This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic and not a bot.
There are no serious red flags suggesting inauthenticity. The user's perspective is consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal, referencing specific life experiences (abuse, parenting) and expressing a clear, passionate viewpoint that aligns with a genuine, concerned individual—likely a desister or a detrans-adjacent ally. The language is natural, varied, and shows emotional investment in the topic.
About me
I was born male and my struggles with gender began after I was sexually abused as a teenager, making me believe being a woman would offer an escape from my pain. I realized my desire to be female was a symptom of trauma and a way to cope with self-hatred, not a true identity. I learned that my problem wasn't being male, but with society's narrow, brutish definition of manhood that my sensitive nature didn't fit. Through therapy, I came to accept myself as a man who is simply gentle and in touch with my feminine side. Now, I'm at peace living as my whole self and am focused on being a supportive parent to my daughter.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started from a place of deep pain and confusion. I was born male, but from a young age, I felt a disconnect. I was raised by an abusive alcoholic father, and when I was 15, I was sexually abused by a 19-year-old man. That trauma really shaped how I saw myself. I remember thinking that being a girl or a woman would have made my life easier. In my mind, it seemed like a path to a better, kinder family and social life. This was back in the late 80s, so the idea of actually medically transitioning wasn't really an option for me like it is today. I was just a man in a very traumatic situation.
I never did medically transition. I never took hormones or had any surgeries. For me, the feeling was more about escapism—a fantasy of being someone else, somewhere else, to escape the pain I was in. I saw my own thoughts about being a woman as a symptom of my mental distress, a way my mind was trying to cope with the abuse and the self-hatred I felt. I came to believe that it wasn't right for me to try and force my issues as a mentally ill man onto the identity of womanhood.
Over time, I realized my problem wasn't with being male itself, but with what I thought being a man was supposed to be. Society pushes this archetype of a big, brutish, hairy guy who works on cars, and I was nothing like that. I'm a sensitive, more feminine-minded man. I had to learn that there is no one "right way" to be a man. My individuality wasn't dysphoria; it was just me. I had to learn to celebrate that instead of feeling shame for not fitting into a box. The idea of taking hormones to try and fit into another rigid box, the box of "woman," started to seem just as confining.
I don't regret not transitioning because I never went through with it. My path was one of learning self-acceptance as the man I am. I benefited greatly from non-affirming therapy that helped me work through my trauma, depression, and low self-esteem. It helped me see that my desire to be female was tangled up with my past abuse and my struggle to find a place in the world as a gentle man. I had to forge my own path.
Now, I see gender as something much more fluid and individual than society makes it out to be. You don't have to change your body to be yourself. For me, being a man who is in touch with his feminine side is my truth. I'm also here as a parent now, with an 11-year-old bisexual daughter, and my own experiences make me want to be prepared and supportive for whatever path she takes, with a lot of careful thought and love.
| Age | Year | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 15 | 1980s | Sexually abused by a 19-year-old man. This trauma heavily influenced my feelings about my own gender and body. |
| Late Teens/Early 20s | Late 1980s | Grappled with the idea that life would be easier if I were a woman. Realized it was a form of escapism from trauma and mental distress. |
| Various | Ongoing | Underwent therapy focused on trauma and self-acceptance, which was non-affirming of a transgender identity but crucial for my healing. |
| - | 2019 | Participated in online detransition support communities, sharing my perspective as someone who considered but did not pursue transition. |
| - | Present | Living as a man who has integrated his feminine traits, focusing on being a supportive parent to my daughter. |
Top Comments by /u/djentropyhardcore:
Please don't do anything permanent until you stabilize mentally. It sounds like you might be trading self-harm for top surgery, like how an addict will switch drugs occasionally. You're not solving your mental problems by self-harm or surgeries; you're just avoiding them, imo. I was sexually molested as a child as well, and it's really hard to love, never mind even LIKE your body after something like that. It will get better. Good luck.
gave up like me
This place isn't for you. You're not ready to detrans yet. Part of detransing requires love of self. Even I know that, and I'm not even trans. I'm here as a parent with an 11 year old bisexual daughter preparing myself for anything
This comment is anti-science and hateful. Sexuality has been found to indeed be quite fluid. Also, we have zero evidence that sexuality is fixed at conception, or birth, or any other time. The concept of "born gay" is pseudoscience and not scientifically backed in any way.
we must remain skeptical of so-called "authority figures". everyone has an agenda, even if they don't know it. sadly, there' probably not much you could have done at 12 to fight back, not that you should have to.
Are your parents liberals that thought they were doing the right thing? I don't mean to make this political; I'm genuinely curious about any parent that buys into whatever a therapist says without question.
You're a man. It's ok to be a man. Hell, half of us on the planet are men, myself included. If you're seeing a disconnect between being a man and what you think "being a man" is expected to be in society, that's ok. It's also completely normal. You don't have to follow those rules. I've never been trans so I don't know exactly what you're going through...but I did think at one point in my life that being a girl/woman would make my life easier than it was. I was also raised by an abusive alcoholic father and I was sexually abused at 15 by a 19 year old man. For me, being a girl/woman was a path to what I imagined as a better family and social life. This was the late 80s, so things were different. I couldn't go start HRT. I was a man in a traumatic situation. Maybe that's you, maybe it isn't. However:
it's not right of me to force my issue as a mentally ill man onto another oppressed class because I feel like a woman.
I agree with you, but that doesn't mean you have to just roll over and do nothing. There isn't a "right way" to be a man in a society. Not at all men are big brutish hairy guys that like taking apart car engines. I'm not one of those men. I'm "feminine" in a lot of ways. I've forged my own path as a man...and part of that is being a sensitive, sometimes feminine-minded man (for lack of better words). You don't have to fit neatly into some male archetype. No one fits neatly into any archetype, and that's ok. Society does a number on women and their body shapes and sizes, but it does a number on us too. Just cause I can't change the oil in my car doesn't mean I'm not a man. Don't buy into that shit. Is your dysphoria just a sense of not being able to be that impossible archtype of a "man" that you have created? I wouldn't call that "dyphoria"; I would call it individuality. Individuality should be celebrated, not shamed. Fitting into a box is boring. It's easier sometimes, maybe, but it's boring as hell. This doesn't mean that you should take HRT and try to fit in a DIFFERENT, yet still rigidly controlled box as a woman. Just find out what being a man means to you. It doesn't have to be the same as someone else. And it doesn't have to be what society thinks a "man" should be either.