This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The user's posts display a consistent, deeply personal, and emotionally complex narrative of their transition and detransition experience (AMAB, lived as a trans woman for three years). The comments show a nuanced understanding of medical details (hormone levels, finasteride side effects, hair removal methods) and the emotional turmoil involved, which is consistent with a genuine lived experience. The passion and occasional anger expressed are consistent with the warning that detransitioners can be "very passionate and pissed off."
About me
I was born male and transitioned to live as a woman at 32, but I realized I never had severe dysphoria and did it partly because dating men felt easier in that role. After three years, the exhaustion of not passing and a desire to date women as a man led me to detransition. I deeply regret the permanent changes to my body and had a terrible time waiting for the hormones to leave my system. Now, I'm learning to be a man my own way, dressing well and not caring what people think. I don't regret the self-discovery, but for me, living as a woman caused far more pain than it solved.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and confusing, and I'm still figuring it out. I was born male, and I transitioned to live as a woman when I was 32 years old. I lived that way for three years, and I've been detransitioned now for a couple of months. I'm 35 now.
Looking back, I never had what I'd call crippling dysphoria. I wanted to be a girl and I was never really comfortable with my penis, but it was more of a casual dislike. It didn't make my life a living hell. I think that was a warning sign that everyone, including my therapists, missed. The dysphoria I feel now, after transition, is a million times worse than anything I felt before. I really, really wish I had my old body back.
A big reason I transitioned was related to dating and sex. I have a very submissive personality, and I found that role so much easier to fall into as a woman. When I was living as a trans woman, I felt pretty and desired. I didn't have to make the first move or escalate things; the guys I dated always took care of that. Sex as a woman was amazing for me, especially being with a man. I enjoyed it in a way I never have as a man. It felt natural and fun. Dating men was easy and comfortable.
But eventually, I realized I didn't want to date men anymore; I wanted to date women. I thought I'd have a better chance of finding a female partner if I was living as a man. That was the final thing that made me decide to detransition, though there were many other reasons. My body proportions—wide shoulders, no hips, a larger frame—made it really hard for me to pass, and that gave me terrible body image issues. No matter how hard I tried, some people would never see me or treat me as a woman. It was exhausting.
The decision to detransition was the hardest one I've ever made. I agonized over it for a long time. Sometimes I still have to remind myself why I did it. There were things I loved about being a trans woman, but I had to pick the option that sucked the least for me. There is no perfect option here. It's either live as a non-passing trans woman, which is a really hard life, or live as a guy with gender dysphoria, which is also a really hard life.
Now that I'm detransitioned, I'm trying to be the kind of man I can feel okay being. I can't change that I was born male, but I can be one of the good guys. I do it my way. I still wear a little concealer and eyebrow gel. I dress well in form-fitting clothes. I give zero cares what people think. Ironically, I think I look better as a man than I did as a trans woman, and that has helped my confidence.
I don't regret the experience of having transitioned because I learned so much about myself. But I do deeply regret the permanent changes. I miss my facial hair, my normal hormone levels, and my male fat distribution. I had an estrogen implant, and I had to wait for it to wear off before my body could start producing testosterone normally again. That waiting period was awful; I was exhausted from going back and forth in my head. I was told that strenuous exercise burns through estrogen faster, so I was doing 25-mile bike rides every other day, just trying to hurry the process along.
I also took Finasteride, and I want to warn people about it. It can cause something called Post-Finasteride Syndrome in a small number of people, and there's no cure. It's nasty stuff.
My thoughts on gender are that how you identify is how you identify. If you say you're a man, you're a man. If you say you're a woman, you're a woman. I just hope it's based on how you truly feel inside, and not on what society expects or because of internalized issues. Gender identity is separate from the sex you were born. But for me, personally, trying to live as a gender that didn't match my body caused me more pain than it solved.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
Age | Event |
---|---|
32 | Started my transition and began living as a woman. |
32-35 | Lived as a trans woman for three years. Took hormones and had an estrogen implant. |
35 | Made the decision to detransition and stop living as a woman. |
Top Comments by /u/detranssssss:
From this sub's wiki glossary:
🦎: Technically the "lizard" emoji, this symbol has been adopted by some detrans folk on social media to represent the salamander as a mascot for detransitioners, due to its ability to regrow/regenerate its tail when severed.
