This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments are highly detailed, emotionally consistent, and show a deep, personal understanding of the complex psychological and physical aspects of detransition. The account shares a specific, nuanced narrative involving trauma, therapy (DBT), and diagnoses (C-PTSD, BPD, DID) that is complex and difficult to fabricate convincingly. The advice given is practical, empathetic, and tailored to different OPs' situations, which is typical of a genuine community member. The passion and frustration expressed align with the expected experiences of a detransitioner.
About me
I was born female and my gender dysphoria started as a trauma response to the sexual abuse I suffered as a girl. I transitioned to live as a man and was on testosterone for 16 months, believing it was the answer. I now understand my desire to transition was my brain's way of trying to cope with my PTSD and dissociative disorders. After stopping hormones and committing to therapy, I've worked to rebuild my relationship with my female body. I am now two years into my detransition and finally feel happy and at home being a woman.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition has been long and complicated, and it’s rooted in trauma. I was born female, and growing up as a girl was deeply traumatic for me because of sex-based victimization, including childhood sexual abuse. I wasn't even a woman yet, and I was already subconsciously trying to hide any visible signs that I was female. I was a tomboy. In imaginative play and later in online games, I would always choose to be male. I studied and copied how men carried themselves.
I now understand that my gender dysphoria wasn't really about gender. It was my brain's way of trying to cope with that trauma. I hated the idea of having breasts and curves because they felt dangerous; they could attract unwanted attention. For a long time, I thought transitioning was the answer. I identified as a trans man (FTM) and was on testosterone (Reandron) for about 16 months.
About two years ago, I stopped taking hormones and started detransitioning. It’s taken my body a long time to readjust; my hormone levels are still a bit wonky even now. Stopping HRT wasn't the end of the struggle, though. I spent a year and a half going back and forth, desperately trying to figure out where my true identity was.
A huge part of my story is my mental health. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), and later, Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). These all involve a lot of identity disruption. My sense of self was shattered. A couple of the dissociated parts of me perceive themselves as male because of the trauma, and that's where a lot of my gender dysphoria came from. It’s convoluted and hard to explain, but the dysphoria would differ depending on which part of me was more present at the time.
I threw myself into therapy, specifically Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and it was incredibly challenging but completely necessary. It helped me start to piece myself together. I began doing small things every day to rebuild my relationship with myself. I would look in the mirror each morning and smile, eventually working up to complimenting myself. I started writing down all my thoughts about gender and identity, which helped me process them and see a timeline of my thinking.
Slowly, things started to change. I noticed that hearing "she/her" pronouns didn't make me feel sick anymore. Surprised that it was working, I tried even harder. I found the motivation to eat healthy—mostly vegetables and unprocessed meat—and after a couple of months of that, I started exercising regularly. Taking care of my body physically made a huge difference in my mental recovery.
Now, two years after stopping testosterone, I can honestly say I am happy being a woman. It feels like I belong in my skin. I still have a deep voice from the testosterone, but I’ve learned to accept it. My partner likes it, and it’s even been useful in scary situations to sound more threatening. My body’s fat distribution has become more feminine again, and my face looks more feminine now than it did before I even started T. I have to shave my face about once a month, which is much better than every day.
I did change my name legally, but I couldn’t go back to my birth name because it was associated with too much trauma. I chose a new one that felt right for my recovery. I still struggle sometimes with feminine things because they can trigger memories. Growing my hair out makes me worry I look like my abusive mother. Wearing clothes that show my curves makes me anxious about attracting attention. But I’m learning to work through that.
I have regrets about transitioning because I see now that it was a trauma response, not a true identity. I think the medical aspect is serious and was downplayed. I benefited greatly from non-affirming therapy that helped me address the root causes. I’ve also recently started ketamine therapy for trauma work, which has been helpful, though I know I have a long road ahead.
My thoughts on gender are that it’s incredibly complex. For me, what makes someone female is the potential to produce eggs, which is a biological reality. But my personal journey taught me that feelings about gender can be manifestations of deeper psychological issues that need to be carefully explored.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Childhood | Experienced sex-based trauma and CSA. Became a tomboy and adopted male personas in play and online. |
| Teen Years | Struggled with puberty discomfort, hated developing breasts and curves. |
| Early 20s | Started identifying as a trans man (FTM) and began testosterone (Reandron). |
| Early 20s | Was on testosterone for 16 months. |
| About 2 years ago (Age not specified) | Stopped hormone therapy and began the process of detransitioning. |
| Over the last 2 years | Engaged in intensive DBT therapy. Diagnosed with BPD, C-PTSD, and DID. |
| Present Day (2 years post-HRT) | Living as a woman, happy and comfortable in my skin. Hormone levels still stabilizing. |
Top Comments by /u/die_in_alphabet_soup:
"Why do they have to make it their whole personality?"
