This story is from the comments by /u/dogyuck that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly detailed, emotionally complex, and internally consistent over a two-year period. They describe a specific personal history (e.g., transitioning at 14, ASD diagnosis at 20, top surgery at 17) with nuanced reflections on internalized misogyny, trauma, and a unique struggle with "species dysphoria." The evolution of their feelings—from deep regret to a more accepting, if still painful, perspective—demonstrates a realistic human journey. The passion and anger present are consistent with someone who has experienced significant harm.
About me
I started questioning my gender at 13 because I was deeply unhappy and uncomfortable with my female body, especially during puberty. I was convinced transitioning was the answer and began testosterone and had top surgery as a teenager, but it didn't fix my underlying depression or eating disorder. Getting an autism diagnosis at 20 helped me understand that my gender confusion was really about my identity and internal struggles. I detransitioned at 21 and now, at 22, I'm learning to live with the grief of my choices, especially the loss of my breasts. My body is permanently changed, but I'm trying to accept it and build a new life from here.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been long and complicated, and I’m still trying to make sense of it all. It started when I was around 13. I was deeply unhappy and confused, and I felt very uncomfortable in my own skin. I was diagnosed with depression and also developed an eating disorder. Puberty was a huge trigger for me; I felt intense shame and disgust about menstruating, and I hated the development of my breasts, partly because of sensory issues I now know are related to autism.
When I discovered the concept of being transgender, it felt like everything finally made sense. I became convinced that transitioning was the solution that would fix all my problems. I pushed hard for medical intervention. At 14, I saw a gender psychiatrist who actually suspected I might be autistic, but my dad didn't want to pursue that at the time, so it was dropped. I wish so much that we had, because getting an autism diagnosis at 20 was a major factor in me understanding that my gender confusion was part of a bigger picture.
To get on hormones, I felt a lot of pressure. I remember the endocrinologist basically asking me to say I would kill myself if I didn't get testosterone, and I felt uncomfortable but said it anyway because I wanted it so badly. I started puberty blockers to stop my periods, and then I began testosterone around 14 or 15. At 17, I had top surgery.
But transitioning didn’t fix me. My depression and eating disorder didn’t go away. In fact, after I recovered from my eating disorder in my early twenties, I started to question everything. I began to realise that my desire to transition was rooted in other issues: my undiagnosed autism, a deep-seated confusion about my identity, and a lot of internalised misogyny. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I held, and still sometimes catch myself holding, negative and stereotypical views about women. I also think I was scared of growing up and becoming an adult woman.
A huge part of my confusion, which I’ve only recently been able to talk about, is something called species dysphoria. Since I was a very young child, I’ve felt a deep, distressing feeling that I was supposed to be a dog, a wolf. It’s embarrassing, but it’s real for me. When I discovered being trans at 13, it gave me an explanation for my feelings that was more socially acceptable. I could tell people I had gender dysphoria instead of having to explain this much weirder, more impossible feeling. But as an adult, those feelings came back, and I realised that my species dysphoria was actually more intense than my gender dysphoria ever was. Accepting that has been a big part of understanding that transitioning was a mistake for me.
I decided to detransition around my 21st birthday. Telling my mum was terrifying, but I did it. Stopping testosterone was scary because I knew my body wouldn’t just snap back. I have a deep voice and a flat chest, and the idea of presenting as a woman again felt impossible. The thing I regret most is my top surgery. I grieve the loss of my breasts every day. As a lesbian who is attracted to women, I feel a deep sense of shame and loss. I feel guilty for being attracted to a part of the body I removed from myself, and I worry that I’ll never feel desirable or have a normal relationship. I never got to know what my adult female body would have been like, and that hurts.
I don’t blame the doctors or my parents. I think they were trying to help, and I was a confused, mentally ill teenager who manipulated the situation to get what I thought was the easy way out. I take responsibility for my choices, but I also wish I had been offered a different kind of therapy—one that wasn’t just about affirming my gender but about helping me understand the root causes of my distress.
