This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user shares a highly specific, traumatic, and emotionally complex personal narrative that is consistent across multiple posts over time. The language is nuanced, self-reflective, and contains the type of passionate, painful detail typical of genuine detransitioners. The advice given is practical, detailed, and aligns with common experiences shared in the community.
About me
I started testosterone at 16, believing it was the answer to my severe depression. A traumatic flashback about my sister's abuse made me realize I was trying to escape the vulnerability of being female. I immediately canceled my surgery and stopped hormones, though telling everyone was incredibly difficult. Now, I'm a gender non-conforming woman who is finally comfortable in my own skin. My journey forced me to face my real trauma and get the right help.
My detransition story
My journey into transition and then out of it again was complicated, and it all ties back to a trauma I didn't even know I had. I started young. I came out as trans when I was 15 and started testosterone just after I turned 16. For a while, it felt like the answer to everything. My depression, which had been really bad, almost completely disappeared. I liked the changes T gave me: a deeper voice, chest hair, a more masculine build. I was even able to lower the dose of my antidepressants. I was so sure of myself that I scheduled top surgery for when I was 17.
But a month before that surgery, everything changed. I woke up one night from a horrible, vivid flashback. I remembered something my brain had blocked out for years: when I was twelve, I saw a teenage neighbor molesting my little sister, who was eight at the time. It happened repeatedly, and I couldn't protect her. That memory crashing down on me was the moment I understood why I had transitioned. It wasn't really about gender. It was about running away from the vulnerability of being a woman. Seeing that violence against my sister made me feel so powerless that I think I subconsciously tried to become someone strong, someone who could never be a victim like that. I wanted to become a man to feel safe.
Looking in the mirror after that, I didn't recognize myself. I realized I had been trying to become a whole new person to escape that buried trauma. I immediately cancelled my top surgery and decided to stop testosterone. Telling people was hard. I was embarrassed and scared of disappointing my parents. I told my mom I was going off hormones "for now" because of side effects, and I slowly started presenting more female again. It took about a year and a half for me to start being seen as female consistently by others.
I have a lot of complicated feelings about it all. I was a teenager with serious mental health issues—I'm autistic and also deal with depression, anxiety, and other conditions—and I was allowed to make permanent decisions about my body when I was really just trying to cope with trauma. I don't blame my younger self, but I do think the adults and doctors around me failed me by not looking deeper.
I don't regret my transition entirely. As painful as it was, I think I needed to go through it to finally face the real problem. It forced me to get the right kind of therapy, which wasn't gender-affirming therapy but therapy that helped me work through my trauma. Now, at 20, I'm mostly okay with my body. I'm comfortable being a gender non-conforming woman. I still like my chest hair and my deeper voice; they're just parts of my story now. My main regret is that my father hired my sister's abuser at his company, a decision I still struggle to forgive.
My sister also hates her body, especially her chest, which is where her abuser targeted her. We're both in therapy now, and I hope she can find peace without having to go through the drastic changes I did.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12 | Witnessed the repeated sexual abuse of my younger sister, a memory I suppressed. |
| 15 | Came out as a transgender male. |
| 16 | Started testosterone hormone therapy. |
| 17 (one month before my birthday) | A traumatic flashback revealed the buried memory, leading me to cancel my planned top surgery and stop taking testosterone. |
| 17 - 18.5 | Socially detransitioned, gradually asking people to use female pronouns again. |
| 18.5 | Began to consistently pass as female again. |
| 20 (present) | Living as a gender non-conforming female, comfortable with my body and focused on healing. |
Top Comments by /u/detransbi:
I was a young transitioner, too, though not nearly as young as yourself. I came out at 15, was 15.5-16 when I started hormones, and I detransitioned a month before my top surgery at 17 years old. I detransitioned when a buried, extremely traumatic memory resurfaced and I realized why I was trying to run away from myself.
It's quite abhorrent that you, a minor who was in an extremely precarious and uncertain point in your life, were allowed to do irreversible damage to your body at such a young age. Do not blame yourself. It was the job of the adults around you to hold you (and themselves) back from making decisions that cannot be reversed.
You should definitely go off of hormones as soon as you possibly can. It's hard to tell people that you have regrets about your transition. I told my mom that I wanted to go off hormones "for the time being" because of "unwanted side effects." I slowly began to present more female, and about six months in or so, I began asking those around me to start using female pronouns again. It is not a quick or easy process, but it is something you will probably need to do in order to examine what led you to transition in the first place.