trans people already know the answer to this because we're both asked the same question, and our responses are similar.
it's barely my whole personality, but i can't help that my voice sounds oddly deep for a woman. there will always be a conversation when i present my ID bearing a male name because i don't have the funds to change it back yet. i have to warn whoever i intend to get naked in front of because my fucking genitalia no longer looks normal.
it has infected every part of my body and my life. i can't run away from it, so i own it.
i do agree that a wig in a more natural colour would probably help with people getting the impression that you're a "man in a wig". i love the pink colour, though! you can always wear it once you're further into your detransition.
i think getting your eyebrows shaped would also help. messy eyebrows are more associated with men.
early into my detransition, i focused a lot on grooming; more than i do now that i no longer get misgendered (my voice is still deep, though). i also wore fake nails (french tips), dressed in more stereotypically feminine clothing, practised idling and moving in a more "feminine" way, etc.
Testosterone is strong as fuck and it took about a year before i saw any noticeable changes in my appearance. i'm 2 years in now, and i'll still shave my face once a month or so; still better than every day/second day.
it was a messy process, but there's no manual for this. be patient with yourself :)
not to nit-pick, but what makes you (and me) female is our potential to produce eggs.
sex is defined by gametes, and there are only two: sperm cells and egg cells. you can't be both, you can't be neither (even if you're infertile).
even intersex people follow this rule. only one documented case exists of an intersex person who was able to produce egg cells at one point in life, and then sperm cells at a later point in life; though never both at the same time.
i've been living my life completely unaware of you. i haven't been affected at all.
it seems like you're kind of rumanting over this trans thing a bit too much, which i can't blame you for, but it's not entirely productive.
i would really suggest therapy. these issues are coming from somewhere, and it helps to have someone guide you.
obligatory free DBT link if you have issues accessing therapy.
wow, you look amazing!! you could do so much with that hair (depending on whether you want to be perceived as more feminine or not).
this is advice i give to everyone: groom your eyebrows. it can really change your face. i use these face shavers to maintain my eyebrows (buy online or at a chemist), but you can also go to a professional.
sending love :)
i skimmed your account, and you've mentioned that you have a history of being emasculated as a child. that's a pretty big hint there honestly, it's worth exploring that more [with therapy]. you also mentioned [T]OCD, that would also play a role.
gender dysphoria can be the result of a failed attempt by the brain to process trauma, especially if you're young and your brain/personality is still actively developing.
trauma (as a "brain state") needs to be integrated with the rest of the brain to maintain cohesion, but this process can be negatively affected by many different factors (e.g. environmental, psychosocial).
this is all to say that the brain starts acting really weird when trauma is inflicted upon it, especially during your development years.
this is something that ought to be discussed with a psychologist, if possible. it seems to be a bit deeper than just "i feel girly sometimes" and may require some sort of therapy to properly resolve.
i'm interested in what you mean when you say these feelings revolve around your feminine thighs, would you mind elaborating on your thought process here?
take your time reflecting on the name change, i'm not sure it's the same everywhere, but my state only allows for 3 name changes; so you'd want to be confident in your decision. even then, it's a legal decision that's a pain in the ass to go through if you have any regrets.
personally, there was too much trauma associated with my birth name for me to feel comfortable returning to it. i scrolled through a list of names one night when one jumped out at me, i sat on it for 4 months to be safe before i submitted the paperwork. i'm in mental health recovery and i want to give myself the best chance at succeeding, so i didn't want my birth name to be a burden on that.
the grooming situation sounds so traumatic, there was no humanity there; i hope you're in a safe position now, my heart goes out to you. i hope you're able to seek therapy for these things, you deserve healing.
gender dysphoria is complex, and your body is probably still recovering from HRT; it can take years for your body to return to normal, so don't lose hope! my gender dysphoria was/is my brain's way of trying to cope with a history of sex-based victimisation, especially CSA. growing up as a girl was deeply traumatic for me; i wasn't even a woman yet, and i was already [subconsciously] trying to hide visible indicators of my gender. i was a tomboy. i would always choose to be male in imaginative play; then, later, online games. i studied and adopted how men carried themselves.
it's been difficult to engage in typically feminine activities even 2 years into my detransition, everything seems to link back to trauma in some way. growing my hair out? now i look like my abusive mother. not hiding my curves under baggy clothes? i might attract unwanted attention. i spent a year and a half toiling between recovery and re-transitioning, desperately trying to figure out where my identity lay.
