This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.
The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, nuanced, and emotionally complex reflections on gender identity, desistance, and trauma.
- Internal consistency in their perspective, referencing personal concepts like autoandrophilia (AAP) multiple times.
- A conversational and empathetic tone that responds directly to others' points, which is difficult for bots to replicate convincingly.
- A viewpoint that aligns with the passionate and critical perspectives common among genuine detransitioners and desisters.
About me
I started feeling deeply uncomfortable with my female body during puberty, especially when my breasts developed. I thought becoming a man was the answer because I never fit in with other girls and wanted to escape my feelings. I realized my desire to transition was tied to my attraction to men and a need for conformity, not a true identity. I never medically transitioned, and I'm grateful I avoided that path. Now, I'm learning to accept myself as a female while understanding my feelings come from other sources like trauma and being autistic.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been confusing and, honestly, really lonely. It started from a place of deep discomfort, but not necessarily with my female body itself. I think a lot of my feelings were tangled up with other things, like trauma and being autistic. I never felt like I fit in with other girls, and that lack of "normal" socialization made me feel like an outsider. Puberty was especially hard; I hated the development of my breasts because it felt like it was cementing me into a category I didn't understand or belong to.
For a long time, I thought the answer was transition. I started identifying as non-binary, and then later, as a trans man. It felt like a way to finally have an explanation for why I felt so different. The idea of medically transitioning was incredibly appealing because it seemed like a clear path to becoming a more "integrated" member of society. I thought if I couldn't get rid of the desire to be the opposite sex, then going "all the way" would be the best form of camouflage. Conformity was what I was really after, even if that was misguided.
A huge part of my experience is something called autoandrophilia (AAP). For me, this means my attraction to men is tied up with a desire to be a man. It’s hard to wrap my head around "normal" heterosexuality because, for me, how could you not want to also be like the thing you find most compelling? Understanding this has been a double-edged sword. On one hand, it helped frame my feelings as something "real," which made me feel more like a person. On the other hand, it made me realize that medical transition might be a kind of scam for people like me, because it can't actually fulfill that deep-seated fantasy. The desire makes sense, but the "solution" doesn't really exist.
Questioning my gender became a kind of obsessive nightmare, similar to OCD. The constant back-and-forth, the pressure from some people to just transition, and the feeling that I was missing out on life while stuck in this limbo was overwhelming. I never went through with medical transition—no hormones or surgeries. I'm grateful for that now, because I eventually realized that "all the way" is an illusion. You can't really become the opposite sex, and chasing that ideal just leads to more complication.
I don't regret exploring my gender, because it led me to understand myself better. But I do regret how much time I spent believing that changing my body was the only way to find peace. My low self-esteem, anxiety, and desire for escapism played a huge role in driving me towards the trans identity. I've benefited from understanding the roots of my feelings instead of just accepting a label. I think the current cultural conversation about being trans is doing a lot of harm because it doesn't leave room for complicated experiences like mine. It pushes people towards a single solution without asking why they feel the way they do.
Now, I'm trying to find ways to live with these feelings without needing to medically alter my body. It's still isolating and unsatisfying at times, feeling stuck in between. But I'm learning that self-acceptance might mean accepting this paradox—that part of who I am is wishing to be something else.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Around 12-13 | Started puberty and began to feel intense discomfort with my developing breasts. Felt completely alienated from other girls my age. |
| Late Teens (17-19) | Started identifying as non-binary as a way to explain my feelings of not fitting in. Felt pressure from online spaces and friends to consider that I might be trans. |
| Early 20s (20-22) | Identified as a trans man. Seriously considered medical transition (testosterone and top surgery) as a way to achieve conformity and "solve" my discomfort. |
| Mid 20s (24-25) | Began to deeply question transition after learning about autoandrophilia (AAP). Realized my desires were more about attraction and escapism than a true identity. Stopped identifying as trans. |
| Present (26) | Currently detransitioned and living as a female. Focused on understanding the root causes of my feelings, like autism and trauma, rather than pursuing a physical change. |
Top Comments by /u/doublegroove:
“If you are dysphoric and HRT lessens it, transition was the right choice. If HRT makes your dysphoria worse, or you start experiencing dysphoria on HRT when you didn't before, this also means that transition was the right choice, because HRT helped you to stop repressing your feelings.”