It took about a year and a half for me to start passing as female again. You will probably have a more difficult time due to your mastectomy and the fact that you've been on hormones for such a long time. If you've begun growing body hair, it may thin out and become lighter in a year or so off of T. You will have to give your body time readjust. If your voice is extremely low, and you don't experience noticable improvement by two years in, you may want to look into vocal feminization surgery. It is often performed on women with androphonia and MTF trans people. I am unsure about the process of reversing top surgery, as I never got it myself.
The most important thing is to get yourself into therapy that ISN'T with a gender therapist. Ask them if they can help you work through the trauma of this experience. If you're anything like me, you were using transition as a means to cope with deeper seated issues. Once you take that coping mechanism away, you will need to find new ways to cope. It's vital that you talk to someone to keep yourself from turning to poor coping mechanisms such as drugs, nicotine, or alcohol.
If you have any questions, feel free to message me. This process is extremely difficult and painful, but as someone who's almost 3 years detrans, I promise it will get better. You will be able to find confidence in yourself again. You will be okay.
I was (and still am) actually the opposite. I didn't believe that women could be dominant over men in any way. The straight porn I viewed showed grotesque abuse of women, and that combined with other traumas made me feel a deep seated need to run away. I stayed away from straight porn because of the misogyny, and could only visualize myself as a top. I still feel that way. The penis envy I have is real.
If you are having ANY questioning, stop taking hormones immediately and stay off of them until you've got yourself figured out. If your dysphoria has lessened without getting transition-based surgery, that's a sign that you should be taking this time to introspect into why you decided to transition in the first place. There is likely a deeper reason -- I say this as a FTMTF. (though I'd recommend that ANYONE transitioning take time to reflect and ponder why they feel the need to transition)
I had literally no signs that I was aware of during my transition (I thought I would never detransition because of how bad my dysphoria was), but a sign can definitely be past/childhood trauma of some kind. There are definitely people that transition, subconsciously, to "run away" from a past trauma of some kind, whether it be sexual abuse, physical abuse, homophobia, or a death of someone important to you. Transition can be viewed by the unconscious brain as a way to "start over" without having connection to the trauma anymore.
(tw: childhood trauma)
It was a long time coming, but at the time, it felt very random. I had started to watch detransition videos in my free time, just to "see things from the other side." I liked most of the changes T brought, including chest hair, a deeper voice, a broader upper body, and most importantly, it got rid of my depression almost completely -- I was even able to lower my SSRI dose.
One night, I went to sleep, only to be woken up in a cold sweat by a vivid flashback of my younger sister being molested in front of me by a teenage neighbor. I was twelve, and she was eight. This happened repeatedly for over a month, but my brain successfully blocked it out for half a decade. I wasn't able to protect her. This, as far as I am aware, was my first direct exposure to the vulnerability women face.
I sat in bed and cried for several hours, and told my mom what had happened, and she told my father. He was an intern at my father's workplace. A year later, he had hired my sister's abuser into his company. He is, years on, providing my sister's abuser with a salary. I still haven't been able to forgive him for this.
When I first got up from the bed and looked in the mirror, I realized what I had done to myself. I didn't recognize the person in the mirror. I had spent my life being crushed by this suppressed trauma, so much so that I felt the need to run away from it. To become someone else. To be strong enough to protect myself and my little sister.
It's been a long and arduous journey for me. Three years out, I am mostly okay with my body. I am okay with being gender non confirming. I like my chest hairs and I like the depth of my voice. I don't regret my transition as a whole. I think it was a step that I, personally, needed to take to realize the depth of my issues.
My sister has expressed to me a similar hatred of her body, particularly her chest, which is where her abuser targeted her most. She and I are both in therapy, and I'm hoping that she can come to find self acceptance without going through such drastic measures as I did.
If your parents are worth their salt, they won't be disappointed in you. If anything, they would be disappointed in themselves and the medical professionals you were seeing. I know it isn't much consolation, though -- I felt the same way at the time.
Fellow Autist (and a person with BPD, GAD, MDD, and Dysthymia) here -- mental health is a bitch to figure out. I know at 15 I was in an extremely, extremely rocky place. These things take a lot of time, a lot of therapy, a lot of introspection, and, in my case, a lot of meds. You will figure it out. You will find stability. There is hope.
I started T when I was 16 and was on it for one and a half years. I am now 20 and pass as female when presenting as female, and only pass as male when I am dressed in a typically masculine fashion and lower my voice I know it doesn't seem like it's possible right now, but your body will adapt and revert as long as you stay off of it. You will be okay. :)