i was diagnosed with BPD, C-PTSD, and then DID; all of which come with marked identity disruption. more pieces of the puzzle started to be filled in, and i grit my teeth as i threw myself into structured therapy (DBT specifically).
it was incredibly challenging, but entirely necessary; and slowly, i noticed improvement. i found it easier to question myself, without triggering an identity crisis. i started practising (like, every morning) looking at myself in the mirror and smiling, eventually graduating to complimenting myself as i stared at my reflection. i got into the habit of writing down any thoughts i had related to my gender or identity; putting pen to paper weirdly helps you process thoughts better, and it gave me a timeline of thoughts that i could further examine.
eventually, i noticed hearing "she/her" didn't make me nauseous anymore. surprised that it seemed to be working, i tried even harder. then, i found the motivation to start eating healthy (mostly vegetables and unprocessed meat, limited junk food) for the first time in my life. after 2 months of good eating, i got the motivation to start exercising regularly. frankly, i'm in disbelief of how much easier it is to further my recovery now that my body has everything it needs.
fast forward to today, and i can say i'm happy being a woman; it feels like i belong in my skin now. i can't underestimate how much effort i put into my recovery, and a "relapse" or two isn't uncommon with something so complex; however, i promise, it gets better if you keep trying.
it seems like you have two options: continue transitioning or start the process of detransitioning. generally, i'd advised that you don't start/continue HRT if you aren't 100% sure that this is what you want, as it's such a serious medication to be taking. i think that tends to get downplayed.
it seems like you want to go back to being a woman, but you feel as if you wouldn't be able to pass as a woman. i don't see that as a rational [enough] reason to continue taking HRT, since that's the alternative here. voice training is an option, but i feel like it can be easier to use therapy skills to work on accepting your situation and learning how to cope with it.
i thought i wouldn't pass as a woman, especially with my voice, but i'm rarely misgendered these days. the only times it's happened is when it's over the phone and they know my legal (male) name (in the process of changing it), and even then, i think i sound more androgynous than anything. my partner likes my voice, and it's proved useful in emergency situations. in the grand scheme of things, it's a rather small issue; and it doesn't deserve to control my life.
you're in a tricky spot, i can see it's taking a toll on your mental health.
it's been 2 years since i stopped taking HRT and started de-transitioning. hormones are powerful, it takes quite a while for your body to clear it; and it can take even longer for your body to readjust back to baseline. patience is key here, as well as fostering self-acceptance.
gender dysphoria is complex, and it sometimes manifests as the result of trauma or other mental health issues. it took me the good part of a decade and years of therapy to recognise that my gender dysphoria is my brain's way of trying to cope with a history of sex-based victimisation. growing up as a girl was deeply traumatic for me; i wasn't even a woman yet, and i was already [subconsciously] trying to hide visible indicators of my gender. i was a tomboy. i would always choose to be male in imaginative play; then, later, online games. i studied and adopted how men carried themselves.
it's been difficult to engage in typically feminine activities, everything seems to link back to trauma in some way. growing my hair out? now i look like my abusive mother. not hiding my curves under baggy clothes? i might attract unwanted attention. i spent a year and a half toiling between recovery and re-transitioning, desperately trying to figure out where my identity lay.
i was diagnosed with BPD, C-PTSD, and then DID; all of which come with marked identity disruption. more pieces of the puzzle started to be filled in, and i grit my teeth as i threw myself into structured therapy (DBT specifically).
it was fuuuuuucked ngl, but entirely necessary; and slowly, i noticed improvement. i found it easier to question myself, without triggering an identity crisis. i started practising (like, every morning) looking at myself in the mirror and smiling, eventually graduating to complimenting myself as i stared at my reflection. i got into the habit of writing down any thoughts i had related to my gender or identity; putting pen to paper weirdly helps you process thoughts better, and it gave me a timeline of thoughts that i could further examine.
eventually, i noticed hearing "she/her" didn't make me nauseous anymore. surprised that it seemed to be working, i tried even harder. then, i found the motivation to start eating healthy (mostly vegetables and unprocessed meat, limited junk food) for the first time in my life. after 2 months of good eating, i got the motivation to start exercising regularly.
fast forward to today, and i can say i'm happy being a woman; it feels like i belong in my skin now. i can't underestimate how much effort i put into my recovery, and a "relapse" or two is almost guaranteed with something so complex; however, i promise, it gets better if you keep trying.
it's hard to describe how i felt when i read your comment.
your situation is crazy, and it breaks my heart. the medical system has been and continues to be so unfair to you. i don't know what age you had your top surgery, but it's wild that this decision was approved despite your [active] history of psychosis.
i really wish you the best. :)