detransition with close friends and family. |
| 23 | Stopped HRT completely and fully accepted living as a woman again. |
Top Comments by /u/detransacc:
A 100% biological man with all the features and functions. Not a trans man. And I don’t think any amount of hormones and surgeries could ever get me to a point where I would be able to see myself as a real man.
This is exactly how I feel. Like I went into this knowing it was impossible but it didn't hit me, how much of a difference trans vs cis is, until I went further along in my transition
Tiktok is seriously the worst for this. I feel like the videos on there really reinforce the gender binary (like if you’re a man you have to be completely masculine or you’re actually a woman and vice versa). I’m always jealous and feel insecure when I see really muscular, passing trans men come up on my fyp but, as you mentioned, the reality is these people have a million filters on them and it’s not actually what they look like. I totally understand how this can result in body issues, I suffer from them as well. I think the detox will do you well and I wish you the best!
this is my exact experience as well, I feel like I’m unwelcomed in lgbt spaces because they use the word queer to describe everyone and if you say you’re uncomfortable with that particular word being used to describe yourself, you’re labelled a bigot. I’m also uncomfortable with the pronoun thing and have experienced everyone in these spaces identifying as non-binary or trans. I’m hoping that there’s some switch in the near future that makes these spaces more accommodating
Please don’t think you’re a terrible parent, you’ve done everything you could and more to keep your daughter safe! I can really relate to your story, I come from a similar background and even though I’m exclusively into women, my family still tried to set me up with men (especially abusive/controlling ones). I identified as male as a way to try to escape that along with damaging views of gender from how I was taught the Bible
I’m really glad you have your brother as a supporter. I wish you all the best
It’s really scary growing up in a Fundie/conservative environment for a young girl, especially one who has more ambitions than becoming a wife and mother. I can really relate. I had internalized misogyny for years because of a similar circumstance
It’s distressing to think about being seen as a woman in an environment that’s violent towards women. It’s a safety reaction which makes complete sense. Whatever you decide, I hope you prioritize your safety. I would also say to think that no woman wants to be treated as less than, no woman completely conforms to the idea of what a woman is
I relate to you, OP. within only the last year, the very few androgynous/tomboy friends I had left have started testosterone and gotten top surgery. it feels like an isolating experience to seemingly be the only one not doing these things but you are not alone. hugs to you <33
I definitely felt this too. One day, there was nothing worse to me than being a female and now it doesn’t even worry me at all. I think for me going through this sub and talking to people about my imposter syndrome surrounding my trans identity helped a lot!
oh i feel you with this, i also feel like an unconvincing man and that i’m fooling no one. to think of my currently straight relationship being a lesbian one makes me uneasy but i’m guessing it’s internalized homophobia. i’m comfortable conforming but something feels off and disingenuous
I remember when we had to be separated into boys and girls in kindergarten, I would run and hide. I used this as “proof” of being trans from an early age. however, as you mentioned, I was also just disgusted at sexual oppression from a young age
I’m not sure about your full background but I was raised in a patriarchal household where the men were the only ones to work, be rewarded and celebrated, even though they were complete assholes. meanwhile the women were only bullied about their weight, how they looked, and were stuck being housewives their whole life. I heard from friends in more progressive families with feminist mothers that they never felt less than for being a woman so I think that played a big role
as someone in a same sex relationship now, I’m also battling with the glass ceiling once again since both me and my partner can’t find good paying jobs and don’t want to be boxed in as secretaries
that was a bit of a ramble but I really, really resonate with your post and I can relate to it. you are not alone, I wish I had a solution or an answer to this
I think it’s okay to not have everything figured out atm and work on doing what makes you feel best. If a label doesn’t work for you, you’re under no obligation to continue identifying with it (or any obligation to identify with any label at all actually). If you want long hair, have long hair. If you want to wear clothes that don’t reveal your chest, wear clothes that don’t reveal it. I think it’s a good step to dissociate these feelings from a specific gender identity - some men have long hair, some women dislike showing off their chest for example