Oh my god this. “Questioning your gender” is perpetual OCD nightmare fuel
Tbh if someone is presenting as their target gender in their expression I feel that’s a different situation. Maybe in principle it’s the same anyway, but I do think perception plays into it on an unconscious level. Like if someone “passes,” that to me is different from someone just… randomly using a completely irrelevant pronoun if that makes sense. I see both sides of the argument when it comes to pronouns for people really making an effort to present a certain way. I’m more referring to situations where it crosses a line of absurdity because it just makes NO sense
it kinda makes sense? if you’re bought into the rest of the belief system, that is. gender and sex cannot actually be pulled apart the way we’ve been led to believe it can be. men are male. if you believe you can literally BECOME a man, not just resemble one, then it kinda follows idk
Thank you. It’s strange when part of who you are is wishing to be something else. It makes the idea of self-acceptance sort of paradoxical, but it’s a process. I hope we come up with better ways of understanding people like me, because the “trans” label seems to be doing a lot of harm from what I can see.
If it helps, you’re not alone- I relate to just about all of this, and it’s really tough sometimes. Being in between can be so isolating and unsatisfying. I totally get that feeling of androgyny being a kind of disappointing compromise. Personally, I don’t think someone can be too careful when it comes to deciding whether to medically transition- that’s a huge choice, and there are several drawbacks. At the same time, it’s hard not to feel like you’re missing out on life while you’re in this questioning stage, so it’s tempting to go for it just to have it resolved. I wish there was an easy answer. Something that has really helped me is learning more about where my gender issues might come from- in my case, autoandrophilia- just to help frame them as something “real,” which helps me feel more real, in turn. More like a person. Still, I’m in the same boat, and it can be very lonely and confusing. I wish you the best of luck figuring out the best way for you to live a happy and fulfilled life.
I get what you mean. If someone has a goal that is simply unattainable and impossible, it’s better for them to know that before they’ve invested so much chasing it. But that’s an extremely difficult thing to come to terms with, so I wonder if a person sort of has to reach that conclusion for themselves on their own time. Not sure though
Transition seemed like good camouflage- if I can’t rid myself of this desire to be the opposite sex, wouldn’t I be a more integrated member of society if I went “all the way?” It’s when you realize that “all the way” doesn’t really exist that things get complicated. Conformity sounds extremely appealing in concept, but I’m not sure it’s realistic for me in practice. Conformity was what I was after in the first place, however misguided I might have been. Honestly it’s a really tricky issue, and there are more conversations to be had about how we navigate this as a culture. Glad you’re figuring things out for yourself :)
I’m actually also in northern New England hahaha I appreciate the advice! I’m sure I’m overestimating how much people will actually reject me for my presentation, it’s probably more so about my own issues with trauma/autism/etc. than anything else. Just reading that was helpful though, thank you :)
So relatable. As a fellow AAP, I also can’t wrap my head around “normal” heterosexuality. How could you not want to also be like the thing you find most compelling?? It sucks medical transition is kind of a scam, but the desire makes so much sense. Curious to see how people like us will find ways of channeling this if/when transition falls out of favor in the mainstream
This is so hard- currently struggling with the same exact issue myself. It doesn’t help that most people you try to talk to about it these days will just try to tell you you’re trans and you should transition 😅 It’s a heavy thing to deal with, and I wish I had better advice, but I agree with some other commenters that staying alive and taking care of your basic needs is the top priority when you’re in crisis. I really hope it gets easier for you.