Did it occur to any of you that a detrans man might want feedback from other detrans men who know what he's going through? Everyone who replied so far is a detrans/desisted female completely lacking in empathy. This is supposed to be a fucking support group.
Detrans male here. I know facial hair removal all too well. You may want to do laser for a bit, then switch to electrolysis. Laser will only kill some hair permanently. A lot will grow back. You gotta do electrolysis to permanently kill the rest. Electrolysis is the only permanent method of hair removal.
Hi OP 🫂
I’m 35. Was AMAB. Transitioned at 32 and lived as a trans woman for three years. Detransitioned two months ago.
My main reasons for detransitioning were:
- My weird body proportions (wide shoulders, lack of hips, bigger-than-a-cis-woman frame, etc) gave me a lot of body image issues, and made it really hard to pass, even when I tried. And keep in mind, I was “one of the lucky ones”
- No matter how hard I tried, some people would just never see me or treat me like a women
Not gonna lie, the past two months have been tough. I’ve been suicidal at times too.
One thing that has helped is the thought that while I can’t change how I was born— I can’t change that I wasn’t born a girl— I can be one of the good guys out there. And I can do it my way. For example, I still wear concealer under my eyes and use eyebrow gel. I dress well. I wear clothing that is form fitting. And I give zero f*cks.
As a trans woman, it was important to me that I looked good. That I was wanted. And honestly, I look better as a guy than a trans woman. That has done a lot for my confidence.
It does sometimes suck being forced to live in a gender role I don’t identify with. But your only options are:
- Transition and live as a non-passing trans woman (a really, really hard life)
- Live as a guy with gender dysphoria (a really, really hard life too)
There is no perfect option.
There isn’t even a good option.
You have to pick the option that sucks the least. The one you’ll be most comfortable in. The one you’ll feel the most safe in. The most confident in. The one that will allow you to achieve your goals.
Finally, I will say this— while I don’t regret the experience of having transitioned, I do miss my pre-transition body (facial hair, not messed up hormones, normal pubic hair, male fat distribution, etc). That might happen to you too. So whatever you do, just keep that in mind. Transition is not something to be taken lightly.
DM me if you want to talk more.
i don't have particularly crippling dysphoria that makes life hell
I didn’t have that either, and looking back, it was a warning sign I (and all the therapists I saw) missed. I mean, I did want to be a girl and I hated/hate my penis, but only... casually. It didn’t/doesn’t consume me. The dysphoria I feel now because of transition is 1000000x worse than any I might have felt before.
I'm assuming you were meaning that people treated you different when presenting as a woman? I'm honestly curious in which ways?
People sometimes say that gender roles are dead, and maybe that's kinda true, but not when it comes to heterosexual dating/sex.
I much preferred the experience of doing those things as a trans woman than I ever did or ever will as a guy. I'd much rather be the girl.
Someone is bound to say, "just be a gay bottom!" I've tried that. It's not the same.
I wish I'd been born a girl. I wish I'd been given a natural female body. I wish people treated me like a woman and not a trans woman. I know I would have been really happy.
That's not an option though.
I have thoughts of detransitioning sometimes, usually in periods of bad mental health.
Overall I’m much happier living as a woman and the thought of going back is horrible to me but I wonder if I’m just going to cause myself more pain in the long run.
I’ll probably get downvoted for saying this, but it kinda sounds like you answered your own question.
To your point though, transitioning and living as a trans woman is really, really hard. But you gotta do whatever makes you happy.
If you’re unsure, you could always detransition temporarily, to see how it feels. That’s what I did.
with the possible addition of Finasteride to prevent hair loss
A word of warning, there's a thing called Post-Finasteride Syndrome. It only happens to a small percentage of people who take Finasteride. If you're unlucky enough to be one of them though, it can really suck. There's no known cure.
Edit: People who take Dutasteride can get it too
Ahh, I see. I guess what I was asking is if someone can have hormone levels that are considered within the normal range, but still suffer gender dysphoria because they need a higher level to feel right. For example, someone who is AMAB, identifies as female, has a testosterone level of 625ng/dL, when the normal range is 241-826. But, you answered my question. Thank you 😊
Like others have said, my dysphoria only increased because of transition.
I mean, sure, it was better for the first 6 months or so, when I had hope. But after the harsh reality set in, I was miserable.
Everything you've said you're afraid of basically came true for me.
For some people, transition may allow them to live happier lives. I don't know. But for me, it didn't.
I really wish I had my old body back. Sooooo badly.