Now, at 22, my feelings of regret are not as sharp as they were. The grief has become something I’m learning to live with. I don’t always pass as a woman, and I’m okay with that. I’ve found some comfort in identifying as "queer" because it allows for ambiguity. My body is what it is now, and I’m trying to accept it. Transitioning caused me a trauma that I will carry forever, but it’s not the end of my story. I’m trying to build a life from here.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Started questioning my gender. Developed depression and an eating disorder. |
| 14 | Gender psychiatrist suspected autism, but it wasn't pursued. Started puberty blockers. |
| 14/15 | Began testosterone (HRT). |
| 17 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 20 | Formally diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). |
| 21 | decided to detransition. Stopped testosterone. Began socially detransitioning. |
| 22 | Continuing to live as a detransitioned female, managing grief and regret. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/dogyuck:
Please don’t do it if you have enough doubt to post here. I had doubts but ignored them, and I did have dysphoria. Now I’m here and I can’t go back.
Also, a lot of the changes from testosterone are not or not always reversible. Please be careful.
This is dangerous. What I’m getting from this is that you should kill yourself if you can’t medically transition. I probably would have internalised messaging like this as a transgender teenager.
That said, I also don’t agree with forced detransition, anyway. It is no way to solve current issues, especially without any alternative option for people struggling with GD.
I struggle to admit it, but I feel the same way about lacking that allure and sensual stimuli of having breasts, especially as a lesbian who is actually attracted to breasts. It feels both shameful and humiliating in that way.
I cry when I think about the loss of my breasts. I can’t even remember what they looked or felt like, I was that dissociated from my body. I also never finished developing into my adult body because I was altered. I don’t know why it hurts so much not knowing what I could have looked like.
I want to know what it’s like to be touched there. I want to experience another woman being attracted to my body, including my breasts. I didn’t understand the importance of my sexuality when I was transitioning.
I don’t feel attractive and struggle with jealousy of other women, especially women my age (I am 22). I want my normal body. I gave that away, which makes it hard to accept the body I have now. It is one that I damaged. I wish someone knew how to help us with this grief. It feels so isolating and even embarrassing. I wish I didn’t care so much about my body and how it relates to sexuality and attraction.
I am glad your voice surgery went well and you are happy with it. That said, the rhetoric that detrans women are ‘disfigured’, ‘non-women’ and not human(!) because of their voice is both hurtful and harmful. We are not broken. We do not need more surgeries to ‘fix’ us.
I understand that you are writing about your own experience, but I don’t not like the implications of this post.
I’m so so sorry. Your words express so much pain and sadness and it is devastating to read. I wish I could comfort you in some way, but I admit I am still trying to work this all out myself. You are not alone.
I only came to fully accept and realise my mistakes and feel regret quite recently, and it hit me hard. I feel like we are in a stage of mourning our bodies and the parts of it we can’t get back. It is grief. I am beginning to understand that now, and yes - I do believe it will get easier. I think it will always hurt, but not as bad as it does in this initial mourning period. We need to give ourselves time.
Please keep fighting. We are not alone.
I had the same mindset and it’s been really hard to accept since detransitioning. I also feel lucky I didn’t have bottom surgery, but I did have a mastectomy. I feel like I have made my life so much harder, and am really quite upset that I never got to experience a relationship as someone with an unaltered body.
I don’t think you can truly consent to medical transition if you hate yourself so much that you don’t care about future relationships, and/or if you only have a limited understanding of sex and your own sexuality or feelings about it.
Now I think the shame and embarrassment I felt about menstruating was something I almost definitely experienced as dysphoria. As also the sensory issues I had with my breasts.
Even though I had already gone the most of female puberty, I starting taking puberty blockers to stop my period and any further breast development, while I was waiting for hormones.
I was just so confused, and now I know that. But it’s basically too late. I can’t reverse the mistakes I made in confusion.
It has been difficult to realise and accept the extent of internalised misogyny, and just blatant misogyny, that I have. It’s not something easy to recognise in yourself, because of the implications it has.
Since recovering from my eating disorder, I have questioned my transition and ultimately concluded that it was a mistake. I now wish there was an alternative treatment for my gender dysphoria. I know I would have rejected and fought it, but that’s also what I did with the treatment for my ED. I think maybe your thoughts about this are significant. You might be more right than you realise. It’s scary to think that this could be the reality of being trans.
If I could go back with what I know about myself now, I wouldn’t have had top surgery. I probably wouldn’t have taken hormones either, but not having breasts is the major thing preventing me from detransitioning. I am most likely going to anyway, but it hurts know I can’t have that part of me back. I want to be ‘normal’ again.
I am sorry you have gone through this too.
Thank you for your kindness and reassurance. I am only attracted to women, which I feel sometimes complicated my feelings about my own body. I personally do like breasts, which makes me feel guilty and gross for hoping another woman would like me.
Thank you again. I will try and have hope.